*******
Under The Stars
Music filtered through the sliding glass as he leaned up against the cab, offering a sigh to no one. Which was good since no one was around. The layer of blankets in the bed at least kept his butt from hurting, and he couldn't complain about the view at all. It was peaceful out here. Which was why he came. It was some place his dad hadn't tainted for him. He had considered bringing the telescope, but decided against it. It was possible it could get damaged with all the bumping around it took to get out here. Smiling, he had to wonder how the Rabbit ever made it out here sometimes. Yeah, getting the truck after the car bit the big one had been a good idea.
The cool air brought goose bumps to his skin, and he drug a blanket over his arms. He was too comfortable to move and actually wrap it around himself. Maybe he'd just spend the night out here. Yeah, that'd send the old man into fits.
Scooting down, he drug the blanket over his shoulders further, finally coming to rest when he found the pillow. The position was hard on his neck, his head being slightly propped up by both the pillow and the cab of the truck, but it was worth it. He let out a content sigh and focused his attention on the stars once again. Without really thinking about it, he began to name them.
*******
The sound of the Jeep approaching brought him out of his thoughts, but he didn't bother moving. More than likely it be either Max or Michael. Neither one would pay him much attention, but that was fine with him at the moment. Instead he concentrated on the sound of the music coming from the cab of the truck. The CD burner he had bought for way more than he could afford had been worth it, just so he could put together his own CDs. Alex heard the faint footsteps approach but still didn't bother to move.
"What are you doing out here?" she asked as she rounded the front of the cab.
The voice was enough to make him move. He rose up onto an elbow just enough to peer around and see her.
"Star gazing," he answered. "You?"
"Tired of being at home. Max is driving me nuts."
He chuckled softly, but said nothing else as he settled into his earlier position.
"Mind if I join you?" she asked.
"Feel free," he said, moving over towards a side. "There's blankets if you're cold."
Isabel moved to the back of the truck and climbed into the bed. The simple leggings and sweatshirt looked fabulous on her, but Alex didn't seem to notice. His attention was once again turned towards the sky. She crawled up next to him and flopped down, dragging one of the extra blankets over her legs. This was different than last time. Tension was around him and that bothered her.
"Anything interesting up there?" Her tone was mild.
"Stars. If you find those interesting."
His aloof attitude baffled her and she looked at him. He had been much more receptive at the camp out, but since then his attitude towards her could almost be considered cold. The way his head was tilted at such an awkward angle made her smile for some reason. It occurred to her that she had missed his honesty. Since they hadn't been around each other lately, she hadn't had her dose of Alex-ness. His views, his ideas always made her smile. He possessed a rare honesty, a rare trait of being able to say how he felt, that always got to her.
Isabel turned her attention to the stars. "Anything going on up there?"
"Nah," Alex replied. "It's pretty quiet up there. I've started giving them names though. Figure I could get ahead of all those scientists and maybe get my name on one. They might not like an amateur getting a head of them though."
"Names huh?" she grinned. "Like what?"
Alex leaned over so they shared the same basic line of sight and pointed up to a faintly red star. "See that one?" Isabel nodded. "It looks kinda angry. I named it Michael." She laughed, then followed his finger to the next one. "That one there? Kinda green? That's Maria cause well It's different." A shrug indicated he didn't have another word.
"Alex, I think those are Mars and Venus. They already have names." Isabel couldn't help the smile that pulled the corners of her mouth. She had named the constellations for him last time they had done this.
"Hey!" he protested, "whose game is this anyway?"
"Ok, ok," she surrendered. "They are now Michael and Maria. I'm sure changing their names won't be a problem."
He looked at her and grinned. Pointing back up to the sky, he started again. "And that kinda dim one? That's Max. The whole 'nobody sees me' thing and all. That one next to it is Liz of course, cause well, duh."
There was no way she could argue with that logic. She leaned against him, her gaze still following his finger. "And where am I?" she asked.
"See that really bright one up there? No, not the one next to Michael. You don't want to be next to angry boy do you? No, that one. The brightest one. That's you."
Isabel's eyes locked onto her star and she smiled softly. "Why is that one me?"
"Cause it's so bright. Lots of glow." He shrugged a shoulder. "You like to be looked at. Just not seen."
She said nothing to that, instead asked, "Then that leaves you. Where's your star?"
Alex looked at her. "I don't have one. Kinda selfish to name a star after yourself isn't it? Or maybe it's just picking your own star that's selfish. Yeah, the scientists will probably pick my star. I'm sure I'll get ripped off."
"Fine," she said and scanned the sky. "Then I'll do it for you."
He watched as she searched the sky and wondered what might be going through her mind. The search went on longer than he excepted, and it made him start to wonder what exactly she was looking for. Finally she perked up.
"That one. There." She reached her arm towards the sky and pointed to a star. "See it?"
"You mean the one that looks like it's going to burn out any time now?" He was slightly confused. She wasn't supposed to pick a crappy star!
"No," she said and nudged him. "That one. The one next to mine."
Alex looked at the star she indicated. It was smaller and slightly dimmer than hers, but still easily visible. It glittered in sync with hers.
"Why?" he asked.
She dropped her hand and looked at him. Something shifted between them and she felt the tension leave him. A soft smiled curved her lips.
"Because it's the one next to mine," she answered.
Leaning in, she closed her eyes for the kiss she knew as coming. Lips against her cheek startled her and she opened her eyes just as he pulled away from her.
"That's sweet," he said.
Isabel frowned at him, but he didn't seem to notice, his gaze once against turned to the sky. This wasn't the Alex she knew. The Alex who used to drool so much over her she nearly had to swim across the puddles. The Alex who had said that stargazing with her was better than going to the movies.
"Alex?" There was something odd in her tone that caught his attention. Maybe confusion, maybe hurt.
"Yeah?" Finally his attention was focused directly on her, his eyes watching her. Seeing her, maybe for the first time that night.
She started to speak, stopped, gathered her thoughts, then started again. Only a few words came out when she hesitated again. Nothing sounded quite right. Finally she settled on something.
"Why are you so cold now?"
The question brought a chuckle from him, forcing her to frown deeper. The frown turned into a deep scowl when he looked back up at the sky. At first she thought he might not bother answering her, but when she looked at his face she could tell he was thinking. Pulling his thoughts into words.
"Ever since I laid eyes on you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen," he started. "And I watched you. And I saw how you kept everyone at arm's length. Of course I didn't really understand that as well then as I do now, but still" He paused and took a deep breath. "I would dream of you and me together. Dancing, kissing, just hanging out. Dreams where you told me all about you. When you told me all your secrets." A faint smile at that. "Dreams where we were together. Where we made love. Where we sat here like this." A slight twinkle appeared in his eyes. "Of course I didn't think at the time we'd be looking for your planet, but it's all good." She laughed softly. "And so I sit here, and it's kinda close to the dream. But there's one small difference." Alex stopped and looked at her. "Even before, when we looked at the stars, there was a difference. You're not ready to give me what I want. You're not ready to take any kind of step that I want. And you're not ready to just be you." He shrugged almost apologetically. "I don't want you until you're ready to be you. Until you're ready to just be Isabel. Not Isabel the cheerleader. Or Isabel, Max's sister. I just want Isabel and all that comes with her. I don't want pity. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me for any reason. And I don't want gratitude because I named a star after you. I want you for you. I won't settle for anything less, anything half way. Anything that's not fully you. It's just that simple."
Alex looked away, turning his attention back to the stars.
She gaped. Snapping her mouth shut again, Isabel looked at him. Studied him. His words rang inside her somewhere. Rang in places she wasn't sure she had.
"I- I'm not sure what to say," she managed finally. Emotions ran through her, thoughts that she couldn't put into words.
"I'm not asking you to say anything. I'm just telling you the truth."
Isabel studied him, a million thoughts racing through her head. His aura was bright orange, and she saw no hint of dishonesty in it. Never had she imagined well, not like this anyway. Even when she saw his dream. Oh God, his dream
"I." She stopped, her focus turned towards the bed of the truck. Admitting this would be hard. "Your dream. I mean. I saw one. Once. Before you knew. We were worried that you were going to tell. So I went in, and I saw." She looked up at him. "I saw us together. I saw how you looked at me. How you saw me. Who you were."
When she turned her attention back to him, she expected something from him. Embarrassment, anger, something. Instead she got a small nod from him. No expression, no change in his aura. Just a nod. It confused her.
Alex said nothing, preferring to let her do the talking for once. He was at peace with himself and his feelings. He didn't need to explain anything more. Didn't need to ask for her approval. He didn't expect her to ask for his either.
She was silent, her mind still turning over the things that had been said tonight. After much thought, she looked back up at the star. Her star, and the one she had named for Alex. Both twinkled in the darkness.
"What's the song?" she asked softly.
Alex blinked at her as if he had been lost in his own thoughts. Slowly her words soaked into his brain and he answered. "Let Me In by Save Ferris."
"Do you have it?" Alex bobbed his head and frowned slightly. What was she up to? "Do you have it here?"
"I think so, why?"
"Just find it. Please?"
He contemplated not doing it. Thought about just sitting there. But he knew full well he'd always do anything she asked of him short of throwing himself in front of a moving bus. He might even do that if it was for her though. Working his way up to a sitting position, he rose and walked to the end of the bed. Hopping down and walking to the cab, he looked at her once more before opening the door and leaning inside. After rummaging a few moments, he finally pulled the CD from its case. Holding it up, he looked through the sliding glass at her.
"And?"
"Put it in. To that song."
Alex tossed her a frown but obeyed. The first few chords of the song filtered out into the night as he moved towards the back of the truck. She waited for him. Stopping in his tracks, he stared at her when he realized she was standing there.
"What?"
Stepping up to him, she took his hand. "Ok, so I'm not dressed as well as in your dream. And there's no candles. No live band. Do you mind?"
"No," he replied, looking at her as if she'd grown a second head. "Isabel, what are you doing?"
"Finishing the dance. We never finished the one I saw"
Alex had to smile. Ok, so this wasn't really the same as any of the dreams he ever had, but it was nice. And so it might not end the way his dreams ended, but at least he had been honest with her, had told her how he felt. And, well, she hadn't run away. That was always a bonus when talking to the girl of your dreams. With a nod he reached for her and slid his arms around her waist. Her own arms rested on his shoulders and they began to move to the music.
"Did you mean what you said? What you told me in your dream?" she asked finally.
"Which part?"
"You know, the part about showing you who I am." Her voice was hesitant. Almost scared.
Music flowed around them, their moves in time with the slow beat. Isabel began to worry when he didn't respond, but as if he read her mind, he stopped the dance as another question was on her tongue.
"I meant it," he told her gently. "But I also know how hard it is for you. You've got more to worry about than most of us. More to hide. And for good reason." He worried that she would misinterpret his words. "Not to say you're not normal but." A sigh. There was no way to really explain it without digging himself further into a hole. So much for happy endings.
She laughed softly, moving again with the song. "I understand I think. And you're right it's hard." Slowly she let her head fall to his shoulder. The scent that was Alex rose up to her nose and she smiled. He always smelled good clean earthy. "But one of these day one of these days I might be ready. You know ready to show someone."
Resting his cheek against her hair, he smiled. It was more than he expected. He pulled her slightly closer, still moving to the final chords of the song.
"When you're ready, let me know. Ok?" he said.
The song ended and they kept moving. Stars shone down on them. Both tightened their grip on the other. Neither stopped swaying to the song that was no longer there.
The promise in her voice resonated through him. "When I'm ready, you'll be the first to know."