Hidan and Kakuzu looked at the invitation to the sea queen's 50th birthday they had found under their mound of unopened mail with suspicion, "Is this for fucking real? We tried to kill her. You never did tell me how you got her to free us." Hidan snatched the parchment and inspected the seal.
"It's official, Hidan." Kakuzu told him, snatching the invitation back he huffed as he saw the date of the party. "And we're going to be late if we don't get going now. I hate being late. And don't get drunk this time! I want to be able to steal from the other guests. We can make a killing today." He grinned, and Hidan swore he would remain sober and help steal some rings or wallets. Whatever Kakuzu wanted, he would help him get.
After making sure they looked good, and Kakuzu adorned Hidan's head with a crown made from seashells with a few pearls throughout, it was stollen of course, "There, now you look like the armcandy you are."
"You old fucker." Hidan said but blushed anyways and they swam out from the cave they lived in on the outskirts of the village where other ruffians and outcasts lived, and headed towards the village center where loud music and cheering was coming from.
All the merpeople were dressed in their best shells and sea flowers to greet their queen, Konan, who had ruled them for thirty years. She was a just and fair ruler, and everyone adored her. But she could be merciless when need be, and proved it during a war with a nearby village ten years earlier.
"Wait until they're distracted when she comes out." Kakuzu murmured to Hidan, pulling him close and nipping his neck.
"So, Kakuzu...how did you get her to free us? Why won't you tell me?"
"Don't worry about it. We're free, that's all that matters." Kakuzu told him, sliding his hands down Hidan's side as a school of colorful fish swam by.
"You sure avoid talking about it." Hidan leaned in for a kiss but they were interrupted by a voice.
"How did you two get invitations to this, hm?"
Kakuzu and Hidan finished their kiss before turning to see Deidara swim over, he was adorned with shells around his neck and some ink making intricate designs on one shoulder and down his arm, it looked like scales. They assumed Sasori did it for him.
"You must have fucked her good, Kakuzu. That's what I heard, anyways." Deidara flipped his hair, it floated in the water looking glorious.
"Kakuzu…" Hidan growled, his face darkening, "Did you? Tell me."
Kakuzu decided that fine, he would have to admit to it and he glared at Deidara before turning to Hidan, "We were going to be executed. What the hell do you think I did? I had to get close to her and made her fall for me."
"I'm gonna fucking kill you!" Hidan screeched, baring his teeth, he lunged at Kakuzu just as the horns blared, announcing that Queen Konan was being brought out on a palanquin to be seen by her adoring subjects, pulled by a team of large seahorses.
Deidara screamed as Hidan tried to bite Kakuzu's face off, screaming and growling and acting like a rabid animal.
"Hidan!" Kakuzu shouted, holding him back, "Grab him! Get him off of me!"
It took three paramedics to restrain Hidan and get him off of Kakuzu. He was slippery, completely naked and soaking wet from having been in the bathtub when Kakuzu found him.
"What's he on?" One of the paramedics asked, "Do you know?"
"Fucking bath salts." Another responded, "They're right there." He tossed his head toward the edge of the tub where several lines of crushed up bath salts and an almost empty bag of it sat. The small room smelled like 'California Breeze' whatever the fuck that smelled like, Kakuzu kicked the bag into the tub where he had found Hidan slipping under the surface before pulling him out and calling 911. Shortly before being attacked.
"How much did he take?"
"I don't know! I didn't see him do it!" Kakuzu was pissed.
Bath salts. Hidan was high on fucking bath salts! He knew he never should have taken him into that bath shop at the mall. He was never buying Hidan anything ever again.
They got him strapped down on a stretcher and wheeled him out all while he screamed and shouted.
"My fin….my beautiful fin! Gone! GONE! JASHIN WILL PUNISH YOU HEATHEN HARPOONERS!" Hidan shrieked from somewhere further down the hall, "Kakuzu! Where are you, you dirty cheater! YOU FUCKED THE SEA QUEEN! I'll kill you! I'll eat your face off!"
"You're lucky we got here when we did." One of the paramedics said, she had pink hair and her name tag read 'Sakura', "You can follow behind in your car and meet us at the hospital."
"He's lucky he didn't try to eat my face off, I'd have fucking killed him." Kakuzu growled. He already had enough stitches, he didn't need more.
Was Hidan really that bored being immortal, that he had resorted to getting high off bath salts? Kakuzu sighed, all the anger going out of him and he went to get his wallet and keys, making sure he had their insurance cards with him, before following the ambulance to the hospital.