Author's Note:
This story wouldn't stop growing! It started out as a simple little two page song fic. And turned into... this. But I really love it. Its one of my favorites that I've written.
I wrote it while listening to Second Chance by Shinedown. You guys will probably get the lyric references if you know the song... if you don't know it, give it a listen. It's probably one of my favorite songs.
Warnings: Rated T for swearing and allusions to sex. No lemon, but it comes awful close.
Disclaimers: I'm not a damn millionaire, so I obviously don't own shit. *sigh * but not from lack of wishing.
Reviews are nice. Reviews make me happy, and make me want to write more, so I can get even more reviews. So write me some reviews, so that I will write for more reviews. Okay?
Yeah... don't mind me. Lack of sleep makes me a little loopy.
Anyways... enjoy!
3 QuinntheEskimo
P.S. When your done reading this, you should go check out 'Vaguely Obvious' by Tofuu. Its a sweet little story that I just had the honor of beta-ing! Go read it, my ducks, because its very cute. :D
…...O...O...O...
"Roxas!"
He ignored the shouts and the pounding on the door, and threw his clothes into a duffel bag without looking, focusing only on getting his things together as quickly as possible.
It wasn't like he had much. There was nothing in the room that meant much to him. Nothing it would hurt him to leave behind.
And he needed to hurry up.
Axel was waiting outside in his car.
In a few minutes, he would be gone.
For good.
"Roxas, please, we need to talk about this! You can't just walk away from everything. That's cowardly."
Roxas just shook his head. His mother was a good woman, and he loved her. But Tifa couldn't understand that sometimes, things break, and no amount of stubbornness could fix them.
His father understood. That's why he was letting Tifa yell, but wasn't involved himself. Cloud knew that no amount of shouting would change Roxas' mind.
Roxas knew his father was disappointed.
But he just couldn't go on like this.
…...O...O...O...
Roxas had realized that his life was stagnant. He was stuck in this town, with no future to look to. And after Namine had left, he had no other reason to stay.
He'd stayed in this town for Namine. He had believed he was in love with her.
She made him see differently.
…...O...O...O...
"Hey, Nami, hows the day been?" Roxas asked as he walked through the door.
She just looked up at him, a sad smile on her face. He bent down to give her a kiss, just like every day, but she turned her head.
"Namine... whats wrong?" he asked, nervous. It was strange to see her so... cold.
She stood up and turned to him. "Roxas," she said in a pained voice, "I... I cant do this any more. We've been lying to ourselves for too long."
Roxas was puzzled. "Wh-what do you mean? Nami, if I've done something to upset you, please, just tell me-"
She put a finger to his lips, tears welling in her eyes. "Rox, please... this is my one and only voice, so listen close. It isn't something you've done. It's what we aren't for each other... haven't been for a long time. We're not in love anymore, Roxas."
He blinked at her for a second. Then he exploded. "Namine, what the hell do you mean? Of course I love you, I've loved you for years! I cant believe you would say-"
She cut him off again. "Roxas, I know you love me. You care about me. I feel the same. But your not in love with me. That's different." she shook her head sadly. "Please, Roxas, I don't want to hurt you, but I can't stay here like this anymore. We're not in love anymore. We're together simply because its comfortable, because we've been that way for seven years, and we're both subconsciously afraid to take the chance. But, god, Roxas... I want to be in love again. And we just... aren't."
Roxas found himself collapsing into the chair Namine had vacated, his legs unable to support him anymore. He saw the tears begin to roll down her face now. "Please, Roxas... don't cry one tear for me..."
And that's when he realized that he was crying too. "Nami, I... I just... I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I'm not enough for you... if you truly want to leave... then go. I wont stop you."
She gave him a pained smile. "See, Roxas? That's what I love about you. Your so willing to help others, even at the cost of your own happiness. You don't believe me, you don't understand what I mean, but your going to let me go anyways, simply because you want me to be happy. But Rox... you'll understand, eventually. You'll see that this is the best for both of us. I promise."
She walked out of the room for a moment, and then came back, carrying a duffel bag and pulling a rolling suitcase. It finally fully hit him that she was truly about to leave. He stood up, about to... well, he wasn't exactly sure what he was going to do, but he had to do something, anything, to make her stay.
She paused and looked at him, and the look on her face made him stop. She looked... resolute. In that moment, Roxas knew that there wasn't a thing he could say or do to change her mind. She was already gone, all that was left was the actual walking out the door.
She looked at him for a moment, and hen shook her head. "Roxas, I've done the best I can, to make this work, to fall back in love with you. For months, I've tried... but... its just never going to happen. We're different people than we were at 15. We're people who aren't meant to be together..." she took a deep breath and let it out. "I guess, I'm trying to tell you... that sometimes, Rox, goodbye is a second chance."
She walked out the door... out of their relationship... out of his life.
…...O...O...O...
She left Twilight Town not long after, to live with her cousin Kairi in Destiny Islands. She called him from time to time, but their conversations were always strained. They weren't quite friends yet, their breakup was still too raw. But they still cared about each other. That would never change.
She told Roxas at one point that he should move on from Twilight Town too. It was no longer a good fit for him, and she knew he'd only stayed there for her, anyways.
It had taken him a while, but he had come to the same conclusion.
He was tired of running in place.
…...O...O...O...
Axel had come into his life about three months after Namine left for the islands. They ran into each other in a coffee shop.
Literally.
…...O...O...O...
"Hey shortie, watch yourself!" He heard someone yell behind him, just as the person ran into him, sending his cup of coffee to the floor.
Great. Roxas' source of morning caffeine was gone. And he was too broke to buy another cup.
He turned to give the guy his trademark icy glare, and saw a tall, gangly guy with fire-engine red hair and the greenest eyes he'd ever seen. He found himself staring.
"You okay?" the guy asked.
"I'm fine." he huffed and went back to cleaning up the spilled coffee.
"You look pissed." he observed.
"Your observation skills are unparalleled." Roxas growled. Why won't this guy walk away? He wondered.
"Here, let me help you with that."
Roxas just looked up at him with angry blue eyes and continued cleaning.
"Seriously, blondie. Let me help you with that."
Roxas finally turned to the guy and said "Back off, firetruck, I'm not interested in your help."
The guy gave him a shit-eating grin. "Woah, pretty feisty, aren't you?"
"Fuck you."
"Gladly. When and where, sexy?"
Roxas stopped and just looked up at him, completely blown away by the guys audacity. Then he just snorted and replied "Whatever. Will you leave me alone if I let you help?"
The redhead grinned again, and bent to help him clean up the mess. "Probably not." he laughed. "I'm Axel."
Roxas just continued sopping up the mess.
Axel peered at him, and said "This is where a normal person would tell me their name, honey."
"I never claimed to be normal. And don't call me honey."
They had gotten all the coffee cleaned up and were going to throw away the napkins. "Well, if I don't know your name, I'm just going to come up with nicknames for you. That okay, Sunshine?"
Roxas just glared.
…...O...O...O...
Axel, true to his word, had not left Roxas alone. He'd insisted on buying Roxas another cup of coffee, and had spent the entire time they stood in line coming up with increasingly ridiculous endearments to call him.
But Roxas didn't crack. He didn't tell him his name. Now it was just a matter of principle. Besides, it was kind of entertaining listening to Axel come up with this stuff.
By the time Roxas finally made it to work, he was twenty minutes late. But surprisingly, even thought he hated being late to anything, he was still in a good mood. For some reason, Roxas couldn't help but be amused by the incredibly insistent redhead.
And he couldn't help but be happy when he went back to the coffee shop to get his caffeine fix the next morning, and Axel was there again.
…...O...O...O...
"Hey, sweet cheeks! You're back!"
Roxas just shook his head. "Now your just reaching."
"If you would just tell me your name, I wouldn't have to come up with these, honey pie."
Roxas just smiled and shook his head.
"Come on, muffin! Just give me a hint! Please?" Axel pleaded.
Roxas smirked. What were the odds that he'd be able to come up with the right name? I mean, really, its not like Roxas was exactly common. "It starts with an R."
Axel smiled broadly. "Yay!" he squealed in a rather girly fashion. Then he paused. "Wait a minute... it wont be a common name. You wouldn't have told me if you thought I had a snowball's chance in hell of guessing..."
Am I really that readable? Roxas wondered.
"I'm gonna have to give it some thought before I start guessing. I'll see you tomorrow!" Axel bounced out of the coffee shop.
…...O...O...O...
And for the next three days, that's what ensued.
Every day, Roxas went to the coffee shop. And every day, Axel threw random names at him.
And they were never right. But Roxas had to give him credit for trying.
The weekend passed, and since Roxas didn't work, he didn't go to the coffee shop.
And oddly enough, he found himself missing the crazy redhead.
Who didn't even know his name.
When Monday came, he went in a little early. And Axel was there.
…...O...O...O...
He got his coffee, and looked around. He saw Axel siting in a booth, walked straight over and stopped right in front of him.
Axel looked up and smiled, but before he got a word out, the blonde blurted out "Roxas!"
Axel looked confused, but then grinned broadly. "Roxas, eh? I definitely wouldn't have come up with that one. Not for a while, anyways. Thanks for saving me some time."
He gestured to the seat across from him, and Roxas took it.
"Its a shame, though..." Axel said, sounding sad.
"What?" Roxas asked, confused.
"I had come up with some good ones over the weekend..."
Roxas just rolled his eyes and sipped his coffee.
…...O...O...O...
For two weeks, they had coffee together every morning. Roxas found that he really enjoyed Axel's company. For all that Axel displayed a goofy, devil-may-care, incredibly arrogant attitude, he was really a caring, kind, intelligent individual.
One day, Axel suggested they meet for lunch.
And to his own surprise, Roxas accepted.
…...O...O...O...
Over the next month, they got together for lunch at least three times a week, met every morning, and even hung out on the weekends on occasion.
And Roxas found himself more and more attracted to Axel.
…...O...O...O...
He was sitting across from Axel at their usual table in the coffee shop. Just like every morning for the past six weeks. But for some reason, his attention was caught up. He stared at Axel, taking in the smooth, porcelain skin, the vibrant red hair pulled back into a ponytail, a few tendrils escaping and falling around his face, the perfectly green eyes that seemed to see through everything.
He really is beautiful...Roxas thought.
Wait a minute...
Did I really just think that?
Roxas gave his head a little shake, and continued his conversation with Axel as though nothing had happened.
…...O...O...O...
For the rest of the day, he struggled with his thoughts.
He came to the conclusion that he was, in fact, attracted to Axel.
And he was okay with it.
Surprising himself once again.
Roxas had never really thought of himself as gay. But it wasn't overly shocking. He was okay with it. And it wasn't like Axel was in the closet or anything. He'd been quite upfront about it the day they had discussed orientations.
…...O...O...O...
Two days after Roxas' personal revelations, they were having lunch together.
"So, Roxas..."
Oh, dear. Awkward question time... Roxas immediately thought.
"Just wondering... which way do you swing?"
Roxas snorted his coffee. Yeah... called that one.
"Well... I …. um... I'm not sure."
Axel cocked an eyebrow. "Not sure, eh? Bi-curious, are you?"
Roxas blushed. "Well? What about you?" he demanded, trying to divert Axel's attention.
"Me? I'm pansexual. Basically, I'm not the least bit worried about gender or gender identity. Some people say it makes me slutty, but I prefer to think of myself as... equal opportunistic." Axel grinned and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Roxas couldn't help but laugh.
"Only you, Axel. Only you." Roxas sighed, shaking his head.
…...O...O...O...
But Roxas was once again shocked at himself when he actually asked Axel out.
It seemed like Axel brought that out in him.
…...O...O...O...
Stay calm, Roxas, you're twenty two years old, not fifteen!
He'd been trying to work up the courage to ask Axel out for a few days now. But every time he got close, Axel would completely distract him. And he would lose his nerve.
But today he was committed.
He just had to calm his nerves enough to actually ask.
"Rox, are you okay?" Axel asked, concerned.
"Yeah... I... I just..." Roxas spluttered.
He took a deep breath and blurted out "youwannagooutwimmeAxel?"
Axel just looked at him, trying to process the mush of words. Finally, his face broke into the cocky grin Roxas knew so well, and replied, "Rox, is this what you've been stressing about? Man, I thought it was something serious!" he laughed. "'Course I'll go out with you, Sunshine. As long as you can handle being outshone by my awesomeness." he said in a snarky voice.
Roxas smacked him upside the head. "You're an ass."
Axel grinned again. "And you wouldn't want me any other way."
…...O...O...O...
Their relationship moved slowly, but after three months of just kissing, Roxas... definitely wanted more.
But fear kept him from taking this to the next level. Fear of change. Fear of losing what he and Axel had to the unknown.
Roxas' life had been the same for too long. He wasn't sure he could really handle change of that magnitude yet.
Dating Axel... it was everything Roxas had wanted and not known that was what he was longing for. He'd turned Roxas' life around in a few short weeks, and now Roxas couldn't see himself living without him.
But the fear lingered.
But circumstances would force him to get over his fear of change, or lose Axel all together.
…...O...O...O...
Roxas went straight to Axel's house after work, to continue their Halloween monster movie marathon. He walked in the front door, and instead of greeting him happily like he always did, Axel sat on the couch, staring at nothing.
"Whats wrong?" Roxas asked. He'd never seen Axel like this.
"I... I have to discuss something with you. You better sit down, Roxas."
And that's when Roxas knew something was seriously wrong. Axel never called him Roxas. Rox, or Roxy, or Sunshine, but never Roxas.
He sat down on the couch next to him and waited for Axel to speak.
Axel took a deep breath. "Roxas... I never planned on staying in this town very long. A few months, six at the most. But I've been here for almost a year now. And... my career is suffering for it. I'm a photographer, Rox. There's not much call for one in a sleepy little town like this. I came to build up my portfolio... and I stayed for you."
He sighed and closed his eyes. "Rox... the Hollow Bastion Gazette has offered me a position as a staff photographer. It's a really great job. One I really don't want to pass up. But... it means that I'm moving to Hollow Bastion by the end of the month."
Roxas' stomach dropped. "Axel... oh, god, Axel." Roxas felt tears begin to roll down his face.
"I'm so sorry, Rox. But at this point... its an opportunity I cant let pass me by. Staying here in Twilight Town... I'm becoming stagnant. You're the only thing keeping me here."
Those words... they cut Roxas to the bone. So close to the same thing Namine had said, just a little while ago...
"Axel... I understand. You need to go. And I... I understand if you want to break it off now, instead of-"
Axel shot up immediately. "Rox, wait! I'm not done... I mean... shit," he ran a hand through his hair. "I better lay it all out now. Sunshine, I want you to come with me. To Hollow Bastion. I know it would mean you leaving behind everything... but I... I'm in love with you, Roxas. And I don't want to leave you behind."
Roxas just gaped.
"I know this is going to take some thinking. And I know its a lot to ask of you. But... I know there will be more opportunities for you in Hollow Bastion than here, too. We can make this work, Roxas. I swear. I believe in us." Axel stepped over to the couch and wrapped his arms around Roxas. Pressed a gentle kiss to his temple. "You don't have to give me an answer now. But I'm leaving at the end of the week. I have to know by then..."
Roxas turned himself in Axel's arms, so that he was facing him. "Axel... I love you too." he kissed him on the lips, softly at first, but it didn't take long for it to become more heated. Their mouths fed at each other, needing the warmth, the passion that the other offered. Roxas twined a hand in Axel's hair, pulling gently. Axel moaned into his mouth, making the blonde shudder.
Roxas shifted his body so that he was straddling Axel, and pushed his hands under Axel's shirt, running his fingers down the redhead's abs, all the while never breaking the kiss. Axel's hands slid down Roxas' back, to grab his ass. Roxas moaned, grinding his hips into Axel's roughly, eliciting another groan from his throat.
Axel pulled away, panting. "Roxas... are you ready for this? Don't... don't rush into it just because of... of what's going on..."
Roxas blushed. "I'm not, Ax. I'm doing this because... because I want to. I've wanted to for a while." the blonde ran a hand down Axel's chest, and he shivered. "Please, Axel... I want you."
Axel simply rolled his hips up into Roxas', hard, and they both hissed in unison at the friction. "In case you cant tell, Rox, I kinda want you too..."
"Then what are we waiting for? Shut up and kiss me."
Axel laughed. "Yes, Sunshine. Whatever you say."
…...O...O...O...
It had been a week since that night.
Axel was moving on today.
And Roxas had decided to move on with him.
…...O...O...O...
"Roxas, please. Just talk to me!"
Roxas stood on his side of the door, and spoke, knowing that if he opened the door, his mother would never let him leave.
"Mom, please listen to me for a minute."
The pounding stopped. She was listening.
He paused, not sure how to phrase his words.
"Mom, I know your worried about me. And I understand. But... I need to move on. I cant stay here anymore. This life that you and dad have carved out for yourselves is nice, and its comfortable, and its just right for you guys... but its not enough for me anymore."
"I've had this feeling for a long time. I just never said anything. But now I have the chance to move on, with someone I really care for, who I'm in love with..."
"Please understand, Mom. I'm not doing this because I'm angry, or because I'm rebellious. I'm doing because... because sometimes, goodbye is a second chance."
Somehow, Namine's words had never rang so true for him as they did in this moment.
She was silent for a moment. Then he heard her walk away.
He knew she was letting him go.
He picked up his bag and his leather jacket, and stepped out his door. He turned towards his mother and fathers room, knowing that's where she was.
"I love you, Mom." he said loudly, knowing she would hear him.
Then he went down the stairs and out the door, ready to start a new life.
With Axel.
He was ready.
Here was his chance.