Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail or the song (lyrics)
The ones in BOLD are the song lyrics
(Christina Perri – The Lonely)
[ 2 a.m., where do I begin?
Crying off my face again
The silent sound of loneliness
Wants to follow me to bed ]
I pulled the blanket over my head and buried my face in my still-damp pillow. I haven't gotten enough sleep, recently. Ever since that day, I've gotten accustomed of crying myself to sleep, but every now and then, whenever I drift to sleep, nightmares of that day haunt my slumber. Now here I am again, awakened by the same heartbreaking nightmare that had brought me to tears. I am all alone now, no one's here to comfort me and hear my rants.
I stood up and walked over to an empty room, a mini dance studio I had recently added in my apartment. We both loved to dance, even if we lose synchronization sometimes.
[ I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well ]
I faced the mirrored walls of the studio, staring at the stranger in front of me. Who is she? Is that really me? I looked at my silhouette and then back at the stranger, I sighed. I tried my best to be the girl everyone wanted and loved, I tried my best to make myself just like the girl I envied, I tried to become that girl he'll never leave. But I realized that I could never be that girl, I'll only remain as her ghost, her shadow. And now, as I once again stared at the empty shell that used to be me, I realized where I had gone wrong. I was too busy changing myself in order to please others that I didn't know that I was losing the person people loved me for. Now, I'm just a shell of that girl I used to be, I'm now a stranger, foreign to others and even to me. I sighed again, I really messed up.
[ Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again ]
Slowly, I opened my mouth just to hear a soft melody come out of my mouth. I faced the mirrors again, looking at the foreign image in front of me, I used to be a princess, I used to live my own version of a fairy tale, I was once my own Cinderella, my own Aurora, my own Belle. But now, I'm nobody, just a ghost lingering, searching for the pieces of what I used to be.
I'm alone now, no one to accompany me. No 'prince' to serve as my partner as we dance the night away. I stared at my pathetic silhouette, I pretended to be a princess, and slowly, I danced. I glided through the floor, all alone, while I sung that same lullaby that he used to sing to me. I'm no princess, I'm just a monster. I deserve to be alone.
I let the tears stream down my cheeks once again, my voice cracking as I continued on the song that haunted me in my sleep. I let you go even though I can't bare it. Who'll be there to fill the empty gap that you left now that I'm all alone? I stopped dancing, I ended the soft melody he taught me, and I wiped my tears away. I needed fresh air; I needed to clear my mind.
[ Too afraid to go inside
For the pain of one more loveless night
But the loneliness will stay with me
And hold me 'til I fall asleep ]
Here I am, all alone outside. It was still dark, the streets were deserted and the streetlights were providing ample light to illuminate the streets.
I wander around pointlessly, but I make sure I do not lose sight of my home. I can't go back inside yet for fear of being suffocated by the painful truth that I am in fact all alone now.
No more friends to crash my home. No more idiots who destroy my house and raid my fridge. No one to go snooping around on all my stuff and find my clothes or read what I write. And what hurts the most is there's no one to hold me anymore, no one to pull me close and comfort me 'til I gently drift to sleep.
No. No more. There's no one anymore. All there is left is an empty home with one broken stranger, trying so hard to pick up the pieces.
If I come back inside, there'll be no one waiting for me anymore. No open arms to welcome me home, no warm smiles to greet me. There's nothing left, only their ghosts lingering through the halls, memories of their voices fading, and his laugh echoing throughout the empty home, only to be swept away by the wind.
[ I'm a ghost of a girl that I want to be most
I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well ]
I went back in and I felt what's left of my heart break again. I already expected it, it's been some time since, but for some reason, there's still this tiny expectation that when I enter my home, they'll be there, he'll be there, acting like everything was just a dream, welcoming her back.
I remember the time it all started. I heard him discuss it along with his guy friends. They were discussing about this girl, how a guy would be lucky to capture her heart. That girl was popular, everyone adored her, and somehow, I envied her. That was the start of my change.
I thought I was changing for the better, but in reality I wasn't. I ignored the confused looks they sent me as they noticed me lose my so-called 'trademark'. I didn't listen to them; I transformed myself to be like that girl they all liked so much. I thought, this time, they'd all like me too. But boy, I was wrong. I thought they'd accept me with open arms, but next thing I knew, people started walking out of my life, leaving empty gaps in my heart that'd take time to heal, but I know, even if they heal, they'll never be replaced. They'll remain as empty holes in my heart for the rest of my life, as long as they don't come back.
I'm just an empty shell now, with a huge hole in my heart. I should've listened, but no, I had to be stubborn and force myself to change. Now look at me now, just an empty shell with no one to fill in the gaps.
*Oof* I fell to the floor; I've been wandering around aimlessly in my empty apartment ever since I entered again. Wandering around in hope of stumbling across a familiar face. But all that's just happened is me bumping into a door. I grasped the doorknob and decided to enter the room, my mind still invaded by the thoughts of my stupidity.
[ Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again ]
As I entered the room, I realized it was the same room I was in before: the dance studio. This was the same room he left me. The last person I had in my life had walked out of my heart and walked out of this room on that dreadful day.
He left me alone, all those promises were bullsh*t. He fooled me, whispering sweet nothings into my ear, feeding me with false promises and creating an illusion of a future we could have before crushing it all in one night as he left me, saying I changed and he couldn't stand me anymore. I was just a toy, a toy used to pass some time. I remember him saying that in the very same room I'm in.
But before that, I remember him singing to me that lullaby he taught me. I remember him holding me as we danced inside this room.
But right now, all I see are shadows, silhouettes of what we used to be, dancing throughout the room.
I felt empty, I felt loneliness seeping through me again and wrapping my heart with in its cold embrace. It was hard and painful, but I let you go, let you leave me completely and let you leave another gaping hole in my heart. As you left, loneliness entered once again, that familiar cold feeling embracing me and letting me know I'm on my own.
[ Broken pieces of
A barely breathing story
Where there once was love
Now there's only me and the lonely ]
I know I messed up, but I am still trying to pick up the pieces. But what I didn't realize was that the pieces were beyond shattered to be even fixed. But I won't give up, this is my life, my story, my fairy tale, and I will mend things.
Despite the fact that I am just lying on the floor right now, crying my heart out of grief and pain, I am still trying. Despite the fact that my heart is beyond repairing and the fact that I had 'killed' myself, I will get out of this misery and live. Even though I'm hanging on loose ends right now, I still hold on in hopes of fixing everything.
But I know I'm just filling my head with useless shit. I'm alone now, they all left me. And the only thing to welcome me is the same cold loneliness that had accompanied me in my childhood.
All the warm, fluttery feeling had gone down the drain along with all my loved ones, I have to embrace that fact.
[ Dancing slowly in an empty room
Can the lonely take the place of you?
I sing myself a quiet lullaby
Let you go and let the lonely in to take my heart again ]
I was sprawled on the floor of the dance studio, I did not dare face the mirrored side of the walls for fear of seeing how horrible I looked right now. Instead, I just stared at the walls, reminiscing the times we'd dance in this room. But it was all over now. All happy things must come to an end too. And all I can see are the shadows on the wall, silhouettes of what we used to be, dancing around until one shadow fades and leaves the other one dancing all alone.
As much as it pained me to do so, I hummed myself that same lullaby once more. I felt myself slip away from him completely, and I felt the loneliness hold me closer and tighter, filling in the gaps of my heart with its coldness.
And as I drifted off to sleep, with tears still streaming down my cheeks, I knew I had to embrace the fact that I'm alone now, and that I should forever be in order to save myself from the pain of losing the ones I loved and held close to me.
'I'm sorry, minna.' That was my last thought before my bloodshot eyes fluttered close and I fell asleep, with my blonde hair, which lost its shine, scattered messily around my head. And as I drifted to sleep, images of the guild, my friends, and him crowded my mind, causing a tear to slip down my cheek as I tried to get a peaceful sleep.
A/N:
I'll be posting a couple songfics/one-shots for now until I finish writing up the 2nd chapter of my multi-chapter story.
Oh, and almost all the stories I'll be posting up are probably tragic, sad or dramatic (someone might even die) because IDK, I'm an evil person. Review please, voice out your thoughts, you could request me to write a one-shot/songfic for your fave couple.
P.S.
Who has Tumblr?