A/N: This is a story written for PhoenixRising over on the NFA as part of the auction we had to raise money to help people in Nepal. It's a short oneshot that takes place about midway through season 12.
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any of the characters. I'm not making any money off this story.
Alone or Lonely?
by Enthusiastic Fish
Tony looked up and saw Tim get on the elevator. He hadn't said much today. Actually, he hadn't said much since Christmas. Ever since his dad had died. He had come back from the funeral and said that he'd accepted that it was the way things had to be. He'd seemed sincere, but...
He got up and took the stairs down rather than wait for the elevator to come back up. He got outside in time to see Tim walking over toward the river. As he prepared himself to ask Tim what was happening, Tony wondered at his own interest in this. He didn't generally encourage deep, serious conversation. It didn't matter if it was about him or about someone else. He just didn't like to get into those things. He'd rather set it all aside and pretend it wasn't a problem. But at the same time, he didn't like it when things got unbalanced. That was when people left. Still, generally, he didn't want to get into it. It was better to party and ignore it than it was to talk about it. It had only been in the last year or so that he'd suddenly started thinking about things like this.
Tim wasn't like that, though. Or at least, he wasn't in the same way. The worse things got, the more Tim withdrew from everyone. He didn't want to talk about it, but he also didn't want to be in company...kind of. Tony had found that Tim usually did want company, but he didn't want to ask for it because he felt he shouldn't and he wanted his kind of company, not Tony's. Maybe, sometimes, he even had fooled himself into thinking he didn't want company.
The only way to find out was to ask. So even though he felt a little awkward about doing it, he was going to ask. The one thing was how to phrase it so that Tim didn't back off and shut him down before he even got started.
Okay. Time to ask.
He walked over to where Tim was sitting and looking out at the river.
"Hey, Tim."
Tim looked up at him.
"Hey, Tony. Gibbs asking for me?"
"Nope. You alone or lonely?"
Tim furrowed his brow at him in that way he had. It was hard to tell if his expression was really conveying confusion or if he was just trying to be obtuse.
"What do you mean?"
"Did you come out here because you wanted to be alone or because you were lonely?" Tony asked, sitting down beside him.
"Isn't that the same thing?"
"Nope, and you know it isn't. Since I know you like being alone a lot, it's not the same as being lonely."
Tim leaned forward and stared out at the river again.
"Yeah, I know."
"Which is it?"
"I don't know that part."
"You want to talk about it?"
Tim looked at Tony with a raised eyebrow. Tony knew why. He wasn't usually so mushy.
"Just a question."
"Yeah, and it actually sounds sincere," Tim said.
"Believe it or not, it is."
"It's really not a big deal, Tony."
"Then, it's not a big deal to talk about it."
Tim smiled. "I guess it's a combination."
"Is it about your dad?"
"It's funny. I spent so many years resenting all the times I felt like he had ignored me, put me down, acted like I wasn't good enough to be his son because I didn't want to be in the Navy. Then, it was like there wasn't enough time to make up for all the time we lost." Tim sighed. "Things aren't bad. We all knew it was coming. It wasn't like it was sudden. It was his choice, but at the same time..."
"What?"
"I feel like I should have been able to convince him to keep trying. Logically, I know that's stupid. Sometimes, though, it doesn't matter. Today, it doesn't matter."
"So...did you want to be alone?"
"I thought I did. When I woke up this morning, I didn't want to come to work. I just wanted to stay home. I didn't want to have to pretend that everything was okay, but I couldn't do that."
"Do you want to be alone, now?"
Tim shook his head and looked out at the river. Then, he smiled a little.
"I would have felt lonely."
Tony laughed and clapped his hand on Tim's shoulder.
"I knew it. You never want to be alone when you think you do."
Tim looked at him. "That's not true. You said it yourself. I like spending time alone."
"But not right now."
"No. You're right." Tim sighed again. "It's just not fair that we were starting to understand each other and then, he died before we could finish doing it."
"You'd never finish, you know."
"Yeah, I know."
"Can I ask you something, Tim?"
"Sure."
"You said once that you told your dad what you did every day. Were you lying?"
"No. He wasn't always listening, but I always told him what I was doing."
"You're surprisingly good at hiding things, McGee."
Tim smiled and didn't answer. Then, he looked at his watch.
"Better get back inside before Gibbs gets upset that we're not working."
They both stood up and headed back to the building.
"Hey, Tony... thanks for not letting me be alone."
"Anytime, McGee. Anytime."
They went inside and Tony watched as Tim went back to work. The balance was back and he was glad of it.
Tim glanced up at him once and smiled. Then, Gibbs came striding in with Ellie at his heels and it was back to work.
FINIS!