Summary: Rebekah, Elena,Caroline, and Bonnie are just four teenage girls hoping to win their town's beauty pageant. The three judges they must impress are ruthless, fearsome, and downright gorgeous. Who will come out on top and who will crash and burn?

Rating: M for language and sexy times

Starring:

Rebekah – a murderous Miss Mystic hopeful with a thirst for vengeance.

Caroline – a girl who will do whatever it takes to win the pageant – including seduce a judge.

Elena – a contestant who likes to play the victim, but knows how to dish it out just as well.

Bonnie – a fiery competitor who will lie, steal, and cheat to get what she wants most.

Klaus – the deliciously sassy judge that knows how to charm a rock. Caesar Flickerman/RuPaul version 2.0.

Damon – a ruthless judge most easily compared to the likes of Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan.

Stefan – the inevitable Steven Tyler/Paula Abdul counterpart. The judge that hasn't got a clue what he's talking about – or judging – and is just in it for the eye candy.

A/N: I wrote this ages ago and I would just like to apologize in advance.

Chapter 1: The Pre-Show

"You bitch!" screamed Rebekah when she spied Caroline's dress for the evening gown portion of the pageant. "You saw me buy the same dress a week ago!"

Caroline pouted mockingly, pulling the emerald green, mermaid-cut, one-shouldered dress from her garment bag. "Poor thing. Too bad Forbes is announced before Mikaelson."

"I'll kill you!"

"You're using my curling iron, Bonnie!" Elena accused, just having torn apart her vanity looking for it.

"Oh, honey, a curling iron ain't gonna help that rats' nest," Bonnie replied saucily.

"Bonnie!"

"All's fair in love and war, 'Lena."

All four girls were about to rip each others' throats out when the three judges walked in. They ceased their arguing and sat in their seats and their own vanities, looking like perfect angels.

"Ladies!" called everyone's sweetheart judge, Klaus. He was difficult not to notice, dressed in a bright blue suit. He smiled brightly at the contestants. "You're all looking fabu!" He moved in toward each girl for a closer inspection. Rebekah was first. "Oh, dear," he cringed. "Shiny!" Rebekah looked horrified and barely resisted the urge to shove her entire face in the powder. Next was Caroline. "Either pop it or pray that someone invents a miracle coverup in the next hour, because there's a scale model of Mount Vesuvius on your face." Caroline was torn between indignation and utter terror at the prospect of a pimple. Klaus moved on to Elena. He gave her a devilish smirk, which faded to horror when he was close enough. "Tweezers. Has no one taught you how to use them? Your eyebrows would frighten Sasquatch." Elena gasped and immediately began plucking her brows. Finally, Klaus came to Bonnie. He clapped his hands in the air in a commanding fashion. "We need wax in here, stat! We've got a mustache that would put Tom Selleck out of business!" Bonnie looked terrified and began slathering wax on her upper lip with reckless abandon.

Stefan stepped forward now that Klaus had finished crushing whatever self-esteem the girls had retained. He was ready to offer the world's shittiest advice. Everyone would pretend to know what he was talking about, but when he left, they'd just discuss how he let himself go and what drugs he was currently on.

"See," said Stefan, slurring as he winked openly at Caroline, who had pulled down her top to reveal a tantalizing amount of cleavage, "a broken promise is a lot like a child's pinwheel. You have to be yourself, or at least within the confines."

Caroline got starry-eyed and batted her doubly fake eyelashes at Stefan. "That was enlightening, not to mention beautifully poetic."

Stefan licked his lips as his eyes slid from Caroline's face to her voluptuous breasts. Shaking his head slightly as if to clear it, Stefan tore his eyes away from Caroline and stepped back to let Damon have his turn.

"I'm sure this 'means so much' to you and you've been 'waiting your whole life for this moment', but I assure you, and I say this so you don't become as egotistical as some," Damon muttered, eyeing Stefan with irritation, "there are others out there much more special than you, so don't let a small town beauty pageant go to your head."

The girls were uncertain as to how to reply, so they simply nodded, thrown off their games momentarily.

"Ladies!" Klaus trilled again, regaining their attention with his flamboyant hand gestures. "The show starts in an hour, in front of the entire town, so chop-chop! I expect nothing but the best! Oh, and, Bex, you're still shiny." With that, the judges exited the dressing room.

Rebekah cried out dramatically and grabbed a handful of powder and slapped it onto her face. Caroline let out something that could only be described as a scream-laugh when Rebekah's hands came down from her face, revealing a ghostly white complexion.

"Would you like some face with that powder?" Elena asked, her tone laced with poison.

This elicited another shriek from Caroline, who stood, completely ready now that her zit was vanquished. She walked out of the room, leaving the other girls to either question her absence or relish in it.

"You took my makeup, too!" cried Elena.

"You've got enough product on your face that you could get a job at a circus. Do yourself a favor and quit while you're ahead," Bonnie laughed as she made to rip the wax-covered strip from her upper lip. Elena watched in complete satisfaction as the strip refused to come off.

"What the hell did you do?" screamed Bonnie.

"Did I forget to tell you, Bon-Bon? That's glue for my nails," Elena said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Bonnie snarled as she tore the strip from her lip. Her eyes filled with tears from the pain, and she was horrified to see bits of the paper still stuck to her skin.

Elena went back to plucking her eyebrows, pleased to the high heavens with herself.

"Fuck, Stefan!" panted Caroline as she rode him into next year, the sound of their skin slapping together filling the room. "You're so good!"

"Shit," Stefan growled, feeling his impending release. Damn, this girl was good in the sack. With nothing but a moan to warn Caroline, Stefan blew his load inside her. She came right after him, collapsing on to his chest. She slid off him, heading toward the door.

"I've got your vote?" she confirmed before leaving the room. Satisfied with the hazy nod she gained, she headed back to the dressing room to put on her first outfit.