Title: Family
Author: Night of the Land
Category: Covert Affairs
Rating: T (for a single use of the eff word, and random other swear words)
Disclaimer: not mine
Summary: "I spent twelve months on the Farm, I did my SERE training at Fort Brag, and I have four mean ass older brothers." About Auggie's older brothers.
A/N: Okay, so I have "four mean ass older brothers" as well, but I'm the only girl in the family, so I'm mostly safe, however, I can imagine how poor Auggie felt growing up. So this is my take on his family life, because trust me it's not easy to live up to older siblings shadows especially when your family can't know what you do, so here is poor Auggie and his family life.
Thanksgiving was always fun. Well if he had still been twelve it would have been fun, but as it was, sitting around the table listening to the overwhelming voices cutting through his skull giving him a migraine was not what he would consider fun. So, he leaned back in his chair, eyes closed, a slightly pained grimace on his face.
At the head of the table to his left sat his father, Michael Anderson. An imposing man, with a head full of graying dark brown hair. Auggie knew that it was graying simply because of his mother's comments over the past few hours. He was a hard man, and Auggie remembered from his childhood, the man never smiled, he was as serious as they come. A banker by trade, and a small time financial broker on the side, he took himself and his job seriously.
On his father's right sat his mother, Virginia. A tiny woman, with light brown hair that was also graying, she had thin frameless glasses that covered her pale green eyes. She was the opposite of his father is almost everyway, and he supposed that is what drew them together in the beginning, and kept them together after all these years.
Next to his mother sat his nephew, Mathew. He had been born after he had already been shipped out to Iraq and thus he had never really seen what he looked like. But the little bugger was vibrant and loud and he reminded Auggie of the kid's dad, his second oldest brother, Jim.
Speaking of Jim, Auggie pinched the bridge of his nose; his brother had certainly not learned any restraint as an adult. Taller than Auggie and most certainly more buff, Jim was the second loudest voice at the table. Next to him sat his wife, Meredith. She was tiny and just an overall sweet heart. He had only seen her once, but he could remember her vivid blue eyes and her sweet smile. It was no wonder his brother loved her so much.
Next to Meredith sat Auggie's twin nieces, also Mere's and Jim's kids, Kate and Kara. They were only four years old and yet they were mature beyond their years. They seemed to be just as overwhelmed by all the noise as Auggie was, and if their conversation was any indication, they were planning on sneaking away from the table to go play Barbies.
Next to the girls sat Jany, a new addition to the Anderson family, his older brother's fiancé. From what he had heard she was striking, with long ginger hair and stunning blue eyes. But based on her personality he didn't care much for her. He could tell she was uncomfortable around him, he had heard the pity and awkwardness in her voice when she spoke to him.
Next to her, more than likely with his arm around her shoulders sat his brother Robert. He knew that Bob had met the girl at work, and was rather smitten with her, as it was with his older brother's personality. He was as unpredictable as Auggie was predictable. He worked for their father in the banking industry and hated ever minute of it. It was hard to be under three other family members in the work place.
This brought Auggie to the loudest voice at the table: his grandfather, Bill. He had never really liked the man, his father's father. As a kid he had been terrified of him, never knowing when he was going to make a scathing comment about his tiny size or his lack of intelligence (which was far from true, Auggie was simply more humble when it came to his intelligence and had no need to advertize it to the world like his siblings). On the day he had told them he was joining the military (which that in and of its self had been a challenge, since after all why the hell was a Law school grad joining the military, but it had been his cover at the time), his grandfather had scoffed and had wanted to know what use the government would have with a scrawny thing like him.
Even after all his Farm and SERE training, and especially after his Accident, Auggie still had a hard time tuning the man out. He knew that Bill was family and that he had to love him, because he was family, but he didn't have to like it. And like it he did not. In fact it could almost be said he despised the man, and August Anderson did not hate let alone despise anyone.
His grandmother, Catherine, on the other hand, was his best friend. She had supported him and had been there, along with his mom and sister, after the Accident, and with all his decisions. She was a kindly old woman, whose health was failing, and Auggie didn't really know what he would do when she was gone.
Forcing back that thought he listened as his grandmother calmly tell his grandfather and father to calm down, another voice broke his thoughts. His brother Henry, who was only a year and a half older than him, but had already settled down with a wife and a kid on the way. He worked at a research facility doing some top secret something or another for the government. He refused to share, claiming that his family didn't have the clearance (even though Auggie had a higher clearance rating than Henry did, but Henry didn't need to know that).
Henry's wife Jean sat next to her husband. She had barely said two works this whole dinner and Auggie got the impression that she felt just out of place as he did. He liked her a lot, her quick mind and wit, he knew why his brother had fallen so hard for her.
A gentle hand rested over his, and he turned his head slightly. The hand belonged to his little sister, Caroline. She was a spitfire who had just recently finished her PhD in counseling education. Her soft tiny hand was dwarfed by Auggie's larger one.
"You okay, Aug?" she asked, and he could sense concern in her voice.
Auggie turned and gave her a smile. He loved his sister more than life it's self. He would do anything for her, even sell his soul, which was the only reason he tolerated her questions. "Yeah, I'm good, headache, but I'm okay." He told her, giving her hand a squeeze before releasing it.
"You sure? Do you need a Tylenol or anything?" she asked, and he could feel the frown she was giving him.
"I'm okay Care." He told her, before he winced as a large hand slapped his back.
"I'm not so sure you are, little brother, barely said a word all night." His oldest, and thus most cherished brother Kyle announced very loudly. The man was just loud by nature, and the two brothers were complete opposites in everyway. Kyle was blonde with blue eyes with a very stout physic. Completely contrary to Auggie's wiry frame.
Auggie clenched his teeth wishing he could glare at his brother, before he straightened after what he supposed was meant to be a friendly pat on the back. "There's nothing important for me to say." He replied smartly his voice dripping with sarcasm.
To his left he would hear his oldest nephew, Nick, give a tiny laugh. The boy was nothing at all like his father. He would rather spend his time playing video games (or better yet programming them) than on the football field like his father wanted. At twelve years old he was already scary smart, much like his mother, Hayley.
"You think you're too good for us, boy?"
Auggie closed his eyes again, knowing that that question had been coming all night. He turned to the general direction he knew his grandfather was, and spoke his voice a mixture of his ever present sarcasm and resentment, "Not at all, however I find the conversation that has manly centered around the game from earlier in the day rather lacking in the importance category."
He felt Caroline kick him from under the table, and hiss a warning at him under her breath. The table shook as Bill heaved himself up from his seat to lean over the table, his voice low and threatening, "You think you're so high and mighty because you don't understand the game, you think you're better than us 'cause you work for some uppity up Law firm?" he glowered at his grandson, his eyes dark and threatening, the intimidation unless because after all Auggie could not see him.
Auggie sat with a slight smirk on his face, 'If you only knew what I do, and what I could do to you.' He thought, but simply said, "I have had simply nothing to contribute to this conversation."
Down the table he heard his mother clear her throat before he heard two chairs scrape back, "Caroline, Henry, Auggie, kids" she called to her three youngest and her grandchildren, "Help me with the dishes?" she asked, and Auggie could hear her hard soled shoes on the wood floor as she gathered plates and headed into the kitchen.
The three younger Anderson's and the nieces and nephews followed suite, Auggie's hand tucked in the crook of Caroline's as she lead him through the house of their childhood. They reached the kitchen, Henry and Care bitching at each other about something or another. The kids dropping off the dishes and running off to play, and Auggie gave a tiny smile; it was almost like old times.
He felt a hand on his arm, and he turned into it. "Oh, baby." His mother brushed his hair off his forehead, "Ignore them, they just don't know when to be quiet." She told him, her hand smoothing his hair back from his face.
"I know, mom." He told her taking her hands in his, "I know, and I do ignore them." He swallowed hard, "and you wonder why I hardly ever come home." He commented.
His mother gave his hands a squeeze, and he could almost see her half sad smile, and he gave his own little smile back, before he continued, "I'm not even sure if ill make it in for Christmas." He told her, glad that he couldn't see her disappointed look.
"Oh, but that firm of yours has got to give you Christmas off." She said, her tone scolding, releasing his hands to take a stack of plates from Care, "You can't not come home, August."
He cringed slightly at the use of his full name, but stood firm, "I don't know if I want to, Mom." He told her as he heard the faucet turn on in the sink and water began to run. He leaned against the counter as his mom washed dishes, Henry and Caroline gathering them from the dining room.
"I'm so sorry." He heard his mother's voice break, and he knew she was blinking back tears, "I shouldn't have encouraged you to be your own person." She whispered her voice low.
"Mom." He said, with a sigh, once more closing his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, "I was going to go a different way anyway. I had and still have no desire to be a banker." He told her.
"I know, honey, but if you hadn't…" she stopped and he heard her choke on her tears and words as she struggled not to say them.
"Mom, believe it or not, I'm happy. Happier then I've ever been." He told her, smiling as he thought of Annie. If he hadn't made the decisions he had then he would have never met her, and that thought in and of it's self was enough to rip his heart out.
He heard her turn to him. "I know, baby." She said, her smile back in her voice as Care brought another stack of plates to her.
"Yeah," Care cut in, "When are we going to meet this mysterious person who has made my brother human again?"
Auggie shook his head, "I've always been human, imp." He told her, laughing when she made a sound of annoyance. She gave him a smart ass retort but he was no longer listening as their mother chastised her for her foul language.
Yes it was so much like old time he could almost taste it. It brought a sense of melancholy over him, and he finished helping his mother and sister, before he slipped silently from the kitchen and onto the back porch.
He shivered as the cold wind off Lake Michigan rustled his hair and the branches in the trees. He knew that just over the trees you could see the gentle glow of the city lights. This had been his favorite place as a kid, letting the breeze from the Lake cool him during the summer, and during the winter watching the way the moon and the city lights reflected off the snow, a warm cup of tea or cocoa in his hands.
But now as he sat all he saw was darkness, and that's all he would ever see. He frowned and wrapped his arms around himself, sitting back in the porch swing. He wasn't one for self pity, not after it happen, not now, not ever, so what the hell was his problem? He shook his head, as the wind cut through him again. It was this place, his family, all the memories it dredged up.
He heard the screen door squeak open, then slam shut, and hard boots clomped across the porch, and he sighed again. Great, Kyle.
"Damn, it's cold." Kyle groused as he sat next to his brother on the porch swing. Neither Anderson was wearing a coat, simply their dark long sleeved shirts. Kyle glanced over at his little brother and frowned.
"Hey, look, man, I just wanted to, you know…" Kyle hesitated scratching the back of his head. Man this was hard. Before Auggie had been hurt he and his brother had had no problems talking, sharing thoughts with a simple look or gesture, but now any and all communication had to be verbal.
He saw Auggie give a tiny mocking smirk, before the slightly younger man turned to him, his unfocused eyes fixed on a spot just over his shoulder. "I get it, it's fine, Hayley made you come out here. There's no need to say anything for them. Really," He held up a hand when Kyle began to speak again, "it's fine, don't worry about it."
Kyle sat in silence as his brother turned back to stare out over the yard. Only he wasn't staring out at anything, he was in total blackness, darkness with out hope of light. Kyle felt his chest tighten. He may torment his little brother something bad sometimes, but he was still his little brother, the boy he had help teach how to ride his bike, his multiplication tables. And then after Auggie had decided to join the Army he had secretly wished he'd had the balls to defy his father like that, but he knew that he never would.
Auggie sighed, waiting for his brother to leave, simply wanting to be alone. Conversation with his brother over the last few years had been awkward at best. And tonight he wasn't in any mood for awkwardness.
"You know, Aug, I don't get you." Kyle comment a moment later, not bothering to look at his brother, taking in the way the porch lights reflected off the frozen duck pond.
Auggie snorted slightly, a little cloud of breath appearing before his face, "What's not to get? I'm just me, same as I've always been." He snarked back at his older brother.
"No, you're not the same, and I don't get it. Why you did the things you did."
Auggie paused, his mouth partially open as if he had stopped himself midsentence. He shrugged, before he shivered again, once more hugging himself. "What do you mean?" he asked finally.
"Why you left, why you felt you needed to go to Iraq, why you wasted your law education and joined the military." Kyle replied, looking at his brother, anger in his eyes as he turned.
Auggie looked slightly taken aback at the anger he heard in his brother's voice. He could almost see the look on his brother's face, the same look he had given him when Auggie had broken his new computer when they had been kids.
"Is it such a bad thing to want to serve your country?" Auggie asked, guilt gnawing at his insides as he thought about what his family knew of his service. They thought he had been an Army Ranger in Iraq, when in reality he had been NCS and was in fact still serving his country everyday.
"Yes!" Kyle snapped back, "When it's my little brother who didn't even play football in high school, it sure is a fucking bad thing."
Auggie went cold at his brother's words. While it may have been true that he had not played football as a high school student (unlike his brothers), he had in fact been involved in other athletics, mainly soccer. That had always been a point of agitation during school between him and his father, and now 20 something years down the road, it was being thrown back in his face.
"Being a football player or a jock has nothing to do with wanting to serve your country, Kyle. This country needs more than just jocks and jarheads defending her, trust me." Auggie told him, the cold chill that was now creeping down his spine having nothing to do with the cold wind that was sweeping up from Lake Michigan.
"Yeah, which is why I don't get why you left." Kyle shot back, and the rustling of clothing let Auggie know he had folded his arms over his chest. It was the same move that their father did when he was confused or losing an argument, puff yourself up and maybe the person arguing or the thing that confused you would go away. It had absolutely no effect on Auggie at all.
"I had my reasons, Kyle, and they are my own." Auggie told him, his voice deceptively calm as he felt his neck flush with his suppressed anger, "I wasn't a kid and I haven't been a kid in a very long time, I didn't need someone questioning my decisions then and I sure as hell don't need it now. So back off. I didn't see you lining up to take up arms to defend this country against her enemies. I took an oath, one that I believed in, and still do, even though I no longer serve. When have you ever believed in something, Kyle? When was the last time you could honestly say that you had something to believe in?" Auggie paused, his anger getting the better of him, and he took several silent deep breaths, dreading what his brother's retorts would be.
To his surprise, Kyle was silent as well. Auggie heard no sound of him leaving; only the gentle rustling of the trees and the ever present smell of snow in the air. They sat in awkward silence for a while before Kyle spoke again, his voice pitched so low Auggie had to strain to hear it.
"You're right. I don't have anything to believe in." Kyle admitted, looking at his brother and wishing that his little brother could see the regret in his face, the sorrow and pain in his eyes as he spoke, "I've never had something to believe in, but was it worth it? Was your faith and your belief worth everything that happened to you?"
Auggie took a deep breath, carding his hand through his wind tousled hair, unfocused eyes casting out over the lawn before them. Had it been worth it? He asked himself that everyday, every morning when he got up, every time he heard Annie come in the room, or anytime he wished just for a split second that he could see again. He closed his eyes, for once not sure what to say, before he gave a small smirk, and turned to face his brother.
"You know, I ask myself that everyday. Every day when I get up and realize that I will never see the sun, that it hadn't just been a bad dream. But at the end of the day, when it's all said and done, I have absolutely no regrets. None, whatsoever, and I think that if I hadn't made the choices that I have made then I would be regretting everything in my life right now."
He could feel Kyle's eyes on him, scrutinizing him so thoroughly that he felt as if he was in the Spanish Inquisition. He knew that his brother would have a hard time with his reasons, with his explanation but he didn't have the time or the energy to bullshit around.
Kyle cracked a smile, before placing a large hand on his brother's strong but still wiry shoulder, "You've grown up, Aug. You've grown up." He told him, before pulling his brother into a tight man-hug, clapping him hard on the back, before releasing him. He stood, "Now, I really came out to tell you that mom's got a pumpkin pie with our names on." He said smirking, "But if you need a minute, I'll tell her to save you a piece."
Auggie stood as well, hand finding the side of the house, tracing the siding to the door as he walked behind his brother, "No, I'm good, I'm coming."
Kyle laughed and clapped him on the back again, and the two brothers laughed at something Kyle said, unknowing that from the kitchen window they were being watched by the caring eyes of Virginia Anderson.
She smiled happily, wiping tears from her eyes as she watched her two sons, eldest and youngest, come to an accord. Now if only her husband and his father could see just what an amazing son and grandson they had. She was proud of all of her children, but none more than August. He had pulled himself back together and was the man she had always wanted him to be. She turned away from the window and back to her kitchen, the rest of the family waiting for her to bring the desert into the dining room.
When the back door swung open and closed and the voices of her youngest and eldest floated into the room, she smiled and her heart rejoiced. The family was beginning to mend it's self from all the pain and tragedy it had suffered over the past years.