Author's Note: You kind of have to have a dirty mind to understand this story… you've been forewarned. Italics symbolize a flashback.
"So Gibbs, do you have any plans for tomorrow?" Ziva asked casually as they finished up their last bit of work on Friday afternoon.
"I think Moby and I are gonna hang out this weekend," Gibbs answered.
The coffee in Tony's mouth spewed all over his desk except for the small amount that managed to go down the wrong way and had him choking. Moby was Gibbs' new mysterious friend that most of the team had no clue about.
"Are you okay, Tony?" Ziva asked, completely missing the satisfied smirk on Gibbs' face.
The old saying 'information is power' definitely had some truth to it… a lot of truth if your name was Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Tony had shared one thing with him the previous weekend and he'd been regretting it ever since.
"You ever name your— uh, you know," Tony asked around a mouthful of scrambled eggs.
"My what?" Gibbs asked, looking up from the morning paper.
"You know," Tony repeated, unsure why the word didn't want to come out. He used it all the time with Gibbs. "Mr. Winky?"
Gibbs narrowed his eyes at Tony over the top of the paper. "You mean have I ever named my dick?" he asked for confirmation.
Tony nodded his head eagerly. Gibbs liked to read during breakfast but he enjoyed a little conversation. He wasn't exactly sure what prompted him to bring this particular topic up. He should've guessed but at the time he had no idea he'd live to regret it.
"No," Gibbs answered. "The thought's never even crossed my mind." He watched as Tony shoveled more eggs into his mouth, waiting for him to continue the conversation but he didn't. He'd successfully peaked Gibbs' curiosity though. "What'd you name yours, Tony?" he asked laying his paper aside.
Tony glanced up at Gibbs, laughing uncomfortably. "Who says I named it?" Tony asked. "I was just making conversation. What's new in the news?"
Gibbs sat quietly looking across the table at him, one corner of his mouth curled into the slightest smirk. There would be no changing the topic. Tony muttered something incomprehensible under his breath, trying to evade the question but that wasn't happening either. "What?" Gibbs asked.
"I said… Moby Dick," Tony answered. "Sometimes I call him Moby Dick. There. I said it."
"What is your obsession with Moby Dick?" Gibbs asked. Tony talked about a lot of movies but Moby Dick had come up more than once.
Tony shrugged, eating more of his breakfast. "I just thought it'd be a good name."
"Because it has the word dick in it?" Gibbs asked. He knew that wasn't why but he was searching for the reasoning behind Tony's chosen name.
"No," Tony said defensively, "that wouldn't be very creative. I chose it 'cause Moby Dick's huge, he's got spunk, he's a conqueror!"
"Well, if you and Moby are happy…" Gibbs let his sentence trail off as he picked up his paper again, making sure to tuck the newfound knowledge away in his mind.
"Are you and Moby doing anything special?" Ziva asked conversationally when Tony had finally gotten over his coughing fit.
"His back door needs inspecting," Gibbs answered, watching Tony out of the corner of his eye. "I'll probably poke around there for awhile. Maybe grab some grub. Might catch a double header later on to finish off the day. I dunno. It's still up in the air right now."
"Double header?" Ziva asked.
"Baseball," Tim answered confidently.
Tony nearly corrected Tim out of habit but stopped himself. He was torn between embarrassment and excitement. Any worries that his red face might give him away faded as the blood bypassed his cheeks and headed south. "Sounds like you and Moby are gonna have a fun weekend," he said.
"We'll be busy," Gibbs said. "Moby's the kind of guy you've gotta keep occupied to keep out of trouble."
"Sounds like Tony," Ziva scoffed.
Tony's eyes widened but a glance at both her and Tim told him they were oblivious to the game he and Gibbs were playing.
"Speaking of Tony, what are you doing this weekend?" Ziva asked turning her attention to him.
"I think I'm gonna chill with Mr. Winky," Tony answered. He wasn't quite as good at the game as Gibbs was but he wanted to play too.
"Mr. Winky?" Ziva asked skeptically.
"I had a cat named Mr. Winky!" Tim piped in.
"Of course you did," Tony said. "My Mr. Winky is closer to the pet snake variety." He knew Gibbs was going to kill him later but he couldn't help himself. It would be worth every head slap he got.
"We are not naming my dick, Tony," Gibbs insisted, "and you're certainly not calling him Mr. Winky."
"Come on, Gibbs," Tony pleaded. "I just revealed something very personal about myself to you."
"Finding out you named your cock Moby Dick isn't exactly a life changing revelation," Gibbs said.
"You can pick the name," Tony tried, "not for Moby… we're not renaming him but for yourself. It'll be fun, Gibbs, I promise!"
"No Tony," Gibbs said firmly. "The answer's no. End of discussion." He rose from the table, collected their breakfast dishes and disappeared into the kitchen.
Gibbs glared at Tony from across the bullpen but the young man chose to ignore the silent warning. He spent the remainder of the afternoon talking about his pet snake, how much fun they had together and his power, size and strength.
If nothing else, the conversation got them out of work on time. Tony was going to pay and Gibbs couldn't wait to get his hands on him. He wasn't sure if he was going to kill him or just beat him but he had some time to figure it out. Tony had to stop by his place first and pick up a few things before making his way over to Gibbs' for the rest of the weekend.
Tony walked up the front path to Gibbs' house, overnight duffel in one hand, bag of Chinese takeout in the other. He kind of wanted pizza but knew Gibbs preferred Chinese. He was hoping it might help tame him after his afternoon of fun and ignoring his warnings. Gibbs didn't even let Tony get in the door before he delivered his first head slap. Tony tried hard not to smile but failed.
"I'm sorry, Boss," he said around a laugh. "I couldn't help it. Besides, you started it!"
Gibbs rescued the Chinese food from Tony's hand before delivering another head slap. "I remember telling you we're not naming him and that we're most definitely not calling him Mr. Winky."
"Come on," Tony objected. "Mr. Winky's so cute." Another head slap. He deserved that one.
"Mr. Winky's gonna kick your ass in a minute," Gibbs warned.
"Is that a promise?" Tony asked with a smile.
Gibbs rolled his eyes and headed into the living room. Tony was incorrigible.
"Boss… er, Gibbs," Tony said, following after him, "you have to name him, please! It doesn't have to be Mr. Winky. It can be anything."
Gibbs rolled his eyes as he set out their dinner. He knew if he didn't concede Tony would bug him all night, probably all weekend. "Fine," he finally agreed, "you can pick a name but make it something suitable."
"Suitable, right," Tony said shoving a forkful of lo mein noodles in his mouth. Halfway through dinner it hit him. "I've got it!" he said happily.
Gibbs glanced over at him, not half as excited as Tony was.
"King as in King Cobra!" Tony said obviously satisfied with his choice. "I figure Ziva and McGee already think I have a pet snake. I can just tell 'em he grew up so I changed his name from Mr. Winky to King."
"That's what's gonna happen in a second here," Gibbs said. "I hope Moby's next door neighbor is ready."
"Ready for inspection, Sir!" Tony said as if he were serving in the military.
"I'm gonna do a lot more than inspect," Gibbs said with a wink.
Tony grinned from ear to ear, squirming in anticipation.
A fleeting moment of dread hit Gibbs as he finished up his meal. He was almost afraid to ask but did anyways. "Moby's neighbor doesn't have a name, does he?"