Footsteps in the Snow
The cold. She hated the cold. Not to mention the snow, ice, and winds that blew against her face and disheveled her once groomed hair. She hated it. She hated how she had to bundle up her entire body in uncomfortable clothing just to stay decently lukewarm, how the streets seemed to get packed with even more people desperately searching for Christmas presents during the last few days of the shopping season. The idiots. Too lazy to get something worthwhile, so instead they rush around stores like morons, looking for anything they can get for half-off. Worthless.
Passing a chic' café, Asuka couldn't help but become allured by the warm scent of the numerous coffees. It had been a while since her last check arrived, and she had plenty of bills to pay for at home, but she couldn't resist treating herself to one cup.
Buying a small coffee, Asuka sat down at one of the small tables by the large glass wall that offered a perfect view of the bustling street. It was great to finally get out of the snow that had been plaguing Tokyo-3 since November. The white powder flew like dancers traversing across the air, flustering about the ground until finally settling down by its unique brethren. Thin sheets of ice and fog covered the glass pane, dotting some parts of the wall so they weren't possible to see through.
Asuka took a small sip of the warm drink, savoring its taste as much as she could. She had to. This would probably be the last one she could buy for a long while. After all, it had been six years since she left Nerve. Six years since she piloted an Eva, battled an Angel, or set foot in the Katsuragi household.
Six years since she had talked to him.
Shut up. You don't need to worry about a baka like that.
But, sitting there, she could not stop but think of all of them. Misato, Rei, Hikari, the Stooges, and him. What could they possibly be up to today? They were all probably like the random street shoppers, running from place to place. And if memory served right, they'd do the same thing they did that last Christmas. They would stumble around, not knowing what to buy for each friend. Touji would buy Hikari something he thought would be cute, and in turn get scolded for picking something so weird, vile, etc. Misato would tease Shinji with something perverse, and the blush on his cheeks was gift enough for her, even though Shinji always got their guardian something nice.
Six years. Six long years of living from check to check, of having to scrounge every penny under the couch, of wrestling off tax collectors and their business suit cronies. 2190 days of baking in the summer and freezing in the winter, of living off ramen noodles and rice, of working thirteen hours a day, of missing the warmth and sweet taste of Shinji's cooking.
Shinji. That baka. He was always such a lazy bum. A pervert, too.
Damn idiot. Doesn't even bother to call the woman who made sure he didn't get his teeth kicked to pieces in school. Baka.
After a few minutes of brooding, Asuka's cup had finally grown light, and the only thing left was one last sip of the delicious brew.
Well…here's to your merry Christmas, Hikari, she thought absentmindedly, lifting the cup and almost chugging it all down.
From the corner of her eye, just barley noticeable from behind the foggy glass, she saw a man. Or rather, the back of him as he walked down the sidewalk in the direction she had originally been going before her detour.
He was young, like her, with brownish black hair and a dark blue coat. His stride seemed fine, confident, yet wary of many things such as the many passersby.
No…it couldn't be…
From her seat, she gaped at the him as he walked off, his face still a mystery.
Why do I even care? It probably wasn't even him!
But, she thought, what if it is?
It had been too long. 52560 hours since she had spoken with that pathetic loser. 31563600 minutes since she had even bothered to look twice at a picture of him. God knows she had enough stuffed in her portfolio from Nerv when she left. They had insisted they always carry a photo of their fellow pilots, just as a way to remind themselves of who was fighting along them.
As if you could ever forget that baka, or wondergirl.
So why did she care now?
If it was him, she'd regret not telling him off for always being such a pathetic loser. When she had left, she walked out the door without so much as a goodbye.
Yeah. That's what she'd do. March straight up to him, poke him in the chest and laugh, telling him how much fun it'd been living without him, how she had enjoyed every second away from him, and, with a final poke, tell him off for good.
Her cup weightless, she tossed it into the bin, gathered her things and rushed out the door. Feeling the bitter cold bite at her face, she tightened her thin coat and looked around. If it was Shinji, he had walked off down the street, towards the line of clothing stores across the white street.
Hurrying, she went across the street and lightly bounced her way up the curb. It would be hard to see him now. If he had kept up his pace, he could have been at the other end of the block by now. On the other hand, there was hardly anything past this street in that direction, save a warehouse. All the other shops were in other directions, and if he went one of those ways, she'd definitely see him from such a relatively short distance.
When I find him, I swear I'll…I'll….
Directly in front of her stood a dashing men's clothing store, rife with black and white suits shining like diamonds. She knew he would never be in a store like that. He hated suits, and never felt comfortable in them. And then the women's clothing store next door would be even more unlikely to have him in it. Unless he was really desperate to get Misato something, he'd usually just buy her a month's supply of Yabisu beer or a nice book.
For some reason, she felt the odd urge to look down at the ground. Buried in the snow were footprints. A few sets. Some were small, and others the average size of a man's feet. It was a long shot, but it was the only shot she had to get to him. So she took the only set of footprints that looked like they could belong to a man and followed them.
The prints took her down the wide city sidewalk to the other end of the block. She had a difficult time keeping track with the many people passing her, but locked her eyes on the footprints. She wasn't going to lose him so soon. Not now.
At the end of the block, the prints stopped momentarily and fuddled around, as if he didn't know exactly which way to go. But she determined that the tracks led into the corner store, a well furnished shop with some weird name.
Thankful that she wouldn't have to stay any longer in the wind, she walked inside and caught a massive whiff of all the store had to offer: wonderful jewelry, exquisite clothes. The whole shebang. Hands down, this had to be one of the greatest stores in Tokyo-3. Why had she never been inside?
With much anger-fueled hope, she glanced around the luxurious store for a glimpse of Shinji, that baka. It didn't take long. Although she could only see the back of his head, she could tell it was him…at least, she hoped.
That idiot. Who's he buying for? Probably some slut who felt sorry for him took him up on a date. Pathetic!
She started marching forward, fists tightened so much her knuckles became almost as white as the snow outside.
Wait! I don't want him to see me. I'll see what he's buying first, and then I'll get him.
Instead of walking forward, she moved to the right near a rack of lovely coats and pretended to be browsing among them. A few seconds later, the man at the counter gave his thanks and walked off, nothing in his hands. Asuka didn't want to risk him seeing her, so she kept her face hidden, which meant she wouldn't be able to see him as he walked out the door and down the sidewalk again.
Damn! I'm going to lose him!
Asuka threw the coat she had been using and ran for the door, hot with rage. She probably would have caught up with him if it weren't for the nosy saleswoman peddling perfume from a small table. The saleswoman stopped Asuka in her tracks, holding a bottle of elegant smelly liquid. If it weren't for a bit of Christmas luck, Asuka would have thrown the saleswoman down to the ground. Instead, she angrily shoved her away, earning a bitter remark. As if she even cared right now. She had to find him.
She rushed outside again, this time, there were even more shoppers around, nearly packing the walkways with people. It would be nearly impossible to find him now.
But this was Asuka Soryhu we're talking about. Determination is instinct like none other.
He had gone to the right. That much she knew. So she kicked up her feet and ran, ran like a wild beast. There was no way he was going to get away from her this time. Oh, no. She'd rip him a new one and over. That stupid baka; never bothering to talk, always saying sorry. Pathetic!
It was downright impossible to move that fast without hitting people, and the loud comments she received after hitting someone, while nothing new, only served to steam her up more.
That supid boy! I hate him! Why? Because he's an obnoxious, flinching little idiot that never sticks up for himself! Spineless!
She was nearing the end of the sidewalk. Still, there was no sign of him. Had he turned the corner? Walked into another store? She couldn't have missed him!
Now sprinting, feet tearing up a storm of white powder behind her, she reached the end of the sidewalk, her face red and sore…and slipped on a large patch of ice.
Asuka, in the split-second moment she had gone airborne, cursed herself for being such a fool. She was just as pathetic as any of them. She hated life. She hated how no one ever showed any sympathy for her, how they always expected so much of her. It was great being thought of as strong and courageous, but she knew it wouldn't quell her sorrows. They never could. She just wanted it all to end here and now.
But fate had a different conclusion in mind for the falling redheaded girl. She landed arms first, her legs smacking hard against the concrete. She could feel her nose, buried in the snow, become cold as ice as it started to bleed.
And yet no one stopped to help her off the ground, leaving her there to suffer.
Except for one.
"Asuka! Asuka! Are you alright?"
That voice…it sounded familiar. Different, almost.
Asuka felt a pair of gloved hands grab her and gently turn her over. Straining, she looked up at his face.
"Sh…Shinji?"
"Oh my god, Asuka! You're bleeding!"
It's him. It's really him.
Indeed, it was Shinji Ikari, the boy she had spent a year of her life with; a year of sadness, grief, and anger; a year of only a few memorable moments of literal happiness.
A tear welled up in her eye as she watched Shinji pull off his gloves and tend to her bleeding nose. She was lying there, on the ground, being nursed by the very person she had claimed was a wimp all his life. It was the very definition of irony.
"Asuka, can you hear me?" he asked worriedly, wiping her nose and propping her head up.
It took a second to register that he was speaking to her. "Yes," she muttered weakly, her eyes half open.
"Good. Oh, god, I hope nothing's broken."
He still cares? Why? After all the misery I put him through; the taunting, the degrading insults, and all my ordering him around…he still wants to help me?
"Asuka, we need to get somewhere warm," he said, cradling her head softly. "Can you stand?"
"I…I think so," she replied quietly.
"Alright," Shinji said cautiously. Very slowly, he lifted her up in his arms until she was upright, slightly bending on one leg, resting against him for support.
He's warm.
He spoke sensitively into her ear. "Just hold on, Asuka. I'll get you home."
Home? But he doesn't know where I live. I've never told anyone.
He held her up as they walked down the street, his strength surprising her. He never had this strength when she still lived with him and Misato. Piloting gave him a decent physique, but it was startling to see him like this. And not only that, but his face had changed as well. No longer did it hold the wavering, scared eyes of the fourteen year old boy she knew back then. Now there were strong, radiant orbs, with nothing in them but determination and compassion. His chin and cheeks had matured well. Youth was gone, maturity starting to set it now at twenty years of age.
"Shinji," she squeaked. "Wh…why?"
"Huh?" he asked, looking in her eyes.
"Why are you helping me?" She winced as a short brush of pain swept her ribs, and then disappeared.
"Asuka, what are you talking about? Why wouldn't I help you?"
"But…."
"Asuka, you've been gone for six years without so much as a letter. Do you have any idea of how much I've worried about you?" His eyes grew saddened, but remained diligent of what he was doing.
"Wo…worried?"
"Yes, Asuka," he said. "Every day."
"I'm…" Did she really want to say it? Did she really want to take that leap? "I'm sorry, Shinji. I've been such a rotten person to you." She cried, burying her head into his shoulder.
"No, Asuka. You don't have to be sorry," he assured her, letting her dig as deep into his shoulder as she wanted. "I know what you're talking about. Believe me, I've grown out of that shell. It took me a long time, but with Misato's help, I finally learned to not be afraid of others. I may be the same in some areas, but I've changed just as much as you have."
"No, I'm still an awful person! I'm still a cold witch!"
He looked down at her shaking head with a look of surprise. "How can you say that? You were never cruel to me."
"Yes, I was!" she bawled, tears now fully dripping from her red eyes. "I treated you like such garbage! And I hate myself for it!"
"Asuka..." He honestly couldn't find the words to ease her.
"Shinji, I'm so sorry. I ran away from you and Misato because I thought no one needed me. I hated life, and my stupid attitude was always telling me I could do things on my own, that I didn't need friends or family. I'm so stupid. I'm sure you hate me most of all. I deserve it"
"Don't say that, Asuka. Come on, we're almost there."
Asuka took her head off of Shinji's shoulder and glanced up. The apartment he was walking to looked familiar. He had said they were going home, but home was such a faint memory in her mind that she had forgotten about it.
They entered through the main apartment door and walked inside. Now that they were finally out of the wind, Asuka truly felt how warm Shinji was. If it weren't for her stupidity, she'd be enjoying that warmth right now, instead of feeling the rush of pain in her legs and arms.
"Asuka, hold my hand and we'll take the stairs. I'm sorry, but the elevator's been busted for weeks now," he said, offering his ungloved hand.
Hesitantly, she took it, and together, hand in hand, they walked up the stairs to whatever room it may have been that they spent a year of their lives together so long ago.
A minute or so later, they reached a door and Shinji twisted the knob and pushed.
Inside, a plethora of wonderful Christmas decorations hung from all around the room, basking in the glowing love of a single evergreen tree in the corner. But what shocked Asuka the most of all was the small group of people in the center conversing with each other, each dressed in colorful clothing with smiles on their faces.
They were the people she had known. People she had made friends with, argued with, insulted and tore at. Misato, Hikari, Kaji, Rei, even the Stooges she grew so annoyed of. All had aged since that last day she left, and all had changed. Touji and Hikari held hands, smiling at each other as they exchanged flirtatious comments. Rei, still stoic to this day, was having a wonderful talk with Kensuke at the end of the couch. Asuka swore she even saw her giggle a little. Misato and Kaji were flirting as always, even after six years of their relationship. Kaji even snuck a little peck on her lips as they shared a drink.
They're all having a great time without me. I knew it. They never wanted me around in the first place.
"Everyone," Shinji interrupted quietly, still holding dearly onto Asuka's hand.
All at once, every pair of eyes looked over to Shinji and his surprise guest…and went wide with excitement. There was the sound of Misato's glass hitting the carpet floor as her jaw dropped just as fast.
"Oh my god!"
"Asuka!"
"It's her!"
Jumping from their seats, each of them rushed towards her, helping Shinji assist Asuka to the couch.
"Where have you been?" Hikari questioned.
"Are you alright?" Misato gasped.
"Kensuke, go get some tissues for her blood!" Rei told the young man.
Wait…they're…they're worried? But, why?
Shinji helped her over to the couch and sat down with her as everyone left the room to go get something for her.
"Shinji, is this…our apartment?" she pondered, looking around the living room.
"Yes, Asuka, it is," he replied, smiling. "We haven't changed much since you left. Not even your room."
"Really?"
He nodded, his loving smile growing slightly. He looked down for a moment. "Asuka, I'll be honest. Things haven't been the same without you. We've all missed you. Please…please promise me you won't leave us again."
He wants me to stay? What should I say?
"Asuka, we all care about you. Please."
"I…I…" Still, no words could come from Asuka's mouth. She just didn't know what to do. She wanted to believe they would all want her around, but she couldn't bring herself to think so.
It was then that Misato came back into the room carrying a towel and first aid. Shinji looked up at his former guardian with despondent eyes. Misato stopped in her tracks, but Shinji nodded that it was okay and she knelt down to tend to her former charge's wounds.
All the while it was quiet as a tomb, and soon the others had come back with various items to keep Asuka comfortable. They questioned her every few seconds of where she had been, what she had been doing, why she left.
She didn't answer any of them.
Then she noticed the presents under the Christmas tree. The colorful paper, the cute cards, all the big and little boxes, wrapped just right, making such a beautiful scene. There were plenty of gifts. But tucked just in front of them all were four red boxes, each with a small tag that said: "To Asuka, from friends."
Asuka's lips parted, shocked from seeing presents under the tree…for her.
"Those…are…for me?" she mumbled, pointing to her gifts.
They all looked to the tree, each smiling at the realization. They nodded, and Asuka's finger dropped, her eyes brimming with tears.
Misato sat down by Asuka's side that wasn't occupied by Shinji and smiled again. "Asuka, for six years now we've been putting presents under the tree for you. Despite what you think, we never forgot you, and we most certainly never stopped caring for you." Misato looked up at everyone. They all understood and gave Asuka a tender smile that touched her heart. "And if I'm not mistaken," Misato grinned, Shinji has something he'd love to give you right now."
Shinji nodded knowingly and looked to Asuka one more time. For a moment, they stared deep into each other's eyes. So long they had been apart, unable to tell each other how much they cared for the other. No longer would they hide. No longer would they hurt the other. No longer would they suffer from the mistakes of the year they had spent together.
"Asuka," Shinji said lovingly, reaching into his pocket. "This is for you." And with that, he pulled a small black box out and opened it.
Inside sat a diamond necklace, laced with the finest colors and shapes. At the end rested a small golden locket in the shape of a heart. Truly, it was one of the most beautiful things ever made.
"Th…thank you," Asuka gasped quietly as she took it in her hand. "Shinji…I don't know what to say."
"Open it," he whispered, the room hushed and still.
She looked down at it, and softly opened the locket.
Placed inside was a small picture, cut to the shape of the golden heart that held it. It was a picture of her, Shinji, and Misato with her head poked out above them. All three were smiling honestly and openly, pressed against each other with nothing to show but their love for one another. Asuka remembered. Of the very few good moments she had spent during that year with them, that one was the best.
But there was one thing she took notice of only then. At the bottom of the picture, engraved in silver lining, were five words.
Never forget. We love you.
Tears dripped from her eyes. She sobbed, looking down as she held onto the locket tightly.
And in all this time, Shinji was still holding her hand. The boy that she had been so cruel to, so condescending, still loved her to this day.
She tightened her grip on Shinji's hand.
"Asuka," said Shinji, grabbing her shoulder as she sobbed.
"Oh, Shinji," Asuka cried, grabbing him and pulling him as close as she could. Shinji, surprised, blushed heavily, but soon calmed himself and pulled her close, giving her a warm hug. "I'll stay, Shinji! I'll stay! I won't leave! I love all of you!"
Shinji's eyes began to tear up as well as he held her tight. "Thank you, Asuka. Thank you. I love you."
"I love you, too, Shinji," she said, her head buried in his warm shoulder again.
And so, with Asuka's promise to stay, to live life among friends and the only family she ever knew, to be kind and caring, to love whoever loved her back, the Christmas cheer finally began amongst the small party. There was music, games, and happiness all around. Hikari and Touji flirted; Rei and Kensuke enjoyed a well-versed talk in Eva mechanics; Kaji even managed to sneak a kiss with Misato under the mistletoe, with PenPen jumping between them to play a joke on his owner's lover.
But all throughout the night, Shinji and Asuka stayed quiet, allowing the others to have fun, while they sat on the couch, basking in each other's love and warmth. Shinji never let go of her hand that night. Nor did she let go of his.
It was then that Asuka became forever thankful for whatever had driven her to follow those footsteps in the snow.
The End