A/N: Hi.

I don't normally add stuff up here. But!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own CRYPTON or VOCALOID or any of the characters or names mentioned below. This fanfiction is loosely based on the VOCALOID song "Secret Police" by BuriruP and I do not own that in any way, shape or form.

The Execrable Exploits of the Secret Police

The Secret Police, or the Himitsu Keisatsu, is a highly secretive organization confederate with the government to prevent any anti-government information from being released, or any corrupt deeds that go against their rules and regulations. They monitor the area with surveillance cameras that watch the civilians of the island of Japan's every move, track down their patterns with the most advanced technology, and are able to accurately predict what an individual would do based on their monitors and statistics. The officers are divided into different units based on ranking, and do a portion of their work monitoring their designated area, and the other portion on the field itself. Follow the five officers of the Alpha-Unit into their execrable exploits of the Secret Police.

O~o~O

Episode 1: Sinful Chocolate Cornets (Part 1)

It was break-time, which was a bittersweet stretch of time for the quintet. Of course it was nice to be away from their work for a little while, but having to bear each other's presence in a closed space and listen to complaints about how they couldn't leave the room for break was what made it feel more like torture than a form of a free period.

"Rin, I don't think it's healthy to eat that many oranges. The acidity can cause-" The blonde girl's counterpart began very cautiously. He knew that her sister had a short fuse, but if she got sick, everyone's fingers would point at none other than him. The irony there was that he was the younger of the two, yet appointed a somewhat higher status than her. One reason could be because of some sense of leadership in the juvenile, but mostly because he was good at cheating at rock-paper-scissors.

"Fuck you! At least I'm not stuffing my face with ice-cream like flower boy over there," she cursed at the older man, Kaito Shion's direction. His tall lankiness and slightly hunched-over physique made him vaguely resemble a wilting stem. To top it off, there was a sapphire blue, never-wilting, petals never dropping rose that the others deemed as the "eternal rose" pinned onto the right side of his breast, earning him the nickname of "flower-boy". He was clad in a long black blazer, white dress-shirt, black tie, black slacks, and shiny black dress-shoes that made him move silently and swiftly. He might as well have been mistaken for an office-worker, minus the briefcase, if it weren't for the black eye patch that was garnished on his right eye. What was quite ironic to the point of amusement was that such a hostile and dark-appearing man was wolfing down a bowl of Vanilla ice cream like a child. When he had finished, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, then briefly sticking up his skeletal third-finger to salute the younger girl. She rolled her eyes.

"Respect your elders," Len muttered edgily to his sister. Kaito's fury was dormant now that he had already finished his cold confection, but he wasn't taking chances to test his anger limit. After all, getting anyone pissed in this rag-tag group would not be the smartest idea.

"Like respect is reinforced here," Meiko piped up dryly. She flicked ash off from her cigarette into the dirty ash-tray, then propped her platform-sandal clad feet up on the plastic patio table, dressed with a flimsy plastic black table cover and ripped with holes.

"Watch it! You'll knock over the table!" Rin hissed, snatching the oranges that began to roll toward the elder's shoes. She held them against her chest protectively. She scrunched her nose in disgust. "Why do we get this shithole of a break room if we're the best of the best?" she complained. The room reeked of cigarette smoke and citrus, the walls made of dingy, cold concrete. Aside from the cheap pool table, there was nothing eye-catching about the room. There was an outdated microwave, a small counter with a coffeemaker, napkins, and Styrofoam cups, packets of sugar and cream scattered around the table. There was also a fake potted plant in the corner of the room, but it only served the purpose of concealing a surveillance camera that watched their every move. However, everyone was already aware of its presence. It was a necessary addition to this new venue, because of their incident.

"Don't flatter yourself." she scoffed. "Did you really forget why? It's because of you rascals." she scowled. "You trashed our other room with that little prank of yours," she reminded them.

"Aw, come on, it was just a joke-" Len began, biting back his laughter. It took a while for Rin to convince him, but he had no regrets for their mischievous scheme.

"-You set the fucking room on fire." she countered.

"Yeah, they're cute at first, but then they become the twin spawns of Satan." Miku popped in, her laptop and a manila folder tucked under her arm. She pulled at the girl's pointy white bow and the boy's long mane of a ponytail he refused to cut as they flinched in detest. "Youngsters these days," she sighed exaggeratedly. She pulled out a Styrofoam cup, filling it with cold coffee from the counter, then sliding it in the microwave for a few minutes. When she pulled it out, she slid the cup over to Meiko, who nodded in mutual appreciation. She released a puff of smoke before bringing the cup to her mouth, her upper lip curling in disgust at its usual lukewarm taste of camel sweat. Miku sent her a half-sympathetic look. She pulled up a plastic chair to join the quartet, folding her legs neatly and sitting so her spine was straight, as she pulled out her sleek, black, leaf-thin laptop to finish up some paperwork. She sat with poise and dignity, like a little princess-it was as if her surroundings were almost unsuitable for her. Taking notice of her little quirk, the blonde boy smirked. 'Despite being this unit's leader, she won't ever get used to this job, will she?' he thought to himself, slouching back like the others.

"As if you hadn't gone through that stage in high school," the boy drawled.

"I didn't," she responded breezily.

"Were you a goody two-shoes?" he asked.

"Not quite," she said curtly, leafing through the papers in the folder.

"Were you popular, Uno?" Rin piped up. Uno was an affectionate nickname for the girl, meaning "one", the number embellished on her blazer. The girl saw her as a bit of the makeshift older sister she never had. Miku hid the flinch within her high-and-mighty ice-princess façade.

"Yes, I was very popular." she replied promptly.

"I wish I was popular," she pouted, crossing her arms.

"But you're not." he cut in.

"Hey! Maybe if I got back into high school, and if I tried hard enough, I could!" she protested.

"Please. The day you become popular is the day when you'll finally fill your training bra."

"Hey, fuck you! I fit an a-cup perfectly well, thank you very much!" she snapped.

"That's 'cause you stuff your bras with oranges to eat later in the day," he smirked. Her eyes widened in horror as she threw a punch at Len's gut. Hard. Miku had to stifle a giggle as Meiko scowled.

"Will you shut your trap, you two! God, you're gonna give me a headache," she rolled her eyes, her jaw clenched with the cigarette resting in her mouth. She looked away, but there was an amused gleam in her eye. When Miku glanced back at her electronic device, she quickly noticed a black box flashing on the screen, a monochrome coat of arms with the letters HK, for Himitsu Keisatsu, flourished in the center. The familiar erratic thumping of her heart returned as she clicked on it. She entered in her 20-digit code into the box, and began to read. Rin quickly noticed the change of expression in Miku's face, and craned her neck to peek at the screen.

"What're you lookin' at?" she asked.

"We've got a new mission, on the field." she said in a cool tone, as she bit back excitement. The twins glanced at each other, mischievous anticipation glazed in their eyes.

"Who's our target this time?" Meiko asked, exhaling a puff of smoke.

"I'm getting to it. Don't rush me." Miku mumbled absentmindedly. Her eyes scanned the screen as she tapped the tracking pad. When the name, background information, and picture appeared, she held her breath. She narrowed her eyebrows, but she could feel her palms grow sweaty, which was uncharacteristic for the icy princess.

"Well?" Rin pressed on.

"Kasane Teto," she spat, looking away, as if she was revolted.

"The fuck is she?" Len asked.

"Shouldn't you know? We've monitored her for a while now. We've got a couple tapes. Looks a little like our little princess here, but with pink hair." Meiko filled him in, and her head snapped to glare at her. She smirked. "What? Were you two BFFs? What's with the hurt face? It's so not you," she cackled.

"She was this slut I knew in high school. Apparently she was a part of this organization at one point, but that seems impossible for a vile lowlife such as herself," she raised her chin indignantly.

"Is some cat-fight going to break out between you two? Mee-oww!" Len joked, as his sister promptly elbowed him in the ribs.

"According to this, she was selling information to another agency that was accused of selling illegal weapons to terrorists. Our job is to follow her a bit, interrogate her and arrest her. If she's learned anything from her time there then she'd know that we'd be after her. So her guard is up. But we don't know how much she knows. We have to be more cautious. But I'll take the lead in this one." she said, with a cutting-edge sharp voice.

"As per usual, from the ice-princess control-freak." Drawled the elder, but Miku simply disregarded it; she had more important matters to worry about. How long had it been since she had encountered her…? The wave of tension would return, but with such more impact. She felt the wrath within her begin to boil and bubble, but she cooled it-for now.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Start preparing! I'll start getting a plan ready!" she snapped, before turning to glance at Teto's picture. She knew she'd have to take another trip down the roller coaster that is memory lane.

O~o~O

"S'that her, Mei?" Rin tugged at her sleeve, pressing her hand on the high-definition clear-glass monitor. Len smacked her hand off of it.

"Don't touch the glass! You know better than that!" he spat. She stuck her tongue out at him. The brunette nodded. They watched the drill-haired pinkette shuffle around the room, flipping through a magazine.

"What's she looking through?" she asked.

"Nothing important. Those look like catalogues that she subscribed to." Meiko leaned in squinting. "They look like those brands that sell little convenient gadgets, like foot massagers, back massagers-"

"Vibrators," Len chimed in a lower voice. Rin kicked his shin. "What? She's a woman and she looks single!" he explained between his laughter. She glared at him. "Speaking of single, she's actually kind of hot. With those drills, I wouldn't mind screwing that-" Smack. "Goddamn, Rin! I was kidding!" he apologized half-heartedly, rubbing his ribcage and mentally patting himself in the back for such a clever joke.

"Pervert," she scoffed. "But you know what they say," she smirked. "Big mouths often make up for smaller things," she shot back, pointing to his groin. It was Len's turn to scowl.

"Hey, you guys, shut up for a sec," Meiko said in a low but nonetheless gruff voice. "She's on the phone." She turned up the volume.

"Hello?" Teto's voice piped up through the speakers. A smile curled onto her face. "Oh, hey, how are you?" the threesome watched her pink-nailed finger twirl the phone cord to wrap around her finger. "No I'm heading off to drop by work as well. The office is going out for dinner, right? How many people? Five? Sounds good. I'll see if I can join you guys. Should I bring a bottle of Sake? There's going to be a little fee at the restaurant, though. Alright. See you, then!" she smiled, as she returned the phone to its charger.

"Hm," Meiko hummed to herself.

"What's wrong?" Rin asked.

"That calendar…today's date was circled in red. As if she already had plans for that day. It's that, or the caller was just confirming it. But, none of this seems like coincidence." she mumbled. "But it was a private caller. So we won't know for sure."

"Aren't the phone lines tapped, though?" Rin asked.

"Yes, but we don't have access to the lines at the moment. She lives in an area that we aren't assigned to." she explained.

"Then why don't they make the unit in charge of that area get her?" Len asked. Meiko smirked.

"Because they know Miku and Teto have history. It wouldn't be fun to waste an opportunity to make the Ice Princess melt and shatter a little, now would it?" she smirked.

"I swear, this organization has some fucked-up ideas of amusement," Rin snarled.

"Speak for yourselves," Meiko shot back, before turning her back to head off.

O~o~O

For the first time in history, Hatsune Miku, the leader of the alpha-unit, could confidently say that she had absolutely no plan whatsoever. However, to her, this meant that she would have to wing it. She just had to make sure no one would notice. They headed toward the sleek black van, driven by Kaito, and she tried to focus as to what they were to do. There was more than enough time to come up with an idea.

"Aw, Uno! You get the bitch seat!" Rin laughed. Miku shook her head. Sometimes the twins could be so immature.

However, it was a bitch seat no less. Sandwiched between the two blondies, she had trouble concentrating with them bickering and cursing each other off.

"Oh, grow up, Rin! That was a one time joke about your breasts! I don't get why you get so damn offended when you don't even have any!" Len shot back.

"Shut the fuck up! I hope you grow taste buds in your asshole!" She retorted.

"What kind of insult is that?" the boy challenged her. The tealette grit her teeth. Thankfully, Meiko noticed her tension, and decided to break the argument.

"I swear to God, you two, I've got a 45 caliber and a pocketknife in my coat, and I really fucking doubt you'd be missed." she growled. The two silenced, as Meiko took another drag from her cigarette. Everyone knew that the brunette was not to be messed with. "Anyways, about today." she began, becoming all-business. "We already know where Teto lives and her whole damn schedule and whatnot. We'll be staying in at her neighbor's house in the mean time. Then we'll strike. We just gotta watch out for the kid." she explained.

"She has a kid?" Rin gawked. "Why didn't you mention that earlier?" she turned towards the tealette.

"I thought it was implied, since I did mention that she was a slut." she said nonchalantly. The blonde shrugged. "But we can handle them. I mean, we can handle you guys, right?" she grinned. The blondes scowled at Miku, and Meiko let out one of her signature loud laughs. Even Kaito had the ghosts of a smirk over his lips.

A/N: Oh, what is this?

A new fanfiction?

When I'm not even done with the first one?

I'm sorry, I really had to. This idea has been lingering in my mind for too long, and I needed to get it down before I lost it. I'm planning on making this have multiple chapters (as you can tell).

This doesn't really feel like a chapter, more like a prologue, and I promise you part two will be installed with much action that I am terrible at writing, haha.

Feel free to tell me what you liked, disliked, found funny, interesting, or what you think about this fic so far in general in a review! They make me smile.

So, please look forward to what the quintet is up to in the next chapter of The Execrable Exploits of the Secret Police!

...

Seriously, what is it with me and extremely long titles orz

-HyperactivePianist^^