Lucy…
Why didn't you ask for help? Instead of facing your demons alone in the dark… How could you have stayed sane when your mind kept telling you hurtful things? How could you fake a smile and go through the same shit every day? Those knives deeply stabbed into your back, curtseys of those you trusted… How could anyone be happy in those circumstances? You hid your broken soul underneath a cheerful façade, disguised your pain into happiness. Lucy… I'm so sorry. I never noticed how your smile never reached your eyes, how your choked sobs were cloaked as laughter. Forgive me for not paying attention. I took you for granted, I didn't treasure our time together. And now, you're gone forever.
I'm sorry I never heard your silent cry for help. I'm sorry I never realized how lonely you really were even though I claimed I was your best friend. I'm sorry for playing with your heart, breaking it at the end. I shattered it without a care in the world because I thought you were okay.
You never were a burden to the team nor me and yet you kept lowering yourself. Beating yourself up with thoughts such as "Am I not good enough." You were so convinced no one cared, you secluded yourself from the others. Every day, you acted as if you were fine even though deep inside, you were begging for help. But no one noticed.
I know no matter how often I apologize, nothing can ever make up for all that emotional and verbal abuse you went through, a smile plastered on your angelic face. Nothing can make up for the pain you went through all alone. Although it breaks my heart, I don't blame you for ending your life. No matter what others say, you weren't a coward running away from your problems. You were merely trying to stop your pain, you lost yourself. You were… an angel who wanted to go home.
I remember like it was yesterday the days where your smile reached your eyes, sparkling with life. You were happy and so hopeful, a grin always plastered on your face. People knew you as the girl who always smiled no matter how hard life got as time flew by. They thought they knew you, Lucy Heartfillia, a young woman capable of seeing the bright side of life. How they were wrong. You knew how cruel and twisted life was…
That's why you gave up on it.