FOREVER

By Fran Glass aka Dynojet@aol.com

Summary: A closer look at the lives and loves of Nick and Janette as told in their own words. For the Immortal Beloveds among us.

Disclaimer: This story is based on the Forever Knight characters belonging to James Parriott, Columbia Tri/Star. Used without permission but no infringement is intended.

Note that Nicholas is being spelled the French way: Nicolas which is pronounced Nicola.

---- 1228 ----

Janette: I had stalked him from a distance on the streets of Paris one night, intending to make him my next meal. Casually, I bumped into him as he was about to enter a tavern. He started to beg my forgiveness for the mishap, but was suddenly struck speechless when our eyes met. As he granted me an engaging smile, I felt my heart flutter, and I knew in an instant that I wanted him for more than just one night. The moment of revelation was interrupted as a large, boisterous man bellowed out his name from the doorway of the tavern. As he looked away to acknowledge the fellow, I quickly fled. I had to go find LaCroix. There was a very special favor I had to ask of him.

Nick: "How badly do you want me?" Eight centuries later, those words still reverberate through my mind. At the time, I didn't think to wonder how I was able to hear her whispering to me across the noisy tavern. I had met her outside earlier and had been immediately entranced by her beauty, but when I looked away for just a moment, she was gone. As mysteriously as she disappeared, she was back again an hour or so later. She called to me from across the room in a seductive voice I was sure only I could hear. I went to her, thinking only of the wonderful delights in store for me.

Janette: He was a knight with the Crusades, a man of honor but with a slightly dark streak. He was devilishly handsome and a passionate but gentle lover. He was so willing, so eager to give himself to me. It took all the willpower I possessed not to tear into his throat and drink from his fountain. I had asked LaCroix to meet us in my chambers so that he could bring this young knight across for me. I knew I could not trust myself to do the job properly. It was the first time I had ever asked this of my master, so he knew that the young man in question had to be someone quite special.

Nick: She was strangely intoxicating. I could not get enough of her kisses, the cool silkiness of her skin. Perhaps it was simply because I had been too long without female companionship. My lust took over my thinking and when she asked me questions about giving in to my dark side, my only thought was to agree to whatever she said, whatever it was she wanted of me. I was hers. When she introduced me to her companion, a man who bore golden eyes and sharp fangs, I should have run away screaming. I knew instinctively what he was. I had heard of such creatures but thought them to be only myths. But because of her, I stayed. How badly did I want her? Enough to condemn my soul to eternal damnation, to leave behind my family, friends and duties without a second thought and to say good-bye to the light forever. Oh yes, I most certainly wanted her.

---- 1500 ----

Janette: As a mortal, I had been used and abused by men most of my life, but LaCroix came along and rescued me. Until LaCroix, no man had ever shown me an ounce of respect. Until Nicolas, no man had shown me such unwavering love and devotion. Though I still cared deeply for him, I had begun to feel smothered by his love, his constant attentiveness, his demands upon my time, his petty jealousy and possessiveness. For my own sanity, and to keep from ripping his pretty little head from his body, I felt I needed to put some time and space between us. I had to leave him.

Nick: I thought that we would be together forever. We were happy. At least I thought we were, so naturally it came as quite a shock when she told me that she was leaving. I couldn't understand how she could simply walk away from our perfect relationship. I wanted to kill her, to plunge a stake through her callous heart for such unthinkable treachery. How could she not possibly care that she was tearing my world apart?

Janette: As I had expected, Nicolas pleaded with me to stay even though I was brutally blunt in my reason for leaving. Boredom. I wanted him to hate me, at least a little. It would make getting on with his life easier. We fought briefly over a portrait of me that had been painted by Leonardo da Vinci. I was afraid that if I left it behind, Nicolas might destroy it out of malice. But after seeing the hurt and pain in his eyes that I had put there, I relinquished my claim to the painting. It was the least I could do after trampling his heart.

Nick: Before leaving, Janette indicated that we would find each other again someday, that after a time, she would be willing to return to me. I asked her what made her think that I would take her back. All she had to do was touch her lips to mine and I knew that whatever passage of time between us, my heart would remain hers forever. Still, I wanted so badly to chase after her, but LaCroix advised me against doing so. With his help, I was able to restrain myself. I was able to go on with my life... a life without my Janette.

---- 1528 ----

Janette: It would be a lie if I said I didn't miss him, but I never regretted leaving. I needed my freedom, the opportunity to meet new people and discover new things without a constant shadow at my side. I had my pick of society's most rich and handsome suitors, mortal and vampire alike. But inevitably, I would find myself comparing them all to the lover I'd left behind. I knew, however that it was too soon to go back. There had to be someone out there in the world who could make me forget that curly, blonde hair, those beautiful blue eyes and that devilish smile, and I was determined to find him.

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Nick: Until I met Alyssa, I thought I'd never know love and happiness again. She was a vision of beauty, a goddess of light and pure innocence. I decided to wait until after we were wed to tell her about my true nature and offer her the gift of immortality. I had never brought anyone across before, but LaCroix had told me some time ago how it was done. Unfortunately, it's one of those subtle arts where practice makes perfect. I accidentally took too much of her sweet blood and was unable to bring her back to life. My newly found happiness died along with my beloved bride on our wedding night. After Alyssa's death, I vowed never to fall in love again with a mortal woman. Their lives are much too fragile and I did not want to cope with the pain of loss again.

Part 2

---- 1580 ----

Nick: I grew callous in my relationship with women. I used them only to satisfy my lust and hunger for blood -- the innocent as well as the not so innocent. Some I would take quickly while others I would toy with, drawing the life from them little by little until there was nothing left except their need to feel my fangs piercing their flesh one last time. I would mourn their passing but for a few hours at most, and with my master's encouragement, simply move on to the next one. My existence was hollow, my heart had grown cold. Then, one night out of the blue, I felt an unmistakable presence.... Janette.

Janette: He nearly ran to me, but stopped short as though he was uncertain about the reception he would receive. I smiled and approached him, drinking in his delectable beauty. He was even more handsome than I remembered. I brushed my lips across his cheeks, then looked into a pair of smoldering eyes. Yes, he still wanted me. He crushed me to his chest and kissed me with such passion, that I was left trembling with desire. Pulling away ever so slowly, he whispered in a voice designed to seduce, "How badly do you want me?" Then with an arrogant little smirk on that gorgeous face, realizing the power he now possessed over me, he turned and walked away.

Nick: Of course, I still loved Janette and I was delighted that she had at last returned. But missing was the desperation that I once felt for her. Our lovemaking was as passionate as ever, but I no longer felt an obsession to have her with me at all times, to treat her as my private possession. Perhaps I was afraid of scaring her off again and losing her forever. I learned to give her the space and freedom she needed to be her own person. In time, we developed an open relationship that worked well for many years afterwards.

----- 1830 -----

Janette: As the centuries passed, I noticed my Nicolas changing. I always knew that he'd had some regrets about becoming a vampire, but he actually began to frighten me with his decision to seek out a cure. Neither LaCroix nor I could talk him out of such nonsense, so we each had to become baby- sitters in a sense in order to protect Nicolas from himself.

Nick: I don't recall the exact moment when I decided I had to find a way back to the light. I just knew that at one point I felt that there had to be a way to undo what had been done to me. I wanted to be able to walk in the sunlight without bursting into flames, to eat real food, to make love to a woman without taking her life. I wanted to have children and watch them grow up and give me grandchildren. I wanted to be human again. I searched for a cure in highly unlikely places, trusted the wrong people, and more than once put my life at risk. Both Janette and LaCroix have come to my rescue when my naivete got the better of me. I regretted the pain I caused them, but I could not abandon my dream.

----- 1890 -----

Janette: I couldn't help but notice the tension that grew between Nicolas and LaCroix. They fought constantly, often using me against one another. I didn't approve of some of the things LaCroix did in his attempts to educate his wayward son, but I understood why he did them. He loved Nicolas as much as I did, perhaps more, and wanted to keep him in a close family embrace. One of his lessons must have backfired because a drastic change came over Nicolas one night. At the time I wasn't aware of what had transpired, though I believed it had something to do with a pretty ballerina that Nicolas had developed an infatuation with. Things were never the same after that night.

Nick: I broke my own rule about not falling in love again. But she was pure perfection, an angel come to earth. I knew better than to approach her. No good would ever come of it. I kept my distance, though each night, I bought a ticket and sat in the balcony to watch her perform. Such flawless grace and beauty. I wanted her, but I knew I was unworthy of her affection. I made the mistake of listening to LaCroix who convinced me that the angel I loved from afar was nothing more than a harlot, giving herself to any man that came along. And when she showed interest in me, the devil's son, I acted without thinking. It wasn't until I'd drained her blood that I realized that she indeed had been the innocent I first took her for. I had been wrong, not only for trusting in LaCroix, but also in judging for myself who should live and who should die. It was then that I decided to give up killing mortals altogether.

---- 1925 ----

Janette: Nicolas had another bad encounter with LaCroix. He came to me, desperate to get away, to go where our master could not find him. Though I did not want him to leave, I couldn't bare to watch his pain. He felt trapped. I knew exactly what he was going through, so I suggested that he go to America. I gave him the name of a man who could help, along with some of my jewelry to pay for the trip. He asked me to go with him, but I wasn't ready to give up Paris just yet. I kissed him good-bye and he left that same night. I never meant to betray Nicolas, but when LaCroix discovered him gone, he was more than just a tad upset. Although he could be unbearably dominating, LaCroix had always been fiercely protective of his adopted son. He convinced me that Nicolas' leaving was not in his best interest and ultimately, I had to agree with him. I worried so about Nicolas when he was away from us. He could get himself into trouble so easily, if not with mortals, then with the Enforcers with his penchant for violating the Code.

Nick: It had been a while since I'd last been in America. I found the recent changes very appealing and was looking forward to a brand new start. I'd only been in L.A. for three weeks when I was approached by two unexpected visitors. I should have picked up their vibrations beforehand, but I was too preoccupied with my plans for the evening to even notice. I was sure that LaCroix could not have tracked me down so quickly without help, and one look at the guilty expression on Janette's face told me that she'd been more than helpful. Thanks to Janette, I was under our master's thumb once again. She readily apologized for her disloyalty to me, and I easily forgave her, knowing how intimidating LaCroix could be. She still held my heart, of course, but she no longer held my trust.

---- 1990 ----

Janette: I had been in Toronto for nearly twenty years when I felt his presence. He was somewhere in the city and I had expected him to drop by the club to see me. But apparently he wasn't all that anxious to discuss old times or rekindle our shriveling relationship. I don't pretend to understand how his mind works. I was sure, however that in time, he would come to me, be it out of affection or necessity.

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Nick: It was my first night in town and I was on my way to surprise Janette when I became sidetracked by a commotion in an alley. It sounded as though someone was in trouble, so I deterred to go help. I saved an elderly couple from being mugged by a street gang. As a parting gift, one of the gang members threw a pipe bomb my way, and I ended up in a body bag on a slab at the city morgue. That's where I met Natalie Lambert.

There were two things that attracted me to Nat; one was of course, her beauty, and the other was her lack of fear. I woke up on her examining table in full vampire mode and if I hadn't smelled the bagged blood in the refrigerator, I seriously doubt that Natalie would have survived our first meeting. But rather than fear me, she wanted to understand me. I had met doctors in the past who had wanted to study me, either to assist me in finding a cure or for their own personal, scientific reasons. Unfortunately, all the previous experiences had been bad ones, so I figured it would be best to simply hypnotize her into forgetting about me and just walk away.

By the time I left the morgue, it was close to dawn and too late to visit Janette. I barely made it back to my hotel room where I spent most of the day awake and thinking about Natalie. That night, while intending to go see Janette, I found myself instead outside the Coroner's Building, waiting for Natalie. When we met again, I was secretly pleased to find that she was resistant to hypnosis and that she had remembered our first encounter. We ended up going for a cup of coffee and discussing my future plans which included her working to find me a cure. I wasn't quite sure what I was getting myself into; all I know was that my desire to see Janette had suddenly vanished.

Part 3

---- 1992 ----

Janette: Nicolas finally paid me a visit, but it wasn't a social affair. He had become a cop and was investigating some murders that appeared to have been committed by a vampire. Moreover, he suspected LaCroix was responsible and he wanted me to be his snitch. It was sad to see, but my Nicolas had changed so very much over the past few decades, trying to cut himself off from his vampire roots. He had immersed himself once again in a mortal lifestyle and I could see it in his eyes that he was in love again with a mortal woman.

Nick: It wasn't exactly the best of reunions. I could tell that Janette wasn't thrilled with my new occupation, even though it wasn't my first stint as a cop. I didn't tell her about Natalie at that time, but I could sense that she knew there was another woman in my life, probably because I kept her at a distance. Normally, keeping Janette at a distance is not something I aspire to do, nor is it an easy achievement. Temptation, after all, is her middle name.

---- 1994 ----

Janette: I felt the threads of our bond vibrating madly, so I wasn't surprised when Nicolas called and asked me to meet him. I knew it would happen eventually. He had gone too long without satisfying his vampire needs. It was like old times, the fire in his eyes, that look of uncontrollable lust as he made me his once again. I've always loved the way he makes me feel when he takes me, not just physically, but emotionally as well. For a few moments, we became as one and it was as though we'd never been apart. But all too soon, it was over and Nicolas pushed aside his vampire and apologized unnecessarily for giving in to his nature.

Nick: Vampires can not exist on cow blood alone. I tried hard to ignore that fact, thinking that it would help me to regain my mortality. If Janette had not been willing to come to my aid, I'm sure I would have ended up killing someone that night. I regret having ignored Janette all that time, then rushing to use her to satisfy my lustful needs. Although she didn't seem to mind, I promised myself that I'd never let it happen again.

Janette: I wanted him to come back and spend the day with me, but he refused, saying that he had police work to do. The next night, after he had finished playing cops and robbers, he called for me again. When we shared a couple of passion-filled kisses, I thought that perhaps he was ready to come back to me for good. Instead, it turned out that he was merely thanking me for the previous night. He told me that he appreciated what I had done for him but that it would not be repeated because he planned to control himself better in the future. As I listened to him ramble on about the evils of giving in to his nature, I realized that I was losing him in more ways than one. I was losing him not only to that lady doctor of his, but I was also losing him to his fantasies about becoming mortal again. Another woman, I could easily handle, but with the other, I felt that there was little hope.

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Janette: Nicolas came to visit me one day. The important thing to note was that it was indeed during the day. Apparently, his pet mortal, Natalie had come up with some concoction that allowed him to brave the sunlight without disintegrating. Foolish boy, he thought he had at last found himself a cure. More foolish was his attempt to have me join him in his delusion. It wasn't the first time Nicolas had allowed himself to become a guinea pig for some mad scientist. I knew this was just another dead end. I also knew I did not want to go through this with him again. I did not want to see the despair in his eyes when he realized that indeed LaCroix was right, that there was no cure. I realized that it was about time for me to move on before Nicolas had a chance to drag me down any further into his mortal madness.

---- 1995 ----

Nick: I was so wrapped up in my human world that I hadn't even noticed when Janette left town. It wasn't until I felt my life unraveling that I thought to pay her a visit. Things had not been going very well between Natalie and me. She wanted so much more from me than I could give her. Then, both my partner Don Schanke and Captain Cohen were killed in a bomb-related plane crash. When I went to the Raven looking for comfort from Janette, I found LaCroix instead. He told me that Janette had turned over the club to him and left town. She had been in Toronto for twenty years and felt that it was time to move on. Again, he advised me not to try to seek her out because she did not want to be found. What went unspoken was the truth that I had been the real reason she had left. It wasn't so much my interest in another woman as it was my relentless pursuit of a mortal lifestyle that had driven Janette away.

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Janette: A miraculous thing occurred after leaving Toronto. Several miraculous things in fact. The first was that I fell in love with a mortal. Robert was a fireman who rescued me from a burning building. He was a widower with a young son named Patrick, and we all became a close-knit family very quickly. It was highly unusual for me to make love to a mortal man and take his blood without killing him, but Robert's blood somehow managed to calm the killer instinct in me. The more we made love, the less of his blood I needed to take. Eventually, I realized I was changing. The vampire in me was fading away. I was becoming mortal.

I couldn't help but think of Nicolas and his eternal search for mortality. How ironic that the one thing he had hoped and prayed for over the centuries, would unintentionally befall me. I finally understood that he had been right all along to want his humanity restored. I had never felt happier to be alive. Unfortunately, my bliss did not last. Robert was murdered by members of an arsonist ring when he tried to expose their corruption. I returned to Toronto to avenge his death and to reunite his son with other family members. Since I no longer had my vampire powers, I went to Nicolas and asked for his help.

Nick: She was mortal. I found it almost impossible to believe, but the proof was there. She had been shot by some men who were after her. As Natalie treated her wound, Janette told us how she became mortal, and I could see the hopefulness in Nat's eyes that the same process could possibly work for us. But there was no time to dwell on that. I had to help Janette. The men who shot her were holding her adopted son and his aunt hostage until she turned over the evidence she had against them. Even after giving them what they wanted, they tried to kill us all by shooting me and Janette, then setting fire to the house. Janette was badly injured and she pleaded with me to let her die, but that was something I wasn't prepared to do. I had to save her, and the only way I knew how, was to bring her back across. I couldn't bare the thought of losing her forever. I could let her go, but I could not let her die.

Janette: I had the chance to die a mortal but Nicolas took that away from me. He made me a vampire again, thinking that he was saving my life. But without Robert by my side, I had no life. And because Nicolas had arranged things to make it appear that I had died, I was unable to lay claim to my adopted son, Patrick. I had nothing. Not even Nicolas because I knew that he and Natalie wouldn't waste too much time trying out the cure that had worked for me. He would become mortal and he would marry her, and he would be lost to me forever. I spoke with LaCroix, and he was very understanding. He encouraged me to leave Toronto, to lick my wounds and grow stronger. After making me promise to keep in contact with him, we solemnly parted company once again.

Part 4

----- 1996 -----

Nick: Nat had made it very clear that she wanted to be with me no matter what it took. She wanted us to try Janette's cure, for me to make love to her and take just a little of her blood. I knew it was a bad idea. It had been far too long since I'd last drank human blood directly from the source, to have that sweet nectar flowing in from a beautiful, warm and desirable body. But I gave in to Nat's wishes because she had such faith in my control, in my desire not to hurt her. And for a moment or two, I thought she knew something about me that I didn't know. I thought there was a chance that I was indeed strong enough to control my inner demon and spare my lover's life. But I wasn't.

As I kneeled over her nearly lifeless body, I knew that I had taken too much. I had to either bring her across or allow her to die. I recalled bringing her brother across and how badly that turned out. I honestly couldn't imagine putting Natalie through that, even though she had voiced her approval at becoming a vampire. I placed Natalie in the same category as my sister Fleur, too full of goodness and light to be subjected to an eternity of death and darkness. And after making that heart- wrenching decision for her, I had to make one for myself.

When LaCroix arrived barely a moment later, I asked that he put me out of my misery once and for all. He'd told me a number of times in the past that since he was the one who created me, then he should be the one to destroy me. I could tell that it pained him greatly to finally claim the privilege, but I guess even he could see that my spirit had been completely broken and that there was no hope left for me. And as he raised the wooden staff and drove it deep into my heart, I bolted awake, screaming at the top of my lungs.

It had been the most vivid and terrifying nightmare I had ever had. I considered it less of a bad dream and more of a premonition of things to come. Things that might very well happen if I didn't do something to prevent them. It was clear in my mind what I had to do. It was time to leave. Nat may have been willing to risk her safety to be with me, but I could no longer accept the threat of anything happening to her because of my inability to control my beast. As painful as it was for the both of us, I knew that my leaving was for the best. I have no doubt that if I had stayed, my worst nightmare would have eventually become a reality.

----- 2028 -----

Nick: I've kept track of Natalie over the years through a private detective who gives me occasional updates. Eighteen months after we parted, Nat met someone special, an accountant who did an excellent job on her taxes. They were married a year later and eventually became parents to a son and twin daughters. Nat gave up her job as a coroner to stay home with the kids and is now the grandmother of five. She and her husband Jacob are still together, apparently happy and in good health. Often, I find myself wishing that I could have been the one to give her those kids and that home in the suburbs. I still hope to live that kind of normal existence someday, but I no longer dwell on it so much.

I'm a vampire. I don't cringe anymore when I say that. It's not a disease to be cured. It's simply what I am. I no longer surround myself with mortals and I don't attempt to blend in as I have in the past. It leads to too much unhappiness when things go sour. I still have my charities and I still help out my fellow man when I can, but I do so from a distance, usually with a check. I spend a good deal of my time traveling the world with LaCroix. We don't fight the way we use to. Oh, he still rags me about my not wanting to kill, but since I no longer turn my nose up at human blood, he now considers me acceptable company.

I wasn't sure when I'd ever see Janette again. Upon leaving Toronto, she disappeared completely for the better part of a decade, then finally showed up in Paris where she opened up a new night spot for wayward vampires. I tried telephoning her a few times but she refused to accept my calls. I took the hint. She didn't want to see me. I wrote perhaps a hundred letters but only got around to mailing one of them. I let her know that I never stopped thinking of her, that I was truly sorry for what I'd done and I wished her well. I never received a reply, not that I actually expected one. I figured she'd be loathing me for some time yet to come.

Janette: I mourned the death of Robert and the loss of my adopted son for many years. I also mourned the loss of my newly discovered humanity, but only briefly. I felt that if it happened once, there was that possibility that it could happen again. I thought of Nicolas often. I understood why he went against my wishes and rescued me from death. If things had been reversed, I know I would not have allowed him to die either. Still, it was a long time before I was able to bring myself to forgive his impulsiveness. Even longer before I was ready to see him again. Last week I received a letter from LaCroix. It contained a plane ticket and a hotel reservation along with a simple note which read, 'Happy Anniversary.'

Nick: LaCroix talked me into attending the Mardi Gras in New Orleans with him. What I didn't know was that he had been playing cupid and had also invited Janette to come as well. Last night I spotted her in the hotel lobby and nearly cried with joy. She was as radiant as ever. My heart threatened to explode in my chest when her eyes fell upon me. For one long, frightening moment, my world stopped altogether as I waited for it. And at last, there it was. Her eyes flashed a 'come to me' beacon that I could not help but obey. I moved towards her and we fell instantly into a passionate embrace. The centuries somehow simply melted away. She was my Janette again and I was her Nicolas.

Eight hundred years ago today, I met a beautiful, dark-haired woman who changed my life forever. Before falling asleep in my arms this morning, Janette asked me if I've ever regretted meeting her. I regret a multitude of sins I've committed before I became a vampire and since, but having Janette enter my world is something I will never regret. I recall the first time she left me back in the year 1500. She told me then that someday we would find each other, our eyes would meet and we would fall in love all over again. It may have taken awhile, but last night, it happened. We fell in love all over again. I don't know how long it will last this time. I only know that I will not take her love for granted again. She is my immortal beloved, and no matter what forces may come between us in the future, Janette will always hold a special place in my heart and I shall love her... forever.

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Don't you just love happy endings?

Fran aka Dynojet aka ForeverX
http://members.aol.com/dynojet/foreverx/