Lucas Jones. If you had looked Brad Cooper in the eyes even a week ago and told him that, after a good year of trying to be a better man for one Felix DuBois, he would be drawn into the blond pretty boy who just happened to sit next to him at a bar one night, he'd have thought you were insane or on drugs. Or both. He likes Lucas, but he's pretty sure his feelings for Felix are stronger. More sustaining. Maybe someone who Brad could spend his whole life with, just to make him smile, see his eyes gleam mischeviously. It makes his decision easy.
That is, until he arrives at work the next day to find Lucas there. His eyes shift, his hands grow sweaty, and all in all, Brad Cooper is immediately a mess. The one night stand with Lucas is a recurrence of past ways that Brad was trying to move away from, leave in the past so he can continue to be a better man. So of course Felix has no idea, but might if Lucas keeps looking at him like that. Brad explains that he has another man, that last night was a mistake, that- that... that...
And despite his rambling, Lucas understands. Still smiles, still gives him flowers, still suggests that he's not giving up, but leaves after catching a glance of Felix. Brad expects to be able to breathe better afterwards, but he doesn't. The secret hangs over him, leaves him conflicted between the two men he so desperately wants to be part of his life... because yes, dammit, he likes Lucas too, even more so when things go south after Lucas confesses he's gay to his newly found father and Brad is the only person he's willing to allow to comfort him.
The more time he spends with Lucas, the more he's sure that things aren't going to work with Felix, because Lucas gets him, Lucas doesn't try to change him, and he's working himself to the bone- trying to be a better person, to deserve the promotion he'd received because of Britt, to uphold this secret from Felix, to not hurt Lucas, to keep all of Britt's misdeeds from unraveling, and on and on and yada yada. It's exhausting and he feels sick, tired and worn down physically and mentally, unable to tell anyone why he looks so awful. Not Lucas, definitely not Felix...
Halfway to his car after another day of lying and breaking every moral law possible, Brad is spinning his keys aimlessly on his finger, staring blankly at his car. Things are blurry and he's not sure he should drive. Guess I should force myself to eat something, he thinks, patting his pockets to find his wallet. He takes one more step towards his car... and pitches forward, hitting said car before slumping down onto the pavement, lifeless and vulnerable under the harsh lights.
-x
Lucas had come to visit his mom, as he regularly does, partially in hopes of seeing Brad as well. Making him smile, keeping his face in the forefront of the man's mind for those long, lonely hours when he's with his boyfriend who still hadn't touched him, had barely kissed him. Lucas sighs and looks around, expecting to see the lab manager around somewhere, but it's quiet, dull. He does spot Felix, who also looks worried, and this makes Lucas sit up, take notice. The nurse is leaning over, whispering to Elizabeth Webber, who looks disinterested but trying to focus, and Lucas sees Brad on Felix's lips so he shifts closer and quickly understands. Felix can't find Brad either.
He weighs his options and finally jumps in. "Hey, Felix, right? Is something wrong? I'm just waiting for my mom to finish with a patient so... if you need help with anything..." He lets the suggestion trail off, watching Elizabeth and Felix exchange glances.
"My boyfriend," Felix says, not noticing how Lucas' eyes tighten at this, "was supposed to be around somewhere, we were going to go somewhere once I was off shift, but I can't... find him..." His words drift as he spins in a circle as if Brad would magically appear at that moment.
"Could look together if you wanted? He's that Brad Cooper guy, right?" Lucas somehow manages to act nonchalant, carefree about it all, as Felix nods, Elizabeth going back to work studiously.
"Yeah, that's him. It'd be a lifesaver if you'd help me find him, we're swamped and I can't go out with him after all, and I don't want him to try to do something romantic or just wait around for hours until I'm finished, so..."
"Right, yeah," Lucas says, hoping the tension in his voice isn't too obvious. "How about you look around here some more, and I could..." He flounders for a moment, unsure what to say that wouldn't give him away. He likes Brad but he doesn't want to hurt the guy with revealing what happened between them before Brad's ready. "Check outside, or something..."
"You could look in the car deck," Felix suggests. Lucas tunes out while Felix tries describing Brad's car, all too aware of what the vehicle looks like after watching it drive away following their one night stand. As he nods and runs off, Felix calls after him, "Thanks, man!"
He ignores this, a strange sensation creeping up his spine as he jogs to the elevator and waits for it to go to the floor with the entrance to the car deck. He walks slowly once he arrives, keeping an eye out for Brad's car... and only just finds it on the second level, racing towards it. He doesn't see Brad at first, which is both a comfort and a worry- where is he?- when Lucas stops short. Sees shoes poking out from behind the tires. Races over and stops short when he finds Brad unconscious on the pavement. "Shit!"
He scrambles, both to check to make sure Brad's breathing, and to grab for his phone. Vitals seem normal enough to not be panic-worthy, but he's still limp under Lucas' fingers and that's just wrong. He dials the long-memorized number, fingers trembling as he listens to it ringing in. As soon as it clicks in, he doesn't wait for Elizabeth to greet him, just barrels through. "I found Brad, he's unconscious in the second level of the parking deck. Get someone here now with a stretcher."
Hanging up, he lays the phone to the side in case he'll need it again and leans closer to Brad, listening to him breathing. "Hey, you listen to me, Brad. You don't get to do this, alright? Give me the best night of my life, and then just... check out. Nope, you do not." He continues to rub circles in Brad's chest. "Come on, man. Wake up." Brad doesn't, however, and Lucas is trapped there, focused on him while he waits for his request for help to be responded to.
It seems to take forever but finally, finally, he hears the ding of the elevator and looks up in time to see a couple of the staff run in with the stretcher, immediately moving to transport Brad, Felix hovering behind them with a shocked look on his pale face. "What happened?"
"I don't know," Lucas says, shaking his head, feeling bad for the man before him. "I saw his car, and then I saw him... he hasn't responded since I arrived." As soon as Brad is situated on the cot, Felix grabs his hand and tries to call to him as well, just to have as little a response as Lucas had received as well. Instead of feeling a sick kind of relief that Felix couldn't revive him either, Lucas only feels more and more worried as they follow the cot through the halls of the hospital.
"Exhaustion," Monica explains to them with a small, plaintive smile a few hours later, after some tests. Lucas wonders if she can tell his is more than just a passing interesting. "And some dehydration. He should wake up soon, though. Has he been stressed lately? Something going on at work or home?" She shrugs. "It seems he hasn't been taking good care of himself."
Felix shakes his head. "I don't think so, everything's seemed ok lately. His new promotion, and we're together now, so..."
You're a damn good liar, Brad Cooper, Lucas thinks. Except to me. I can see through you every time.
Brad stirs after registering someone gripping his hand, his body aching. He feels so tired and thirsty, it adds to his discomfort. He groans and shifts, finally forcing his eyes open. Lucas, he thinks, squeezing the hand back until the brightness becomes average again and he can see. It's not Lucas holding onto him, no. His heart sinks when he realizes it's Felix. Instead of being happy to see his boyfriend, he feels guilty and uncomfortable. "Felix," he mumbles.
"Brad!" Felix's eyes are bright, focused on him with a kind of happiness that Brad knows he absolutely does not deserve. "How are you feeling?" He's trying to be a good boyfriend, patting Brad and fussing over him in a way that should make Brad feel better, not worse.
"We need- we need to talk," Brad finally tells him. He ignores Felix's attempts at getting him to relax, to rest, insisting at first that it's just the dehydration talking, or maybe he hit his head harder than they realized when he fell, or- "No," Brad insists. "I'm so thankful for our time together, Felix. You made me such a better man. But we can't work. You... you're too good for me, I never deserved you." It's a lot to say, a lot to think, but his time unconscious and waking up to find the man he wanted by his bed not there had been the wake up call he'd needed. "You deserve better than me."
Felix looks like he wants to argue the point, say something to convince Brad otherwise, but then he looks up and sees Lucas lingering outside of the door. Somehow puts the pieces together, everything that he'd seen from Lucas finding Brad outside to now. "Is it because of him?" he asks quietly. "Have you... been seeing Lucas?"
"Not in the way you think," Brad says weakly. "But there is... we have a lot in common. We were both adopted and... we've bonded over the last few weeks."
Felix nods blankly, stares at him with shiny, wet eyes. "I see. Right. I guess... I guess should go and let him come in here and make you feel better, huh?" He seems bitter. He seems sad.
Brad snags his arm before he can stand up. "You're gonna be just fine without me, Felix DuBois. You're too amazing a person for anything else."
Felix smiles through his pain and shakes his head, leaning forward and quickly kissing Brad, one bred of frustration and, finally, letting go. "Goodbye, Brad Cooper."
"Goodbye." Brad lays there, his eyes closed, until he hears the door open once more. He knows without looking that it's Lucas, and his lips twitch up in a vague smirk as his hand is cupped in between Lucas'. "So," he mumbles.
"So." Lucas strokes his knuckles before chuckling. "If you wanted to get my attention, you really didn't need to go to these extremes." Brad laughs wearily too, opening his eyes to stare back at Lucas. "You've had it from the moment I laid eyes on you back at that bar."
Brad shifts his hand, interlaces his fingers with Lucas. "The feeling's mutual." He feels bad about Felix, thinks he always will, but when Lucas smiles brightly at him, it eases away just a little. He might never stop regretting how he hurt Felix but, as Lucas presses their fingers against his cheek, he's pretty sure he'll never regret wherever this thing brewing with Lucas leads him.