I've read a lot of marriage law fics, and while there are a lot of good ones, they are somewhat cliched. So, I decided to make my first marriage law fic feature a somewhat. . .unconventional pairing. THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!

"You wanted to see me, Headmaster?" Harry looked around the room, frowning. There was a strange combination of people in the Headmaster's office. McGonagall stood next to Dumbledore, and Professor Lupin stood next to Arthur Weasley, looking apprehensive. Snape and Sirius stood on opposite sides of the room, glaring at each other.

"Harry, my dear boy, I have some unfortunate news. It seems that Voldemort has spies in the ministry, and they have enough influence to restore a certain law that hasn't been in use for a while."

"Will I be affected by this law?" Harry asked nervously.

Dumbledore cleared his throat. "It is an old, rather archaic law that was originally designed to provide protection to magical orphans."

Harry bit his lip in concern. "What type of protections?"

Professor Lupin cleared his throat. "Perhaps I could explain it better." He turned to Harry, his eyes watching him, concerned for his reaction. "The law enables a witch or wizard to petition for you in marriage."

"What!" Harry burst out. "They want me to get married? But I'm just sixteen! They can't do that!"

"Unfortunately, Harry, the legal age for marriage in the wizarding world is fourteen. It's always been a bit backward in that area."

Harry leaned forward, his head in his hands. "So who am I going to have to marry? Do I get any opinion at all, or are they just going to sell me to the highest bidder?"

Lupin shook his head sadly. "No, Harry, you have little choice in this situation."

"Right," Harry said, starting to hyperventilate. "Ok, that's fine, I can deal with this, I can-"

Snape snorted exasperatedly. "Potter, calm down before you collapse. It's not as if you're going to end up married to Bellatrix Lestrange."

Harry choked, starting to hyperventilate ever more.

Snape watched him, his mouth starting to curl into a smirk. "Of course, Argus Filch is always a possibility. Or perhaps Hagrid. Or-"

"Severus," Dumbledore warned.

"Or perhaps you would prefer Lucius Malfoy. He's always had a thing for young, nubile boys." Snape continued, ignoring the Headmaster.

"Of course, I'm sure Professor Umbridge would also be perfectly willing to accommodate-"

"Severus!" Dumbledore barked. "If you cannot control yourself. . ."

Snape subsided, watching Dumbledore cautiously. "My apologies, Albus."

Dumbledore turned to Harry. "My dear child, calm yourself, you will not have to marry anyone that Severus just mentioned."

"But I'll have to marry someone, won't I?"

"Yes, Harry, but have no fear. Your spouse will be chosen by your own magic."

Harry frowned. "My magic? What do you mean, sir?"

Dumbledore leaned forward, watching Harry carefully over the top of his spectacles. "Harry, magic is somewhat sentient. There is a ritual that will be done, where your magic will choose the person best able to protect and care for you. It could be someone that you know, or someone that you have never met. But your magic would never choose someone who would hurt you. You have nothing to fear whatsoever."

"Ok," Harry said, starting to calm down. "I guess I can deal with that. When are we going to do this ritual thing?"

"I believe tomorrow would be best."

Harry nodded. "Right. I guess that's fine. It's not as if I have a choice."

Harry blearily opened his eyes. "What happened? Did it work?"

Lupin held out a hand to help Harry up. "I think the ritual worked the way it was supposed to. They're just verifying the identity of the person chosen for you."

They turned as they heard raised voices behind them. "This is highly irregular! There is no precedent at all for a situation like this."

"You cannot argue with the Protector Ritual, Cornelius. Once someone has been chosen, there is no way out of it."

"But there is no logical reason why this should have happened!"

"I'm afraid that you are quite wrong there, Minister. He has already shown that he is capable of keeping Mr. Potter safe. And, in a way, they have already bonded."

"But it's the completely wrong type of bond! No, I will not allow it."

"You cannot stop the bond from taking place."

"Watch me. I will-"

"Sir?" Harry called out, finally having enough. "Who is it?"

"Ah, Harry, fortunately, you already know the individual chosen. I have already sent for him, he should be here presently. He has already saved your life once, so you should be fine. He admires you greatly, and is out of the influence of anyone who would try to control you. This is undoubtedly why your magic chose him"

"But why is the Minister objecting so much? What's wrong with who was chosen?"

"What's wrong, the boy asks. I'll tell you what's wrong, it's not even human!" He yelled at Dumbledore.

"Yes, well, that shouldn't be a problem, as the marriage is not required to be consummated."

Fudge choked, turning slightly green.

"But who is it? Just tell me!"

"He should be here soon, Harry. Just-" He was interrupted by a loud popping sound.

"Master Harry Potter, sir! Dobby is honored! Harry Potter is the most powerful, wonderful wizard ever! Dobby would be honored to marry Master Harry!"

Harry's face whitened in shock. "Dobby, what. . ."

"Ah, good, now that you both are here, we can proceed with the marriage ceremony."

There was a thud as Harry collapsed onto the floor, unconscious.

So. . .there it is. What do you think? Should I make a sequel?