Natsu wasn't dense. He just acted dense. There was a difference.
He acted like the only love that he knew was nakama love and family love. In all honesty, he knew what the other love was. The love where two people are in some special relationship that he never understood. Weren't people supposed to love each other equally?
Still, he had no problem against it and if people liked to act like that towards one another, then so be it.
He also wasn't a dense idiot to well, girls. He knew that Cana was attractive, and that Erza was pretty. Yes, of course he has felt a bit steamy after looking at some girls, he was a boy after all; but he had never ever knew why someone the way that Alzack had fallen for Bisca, or how Erza had with Jellal. It was nice seeing them happy with each other, but he still hadn't known why these people liked one person more than anyone else in their life.
But at this point, Natsu himself was being a hypocrite.
He loved Lucy Heartfilia.
He didn't even know why. It was just a spur of the moment thing. He was just fighting with Gray one day, and in mid battle the realization of him being in love with his partner had not only hit him, but kicked him, punched him and hurt him with ice magic until the whole thing made sense. He was in love with her.
To think that one of his best friends, was the girl that he was in love with.
If Lucy was to ever know of his feelings, then he would be crushed by the comment she would make after. It was better to keep it safe then to take a risk. It's ironic. To think that Natsu Dragneel would have even thought of something like that. Usually he would just go into the battlefield without thinking. Every other enemy that they had faced had made him feel nothing compared to what this miracle made him feel. She was the one who had made his palms sweat, knees buckle and heart race. The only other thing that could make him feel the same was a train. It was scary as hell.
He still kept acting like an idiot though. Like he had no idea to what love was. As if Lucy never made him feel like this. He could take all the, "You're my best friend." bullshit from her, even though it ripped him apart. Even though it made him feel like a lesser being.
And for a whole seven years, for the fourteen years that they have known each other; Natsu Dragneel kept this facade up. He didn't know how he did it though. He would see her with new boyfriends once every two months and although it pissed him off to hell and tore his heart in half, he kept his jealousy in.
How did they do it? Gray, Gajeel, Jellal, Elfman, Freed, and even Happy.. moreover, they were all married and some of them even had kids! Here Natsu was, standing behind in the dust just waiting for something to happen, even though it never was. He was so envious of their relationships with the girls that they loved. He wanted something like that with Lucy. He hated it. He was so pathetic.
"You love Lucy, aye?"
It was a question that came from Happy when they were falling asleep in their own hut, "Of course." Natsu had replied back. Natsu didn't even bother denying his feelings anymore. He would only let Happy know of these things though. Afterall, Happy was.. well, Happy was his best friend.
"You should tell her."
It was funny. He was getting lectured by his own cat, his married cat, "Mhm." he mumbled. Even though he knew that he was never going to tell her. He might as well have just been a single man his whole life. He didn't need a woman. He- what was he going on about.
"I know you're not going to do it."
How did the damn cat know? He wasn't sure himself. Natsu didn't answer. He hated it, because Happy was right. Because what he said was right and he was being too much of a wimp to try to do it. To even attempt to confess to her.
"She loves you, you know."
He wished.
-
"I love you." Natsu blurted, interrupting her speech as he walked her back to her apartment.
He wasn't supposed to- he screwed up. He hated this. What was he supposed to do now that she knew? He wanted to cry. He never really did cry either. The only times he cried was when Igneel left him and he thought that Lucy would leave the guild.
"Sorry. I mean.. sorry. I'm gonna go now."
He felt like a girl. What man confesses then runs away to cry about it?
"Natsu."
He didn't want to hear her rejecting him. He wiped his eyes with his scarf.
"I know what you're gonna say Luce. I- bye."
He ran. Ran everywhere and anywhere. He didn't care as long as he didn't see her. He burned everything. Forests and buildings. Using up all his anger on anything he could destroy. He was endangering people and it scared him.
He didn't want to see the face that left him scarred with these feelings. He might as well have just left. It would have made everyone's life so much easier. There wouldn't be anymore fights, the missions wouldn't always end in them damaging everything, the old geezer wouldn't have to pay as much debt, Gray and Gajeel would be thankful he was gone, Erza wouldn't have to yell as much, and Lucy wouldn't have to look at him. Everyone's life would be easier without him.
That night, Happy came back from a mission with Wendy and Charle, reading the message that Natsu left on their house.
You'll always be my best friend, Happy. Tell the guild I love them. Sayonara.
-
"Natsu.."
The brown eyes that stared at him were so memorizing, so fulfilling. But they looked so sad, so lonely. So.. not full of life. The happy-go-lucky girl that used to be his sunshine, the fire that had fed his insides.. wasn't sunshine anymore.
"I miss you."
She hugged him and he could hear her tears and smell them.
"I miss you too." He said honestly. Although he missed the whole entire guild, the one that he missed the most (besides Happy, of course) was probably the one that ripped his heart. It was so weird. He hated her, he loved her, he missed her. He didn't even know how that worked.
"Y- you didn't listen to what I had to say that night."
He cringed. "I- I don't wanna talk about that. I- I came back because I wanted to see Happy. I didn't come back to get my heart ripped out again." He muttered. In all honesty, he did want to see Happy, but he wanted to see the whole guild in general. He also wanted to get the dumb tattoo off. He was going to leave in a couple of days again anyway.
"What makes you think I was going to reject you?"
His heart shattered. One billion more times than it already was. "Wh- what..?" He stuttered, trying to see if he had heard correctly. Of course he hadn't. There was no way in a million years that-
"I was going to tell you that.."
Silence. His fragile heart broke again.
"I was going to tell you that I love you too."
This was probably a dream. He chuckled at how silly this all was. "You're a weirdo." He hated himself.
"Y- you don't.. love me anymore, do you?"
Natsu looked at her seriously. "I hate you, Luce." To see the pained look on her face gave him conflicted feelings. It was as if he was happy she was in pain, but it also pained him as well.
"I hate you for all the pain.. all the pain that I had to endure. It took me ten fucking years to confess to you, y- you didn't even.. then nobody even tried looking for me. It was painful. Nobody even cared about my disappearance. Not even you. Then I come back four fucking years later and you tell me you miss me? Then you tell me you weren't going to reject me and that you love me? You even have the guts to ask me if I still love you?"
Lucy was crying.
He wiped her tears.
"Of course I love you."
...
...
"That doesn't even make any sense."
"I know."