One-Shot: Pirates of the Caribbean Wedding Kiss
The maelstrom was in full, thunderous roar. The howling of the wind and crashing of the seas was so loud, in fact, that it drowned out the cries of battle occurring between the forces of Davy Jones' Flying Dutchman crew, and the crew of Barbossa's The Black Pearl.
Elizabeth Swan plunged a sword into the chest of an enemy combatant and spun to engage her next foe. A hand on her arm and the call of her name stopped her.
"Elizabeth!" Her once-fiancé and fellow pirate Will Turner stared at her hard. His voice now suddenly came out in almost a whisper - not exactly the most ideal decibel volume for the middle of a battle. "Will you marry me?"
Elizabeth gaped at him in disbelief for a moment. It was a moment that almost resulted in a critical error, for her tarrying in actual indecision was interrupted by a cry as an enemy pirate tried to bring down his sword of the couple. Will and Elizabeth jumped apart, so that the blade came between them and crossed with theirs.
"I don't think now's the best time!" Elizabeth yelped - a point that should have been obvious to anyone on the ship. The pair worked together to propel their foe away. Then, they split to cross blades with multiple adversaries. Elizabeth parried; Will dispatched one pirate with ease, via a slash across the chest, before dueling another. But Will was not about to let a battle serve as grounds for the rejection of a marriage proposal.
"Well, it may be the only time!" he rationalized. He threw away his enemy; Elizabeth blocked and stabbed hers. With a moment alone, they met at the mast and locked arms. "I love you," Will breathed heavily. Another battle cry interrupted them again and again they split to take out two more pirates. A second break in the action made them meet in the middle.
"I've made my choice. What's yours?" Will asked, almost as if it were a challenge.
Elizabeth thought for a moment. Either of them could fall to death in combat any second. Better to live in the moment, even if the present moment was not ideal for calmer processes such as exchanging vows. Whatever she and her lover did, they would have to do it now, or forever wish they had.
"Barbossa!" Elizabeth cried over the roars of the gale, her eyes not leaving Will's. "Marry us!"
The captain of The Black Pearl heard her despite the weather, but all the same wondered if he had misheard. Had the little lass gone mad? They were in the middle of a fucking battle! He was in the middle of one - a position he tried to express as gently as he could while he roared, "I'M A LITTLE BUSY AT THE MOMENT!" He sliced outwards as a new challenger lunged for him.
Will nearly laughed out loud in triumph. Even as he and Elizabeth now fought back-to-back, taking out two more pirates quicker than ever before. "Barbossa, NOW!"
Barbossa sighed. He was a pirate, not a preacher. And it wasn't as though he had ever even been to a wedding, much less been invited to one to begin with. But his devil-may-care attitude got the better of him. "FINE, THEN!" he bellowed, punching a foe in the face with the hilt of his sword. Now presented with a bit of a respite, the captain mounted the platform just behind the ship's wheel and took off his hat in reverence. Elizabeth and Will were momentarily free too, holding each other and looking to him, their captain - and now, priest. "Dearly beloved, we be gathered here today, today to give..." The rest of his impromptu sermon was lost on the couple, as Barbossa continued it even as he dispatched yet another pirate. Oh, well. Whatever it was, it was sure to be vintage Barbossa - the opening of a wedding with a dash of pirate language thrown in. Elizabeth and Will dodged more blades, running around behind the mast to take cover. They clasped hands.
"Elizabeth Swan, do you take me to be your husband?"
"I do!" Elizabeth practically squealed with joy.
With no Barbossa to cut in, Will could only managed a tired and still-in-disbelief, "Great!", lame as it sounded against the gravitas of the moment. Though this may have been a good thing, for brevity is required in the heat of battle. The couple was forced apart by still another blade, which Elizabeth now dispatched. She ran to Will was soon as it looked like he had a free minute.
"Will Turner, do you take me -" Battle one again rudely interrupted them, though this time, the pair made sure to stay united, continuing their vows even as their swords clashed. At certain points, the display of swordsmanship resembled something like an interpretive dance. "To be your wife! - in sickness and in health! - health being the less done?!" With each clip of words, Will and Elizabeth spun around each other, holding onto one hand all the while, so that their fighting fanned out like a pinwheel. Working together, they stabbed and stabbed, Elizabeth finally kicking away the body of one pirate that Will had stabbed.
Swiping over his love's head but missing the enemy his blade was meant for, Will took Elizabeth by the waist and pulled her close. "I do," he answered with all sincerity.
Remarkably, Barbossa heard all this over the tumult. Literally dueling two people at once, his sword going back and forth, he bellowed, "AS CAPTAIN, I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU -" He threw one foe into the wheel. "YOU MAY KISS -" Without missing a beat, and yet annoyed at being so rudely interrupted during the best part of this shitshow for a ceremony, the captain literally pulled out a gun and shot an approaching challenger dead on the spot.
Meanwhile, Will dipped Elizabeth at a lull in the fighting and moved to kiss his bride, even if he had not heard Barbossa give the cue. But a pirate once more tried to attack him from behind, and he had to delay.
Barbossa chest-bumped an enemy away and tried again. "YOU MAY KISS -" He too was distracted by battle.
Elizabeth and Will crossed blades and crossed blades until the only ones they crossed were each other's. Barbossa stabbed twice more. He had just about run out of patience. "JUST KISS!"
Neither groom nor bride needed to be told twice. Elizabeth pulled Will to her and kissed her new husband with all the passion she could muster. The way she should have kissed him, married him, long ago. Perhaps it was divine intervention that now held court, for no more enemies interrupted the couple as they shared the kiss that made them - for all intents and purposes - man and wife. Will forced Elizabeth's mouth open with his own, and they kissed with heated tongue, Elzabeth's one hand clutching Will's skull and keeping him close to her. She was not about to let go for anything in the world.
The only witnesses to the marriage between a new Pirate Queen and the son of a Pirate King were Pintel and Ragetti, from the brig below.