DWIGHT'S HOUSE- DAY
SpongeBob, Peter, Ross, Dwight and Axl are relaxing in the family room, watching TV.
Ross: Do you know where Cartman's been? He's been gone for like three hours.
Axl: I have no way of knowing.
[Cartman walks in with important news.]
Cartman: You guys, you guys! I have some precious news for you!
Peter: Free beer at the local bar?
Cartman: No. We've been chosen as the six warriors who must travel the world to search for two
precious items! We don't know what it is, but we'll find out!
SpongeBob: Oooh, an adventure...
[SpongeBob high fives Peter]
Cartman: Come on! We don't have all day! [Cartman and the five other friends walk out the door] The world is counting on us! First we're headed to- Miami.
Axl: Hot chicks and sunny weather, here we come!
MIAMI BEACH BOARDWALK- DAY
The six friends are carrying beach chairs with towels on their shoulders.
Cartman: Ross, you're a professor, right?
Ross: That is correct-o.
Cartman: I want you to engineer a boat for us.
Ross: Sure. Why?
Cartman: We gotta find the precious items! Go, go!
Ross: Allright
Ross steals Cartman's beach towel, and walks off the boardwalk into the sand where he begins his work.
Cartman: Why did he… Don't need it anyway. I'm gonna go check out some skinny tan chicks
over there sipping some cocktails!
Axl is sitting down with sunglasses in the shade, striking up a conversation with Sarah, a girl in a bikini.
Axl: So, Sarah, where are you from?
Sarah: Tallahassee.
Axl: Where is that, exactly?
[Cartman walks up behind Axl.]
Axl: Oh, hey, Cartman. Sarah, this is my friend, Cartman. Say hello, Cartman.
Cartman: Uh, hey?
Sarah: Oh, hi, Cartman. You need to lose some weight there, chubby.
Cartman: Hey, don't call me chubby!
Sarah: I didn't call you fat. I want to spend time with Axl, so leave.
Cartman: No! Respect my authoritah!
Axl: He gets like this sometimes.
Axl carries Cartman away.
Cartman: Respect my authoritah and put me down, you freakin' son of a [bleep]!
MIAMI BEACH- DAY
Ross is building a boat using two towels. He finishes and texts his friends through a group chat.
Ross: And, done.
MIAMI BEACH BOARDWALK- BAR
Peter is at the bar, chatting with various women. Peter and Veronica are holding wine glasses.
Veronica: So, do you have any kids? Are you married?
Peter: I have a troubled teenage son, a daughter, and a baby son. Don't tell my wife this.
Veronica: About your kids?
Peter: No.
Peter silences his cell phone
Peter: About me talking to you. I don't want Lois finding out.
Veronica: She won't.
Veronica and Peter make out.
MIAMI BEACH BOARDWALK- BAR
Dwight is playing cards with other business-men about work.
Dwight: It really pisses me off when I find my stapler in green jello. Has this happened to
anyone?
Business Man #1: Do you want me to put your stapler in jello? Or should I put YOU in jello?
Everyone at the table laughs except for Dwight.
Dwight: Just, shut up and leave me alone!
Dwight's phone rings, but is too upset to answer it. Dwight starts crying. Dwight slams his chair into the table and walks away, crying.
Business Man #2: That man is so sensitive! He was cracking jokes before, what's gotten into him
just now?
Business Man #3: He'll get over it.
MIAMI BEACH- DAY
Ross is wondering where everyone is.
Ross: Where the hell is everyone? Screw it, it's been a half an hour. I better be going.
Ross throws the boat in the ocean. Ross then runs towards the boat and jumps on it.
Ross: I'm leaving!
MIAMI BEACH BOARDWALK- LOUNGE
SpongeBob sees Ross leaving through where he is sitting.
SpongeBob: Oh, [bleep]! He is leaving! I gotta get Dwight, Cartman, Axl and Peter!
Spongebob runs towards Axl, who is chatting with Sarah.
Axl: So my football career is going...
SpongeBob grabs Axl's chair and carries it with him.
Axl: See yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! What the hell are you doing?
SpongeBob: Ross is going ahead with us, and I want to catch up with him!
Axl: So what? Why?
SpongeBob: Because I said so!
Peter is still making out with Veronica.
SpongeBob: Come on Peter!
SpongeBob carries Peter and Veronica with him, while dragging Axl's chair. The four come across a restaurant with a bathroom attached at the bottom. SpongeBob leaves the three outside while SpongeBob goes inside. SpongeBob encounters Dwight crying.
SpongeBob: Dwight? It's time to go!
SpongeBob opens the door stall, and finds Dwight crying.
SpongeBob: Dwight, stop crying and let's go!
Dwight: [crying] You don't understand.
SpongeBob: Just man up and come with us!
Dwight: [red in the face] Okay, chill! I'll come!
SpongeBob and Dwight come out of the bathroom. The five take off to find Cartman walking on the boardwalk. SpongeBob grabs Cartman.
Cartman: What are you doing, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: We have no time to waste! Ross is ahead, and we gotta catch up to him!
SpongeBob walks down the steps onto the beach. Peter and Veronica are still kissing, but Peter has had enough.
Peter: Okay. It was nice meeting you, but SpongeBob will be pretty pissed if we don't stop. See
you!
THE MIDDLE OF THE ATLANTIC OCEAN- DAY
Ross is out at sea. Ross is relaxing with sunglasses on, laying on his boat. Ross sees Peter, Cartman, Dwight and Axl use SpongeBob as a motorboat, going really fast until they reach Ross.
Ross: There they are.
The four jump off of SpongeBob and onto the boat, then SpongeBob swims towards Ross's boat.
Ross: [angrily] Where were you?
SpongeBob: [nervously] Uh, we were just…
Ross: No just's, you hear me, you piece of [bleep] cheese! 'Cause I was the only one who's ass
was ready to [bleep] go on this [bleep] adventure explained by Cartman!
Cartman: Don't drag me into this. Otherwise, screw you guys I'm going home! This adventure is
cancelled.
Ross: No, Cartman. We've been chosen, and we've made the commitment, so we gotta stick to
it!
Dwight: I agree with Ross. Who else agrees?
Axl: I do!
Peter: Maybe.
SpongeBob: I do! It's called teamwork, Cartman.
Cartman: T-M-work?
SpongeBob: No. TEAM-work. Repeat after me. Say "team."
Cartman: Team.
SpongeBob: Now say, "work".
Cartman: Work.
SpongeBob: Put them together and what do you get?
Cartman: Time Bomb.
SpongeBob: [growls] You'll never get it, you evil little kid!
UNDER THE OCEAN
Hurricane Monster laughs evilly. He rises up.
THE MIDDLE OF THE ATLANTIC OCEAN- DAY
The six are arguing on the boat, making sounds no one can understand until hurricane sirens go off. The weather starts to get cloudy, and waters are starting to form circles.
Axl: What is this?
SpongeBob: I think… I think…
Axl: Come on, you're a sea sponge! What is it!?
SpongeBob: [pause] It's a hurricane!
Everyone screams.
Hurricane Monster laughs evilly.
Hurricane Monster: It is I, the hurricane monster! I've destroyed the entire city of New Orleans and the
east coast, so I'm pretty sure I can destroy you!
Ross: Chill, everyone! I got this! SpongeBob, let me use you.
SpongeBob: Aye-aye, captain!
Ross: Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna roll into a ball, and I will throw you at the
hurricane. Got it?
SpongeBob: Okay.
Ross uses his strength to throw at the hurricane.
Hurricane Monster: You got me! Try this one out.
Hurricane Monster shakes the boat, and everyone flies out. SpongeBob flies out and hits the hurricane again. The six along with their boat fall into the ocean. The boat is destroyed.
Hurricane Monster: Stop it! [sees the six under water] Ooh, wow!
UNDERWATER- STORM
Ross: Let's get out of the water, and then I'll continue throwing SpongeBob.
The six swim up about sea level. Ross throws SpongeBob repetitevly until Hurricane Monster has had enough.
Hurricane Monster: [angrily] I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! YOU WIN, I'M OUT!
Hurricane Monster swallows the six and spits them out. The six are flying in the air, and eventually land in the middle of the desert.
EGYPT- DAY
Ross: [tired] Where am I?
Dwight: [tired] Did I just hear something?
Peter: Ooh, sand!
Peter eats the sand.
Ross: We're in… [Ross looks around] Egypt!?
Axl: What is that tiger thing? [referring to the Evil Sphinx sleeping]
Ross: Let's walk up to it and find out.
Axl: Okay, Captain Obvious.
PYRAMIDS OF GIZA- DAY
The six walk up to the evil Sphinx, who is sleeping.
Axl: Hey, tiger! Wake up!
Sphinx: Who goes, and who are you people?
Axl: Uh, Axl.
SpongeBob: SpongeBob! A fry cook at the Krusty Krab!
Cartman: Cartman.
Peter: Peter!
Peter eats the sand below him. The Evil Sphinx sighs.
Dwight: Dwight Kurt Schrute III.
Ross: Ross Geller, professor at New York University.
Sphinx: I am a Sphinx. What is your quest?
Axl: To encounter hot women!
SpongeBob: To find products!
Sphinx: What's your favorite color?
Axl: Uh, indigo!
SpongeBob: Yellow!
Sphinx starts eating Axl.
Axl: No, I didn't mean that!
SpongeBob: Stop it!
SpongeBob stretches his arms to grab Axl, but the Sphinx bites SpongeBob's hands
SpongeBob: Let go of my hands!
Sphinx: Anyone who talks back to me or the fellow Pharoah over there will suffer consequences!
The Sphinx eats SpongeBob and Axl.
Ross: Oh no! They just ate my friends!
Dwight: It was nice knowing them. See you, I'm going to look for a beet farm.
Ross: Peter, help me!
Peter is "busy" eating sand around him.
Ross: Okay, Cartman! Come over here!
Cartman: Yes, Ross?
Ross: I am going to use you to get our friends back, because you're fat.
Cartman: I'm not fat, I'm big boned!
Ross: Whatever. Just roll into a ball. SpongeBob's note here, and we gotta get him and Axl
back!
Ross repetitively throws Cartman at the Sphinx until the Pharoah arrives.
Pharoah: What are you doing to my creation?
Ross stops throwing Cartman at the Sphinx
Ross: Oh, nothing.
Pharoah: Seize him!
The Pharoah's followers go towards Ross and Cartman.
Ross: Have you ever heard of bowling?
Ross throws Cartman like a bowling ball towards Pharaoh and his followers. They are knocked down unconsciously.
Cartman: Respect my authoritah!
Ross: Come on, Cartman! We got a task to finish!
Ross throws Cartman the Sphinx until it vomits out SpongeBob and Axl, covered in blood.
Ross: Thank God you're alive!
SpongeBob: I'm glad, too! Let's finish this quest so we can be considered the greatest heroes of all
time!
The Pharaoh and his followers wake up from being unconscious.
Pharoah: Where are we?
Follower #1: I don't know, boss.
Follower #2: I remember! Some tall guy was throwing around a fat kid, tearing up that Sphinx!
Pharoah: Are you kidding me? Seize them!
Followers: Yes, sir!
The followers go in the direction the five friends went.
THE MIDDLE OF THE MEDITERRANEAN SEA- DAY
The six are out at sea. Ross apparently off-screen built a new boat using a handful of sticks and stones.
Axl: Dwight, what's that in your bag?
Dwight: It's a bag of beets. I love beets. Want any?
Axl: No thank you.
Dwight: Spongebob, how about you?
SpongeBob: Nah. I'm just glad we got the [bleep] away from those Egyptian guys.
Lightning strikes. A green monster, known as the "Snitch Monster" comes down from the clouds.
Snitch Monster: Who said what?
SpongeBob: [nervously] Oh, nothing. Now get the [bleep] away from us, you green bastard!
Snitch Monster: What did you call me?
SpongeBob: Nothing.
Snitch Monster: I was watching you this whole time. I don't believe your lies. You said the f-word, and you
called me a swear word beginning with the letter "B". You can't fool me!
Snitch Monster grabs SpongeBob and takes him away.
Axl: This is such bull-
Ross: Axl!
Axl: Okay. Bullcrap.
Ross: Better. Let me handle where we're going next.
Ross hears a swimming noise. He looks underneath, and sees a guide fish.
Guide Fish: I am a guide fish! Let me show you where the next villain to beat is!
Ross: Okay.
Dwight: So how do you know we're on a mission?
Guide Fish: I hear about everything. Let me show you the way.
TURKEY SHORE- DAY
Jennifer Aniston is waiting for the five to come. The five arrive at the Turkey shore. The five get off the boat Ross built.
Jennifer: There they are!
Axl: Jennifer?
Jennifer: How do you know my name?
Axl: Just because. I've seen you. You're hot.
Jennifer: Stop it. I have something important to tell you.
Ross: Who?
Jennifer: All of you!
Ross: But we already know...
Jennifer: Shut up and listen.
Cartman: I have one question.
Jennifer: [groans] Fine. Just one question. Go.
Cartman: Are you Jennifer Miller?
Jennifer: Just once when I was forced to disguise myself when I went to Mexico. But anyway, I
have a task for you. And yes, I know the story. I sent the fish to look for you guys. You've
probably seen me in commercials, right? So, I need a total of twenty Aveeno bottles.
Someone has stolen them from me. My Emirates plane has been stolen, too. The plan is
somewhere in Dubai, and the Aveeno bottles are- God knows where.
Ross: In India?
Jennifer: That's Mumbai.
Dwight: By the way, do you want beets?
Jennifer: No thank you.
Axl: How come you get your question answered?
Ross: 'Cause I'm the leader. That's why.
Axl: That's unfair!
Jennifer: Axl, stop it. That's twice already. I need it back ASAP. First, you need to kill the evil turkeys
running this country. Recently, this country selected a turkey as its president. Yes, a
freakin' animal...
Cartman: Where did Peter go?
Dwight: He texted me that he wanted to go to Dubai because he likes "war".
Cartman: ARE YOU [bleep] KIDDING ME?
Jennifer: Calm down, Cartman. Let me talk. So anyway, you have to kill every single turkey clone
on this country. The residents' lives can go back to normal. I'm only here because I want
to take a break. Now, go!
Axl: We'll do anything for you, Ms. Jennifer Aniston, the hottest woman on Earth!
The four friends leave to kill the turkeys.
Jennifer: I'm married! And Thanks!
TURKEY- DAY
A turkey walks out. The four friends are hiding under a bush.
Ross: There, shoot it!
Dwight: Okay. I got this.
Dwight shoots a turkey.
Dwight: One down, 499 to go.
A montage shows Dwight shooting turkeys, and Ross using Cartman as a ball to kill the turkeys. Intense rock music plays. Dwight is also seen being eaten by one turkey and the turkey even eats all his beets, sharing it with other turkeys. When the task is finished, the five do a group fist pump.
SKY- DAY
The four are flying in the sky, where they encounter the Emirates plane surrounded by the hurricane monster.
Ross: This guy again?
Cartman: Unfortunately.
Ross: Let's see if this works. Get inside the cannon. I'll put a rocket on you in case you fall.
Ross puts the rocket on Cartman.
Ross: Ready?
Cartman: Yes.
Cartman falls out of the helicopter, then uses his rocket to climb in the cannon. Ross fires the cannon, and Cartman manages to land on top of the plane, using his helicopter.
Ross: He's safe! Let's go!
Axl: HELL YEAH! DEFEAT THAT HURRICANE!
The hurricane destroys Ross and Axl's helicopter, and Axl and Ross are flying, landing in water. They swim out of sea level, and head towards the hurricane. Ross finds a way to get past the hurricane (which is going 100 feet below sea level, and going straight up when past the hurricane). Ross gets in the driver's seat of the plane, while Cartman and Axl check out the showers and the bar in the back.
Hurricane Monster: What, no!
Ross starts up the airplane.
Hurricane Monster: This isn't the end!
Cartman turns on the showers and takes a shower. (NOTE: no nudity is shown.) Axl is seen at the bar, getting himself a cocktail.
Axl: I'm twenty-one, so it's perfectly legal!
Ross is seen flying the plane to Los Angeles, while Cartman and Axl are enjoying their new items on the plane. Ross is seen landing in Los Angeles. Cartman and Axl are seen chatting.
L.A. STREETS- DAY
Axl: Hey, Kim. I'm Axl. Nice booty.
Kim: Thanks!
Axl: And this is my fat friend Cartman, just like your butt.
Cartman: I'm not fat, Axl! Hey, Kim. Want to chill?
Ross is seen sneaking in Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's mansion while neither of them are home. Ross enters the home, sneaking through a window. Through the window, he opens a cabinet, and finds Aveeno bottles.
BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE'S MANSION- DAY
Ross: This is probably why they got divorced.
He takes the Aveeno bottles and puts them in a plastic bag he finds downstairs. He then sneaks them in his plane, and the three take off back to Jennifer Aniston. Peter, SpongeBob and Dwight come out of the Aveeno bottles in liquid form.
SpongeBob: We're alive!
Peter: Yay!
SpongeBob: Three cheers for Ross!
Friends: Hip hip, hooray! Hip, hip, hooray! Hip, hip hooray!
SpongeBob: Everyone... (looks out the window) OH MY GOD IT'S BRAD PITT AND ANGELINA JOLIE
IN THEIR PERSONAL FLYER! ROSS, GO FASTER!
Ross: Heard that. I can see them.
SpongeBob: AND SHOOT AT THEM, TOO! DOESN'T AN EMIRATES PLANE HAVE IT?
Ross: I'm on it. I'm a professor. I can do it.
The Emirates plane lands in Turkey. Jennifer is waiting for them. The six come out of the plane.
TURKEY SHORE- DAY
Jennifer: You did it! Did you kill all the villains?
SpongeBob: Yes, we did.
Jennifer: How about that cold-blooded Brad stinkin' Pitt?
Axl: Yep!
SpongeBob: There's your plane, and now Ross has your Aveeno bottles. Naturally beautiful results.
Jennifer: Thanks! Let's go to LA to celebrate!
Axl: We deserve it. It's been one hell of a trip for us. This would be a great acid trip.
SpongeBob: Axl!
Axl: Sorry. Drugs are bad.
HOLLYWOOD CAFE- NIGHT
The seven enter the Emirates plane, and travel to L.A. for a fancy dinner. Mayor Eric Garcetti makes an announcement.
Eric Garcetti: I, the mayor of Los Angeles, would like to congratulate six people for their hard work. They
are Dwight Schrute of Scranton, Pennsylvania, Eric Cartman of South Park, Colorado,
Axl Heck of Orson, Indiana, SpongeBob SquarePants of Bikini Bottom, and Peter Griffin of Quahog, Rhode Island. They saved the world!
Jennifer: I love you guys. You saved my life.
SpongeBob: You're welcome. Let us know if you need and more help!