For Love

When Tauriel kissed Kili - the first, last, and only time his skin would be intimately against hers - his lips were so still and she wished desperately that she'd taken the chance while he was still alive. "I'm sorry I could not save you," she whispered. Tears dripped on his cheeks and rolled off. It was one thing for one's love to die, another for him to die within arm's reach when she could do nothing to stop it.

Watching her grieve over one to whom she'd lost her heart before she really got to know him, King Thranduil seemed to find a piece of his heart returning to life when it had been cold and frozen all these long years since his love died. He stepped forward and rested a hand on her shoulder. "You are welcome to return with us, Daughter of the Forest. If not now, then when you need to come back home it will be waiting for you."

Tauriel could not find the words to say 'thank you', they lodged in her throat as he turned and walked away. Instead she brushed back Kili's matted hair. "I wish I had told you my answer was yes." Do you think she could love me? echoed in the air and she felt a deep desire to have a piece of him to keep with her.

An idea came to her and Tauriel carefully plaited two Elvish braids into his dark locks, one tiny and behind his ear that none would likely notice, another thicker just under the top layer that she bound with string pulled from her coat and gently cut from his head. She secured the braid around her wrist using a clasp found in one of Kili's pockets (dwarves kept all sorts of odds and ends tucked away), a meager amount of peace seeping into her for something to hold onto.

From her own fiery mane Tauriel wove a simple long braid and sliced through the strands. A couple members of the Company arrived as she was tying it around his wrist and Tauriel carefully concealed the matching one under her sleeve. Oin's eyebrows drew together. "What are you doing lass?"

Tears she thought had frozen flowed freely once more and Tauriel turned pleading eyes on him. "I just wanted others to know that an elf loved him."

All were speechless at her pronouncement - elves did not love dwarves after all - but there could be no mistaking her sincerity. "What are you going to do with him?" she whispered.

Balin crouched beside her. "We've got to take him now Lady. There will be a viewing and service for our kin, then he will be entombed in the Mountain with his brother and uncle."

Tauriel closed his eyes. "Fili too?" Kili had told her how close he and his brother were and she mourned anew for another loss.

"Aye. And it's for the best. They would not have well survived being separated."

She wanted to ask them if they could bury her with Kili as well. It was all the same since he took her heart with him when he died. Would that was actually so, perhaps then it wouldn't hurt so much. Instead Tauriel cleared her throat and she deftly slipped the runestone from his hand, needing it back now that things were becoming finalized. "May I join you?" She swallowed. "I would like not to be far from him."

It was highly irregular but all they had to do was look to see how broken she was over Kili and none could refuse her request. The dwarves brought a stretcher and lifted Kili onto it, carefully bearing their precious cargo back to the Mountain, and lay him down next to Thorin and Fili's fallen bodies. Though she knew she should contribute to the clean up effort, Tauriel's heart would not suffer her to leave Kili's side and none tried to move her once the Company displayed their permission. Centuries had passed since last an elf had been allowed in the Mountain and many dwarrow moving about Erebor gave her dark and curious looks but in the end held their tongues.

Tauriel cared for none of it, her focus solely on the one she lost. Hours later, maybe longer, she tore a strip of fabric from her clothing to make a cloth, improvised a bowl from an abandoned helmet, and filled it with water from the river. Bringing it back, she began to carefully dab the blood from Kili's face. He was cold now and his skin chilled her fingers, so unlike the few times they'd touched during their acquaintance which warmed her whole being. Once he was cleaned up she did the same for Fili and Thorin, caring for them as she thought Kili would want her to.

She spoke not a word but tears flowed freely in the completion of her task, as if an unending well of sorrow now filled her soul to the brim, releasing at the slightest provocation. When she had done all she could think of Tauriel closed her eyes and let herself remember every detail of the all too brief time she and Kili had been part of each other's lives - four weeks in Thranduil's dungeons, speaking freely to one another each night when she checked the cells. Two weeks in Lake-town as he healed enough to travel, sharing quiet whispers after the others had gone to sleep. Side by side, exchanging nothing but what they saw in each other's eyes.

Tauriel was still crying when the Company finally returned a day later to prepare for the ceremony and Dain's acceptance as King Under the Mountain and none of them knew what to do with her. Dori, always the most gracious, asked Bilbo to show her to one of the empty bedchambers but she shook her head. "Please, I do not want to leave him."

Her unmistakable grief put them in an odd position, such things just weren't done, but Balin and Dwalin didn't argue and the others followed along. Tauriel helped arrange Kili's body on the raised stone bed, lit candles, and faded into the background as the immense hall filled with all the remaining dwarrow. The Company paid their respects and wept for the great loss and the end of the line of Durin. She kept watching through another night and planted herself outside Kili's tomb once uncle and sister-sons were sealed behind thick stone slabs. There she sat and paced listlessly day after day, eating if someone brought her food but always very little and otherwise simply wasting away in her sorrow, feeling the strength of her spirit slowly fading from within her.

A fortnight passed in the same fashion until one day Balin brought her meal. "What are you doing here lass?"

Tauriel looked up from her hands, sitting as she was with legs dangling off the edge of the path. Her eyes were dull and lifeless, almost as if she'd died as well but her body hadn't yet realized it. "Waiting to die," she answered at last, "though that is no consolation when elves and dwarves remain separated after the end. But at least it will not hurt so much."

"This isn't what he would have wanted for you Lady. Our Kili was full of zest for life. You do him no honour throwing yours away."

"What is left for me in this world?" Tauriel asked softly. "If we had come together before the battle, married by the laws and customs of my people, there could be hope that I conceived his child and then I would have a reason to go on, something I could do to honour him and the love we shared. Though mine remained unconfessed until 'twas too late." It was the last thing she'd whispered in his ear before they locked him away from her eyes and her touch. "But we did not so I have nothing. There is no place left in this world for an elf with no purpose."

Balin could barely take in that she'd been willing for such a union to occur, let alone everything else, and to find words to speak to her proved difficult. "I hope he knew how much you loved him."

Listless green eyes were shuttered behind closed lids. "He will be the only one who ever holds my heart." She sighed, the sound dredged from the depths of her being. "Grieving can take the life of an elf as surely as battle. I only wish it was already done."

Balin didn't know what else to say and slipped out quietly. There was no comfort for such hopelessness.

LOTR

A month after the burial, with no warning whatsoever, Tauriel left Erebor. In Dale she was able to trade an Elven dagger for some material and sewing supplies and returned to the tombs, spending some days in her task and anyone who passed the hall could hear songs of lament to break one's heart sung in her clear high lovely voice. She disappeared again with a towel and soap and reappeared at the Mountain gates - pale skin clean and shining, damp hair gleaming in the weak winter sun. Instead of the uniform they'd all become accustomed to Tauriel wore a gray colourless dress reflecting the way her world looked now.

The Company gathered as if summoned and she folded her hands. "Thank you, for allowing me to stay." She waved towards Mirkwood. "The trees call me home. Perhaps it is within their shelter that I will find my rest."

Dwalin stepped forward. "I don't mind telling you I've no love lost for your kind elf." He sighed and his tone softened. "But I'm glad the lad got to know you. He deserved that happiness." His shoulders shook with held back emotions. "Go with Mahal's blessing."

Balin reached for her hand, placing the runestone in her palm as Kili had done weeks earlier and curled her fingers over it. "I saw you leave this at his tomb. Take it lass. You deserve to have something to remember him by."

Tauriel didn't tell them of the dark braided locks encircling her wrist and gave the barest imitation of a smile. "Thank you." She bowed to them and as one they returned the courtesy, then Tauriel turned and walked towards the forest, nothing more than a ghost still inhabiting its earthly shell.

Bofur shook his head. "How did this all go so wrong?"

Balin clasped his shoulder. "It's beyond our power to make it right cousin. I only hope her passing is more peaceful among her people." A girl so young and beautiful didn't deserve that kind of death.

LOTR

Tauriel slipped silent as a shadow through the trees, taking her time and greeting old friends among the thick trunks and twisting limbs. When at last she reached the gate Elros looked surprised to see her but said nothing as she passed. It was obvious her spirit was sick, there was no other word for her pallor and the spark of immortality that no longer flashed in her faded eyes.

She presented herself to the king, bowing respectfully. "I will not trouble you for long my liege."

King Thranduil frowned at her appearance, his keen eyes seeing much amiss besides her attire, though even a blind person would find the hopelessness in her fea impossible to miss. He gestured with one hand. "My halls are yours again Tauriel. May you find peace here."

She stared at him knowingly. "When has there ever been peace in these halls? What peace there was departed long ago and we are left only with shadows."

Turning and walking away she made her way through familiar twists and turns until she came to the small chamber that had been hers. Everything was as she left it but there was nothing for her now. Stretching out on the bed, Tauriel closed her eyes and willed her spirit to depart before she had to open them again, still alive in a world that didn't know how to help, her heart still beating though she would swear it stopped the day Kili fell to evil on top of Ravenhill.

LOTR

Much to her disappointment Tauriel woke in the morning and so began a routine that became her daily habit. She took care to bathe, dress, and do her hair regularly, ate sporadically, and spoke few words to those she encountered. She made a long trek into the forest, to the place they'd saved the dwarves and where she first saw Kili. At night she wandered aimlessly down to the dungeons, searching his cell for even a hint of his presence left and spending long hours communing with the stars soaking in their light - though by and by it began to feel colder and she found the pure white starlight harder to bear. All the while the elleth wondered how long it took a being to die of a shattered heart.

Tauriel scoured the halls until she found where the Company's belongings had been stored - everything left behind in their cells when they escaped in the barrels - and made it her personal mission to wash and mend all their clothing as well as clean and polish each weapon. She made arrangements with the king and a messenger who often traveled between the Woodland Realm and Erebor to have everything sent back to the original owners. She hoped they would forgive her if what attire she recognized as Kili's found a home in her room rather than being returned to the Mountain. It was easier to imagine Kili sitting on the stone ledge in his cell, teasing her and telling stories, if she could brush her hand over his coat while reliving the memory.

She'd been back for three weeks when he started to come to her in dreams. The first she woke from with a start, so real she expected to still find herself in the forest with Legolas, the guard, dead spiders, and a scraggly group of dwarves. The next included their second interaction when she locked him in and so on, all as if she was living every moment over again. She woke herself up crying out when he was shot with a morgul shaft, cried great weeping tears when he asked if she could love him, and lost another piece of heart watching him die once more at Bolg's hand.

It was enough to make her never want to sleep again so she simply took her rest in traditional Elvish form for a week, spending the night hours polishing every weapon in the armouries. But that left her with far too much time to think so reluctantly she started going back to bed and immediately wished she'd done it all along. Rather than a chronicle of what had already been done, now what played out was the many different ways they could have shared a future. A month after that the futures all blended and she began watching scenes of the life they should have had. Tauriel stopped eating altogether then and a week later found no reason to continue getting out of bed.

When it was finally established that no one had lain eyes on her for a sennight, King Thranduil looked in on her himself and found her body in a position of peaceful repose, a small smile on her face. But her heart no longer beat, blood lay still in her veins, and breath was not being drawn in. He closed his eyes and uttered a prayer of thanks that at least her fading had been peaceful, then ordered her chamber be undisturbed except what was necessary to keep the body cared for and tended to. Someday Legolas would return home and the king wanted to make sure his son was given the chance to say goodbye to an old and dear friend.

LOTR

Tauriel opened her eyes in Mandos' halls to hear Aule pleading on her behalf. "Please my lord, grant this request. Tauriel is the only one of Eru's Firstborn to give her heart to one of my beloved creations. I beg of you to release her to my keeping so they can be together now and not have to wait for the reforming of the world. She has grieved so hard for her lost love and I long to comfort her in this way."

Manwe was silent several moments and gestured to Tauriel. "Is this your wish as well? Once done such a thing could not be undone. The time will stretch out long indeed before you once more see friends and kin of your own race."

Hope bloomed in Tauriel's chest and she fell on her knees. "Please my lord, please. I would give up anything if it meant Kili and I could find each other here."

"Very well," he said at last, nodding at Aule. "Take her into your charge." And to Tauriel, "Treasure the love you share Tauriel. That is a rare gift indeed."

Smiling so wide she couldn't speak, Tauriel joined the Vala and followed him silently until he came to a mountain that looked very similar to Erebor. "Everything good in Middle-earth is simply a reflection of what exists on this side. You will find the Durin's hard at work, though one I think with less enthusiasm than he was meant to feel. You will, of course, seek to remedy that?"

Tauriel wondered if it was appropriate to hug a Vala but settled for an eager nod. "Aye my lord, that I will."

Aule departed with a nod and a smile. It was always a joy to meet others who valued his children the way he did and this one especially being of Illuvatar's Firstborn held a special place in his heart now.

Left alone Tauriel stared at the mountain for several moments before taking one tentative step forward and then another. She made it just to the entrance and then noticed one of the dwarves outside, working on a large chunk of stone with a chisel and hammer. His hair was the same black she'd touched many times in dreams and nightmares and fantasies, his stature a few inches less than her own as she always remembered when reliving his last words to her on the beach, and his clothing of a familiar make.

Tauriel pressed her hands to her lips, stifling a cry of joy. Instead she swallowed hard, waiting until she could speak. "Kili?" The dwarf froze in his movements, not turning around though his tools fell unheeded to the ground. She could see that he held perfectly still, not even breathing, and she smiled tremulously. "I'm here."

"Tauriel?" Kili shook his head. "You cannot be her," he whispered hoarsely and Tauriel closed her eyes at the echo of a memory. "She is far, far away from me. She walks in starlight in another world." Kili's eyelid slid closed, his shoulders slumping. "It was just a dream. "Do you think-" He couldn't finish and Tauriel moved until she stood but an arm's length away.

"Yes," she answered desperately, passionate in her conviction. "She could have loved you. She does, very much. Kili..." Tauriel reached out and touched his shoulder. "I am her."

He turned and grabbed her in a fierce embrace, letting go almost immediately to cup her face. "How?" Kili demanded, eyes bright. "How came you here?"

Tears streamed from her eyes as her fingers found and caressed his scruffy cheeks. "Because of love," she whispered. "Kili, I mourned you for four and a half months until my spirit no longer desired to continue dwelling in a world where you were not. Aule - Mahal himself interceded with Manwe for my release into his care rather than stay the Halls of Waiting."

His brow furrowed. "But here...Tauriel, you will never see your friends again, your kin, your...parents." During one of their dungeon conversations she'd confided in him the fate of her family.

Tauriel smiled slightly, touching his soft hair. "I miss them and I have spent my life avenging their deaths. But for all of time the only one I would be lost without is you."

"Tauriel," Kili whispered reverently, "I love you."

She brought her mouth to his, heart overflowing with joy when this time her kiss was returned. "I love you."

The next meeting of lips was longer, deeper, and he broke away wearing an unquenchable grin. "I want for nothing now. Fili and Uncle will be quite relieved they no longer must put up with my melancholy." Kili turned a questioning glance on her. "Fili says I pout, can you believe that?"

Tauriel chuckled, intertwining their fingers as had happened only once before. "I can, actually." She arched an eyebrow. "You are rather dramatic meleth-nin."

His mouth dropped open before he drew her close once more, pressing his lips to her palm. "I had reason to," he said quietly, "thinking I'd be separated from my love for all eternity until the world is remade."

Tauriel smiled, one of the first in so long that she felt out of practice with the expression. "You no longer have that grief." Her gaze flitted around. "I wonder what work there is for an elf in an afterlife made for dwarves?"

Kili smirked. "Why to be my adoring lady of course."

She rolled her eyes. "I had hoped for something slightly more fulfilling."

He wanted to be offended but knew she spoke in truth as well as jest. "For starters, you can teach my people to appreciate starlight and we'l learn you songs that do not come from harps. After that, we will look for Mahal's guiding." Kili brushed his lips over her jaw. "He saw fit to bring me you. I have more faith in him than ever before."

"Yes," Tauriel agreed, glancing back to the place Aule had stood as Kili led her into the mountain. "Now anything is possible, all because of love."

THE END

Thank You Father, each one is a gift. I love you, L