Hey guys! So this is me being angry about the lack of Brittana in this season of Glee. That's what I lived for in season 1! I decided I REALLY wanted a scene between the two girls and I knew Ryan wouldn't give me one any time soon, so I figured I'd write one myself. I thought something like this would be perfect for Brittany's character, as well as Santana's.
*!*!* Please, please, PLEASE know that I do not mean to offend anyone in the slightest by saying the word "retarded". I myself have a cousin with Proteus Syndrome, also known as Elephant Man's Disease, and with it slight mental retardation. Plus my mother has been involved in Special Olympics and has been working in school systems with children who have autism since before I was born. I have literally grown up surrounded by people with special needs, and it kills me every time someone says "What are you retarded?" So I sincerely apologize, from the bottom of my heart, if I offend anyone by using that word. This is not my intention. I know how hurtful it can be, and I wanted to get that message across.
I don't own Fox, Glee, Brittany or Santana….. If I did my life would be MUCH happier!
Anyway… on with the show!
God fucking dammit! Santana inwardly cursed as she stormed down the hallways at McKinley High School in pursuit of the choir room. On her way she punched multiple objects, most of them being students. Earlier that morning Mr. Schue called an emergency meeting for the Glee Members to discuss ways to pay for transportation to Regionals, and Santana had forgotten her Cheerios bag in the room. She needed to get it before Coach Sylvester found out she left a priceless, Cheerios, possession unattended. Otherwise she could kiss the top of the pyramid good-bye for good.
As she rounded the final corner, and the choir room came into view, Santana kicked one last trash can before barreling through the door. She scanned the room, her fiery eyes stopping as they landed on the extra figure in the room. Immediately her scowl turned into a smile and her eyes softened as she recognized the blonde sitting in her usual spot.
Santana giggled as she took in her best friend. Brittany was staring at the piano and her fingers were anxiously twiddling with a strip of her Cheerios skirt. She probably forgot to put on her gravity belt again this morning Santana thought to herself lovingly. The Dutch girl always had some absolutely adorable reason as to why she couldn't leave a room, and Santana was excited to hear each and every one of them.
"Yo Britt!" Santana shouted into the quiet.
Brittany jumped a mile into the air as she was startled out of her thoughts. Finally her frightened eyes landed on the Latina, who was currently laughing hysterically.
"Jesus B, no need to have a heart attack! My God! Hey, why are you still here? What are you crazy or something?"
Instead of answering the Latina, Brittany only lowered her head so she was now staring at her lap.
Oh shit. Santana could feel the color drain from her face and her heart began to scream in her chest. Something was seriously wrong. Brittany always answered Santana's questions. She always shared any explanation for her weird behavior without any hesitation. But now…. silence. Santana could only stare at her best friend, worry written all over her face, as she went through multiple scenarios to explain the blonde's unusual behavior.
Suddenly Santana was yanked from her thoughts as she saw the first few tears escape those blue eyes she loved more than anything. In an instant she found herself kneeling in front of Brittany, her hands placed delicately on the shaking knees in front of her. Brown eyes desperately tried to meet blue as Santana attempted to place her head in the path of Brittany's gaze. The Latina's heart broke even more as she watched silent tears fall effortlessly, marring the face of the only person she truly cared about. Brittany never cried. Seeing her best friend this upset was not something Santana ever really saw, and it was not something she wanted to see again. She needed to make things better, and fast.
"Hey! Sweetie, what's wrong? Huh? I need you to tell me what's wrong so I can fix this. Look at me…. Britt, please look at me."
Even though Santana's knees were screaming at her to get off the ground, she refused to move until Brittany said something, anything, instead of just sitting there crying to herself.
After what seemed like an eternity, Brittany finally opened her mouth to speak.
"I'm sorry."
"What? Why are you sorry? You don't need to apologize for being upset."
Santana waited as Brittany sniffed and wiped away a fresh batch of tears from her eyes.
"I'm sorry for… being… retarded."
The impact of these words slammed into Santana full force causing her to fall back on her heels in shock, though she still held on to Brittany's knees for balance. The Latina had never heard the blonde girl sound so broken in her entire life. She was slowly crumbling apart and Santana didn't know how to help her. The brunette had no idea where any of this was coming from, nor did she know how long it's been waiting to come out, or why she never heard about any of it before.
Santana swallowed the anger that began to force its way forward as she raised her self fully on to her knees. She grabbed Brittany's hands in her own, squeezing them in desperation.
"Who called you retarded?"
No words, only more tears.
"Brittany!" Santana cupped the girl's chin in her hand, "Who called you retarded?"
Sensing the anger and hurt in the brunette's voice, Brittany squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head vigorously.
"It's okay, you can tell me. I want to know who said this to you. I need to know." Santana paused to close her own eyes. She couldn't believe her best friend had been going through all this pain and it killed her to know she had been going through it alone. She needed to keep Brittany from feeling any more hurt, but she couldn't do that if Brittany refused to talk to her.
When Santana spoke again her voice was barely more than a whisper, "Britt, talk to me. Who said this to you?"
For the first time Brittany looked at Santana; hurt blue eyes meeting worried brown. Letting out a shaky breath layered with tears, Brittany answered her friend, "Everyone."
Before Santana could even think about reaching up to embrace the blonde, she found herself falling over as Brittany slammed into her body. Violent sobs wracked the taller girls frame as she clung to Santana with all her strength, afraid if she let go she'd be lost forever.
They stayed on the floor, with Brittany wrapped in Santana's tight embrace, for a long time; neither one of them talking. The Latina just let the girl in her arms cry her eyes out on her own, hoping the hurt would soon be washed away forever. However, it had been over five minutes and Brittany's sobs still hadn't quieted, making Santana genuinely afraid Brittany might hyperventilate. To try and calm the blonde, Santana found herself instinctively rocking side to side while humming softly in her friends ear, and began gently rubbing circles on Brittany's still trembling back. Her actions proved affective for in less than a minute Brittany's alarming, shallow breathing and heart wrenching sobs relaxed into much healthier breaths that were interrupted by hiccups and sniffs. Santana didn't stop her comforting pattern until she felt Brittany stir in her arms.
The Dutch girl pulled away from the brunettes loving embrace and situated herself so her back was to Santana. Hugging her legs tightly to her chest, Brittany shoved her forehead on her knees. Santana couldn't help but feel thankful Brittany wasn't looking at her. This way she could wipe away a few threatening tears as she watched her friend's body tense uncharacteristically.
Brittany's muffled voice penetrated Santana's thoughts, "I don't mean to be. I swear."
Santana didn't know what to say. She was afraid anything she did say would break the blonde even more. All she could think to do was put a reassuring hand on Brittany's shoulder.
"I just… I don't want to be dumb anymore."
"You are NOT dumb!" Santana had a hard time keeping the anger from her voice. How could she even think that?"
Brittany whirled around so she was now staring the Latina down. "Then why does everyone always tell me that I am?"
Santana opened her mouth to try and respond but Brittany cut her off before she could make a sound.
"Don't tell me that they don't because they do! That's all they ever do! 'Don't bother explaining anything to Brittany she won't know what's going on.' 'Remember, use small words around Brittany, she's not all there upstairs.' 'If Brittany says anything random just ignore her. She does that.' I HATE IT! Those people think that just because they're not directly calling me stupid it's okay to say those things to my face. And then there are the people who actually do call me a retard to my face. Whether it's when they simply throw it at me when I'm passing them in the hallway, or when I'm in class and everyone makes fun of me when I get an answer wrong."
By now Brittany was yelling at Santana and she had started crying again. But these tears weren't tears of sorrow; this fresh batch was fueled by months of rage hidden behind a happy façade. And as she continued revealing her anger to Santana her voice became louder, each word coated with venom and hatred.
"Oh! And don't even GET me started on the looks! Do you honestly think I don't notice the way people look at me after I speak? They always roll their eyes and shake their heads as if saying 'Oh my God what an idiot.' But the worst is the 'Poor, poor, stupid Brittany' sympathy look! Everything I say makes people look at me funny. Except it's not funny because I'm not laughing!
I just don't get it! I realize I'm not the brightest tool in the crayon box, but I know I'm not completely dumb either. I know it's not okay to call someone retarded to their face. Just like I know it's stupid to cry yourself to sleep every night over silly things like being called retarded to your face, but-"
"Whoa! Hold up!" Up until this point Santana had been staring wide eyed and gaping at her best friend. The information she was receiving had rendered her speechless, but now she had to say something. "It is NOT stupid to cry yourself to sleep and the reason why is not silly. What's not okay is the fact that there are people who are doing these things to you. What's not okay is the fact that you had to put up with this shit. No one should have to deal with that. Do NOT be ashamed of being upset about this. You have every right to be angry. Come here," Santana beckoned for Brittany to curl up in her arms, to which the blonde responded to without hesitation.
Santana rested her cheek on the top of Brittany's head and began stroking the bangs off her forehead; an act Santana knew always comforted the taller girl. She continued speaking in a much quieter, sadder voice than before.
"I'm just so sorry I didn't realize you were hurting this much. You're my best friend and I love you more than anything in this world. I should have noticed. I should have protected you. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," Brittany's muffled voice escaped the creases of Santana's Cheerio shirt.
"No, it's not okay. I promised I'd always protect you and I failed. It just kills me inside to know you've not only been called a retard, which you are not, but also that you had to deal with that pain alone; because I was too ignorant to realize what was happening. I couldn't even imagine what I would do if that happened to me."
"You'd get used to it. When it happens every day, you'd get used to it."
"But that's the thing, you shouldn't have to get used to it. Look at me for a sec, okay?" Santana gently, but firmly, grabbed Brittany's shoulders and held her at arm's length. Their bodies faced each other, but Brittany's head was turned to the side. "Britt, you need to look at me so you understand everything I'm about to say to you." Brittany turned her head in Santana's direction; however her gaze remained fixated on the floor. "Eyes too." They were reluctant, but blue eyes ultimately found their way to brown- brown eyes that were trying very hard not to start crying again.
"That's better. Are you listening to me?" She waited for a nod before she continued, "Good. People can be real jerks sometimes. Sometimes… people say things that aren't true because it makes them feel better about themselves. They enjoy making others feel bad by pointing out anything that may be different about that person and making it look ten times worse. With you they just… they don't get you. They don't get that you see in pictures, not words. They don't get that you don't bother yourself with silly facts that mean absolutely nothing, like the square root of four. They don't get that you refuse to see the bad in anything, not because you don't want to, but because you can't. They don't get that you're the nicest, sweetest, funniest, most caring person anyone could ever meet. They don't get that you're the smartest person that I know. You always know exactly when to take the cookies out of the oven so that they're just right, without even glancing at the recipe because we both know those are too confusing to be bothered with anyway. You always know how someone is feeling just by watching the way they blink. You can memorize an entire Sue Sylvester ten-minute routine in four minutes flat. I've seen you do it! The choreographer had to keep up with you! You know how to make anyone's day just by walking in the room and smiling.
But most importantly, you know me. You know everything about me: my secrets, my hobbies, my heart, even some things I don't know about myself. You know all of my moods, and you know how to put with every single, shitty one. You know exactly what to say and do when I'm sad, and you know how to make me laugh when I don't even want to smile. You know how to make me feel like I'm doing something right when you look at me with those amazing, blue eyes. You know how to love me like no one else can."
Santana could have gone on for days, but she had to stop and compose herself. By now both girls had tears streaming down their faces. Brittany because not a single person had ever said anything like that to her before; and Santana because she couldn't believe she'd never said any of that before. Staring into each other's eyes, completely filled with love for one another, they suddenly broke out into light-hearted laughs as they realized what Santana just said was completely out of character, and would most likely never happen again.
The Latina finally composed herself long enough to ask, "Now, would you know all that stuff if you were retarded?"
Brittany shook her head with a slight grin creeping across her face.
"Exactly! That's my girl. And don't you worry. From now on no one is going to call you retarded, or say anything mean to you, ever again. If they do I will slap them so hard so help me God!" Santana smiled and shot out her hand for Brittany to take, "Now come on. Today is now officially the start to your 'My-First-Day-Without-Being-Called-Stupid-Retarded-Or-Dumb-To-My-Face-Which-Will-Soon-Result-In-Never-Hearing-Those-Words-Spoken-About-Me-Ever-Again-Lifestyle!' Let's go tackle it together."
She wiggled her tan fingers patiently for Brittany to take, but that never happened. Instead she watched as the smile that had recently graced the blonde's lips completely disappeared, leaving behind an unexpected frown.
Santana couldn't help but furrow her eyebrows, "What's wrong?"
"Somebody already said something to me today."
"What? WHO?" Santana thought about who could have possibly gotten to Brittany. We arrived at school, had Cheerios practice-where NOBODY spoke about Brittany while I was around- went to our lockers while everyone was still in class, and headed straight for Glee. Meaning… "Was it Puck? Because if it was I will personally castrate him."
"No, it wasn't Puck."
"Weezy? 'Cause I'll dress her up like a seal and throw her in an orca tank."
"I don't know who that is."
"Quinn?"
"No"
"Manhands."
"Uh, uh"
"Finn?"
Brittany shook her head.
"Then who was it?"
"….You." Brittany's voice was so low Santana had to struggle to hear what she said, but when she did her eyes immediately widened in alarm.
"ME? When? I would never say anything like that to you!"
"When you walked in you said, and I quote, 'Why are you still here? What are you crazy or something?'"
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it like that! I wasn't – You know what? A deal's a deal. I made a promise and I never break my promises. I'm Santana Fucking Lopez for Christ sake! Alright! Here goes nothing."
Santana closed her eyes as tight as she could and sucked in a large breath. Before Brittany could ask what was going on, Santana slapped herself in the face, instantly letting out a moan and began rubbing her cheek furiously. She opened her eyes at the sound of gut wrenching laughter and saw Brittany's head tilt back towards the ceiling as she laughed hysterically.
"Oh, so you think that was funny do you?"
The blonde sucked in her lips in an attempt to conceal her smile as she shook her head, trying desperately to not starting laughing again.
"Yes you do! I just hurt myself, FOR YOU, and you're laughing at me? Unbelievable!" Santana made an overly dramatic gesture in raising her arms, one that would make Rachel Berry proud, as she made her way to "storm out".
"No! San, wait! I'm sorry!" Brittany giggled as she got up to chase after the Latina. When she reached her friend she flung her arms around the shorter girl's neck, embracing her in a tight hug. "Thank you, S."
"Anytime. I'm always here for you, B, you know that. No matter what."
"Promise?"
"Of course I promise. You're stuck with me."
Santana dislodged herself from Brittany's death grip and held up her little finger. Brittany beamed at the gesture quickly snaking her pinky around her best friends awaiting one. The two girls walked off, pinky in pinky, ready to start Brittany's new 'My-First-Day-Without-Being-Called-Stupid-Retarded-Or-Dumb-To-My-Face-Since-Santana-Doesn't-Count-So-This-Morning-Never-Actually-Happened-And-It-Will-Soon-Result-In-Never-Hearing-Those-Words-Spoken-About-Me-Ever-Again-Lifestyle' together.
So, what do you think? I know it's not the best, and I have a lot of trouble with verb tenses and run-on sentences, so I know you guys probably got confused and frustrated while reading it. I'm not too, too happy with the way it turned out, because I think the beginning took off too slow. And I don't think Santana's speech came out as well as I imagined it. This whole thing sounded better in my head when I could actually visualize the scene happening. But I figured I'd give it a shot and throw it out on FanFiction.
Also, in my head I totally pictured Mr. Schue being in his little conjoining office to the choir room overhearing everything. But I figured that would ruin the ending to the story so I decided to simply mention it here and let you guys decide how you want the ending to go.
Please review and let me know what you think! I have so many other Brittana ideas and if people want to hear them, I'd be glad to share!