A/N: I like suggesting music with my stories. This song kind of matches with this story, but I think it fits Carmellsworth as a whole. "Use Me" by Goo Goo Dolls. Maybe listen while you read, up to you guys!
Another Smackdown, another embarrassment to Carmella. Not particularly James' fault this time, she had tripped over the leash still coiled loosely around her fist and thus had failed in cashing in her briefcase when the moment was right there. Natalya down, vulnerable, and... given the time to recover, roll out of the ring and stumble to safety, Woman's Title safely in hand for a little while longer thanks to Carmella's fumble. All he could do was gape as she screamed and thrashed around on the ground, her opportunities slipping through her fingers once more. After she pulls him backstage, she points at him. "Stay here!" Letting out a muffled sort of scream, she drops the leash and leaves him to slump against the wall, easing himself to the floor to wait for her.
Smackdown halls are still busy, wrestlers and production staff and everybody in between going this way and that way. James can just see the monitor from this angle, watching the last bit of the show- Tye Dillinger beating Baron Corbin after a distraction from AJ Styles. He chuckles to himself as Tye and AJ leave the fuming, bitter man behind, dropping his head back against the wall to wait for Carmella to return. He's not paying attention to anything until his surroundings grow suspiciously quiet, tense around him. There's less activity with the show done, that's a given, but this silence is odd. He forces his eyes open to find Baron standing a few feet in front of him, glowering down at him. He realizes just how vulnerable he is, this leopard printed collar still around his throat, sitting in the corner of the hallway that has steadily emptied out upon the show's conclusion, but before he can get to his feet, Baron has ahold of the leash and he's sliding him forward until James is sprawled out before him, eyes wide. "Hey, what do you-"
He's quieted by a boot to the side of his face, sending him down against the tile floor. Baron kicks him again, sends him sliding away even further, but before James can say or do anything, Baron has him by the shirt and hoists him up until they're eye to eye, glowering at him.
"Oh, come on-" James tries to squirm loose, fight back, do something, but can't get a good angle while held like this, his fists rebounding off of Baron's wrists uselessly. The higher Baron holds him, the more scared he gets, swallowing hard and staring down at him as his leash dangles uselessly. "Please- No!"
Carmella storms out of Daniel Bryan's office, angrily snapping her gum, mumbling to herself. He had been absolutely no help, and now she has to deal with James' weak simpering attempts at apologies for the rest of the night, and... She turns the corner and stares at where she'd left James, her teeth clicking together as she grows even angrier. "Dammit, James, why is it so hard to listen to one thing I tell you to do?!" She storms closer, about ready to scream out his name, when she notices something. The arena they're at has a lower level leading outside for easy loading of equipment and there's a strip of something tied to the railing that divides the two, her breath catching in her chest as she recognizes it. "No, no," she mumbles, stumbling forward, her fingers tense against the handle of her briefcase. The strip of fabric tied to the railing is leopard striped, and... She closes her eyes for a second before forcing them open once more, staring down into the yawning darkness below.
James is hanging between the two levels, limp, swinging back and forth slowly and she screams, frozen in place for a moment before her street smarts kick in and she takes off running- almost knocks the impromptu station where the seamstresses are set up clean over before she skids to a stop and dashes back, scrambles through their sewing materials, ignoring their protests, their anger. Finds a pair of scissors and takes off back the way she came, tears pouring down her face making the trip back even more dangerous. "Please, please- please," she pleads to thin air as she scrambles back to the railing, grabbing the leash and slicing at it. There's a brief hesitation as she tries to measure how far James might have to fall- she can't see how much of a distance there is, it's so dark down there- but it's either do that or let him suffocate like this... so she cuts and she hacks away until it goes slack in her hands and she hears the soft thud of his body hitting a few moments later and she sobs hard, gripping the railing before she takes off running.
She finds a ramp leading down and skids across it, runs through the darkness until she finds where part of the leash is hanging overhead, scanning the ground until she spots his hair gleaming in a faint light coming from her left. She dashes at him and sniffs, gingerly reaching out to touch him. "Jimmy, oh my God-" she cries out, expecting blood, mottled skin under her fingers, something, but when she touches him, he's warm, chest rising and falling with each struggle of a breath. She finds his face and sobs harder, his eyes open just a slit.
"Pr- Prince- Princess," he chokes out, reaching out for her, and she cups his hand, presses her lips to his palm.
"I'm here, Jimmy, I'm here. You're gonna, gonna be ok. But listen to me, I gotta go get a trainer, alright?" She strokes his hair, kisses him on the lips. "You gotta stay awake while I'm gone, yeah? You gotta... keep those pretty eyes open, huh?"
He smiles through the pain, nods weakly. She can almost hear him say, Whatever you want, Princess.
Fresh tears fill her eyes as she pulls away from him, starts to run back the way she'd come. She's just reached the ramp again when she realizes she's left her briefcase somewhere. She pauses for a moment before shaking her head hard to clear it, continuing up the ramp. It's torture being gone even this long but she can't help him on her own so she runs to the trainer's office, she informs them in desperate blathering that she thinks probably only makes a little bit of sense, then she runs back to the ramp that leads down below, dashing from section to section until she spots him again, his blonde hair still leading the way. He's moved since she was gone, his arms now wrapped around her forgotten briefcase. "I'm back, Jimmy," she chokes out, sinking back down next to him and touching him carefully. "What happened? Huh? Who- who did this to you?" He's unresponsive, she can't really make out a lot of his features right now thanks to the murky darkness surrounding them, but he's breathing against her hand, and his heart is beating when she fumbles against his chest. She finds the collar and considers snapping it off of him but thinks maybe that would only make things worse, so she leaves it alone, pressing his hand to her cheek and sniffing. "Please, James. Please..."
They're still hovering in this silent state of awfulness when footsteps and voices approach, the lights clicking on with a blinding ferocity that leaves Carmella squinting up at the trainers and medics before turning her attention back onto James. She sobs bitterly as she pulls away from him to give them room to work- there's already discoloration along his throat, and every visible part of him is bruised or cut. From the fall, from whoever beat him to this degree, she's unsure, but it's awful. She leans back on her haunches, watching as they put an oxygen mask on him and quickly stabilize his neck before placing him onto a stretcher. Carmella barely blinks when a woman approaches and hands her her briefcase, still warm from James' touch, and she swallows hard, clinging to it.
She'd seen the footage last year of Enzo's concussion. Had replayed over and over again in her mind Cass' frantic phone call to keep her informed, how he still sounded like he was crying, but she didn't understand how it felt to witness the person who'd been by your side for months just all of a sudden be near death. And God, she'd been so awful to James. Insulting his every attempt at making things right, scoffing at the flowers, telling him that he was ugly and worthless, that his mother should've abandoned him. Watching the light slowly fade from his eyes as she'd thrown every ugly thing she could possibly think of at him. But through it all he'd stayed loyal, had begged for her forgiveness until something shifted in her. Something dark, something awful. And she'd kissed him- for a brief, wild moment she felt like she was flying, that nothing mattered but his warm, soft lips under hers. And then she'd slapped him, deflating both of them within seconds. We do things my way from now on.
And her way had been that awful, ugly leash that's still hanging tauntingly over their heads, the rest of it only somewhat visible under his neck brace. The weapon used to almost take James away from her. She sobs and follows the stretcher to the ambulance, melting in relief when they let her accompany him, her hand ghosting against his arm as they work, work, work on him throughout the ride, doing all they can to get his oxygen levels back to a normal number, watching his throat's swelling, keep his other vitals from going too low or too high. The ER is fresh hell, James taken away from her before she can say anything. A nurse catches her eye, leads her to the waiting room, words pouring from her mouth not breaking through Carmella's inner turmoil as she remembers every moment that she'd been so cruel and thoughtless.
She digs her hand into the briefcase handle and sniffs. He'd always had her back, verbally and physically supporting her, encouraging her. And yeah, he'd screwed up when he told Natalya the plan, but his good so far outweighs the bad. She shakes her head, wondering if he'll ever forgive her. Things had begun to fracture when he was suspended, she had felt like a vital piece of her had been missing and even wearing his shirt to show support to him hadn't helped her to feel more settled or less guilty. As much as he'd tried to look on the bright side of things every time she talked to him, she couldn't get over the fact that his problems were because of her.
Just like now. His pain is all my fault.
She's still sitting there when the nurse returns, guides her to James' room. "We gave him something for the pain," the woman explains. "He's probably going to be asleep for awhile yet. You can sit with him, we'll be moving him to a more permanent room shortly, and need to run some more tests, but-"
"It's that bad?" she chokes out, almost unwilling to walk around the curtain and see him. Face her biggest crime since moving up to the main roster. "He has to... stay?"
"Just a precaution," the nurse explains. "His oxygen levels are steady and x-rays show no cervical fractures, which is good, but we want to make sure his throat doesn't swell up worse in the next day or two. Throat and neck injuries like this one are sneaky, complications could arise out of nowhere."
"His neck-"
"Bruised, but no fractures. He may have whiplash though. You found him, right?" Carmella nods and the nurse pats her arm. "You saved his life." Not giving Carmella time to really think about this, she motions into the room. "Sit with him. He came to awhile ago and was asking for you before the medicine took him back under."
"He was?" she whispers through numb lips.
"Yeah. Well, I think so. His nickname for you Princess?" She smiles mirthlessly as Carmella exhales in a shudder.
"Jimmy," she whispers, finally walking around the curtain and staring at him. He looks a little better. The leash is gone, the neck brace had been removed. His clothes are folded in a corner, and she remembers vividly going with him to buy them, the proud, relieved look on his face when she'd given him the thumbs up, always so desperate to please her. She groans, collapsing in the chair next to his bed and curling her fingers around his. "I am so, so, so sorry." She presses his hand to her cheek and closes her eyes. "If you'd been hurt worse, if... If you'd died there..." It had been close, she knows this. If she'd stormed off, if she hadn't seen the flash of leopard print out of the corner of her eye, if she hadn't found the scissors... So many small things had worked together to make sure that he'd live, would be right here, hooked up to machines and listening to her through a haze of drugs.
Which she realizes he's doing, eyes sluggish but open, peering right at her. "Me-... Mella," he croaks out, throat obviously hurting.
"Oh! No, don't try to talk, sweetie." She leans closer and smiles shakily at him, her hand resting on the thin fabric of the hospital gown they'd put him in for tests. "I- I'm right here." His fingers flex against hers and she looks at them before pressing them to her lips, kissing them. "Listen, Jimmy, they're gonna keep you for a day or two... make sure everythng's ok. I... I'm gonna stay right here with you, alright? You're gonna see so much of me, you're gonna get sick of me." She tries to smile through her tears. Can't be as sick of me as I am right now.
"Imp- impossible," he breathes out, lips twitching into a smile as he stares at her, still enamored with her despite everything she's done.
She closes her eyes, kisses his knuckles, and struggles to find the words for something that's been nagging her for awhile now. "Jimmy?" He blinks at her and she hisses out a breath. "Baby, did... someone do this to you, or-?" That he would purposely hurt himself because of her aches in so many different ways that she can't put a finger on any particular emotion, pleading silently for him to prove her wrong. To be the unceasingly cheerful light in her life just a little while longer.
He licks his lips. Fights exhaustion, blinking slowly as she rubs his hand and waits. "Ba-..." He winces. "Baron... Co-"
"Baron Corbin?" she asks, hate and distate on her lips at the mere mention of the man. "He did this to you?"
"I think," James forces out. "I- was sitting, waiting... waiting for you and... he lost... his match. Next- next thing I knew, he was... standing in front of me and he... kicked me..." He falters, grips his throat. "All I- All I remember."
She nods, tears in her eyes. "It's enough. Don't force speech, baby. I promise you, Corbin won't get away with this." She kisses him softly and presses her forehead to his until he closes his eyes, asleep once more. At least I didn't push him to... that...
James is taken away for more tests, still asleep, and Carmella shifts, restless. Needs to do something so she leaves, heads down the hall and finds the main lobby, wandering around the gift shop. There are books, so she grabs one that she thinks looks half-way interesting, or at least enough that it'll keep her occupied while James sleeps. Maybe. She ghosts her hands over stuffed animals before freezing on a soft, gold-tinted teddy bear with white felt along its ears and tummy that reminds her of her briefcase. She lifts it, finding it soft and comforting in her arms, so she buys it too and heads back to James' room.
She startles when the nurse greets her. "Oh, there you are!"
She pales, eyes flittering around the room. "Is... something... something wrong? James? Where is he?"
"Oh, no, sweetie, I'm sorry. He's fine, we're bringing him up to his regular room now. I just wanted to catch you so you'd know where to go." Her hand is firm on Carmella's shaking arm as she walks her to the elevators. They stand quietly, watching the floors light up bit by bit. "So, if you don't mind my asking, how long have you two been together?" she wonders, Carmella hugging the bear she'd bought for James tighter.
Ten months, she thinks, remembering the day in January when she'd called James uniquely attractive and saved him from that pushy interviewer. A month and a half. Their kiss. She closes her eyes as she admits, "I'm not sure how to answer that." She stares at their reflection in the elevator door. "I've worked with him for almost a year. He's always had feelings for me, I think. It's just recently that I've started seeing him differently because we were... forced to work apart for awhile and I missed him more than I expected... It's just, it's not part of my plans, you know? I don't have time for a relationship. And I... I treated him awfully because of it," she whispers. "Pushed him away, insulted him. Hurt him. And now... now he's here. And it's all my fault."
The nurse stares at her. "But by what we've been told, he was assaulted by a male co-worker. How did that have anything to do with you?"
Carmella swallows, ashamed, not sure how to explain it to someone who doesn't seem to know about the wrestling world. "He, uh, cost me a couple of successes, put my goals at risk. So I... I put him on..." She shuffles, hugs herself harder. "I put him on a leash." The nurse's face twists and Carmella forces the words out, "I just wanted him to stop doing ridiculous things. He talked too much, he... got too excited. I needed... I needed him to just... calm down. I didn't think he'd get hurt because of it."
"That leopard thing that we cut off of him," the nurse realizes quietly.
"It was the collar part of the leash, yeah," Carmella says weakly. "So that guy you mentioned, Baron Corbin, beat him up, threw him over a railing to a split level thing the arena we were holding a show at. He hanged him. If I hadn't found him when I did... If..."
They both shudder and the nurse pats Carmella's arms, staring at her. "Listen, I know you're guilty and hurting, but he needs you right now. When he's stronger, you both have a lot to work out, but right now you gotta be strong for him. He's got a long road ahead of him and he's gonna need all the support he can get." She briskly rubs Carmella's arms, smiling down at her compassionately. "You seem like a strong girl. You both'll be fine."
"I hope so," she breathes out as the elevator beeps and lets them head out to the hall.
They walk quietly down the hall and the nurse nods at a doorway. "He's being settled in there. You can go in in a minute."
"Thank you," Carmella says, picking at her briefcase absently. The nurse smiles at her before heading back to the ER, leaving Carmella to stare at the other people milling around. She's never felt more alone, but finally the nurses in the room exit James' room.
"You can go in," a male nurse tells her and she snaps back to reality, walking slowly in.
James doesn't look much different than he did in the ER, still hooked to machines and breathing raspily through the tubes in his nose leaking oxygen into his system. She looks around and finds a chair, dragging it closer to the bed. She sits heavily and grips his hand, watching his face as he sleeps on. "I'm so sorry, James," she whispers. Thinks she could probably repeat those four words until her last breath and it would never be enough. Remembers the things she's been dragging along and lays her briefcase on the table, resting her book on top of it. She stares at the teddy bear for a moment before carefully resting it on his chest. "If you wake up, scared," she says softly, tears beading in her eyes, "hug this little guy, huh? It's not much, I know, but it's better than nothing."
She's still sitting there a few hours later, watching him through gritty eyes, when one of the nurses return. "Ma'am? How about taking a break? Getting some sleep? Something to eat, maybe." It's more of a command than a suggestion but Carmella ignores the words. Continues to stroke James' knuckles, humming under her breath. She almost laughs when the nurse makes a huffing sort of noise and retreats, just to return a few minutes later. Carmella watches as he sets up a cot, offering her a quick glance before taking his leave after checking James' vitals again.
She almost considers laying down on the cheap excuse for a bed but the thought of being even that far away from James leaves her uneasy. She picks at her nails for a while longer before making her decision and standing up, pushing up the side railing of James' bed, clicking it into place, and thanking everything around that she's as thin as she is. She kicks her shoes off, relieved that the clothes she had on for Smackdown tonight is as comfortable as they are, stretching out next to James, lacing their fingers together. She yawns dozily and hums, closing her eyes. Lulled by James' breathing, the sound of his heart beating in her ear, she falls asleep surprisingly easily.
She wakes up slowly. Light greets her, piercing through her closed eyelids, and she groans, burying her face further into the warmth underneath her. A light touch is easing through her hair gently, soft risings and fallings of whatever she's laying on soothing her as she drifts, still mostly asleep. The comfort is familiar and she whimpers, "James" before freezing, a flash of nightmarish memories waking her up fully as she sits up, eyes wide and breathing wild. "James!"
He's laying before her, eyes glassy but open, and he reaches out for her. "'M ok. Shh." She grips his hands and stares at him, kissing his knuckles and palms as she takes in the darkening bruises along his throat, up his jaw. Down his arms and what she can see of his chest.
She wonders what of it came from Baron's attack, and what came from the fall when she'd cut him free. Shakes her head and leans in, searching his eyes as she cups his face. "I am so, so sorry, sweetie. So sorry-"
"Stop- apologizing," he says wearily, eyes softening as she strokes his cheek. "I forgave you a long time ago."
She knows it's true. He probably forgave her before she even did anything wrong, that's just the kind of guy he is. "Listen, we're gonna get you better and get you out of here, and then I'm going to go home with you and take care of you, and we're gonna have a serious talk about things." He looks uncertain, a kind of deep fear in his eyes that stabs through her, and she quickly kisses him. "Nothing bad, I promise you. I've just had to face some things I was trying to ignore and... we need to be on the same page about it." He nods uncertainly and she smiles at him. "Then when you're a hundred percent again, you're gonna come back to Smackdown and we're gonna dominate. I swear to you." First thing on my to-do list once I go back, she thinks, is go to Daniel Bryan with all of the proof I can get about what Baron did to Jimmy, and get that asshole fired... But for now, she's already thinking about the amount of time she's going to need to take off to be by James' side, to heal the bruises scattered along his body, not to mention the doubt he still has whenever he looks at her.
He exhales roughly and she immediately looks at him. "You- you wanna come back to Maryland? Really?"
"Yes," she says with no hesitation. "Like I said, I'm gonna get you back on your feet and... I want to meet your girls." She smiles at the surprise on his face and leans in, stroking his face. "What? I like kids."
"I- I know," he says. "It's just... unexpected."
Her face softens. "I was taking you for granted, Jimmy. And I'm so sorry it took something like this for me to see it, but I promise you I'll never make that mistake again." She's still cradling his face and he swallows, eyes welling with tears, and she leans closer. "It's gonna be ok, Jimmy. It will." He nods shakily and she leans in, gently pressing her lips to his. This is the entire opposite of their first kiss, when she was angry, impatient with him, and in shock of her own actions, of how perfectly they fit together after so many months of her denying any chance of real feelings between them. This is full of promise and affection, her fingers still lightly grazing along his skin as she melts into him, holding the kiss for as long as she dares considering his condition.
She reluctantly pulls away and smiles at him, enjoying the flushed look on his face, but he's tense too, like he's expecting an attack, and realization washes over her in waves of shame and disgust, the fact that the last time she kissed him anywhere near like that, she had followed it up with a harsh slap across his face and a pointed stare before flouncing off like their moment had meant nothing to her. She closes her eyes, shaking her head at yet another misdeed of hers making things so awkward and tense between them. When she reaches out for him this time, he recoils into his pillows but she persists, strokes his face, soothing the spot where she'd hit him. "I'm so sorry," she repeats softly, unsure what else to say in this situation. She knows words can only do so much, that in the end, her actions will be the deciding factor in James trusting her again. He relaxes under her touch after a moment and her lips twitch up, their eyes locked. "I'm going to make all of this up to you, James. I promise." He nods, a variety of emotions warring in his gaze, and she searches for something to distract him, finally spotting the teddy bear she'd bought tangled up in the sheets by his elbow, pulling the stuffed animal out. "Hey, I bought this for you."
His entire face lights up as he strokes over the soft fur, staring at her. "It matches your briefcase." She beams, happy that he recognized the significance as quickly as she did, and he hugs the animal close. "Thank you, Princess."
Laying back down next to him, she runs her fingers along his hand, over the teddy bear's nose, and back up in soothing repetitive motions. "Any time, Jimmy," she says softly, picturing their future from here. His recovery, her championship victory, how he'd be so proud of her, the building blocks of their life finally coming together in a beautiful way. She glances up at him, not entirely surprised to find him drifting as well, hopefully lost in similarly sweet dreams. She interlaces her fingers with his and smiles.