"Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far, far away… and also a very long time ago, there lived a smart, handsome King and a beautiful (but slightly dim-witted) Queen. They had one son – the Prince – who lived his youth having everything he could ever want. Maids and housekeepers waited on him hand and foot, chefs cooked whatever he felt like, and the jewelers only crafted their finest gold trinkets for him. However, as he neared adulthood, he became unsatisfied. Fine gold trinkets lost their sparkle, food could not fill the void, and the staff was not sufficient company for the Prince. He was not happy.

The King and Queen took notice of their son's unhappy state and became concerned. Immediately the King took to action. After all, the Prince must be happy. It was a prosperous kingdom. They had no enemies, plenty of food and wealth, and no plagues. It was something to celebrate!

Going to his son, the Prince, the King asked, 'Son, you are dissatisfied. Are you unwell?'

'I must be!' exclaimed the Prince (a little dramatically, might I add). 'For there is nothing for me to be displeased with! I have an exceptional life and no hardships, but I fear my heart still lacks something.'

'Perhaps companionship?' suggested the King.

The Prince's eyes lit up. 'That's it! That's the void I've been feeling!'

'Very well then. I shall give you a companion.'

Instantly, the King summoned a guard and ordered for the finest companion to be brought to the castle for the Prince.

The same day, a servant brings in a very white and very fluffy cat in an extravagant carrier. The cat's nose was practically glued to the ceiling its nose was so high up in the air. The Prince, of course, was happy. He named it Berwald and loved it, while Berwald hissed and scratched at him not wanting to be bothered.

The next day, the Prince was unhappy. When asked what was wrong by the King. The Prince replied that the void was back. The cat had not filled its spot. It was uncaring towards the Prince and selfish, the Prince wanted something loyal.

So the King ordered for only the most loyal companion – once fit for the Prince.

A beautiful, golden dog was brought in. It was loving and caring and, most importantly, loyal. The Prince was thrilled. He named it Tino. The dog stayed by his side at all times. He barked at familiar people and growled at strangers, but it did not last.

Once again, the prince was unhappy. The King asked yet again, what he could do for his son. The Prince replied that although the dog was indeed loyal, he could not understand the language of humans. So, the King ordered at once for his most loyal advisor to accompany the Prince and listen to his words.

The Prince was excited. Finally, a person who could listen to his words. Of course, the Prince became unhappy after a short time and dismissed the advisor. The advisor didn't care. He had more important things to do… advisorly things to do (like bang the stable hand).

The King found out and confronted the Prince once again. The Prince responded that the advisor had indeed listened to him, but he didn't want the advisor – a friend of his father's. He wanted a life-long companion. The King's eyes lit up. 'Of course! You need a woman!'

And so, the most beautiful, unmarried, young woman in all of the kingdom was brought to the castle. She had large blue eyes and perfect blonde hair and, of course, a pale complexion that showed how well taken care of she was. The Prince was exhilarated. She was the most beautiful thing he's ever seen in his life. She listened to every word he said. She was loyal and a great companion. But of course, the Prince could not stay happy. She was a wonderful woman, but also dumb. So, so dumb, the poor thing.

When the King found out of his son's unhappiness, he came to him for the last time. He pleaded what was wrong, and when the Prince told him, the King responded, 'Of course, she is dim-witted. All princesses are dim-witted! That's what makes them such good queens and wives!' But the Prince just shook his head. Not only did he want a companion who was loyal, kind, and understanding, but he also wanted someone intelligent who could understand concepts.

So, for the last time, the King called upon only the finest scholar.

That was when they brought in him.

He was the most handsome man in the entire kingdom – possibly the entire world. He had a fair complexion that spoke, not of being waited on hand and foot, but of staying indoors and soaking up as much knowledge as he possibly could. He had expressful dark, blue eyes like the deepest depths of the ocean and golden, straight blond hair that sparkled in the sunlight and curled at the ends. And his facial structure was narrow and regal. He was the perfect specimen. (We get it already!)

The Prince was enamored.

The man followed the Prince around, listening to his grand 'schemes' and 'ideas'. The man nodded when prompted, but was not permitted to speak out against the Prince, only to agree silently. Then came one fateful dinner.

The Prince was rambling on about some new idea he had. The King and Queen listened indulgently as did the others at the grand table. The Scholar, however, rolled his eyes.

'You're an idiot.' The entire table immediately fell silent. Eyes shot over to the Scholar who finally spoke out of turn. 'No, really, you're an actual idiot.'

'W-what? What do you mean?' the Prince asked shocked. The Scholar had actually spoken!

'Seriously, have you even listened to yourself?' Lukas, the Scholar, scoffed. 'Your "great" ideas hold no actual merit. And the improvements to the kingdom? They would do no good and you would be considered a laughing stock.'

Prince Mathias' eyes widened. Lukas was, of course, right!

From that day on, Mathias talked to Lukas whenever he could, and he always received feedback – be it good or bad. The King was displeased, but what could he do? The Prince was finally happy, or so it seemed.

When Mathias told Lukas about the events that led the Scholar to the Prince, Lukas scoffed. 'Are you kidding? "Companionship?" That's your answer?'

Mathias raised an eyebrow. 'Well, what do you think Oh-Great-Scholar?'

Lukas smirked at Mathias' teasing. 'Don't get me wrong it will work, but I feel after a while, be it great or short, you will become disheartened again. You're just simply bored and I believe you crave adventure and excitement. Palace life, although great and wonderful, provides you with everything you need, including prepared food. There's no reason for you to lift a finger to do anything. Thus, there is no excitement here.'

'Excitement? Adventure?' Mathias' eyebrows rose. 'That sounds kind of fun actually, but how would I go about finding this?'

Lukas shrugged. 'Travel? Find a damsel in distress? Rescue a maiden from a dragon, or kiss one awake from a curse?'

Mathias smiled. 'Of course! How have I not seen it before? You are so smart!'

And so, the Prince ordered for his finest steed and provisions for his long journey. At dawn of the next day, he took off. The Queen was tearful, waving her son away, not knowing if or when he will return (even though he said he'd be back within a fortnight). The King, on the other hand, was livid. This Scholar planted ideas into the Prince's head that he had to go away to be happy. The Scholar must be some sort of evil-doer. As soon as the Prince had left the city, the Scholar was arrested.

He was charged with attempted murder of the royal family and the overthrow of the kingdom, even though it was absurd. He was sent to the dungeons where he will be hanged within three days' time. The three days passed by slowly for the Scholar, and on the eve of the third day he heard a commotion outside of his cell.

Suddenly, the Prince appeared outside of the cell, and began to fiddle with the lock.

'Mathias? What are you doing here?" Lukas said surprised. The Prince was supposed to be long gone by now.

Mathias smiled. 'Rescuing the damsel in distress, of course!'

Lukas narrowed in eyes. 'I'm not a damsel in distress.'

'Sure you are! You're as pretty as a damsel and you're in distress.'

Lukas rolled his eyes. 'But what are you even doing back here in the city?'

'Oh well, y'see, I got a day's worth into my journey when I realized I didn't have my sword. So I came back, only to hear that you were imprisoned for treason! So I had to come rescue you of course!'

'Of course,' Lukas rolled his eyes, but there was a fond, grateful smile on his lips.

Mathias finally got the lock undone from the cell and swung the door open, ushering Lukas out. After fighting another wave of guards off that came as reinforcements, Mathias confronted the King and demanded that the Scholar be pardoned as he had done nothing wrong. Of course, the Prince got whatever he wanted so the King begrudgingly granted his demand.

The Prince no longer needed to go on the journey he was planning, as he already rescued his damsel-in-distress. He realized that his adventure was with Lukas.

And so, eventually, the Prince became the King and the Scholar became the Queen (not the one of the dumb ones, as he was actually very smart). And the now-King never felt unhappy for the now-Queen filled the void that once plagued his heart. Plus, he was always going on new adventures. Apparently, the Scholar-turned-Queen had a mouth on him and didn't much cared as to who heard him, which often angered other kingdoms and wizards. He continued to be kidnapped or threatened, and the King had to continue to rescue him. It made life exciting.

Moral of the story is: that is why you marry dimwitted, but pretty, girls.

The End."

"That was literally the shittiest bedtime story I've ever heard in my entire life," Emil said.

"Shut up and go to sleep," replied Lukas. He shut the book he was "reading" from and turned off the room light.

"But seriously, it really was bad."

A/N

Well, random story is random. Sorry it's not great, but I wrote it all for Emil's first line at the end XD Also, I had a strange bought of inspiration to write a fairytale after watching Beauty and the Beast (of course it was good! lol)

By the way, obviously the story was meant to be bad. The personal names were only supposed to be used during Mathias/Lukas scenes. I have a reasoning for it in my head, and I think it sounded cool, but maybe it didn't transfer well onto here. I don't know, oh well. lol

Also, the original King's (Mathias' father's) voice was James Earl Jones in my head. He has such an amazing, regal voice lol

Hope you enjoyed reading this! Let me know what you thought! (:

Also, I was quite excited about the "moral of the story" too! XD

Thanks for reading!

Edit:

Now I think some of you might of been offended by what I said about girls. I am female and I didn't mean to offend. But this is a silly made up fairytale. I only meant to refer to the silly girls that areason in some fairytales who only want to marry and not think for themselves. If you've ever read Dealing with Dragons, a wonderful series, I meant it like that. In fact, I sort of based my characters off of that book. The girls in that story are rediculously airheaded, except for of course the female main character, who uses her wits to overcome obstacles. Another example, the step-sisters of Cinderella. Their focus is to be pretty and to be weathly, and to gain the affections of the prince. Now, again, I'm sorry if I offended anybody, but I'm a little offended too. This story is fiction, it's meant to be badly-written, and to poke fun at things like that (it's satire). I didnt say all females were dim-witted, only the ones that marry into the wealthy families, probably because, let's be honest, their parents wanted them to. That's how they were raised. But how am I supposed to know? It's all made up.

Let's be honest though, Masthias wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box either in this story, nor his father. The only real intelligent one in this story was Lukas. If you look at it, this story is actually making fun of Mathias' father who thought that problems can be solved with money and beauty. (He was kind of based off of the king in the movie Coming to America, to be truthful.)

Sorry for the rant.