author's note: i recently realized that sibling relationships give me more feels than romantic relationships. i also realized that i hadn't written anything for fma yet. anyway. this is kinda all over the place. but i'm really pleased with how it came out.
set in the brotherhood universe. title is from mumford and sons.
disclaimer: not mine.
Al wakes with a harsh cry at three in the morning.
Ed jerks awake in the bed next to him within moments, already moving to swing his legs off the mattress.
Alphonse shakes his head and raises one hand. "It's okay," he says. I'm okay. He lies panting in bed for a moment, lacking the energy needed to sit up and tries to regain his bearings.
This is what is real and not real. Real: He is in the hospital. Ed is with him. His body is back. Ed's arm is back. But Ed's alchemy is gone.
Not real: Ed is dead. Ed is gone. Ed blames him. Ed hates him...
"Are you okay? What happened?" Concern colors Ed's voice. Through the dark pitch of the hospital room Al can see that Ed's leaned back into the pillows but his body is still tense, ready to spring up at any moment.
Al's short bark of laughter rings mirthless and almost-harsh in the still, cold silence of their room.
"I'd forgotten what it was like to have a nightmare."
Ed forgets, sometimes, that he doesn't have his alchemy anymore.
It's not until he's already clapped his hands together that he hesitates, feeling the absence when his hair doesn't stand on end as soon as his palms come apart, when he doesn't feel the energy that used to crackle in and through the tips of his fingers.
One time the loss surged up inside of him so greatly that he doubled over, gritting his teeth and swallowing back tears; I won't cry, I will not cry—
"Why not?" Ed looks up to see that Alphonse is leaning in the doorway, one hand braced on the knob of the open door, and Ed realizes that he'd said the words out loud.
He straightens and rolls his shoulders back slowly, pretending to not feel the tears still pricking at the backs of his eyelids and stares slightly dumbfounded at his brother for a long time.
He never answered him. He was never sure.
Xing is very different from Amestris.
Al hoists his bag further up his shoulder and draws out May's letter from the inside breast pocket of his coat. He's in the middle of trying to decipher the map May scrawled on the wrinkled page when he hears it.
"Alphonse!" He has approximately two seconds to prepare himself before she hits him, braids flying and coat billowing. The impact sends them rolling through the dirt once before they come to a stop, May sitting on his chest, hands braced on his shoulders. Xiao Mei nuzzles into his neck, purring.
He smiles. "Hi, May."
Dear Winry,
I'm sorry. I know it's been a long time since I've last written.
I'm about 3,000 miles west of Resembool, in a town called Soma. I've been here for a couple of days gathering supplies and information. I got in touch with Alphonse earlier today; he's already to Xing. He's staying with May Chang while she teaches him about alkahestry. But you probably already knew that. Al's always been better at keeping in touch with you than I am.
It's weird being so far away from Central, from Resembool. (From you.) The people here are kind of strange, but the food is good. I still can't believe it's already been two months since I left.
I wish you were here, and not just because my automail has been achy lately.
I'm leaving again in the morning. I'm learning so much about western styles of alchemy. It's making me wish I could still use mine...
I can't wait to come home. Hopefully I'll see you soon.
-Edward.
"May."
"Yes, Alphonse?"
"I don't understand this."
"Here, gimme the book. Which part?"
"...All of it."
"..."
"What?"
"We have a long way to go."
The sound of the telephone line ringing is almost deafening in the still quiet of the empty train station. Ed shifts his weight from his automail leg to his real one and tries to ignore the knot that's mysteriously formed in his stomach.
He wonders if she's changed much since he left.
A click. "Hello?"
He almost collapses in relief. "Winry?"
It might be his imagination, but he thinks he hears her gasp. "Ed? Is that you?" If he closes his eyes he can see her clutching the telephone cord in both hands, the phone cradled in the space between her neck and shoulder. He laughs.
"Yeah, Win. It's me."
She laughs too. "Finally! I—Granny and I've been waiting for you to call for weeks! Months!" She stops, her voice getting stern. "Did something happen to your automail?"
"Winry," he says.
"Is that why you finally decided to get up off your butt and give me a call?"
"Winry."
"Ugh, you would only call when you need something from me. What is it this time? Did you bust your leg or something?"
"Winry."
"You know, you could have said something in your letters at least. Now I'm going to have to arrange for parts to be shipped out to you—"
"Winry."
"What?" Her voice is annoyed, if slightly mollified.
"I'm here."
A beat. Static through the earpiece of the phone. "...What?"
"I'm at the train station right now. In Resembool." He leans against the side of the booth, "I just wanted to call to make sure you were home; I wasn't sure if you'd be out on business or anything—"
"I'm coming to the station right now."
"Winry—"
Click.
She's hung up on him.
He smiles.
Turns out she hasn't changed much at all.
"Hey, May?"
She looks up from her book, leans forward slightly. "Yeah?"
"I've been..." Alphonse pauses and closes the alkahestry textbook he'd been reading, letting his fingers linger slightly on the worn spine. He sighs. "I've been here for almost five months and—"
"You want to go home?" She finishes for him, her brown eyes wide.
He nods. "I need to." He pushes the book aside and reaches across the table, almost as though he's going to take her hands in his, before he hesitates and his large palms hit the wood near her fingers awkwardly. "But..."
"But...?" May leans forward, shifting Xiao Mei from her shoulder to the table, where the panda noses under Alphonse's hand. Al reflexively moves his hand in a soft, sweeping motion over Xiao Mei's back.
He sighs. "I don't want to leave you either."
May's face falls. "But you have to, right?"
Al shrugs. "Maybe not."
Realizing what he's implying, May shoots him a grin that nearly takes up her entire face. "I'll start packing." She stands up quickly and hurries from the room, scooping up Xiao Mei and squeezing Alphonse's hand in thanks as she goes.
"This room is a lot smaller than I remember it being," Al says as he drops his bags by his bed. Ed turns from the window, smiling crookedly.
"Funny; you didn't think so when you were a giant suit of armor." He claps his brother on the shoulder. "You're a little smaller now than you were then."
Al smiles, his eyes scrunching up at the corners. "I was pretty big, wasn't I?"
Ed shrugs. "Came in handy, sometimes."
Al nods in a quiet, thoughtful sort of way. "I'm grateful, you know," he says suddenly.
Ed peers at him from the side, raising one eyebrow questioningly. "For?"
His brother turns to face him, leaning one hip on the windowsill. "For all you've done for me." He shakes his head. "You just give and give and give. And I'm grateful."
Ed thinks of the arm he gave up for his brother's soul. Thinks of how Al gave his soul back to save Ed's arm. He smiles softly, touches Al's elbow. "You gave to me too." His grin stretches wider. "Equivalent exchange, right?"
He doesn't miss the way Al's eyes shift to his hands.
His hands that used to be able to bend substance, to shape anything and everything. Hands that used to be able to clap and move the earth. Hands that made him feel invincible.
He looks Al in the eye and crosses his arms over his chest.
"I don't regret it, you know."
He wants Al to know this, needs him to know this, that he's not resentful of him. It was His Choice and he was willing to give up the thing that mattered the most for the person that mattered the most. You're my brother, idiot. He thinks. I'd do anything for you.
Al smiles, a soft grin that makes Ed feel almost as invincible as his alchemy once did. "I know, Brother."