A/N: So this is sorta AU, some cannon mixed in for good measure. It's completely unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Feedback would be nice. This is part 1 of maybe 2, possibly 3 it depends. All lyrics are from Florence and the Machine Songs. I'll add the list soon.
My tumblr is agronodactyl
I don't own Glee or any of the characters, if I did it would be a completely different show.
Florence and the Machine aren't mine either, nor are their lyrics.
Hope you enjoy
(Everybody lets you down, In this brief hole of a town)
It's a bit ridiculous really that the amount of people that she trusts can be counted on one hand. Rachel. Santana to an extent, it's a grey situation (she'd happily watch as you fell off the top of a mountain but she'd be there at the bottom to catch you). Sam. Mercedes. It's almost funny, she thinks as she runs another lap around the park, that they are all school children. On the other hand she can count the amount of times that she has accepted help from them. It's pitiful really. Everyone just wants out of the shit hole that is Lima and even with the other fifteen kids in Glee club so desperate to get out the tickets on the train from shitdom are running out fast. There are fourteen cheerios that are getting scholarships for sure; the football, hockey, basketball and rugby teams have had scouts and scholarships raining down on them too - the most ever in the schools history; the kids in all your AP classes are talking about the elite schools that want them, the places that are guaranteed for them; other people are going to stay with family out of town, out of state. Quinn still hasn't heard back from Yale. It's scary; wrapping around her chest,her neck, squashing her heart and sending cold chills down her spine. If Yale doesn't get back to her she is going to be the real estate mom from Lima. Except she won't have Finn and she won't have a child.
The guy who owns the cornershop leers at her when she rounds the corner and there is definitely bile rising in her throat. Just one more house left to pass before she's clear of the shop, just one more person to forget when she manages to escape this hell hole, just one more ass hole to prove wrong when she gets her life back on track. Just one more day until her fate arrives in the mail and she can stop waking up to flashes of her future as her Mom potters around the house with a glass in hand.
The answering machine is flashing when she walks in, she doesn't need to play it to know who it is. "Quinne is that you? You aren't letting your mother drink again are you? I've seen the amount of credit she's running up?" The first time she answered the phone was the last. What started as a strained and civil conversation turned quickly into a shit storm:
"I'll pay for your college once you have owned up to those horrific mistakes you made back then"
Beth was not, will never be a mistake. Quinn can't get over Beth because she was hers but never hers at the same time, Quinn won't get over her because there is nothing to get over. She will however, accept the fact that she is nothing but the woman that gave birth to that beautiful baby girl, the woman that gave her a chance at a better life, a life not limited to Lima. Her father thinks Beth is a mistake just like he thinks Beth's biological mother is.
(I don't want your future
I don't need your past
One bright moment
Is all I ask)
Rachel can't get married to Finn because Quinn is going to Yale. Quinn is going to Yale. Ex-head cheerio, sixteen year old mother who gave up her child, ex-bully extraordinaire is going to Yale. It's a damned as good argument is any. But Rachel is adamant she loves him, convinced that is the only way because she hasn't heard from NYADA. If only she would believe in herself a fraction of how much she believed in Quinn, she's said the words out loud enough: "New York mail is notoriously slow" so why can't she believe them, why won't she believe them? Where are her teachers, her friends, her family re-assuring her that New York is an inevitability? All Quinn has witnessed is eye rolls and exasperated sighs. It's not right. Rachels wants her advice and she gives it to her with a sinking feeling in her stomach because she knows that it's only a matter of time before Finn gets impatient and Rachel's reserve of self-belief runs dry. Quinn just hopes that the letter reaches her house before the ring takes residence on her finger because once that happens everything will go downhill. She means it when she says they make a lovely couple though, they do as long as they aren't spending too much time together and give each other space. And if there was,is, a future for them then it was definitely not living together for the first time in New York- a brand new city around 600 miles away from everything they know.
Quinn knows Rachel has already made up her mind when she stands up and tells everyone about her acceptance letter. Rachel can barely keep eye contact with her while she starts spewing the small speech that she wrote in the library at lunch. It's funny because she is the only one that doesn't offer some sort of congratulations, not a hug, not a high-five. It's funny because Quinn recognises herself in those brown eyes; she recognises Lucy, the pregnancy, the distraught at her parents marriage breaking down (if two god worshiping 'model' citizens can't keep it together then what hope does she have?), the uncertainty, the isolation, the desperation-it's all there in her eyes, swirling in a big mass of emotion.
Mercedes and Sam take Quinn out for a milkshake, well Sam takes her and Mercedes tags along because Quinn has a reputation and a history with him. Actually that's not entirely fair on Mercedes, she trusts Quinn and Quinn trusts her. Plus, technically there is nothing going on between the Mercedes and Sam. They catch up on old times, sharing stories of the times when Quinn stayed with Mercedes (The drives at two in the morning because the baby wanted a bacon burger, the impromptu Saturday morning Diva off between Mercedes and her mom, Mr Jones actually caring about what Quinn did in school that day) and the church group antics (it really wasn't Sam's fault that Quinn seemed to attract unwelcome attention from the old woman that always wore the massive red hat and it really wasn't Quinn's fault that Sam's limited edition unopened Darth Vader action figure got sold at the yard sale because she didn't check which box Stacy had said was the keep pile) . They talked about Glee club and how this year they were going to win and they were going to make an entrance at graduation because they weren't leaving with just a trunkful of slushie stained clothes. It was nice. They toasted to their futures, their families and friends. It was the first time in a long time that everything felt normal.
(And although we stick together, it seems that we are estranging one another)
She said yes. She said yes and when she flashes the ring in Glee club announcing their engagement Quinn feels the bottom of her stomach fall away. There are only only a few objections, most notably her own and Kurts. She laughs and shakes her head, this is not happening, this has to be a dream but it's not because suddenly there's talk of bridesmaids and that just makes her feel sick. Kurt's face is swaying from disbelief to amused and she knows that Rachel told both him and Mercedes and the now confirmed engagement so how come he couldn't convince her to stop with this stupidity, did he even try and talk to Finn? Do Burt and Carol even know? Or the Berry's?
The bridesmaid comment stings the most. Two weeks ago, before Yale, before NYADA, before the proposal the topic of the future came up while Quinn and Rachel were in the Lima bean for their bi-weekly reading/glee meeting. Rachel had said she didn't care about the ceremony as long as she had someone she loved waiting for her at the end of the aisle and the support of her closest friends. "That includes you Quinn" she said when nothing else was said after that.
No this isn't happening, Rachel will come to her senses first or Finn will do something typical of a teenager and then a shit storm will erupt. It always happens and eventually they are going to go their own ways they have to. Quinn is going to Yale and Rachel is going to NYADA. Everything else is irrelevant. Rachel said she needed her best gay with her in New York when Kurt thought NADA wouldn't even look at his application; Quinn needs the only person who never gave up on her. Suddenly the thought of getting out of the seventh ring of hell seems much more difficult than the acceptance letter made it seem.
The smile on her face though, when The God Squad serenade her in the courtyard, Quinn knows that maybe silly schoolyard behavior won't cut it this time. Rachel Berry is undoubtedly in love with one Finn Hudson. Rachel Berry who despite the amount of crap she is faced with, the amount of disdain her peers hold for her, is dreaming of a future with Finn. And what Rachel dreams she gets. Along with Broadway, the Finchel wedding was an inevitability. That is possibly the most depressing thought she has ever had.
"Thanks for the song Q"
"Yeah, it was awesome but where was yours?"
"Britt, the Geek Squad can't sing to themselves, that's just stupid"
"Yeah but usually someone's got a song for Quinn"
"I'm gonna go, enjoy your night girls"
(See I was dead when I woke up this morning,
And I'll be dead before the day is done)
Fuck this, fuck everything. Shelby left town without telling anyone until she had managed to get far enough away. When Figgins calls Puck and Quinn into his office her stomach sinks because it's obviously bad news, Puckerman is there so it can't be good. The words don't register until Puck starts swearing. "Bullshit!" he screams as he launches the desk sideways. "This is bullshit!" he says again, to who it's not clear. "This is your fault!" he seethes as he rounds on Quinn, "I thought you weren't that deranged bitch anymore but you are! You're still the same fuck up that got knocked up at sixteen but you just have a free pass out of here. Fuck you Fabray! Fuck you!" and he storms out. Figgins looks at her sympathetically and watches as the soft features of her face turn to stone, the head bitch trademarked expression plastered back on. Even after a year without use it was still the same intimidating glare that makes him want to melt into the ground. He clears his throat and hands over an envelope before excusing himself from his office, over the years he's seen people break, he's watched people rebuild themselves but never in all his years of teaching has he seen someone so lost and broken, so defeated get up just to be knocked down again. He makes a call to one of the administrators making sure Noah's absence is not put on his record, it wouldn't be right. As much as Quinn has been put through the wringer, Puckerman has too.
Bathrooms are cliche she thinks as she slams the envelope in her locker but it doesn't stop her going there. She spends the rest of the school day wandering in bathrooms because she needs comfort, Rachel's brand of comfort and Rachel always finds her in bathrooms. Rachels brand of comfort is the perfect blend of "I'm sorry this happened", "You will get through this", "I'm here" and "I'm going to challenge you to be a better person". It's the exact thing she needs, problem is Rachel is nowhere to be found.
"Where's Puck?" Mr Shue asks in Glee later. Quinn tucks herself in the corner and takes out her copy of "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" and tries to fade into the background.
"Earth to Quinn?" Blaine pulls the book from her lap and closes it. Page 184 she recites over so she doesn't lose her place or lash out at him for going near her. She should have just gone home.
"Yeah, what did Figgins want you guys for anyway?" Finn adds in. If it was any other day Mr Shcue would step in, move on but of course he wont today. She licks her lips and tries counts to ten hoping that someone will interrupt, Rachel probably, but there's only radio silence, "No need to turn back into a Bitch, if you-"
Quinn could storm out, she's watched Rachel do it enough times, she has the ability to draw the attention to herself, she could pull it off. Everyones eyes are on her now and she suddenly feels very small, getting smaller and smaller. Her eyes are burning, ears ringing and her chest is tight. She can't talk about this, she won't talk. She'll stay silent, she has to. Santana breathes out one word "Beth" but only Brittany hears.
Brittany knows that expression currently written on Quinns face and she leaves the room, she can't watch Quinn anymore. When she passes the Janitors closet she wonders whether or not to take the dustpan and brush back to glee to sweep up all the pieces that will be left there.
"Shelby left" Quinn grinds out, slowly, calculated. Kurt frowns and takes out his phone, presumably to search for gossip on twitter or Jacobs website. Shit. She knows the clip exists before Kurt can play it. Ben Israel caught the whole event on his camera and then posted it again. Once again Quinn is the stone bitch but it's a role she can play well. Mercedes gasps and Tina buries her head in Mike's shoulder as the sound of Puck's words seem to amplify across the room. Finn locks his jaw and storms out of the choir room, presumably looking for Puck, they are bros after all she thinks. Maybe it's because Beth is still a sore spot.
"She didn't say where she went" she adds as the clip stops then she says the words that make everything real. "Beth is gone"
The next day the whispers start again. "She fucked him over again", "she doesn't even care", "poor bitch, she doesn't deserve all this shit". It's exhausting really, she wouldn't even be at school if it wasn't for the fact that Mercedes and Tina brought her breakfast and drove her to school. She's on auto pilot again, gliding through the halls managing to just stay on the outskirts of people's radars while drawing enough attention to herself to make sure the rumour mill doesn't dry up. Puck doesn't show up, she didn't expect him too. Miss Pillsbury smiles awkwardly at Quinn during her free period, she wonder if the counselor has a leaflet for continuous fuck ups. She probably bases all of them on the life of Quinn. She chuckles at her own joke, it's the first time she has felt anything other than the crippling darkness that has been the last twenty four hours.
Rachel and Finn decide they are getting married after regionals. Quinn doesn't know why this feels like adding salt into the wound.
(Your songs remind me of swimming
Which I forgot when I started to sink)
"So smurfette is really getting married" Santana murmurs in history. Quinn just shrugs. "Did she get you a dress?" Quinn nods. "Are you even going to the wedding?"
"No" she replies through clenched teeth and turns back to doodling in her book. "Are you?"
"Ms Fabray is there something you'd like to share with the class?" Both their heads snap up to the teachers voice and Santana shrinks visibly in her seat.
"No"
"No?"
"No ma'am" she grits out
"Well what is so important that you feel the-"
Rachel would be proud of the resulting storm out that follows, it's the right balance between indignation and melodrama. The last time she left class without permission was when she had morning sickness.
"I'm jus' sayin, maybe you and the t-rex should hold off the wedding until, I don't know, you stop dressing like a four year old librarian and he stops looking like he has one of Britt's crayons stuck up his nose"
"Santana, while I appreciate your concern about our future well-being I cannot believe that after all this time you still result to the childish ribbing of both me and Finn. We are getting married after regionals whether you are present or not. The same goes for everyone who opposes our plans to get married."
"Yeah well here's the deal Berry, Q's messed up about a lot of things and this wedding is not helping things. I might be a bitch but I've got her back and my first priority is her not going all baby-stealing skank on us again so I'm asking you as a normal human being to get your head out of your ass and rethink these crazy plans"
"I refuse to talk to you when you are acting like this. While Quinn has expressed her distaste for me and Finn's union she has done so amicably and if she had as big a problem with the wedding she would have brought it to my attention as we have still been talking daily."
"After three years you still don't get it, she won't say a damned thing Rachel 'cause that means she has to deal with the problem"
"I must go, I need to finalise the travel arrangements for tomorrow. I hope that I shall see you and Brittany tomorrow, you both looked absolutely stunning in the dress shop."
"Yeah whatever midget"
"What do you mean you're going?"
"Finn is my step-brother. Rachel is my kind-of best frienemy. I need to support them" Kurt sinks into the seat opposite her in the library. "If that means standing beside them while they could possibly ruin their life then I will. We don't know it won't work out"
"But she-you-he can't-Kurt!"
"Why is it so important to you anyway, you made her life hell for two years and obviously you never wanted Finn. Not all marriages turn out like your parents-"
"Don't you dare" she snarls, for the second time in less than a week the HBIC Quinn has returned, "Don't you dare bring them into this Hummel. And don't you think I know what I spent two years doing? Do you think that-"
He holds his hands up in surrender, provoking Quinn was not on his to-do list. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. You've come a long way from the peroxide blonde Ice Queen of the Cheerios but it doesn't explain why you would rather become Ben Israel's personal swimsuit model than watch one of your close friends have the best day of her life"
"I-" she bites her lip
"Why are you so vehemently against this?"
"She-"
"You don't have a reason do you?"
"God Kurt!"
"You're one of her best friends you know"
"I do"
"She really wants you there"
"I know"
"So you should go"
"I can't!"
"Well that's not selfish at all is it?" he finishes and gets up to leave. Rachel will have his head if she finds out about this, she actually gave him specific instructions not to talk to Quinn about the wedding but he did it anyway. He's curious really, it's not like the wedding is scandalous. Pregnant at 16 was a scandal. Trying to steal a baby was a Scandal. Santana's sexuality and outing were scandals. Sam's homelessness and his subsequent job were scandals. Rachel and Finn getting married at eighteen? It's only weird because Rachel isn't expecting a child. Kurt knows about Santana's earlier confrontation with Rachel, he watched because he thought that the fiery latina might revert back to her old ways and throw Rachel into the lockers before hurting her. He knows that Santana knows something that she won't share. He knows that Quinn is tight lipped and he knows that this could be the beginning of something really interesting.
She almost misses the cue to go onstage, mesmerised by Rachel pouring her heart out to the audience. Not that she doesn't do that with every performance but this one makes all the air from Quinns lungs disappear. The dancing is second nature, they practiced it enough times that she is sure she was doing it in her sleep in the past week. She tries to catch eyes with Rachel; she's behind her, in front of her, beside her but the diva's gaze is locked on to the audience of Finn. It's a lost cause she thinks as the drink in the applause. The wedding is going ahead regardless if Quinn falls off the stage and breaks her neck.
It's odd, he thinks waving for Blaine to go without him, that the tables have turned. Quinn is now looking for acceptance from Rachel. Maybe it's because of all the negativity associated with the red and white uniform and she wants to show that she was still the same Quinn she was half an hour ago before the performance. Maybe it's because she owes Rachel the most, although seeking appraisal doesn't make sense if she's on an apologising streak. He wishes Mercedes were here to help him puzzle this through but then again the last time he brought Quinn into a conversation Mercedes froze up and started blabbering on about some sisterhood code. Quinn is an enigma with phenomenal bone structure. The words out her mouth stop him in his tracks though: "You were singing to Finn and only Finn, right". He bets the next years worth of his allowance that she has a broken look on her face, her voice is pleading with Rachel to say no. Why, well that's a different question that he doesn't have an answer for yet. Rachel doesn't give an answer and he wishes he could sneak back along the corridor and watch the exchange but he can't. In the following moments he isn't the only one to do a complete one-eighty in regards to the wedding. Quinn says she's going and rushes home to get change. He shakes his head as he stalks back around the corridors. Teenagers are so weird.
(The donkey makes it hard to dance, the jackal sings too loud
The donkey cries when it's alone, and the jackal is too proud)
Finn is moments away from hitting something, someone, this is meant to be the best day of his life and it's been shot to hell because of Quinn. Again. He can't help but let the resentment bubble up from where it's been kept the last three years. His Rachel is in a beautiful wedding gown, they are about to pledge the rest of their lives together but instead of Rachel thinking about what colour of curtains they'll have in their New York apartment or where they are going to end up on their honeymoon she's texting Quinn and refusing to proceed without her being here. It doesn't make sense really, they haven't been close for long (Then again they weren't exactly enemies for over a year) but she is adamant that Quinn has to be present. Santana says she isn't coming and Santana is like her best friend so everyone should listen to her. And then the guy who is actually going to marry them tells Finn that he has missed his spot and yeah he's going to be taking his rage out on multiple rounds of Call of Duty and maybe the nearest inanimate object.
"Honey, maybe it's for the best-", Yeah and you can get another slot at a later date", "I think we should postpone the wedding until at least one of you have a proper income-", "Yeah this is Santana", "Hey, Rachel's not going anywhere", "What!","Santana girl, get off the damn phone", "Finn, I know you're upset and I completely understand and I will make it up to you but I couldn't-", "look lets take five and re-group", " ...accidente de tráfico...", "San sweetie what's wrong-", "Wait, why is Satan crying", "accidente...wait a traffic accident?", "Who?", "Quinn! Oh my god,it was my fault I was texting and-"
Everyone is fleeing the venue and piling into cars, once a Quinn has managed to make this about herself but she outdid herself this time he thinks as he jogs to the car, she wasn't even present for this one.
When he gets to the hospital he feels guilty for what he thought back at the justice of the peace building, it wasn't like she asked to be hit by a truck or anything. Plus she was in the bridesmaids dress ready to support them and everything. So when they are in the waiting room listening to Santana talk to one of the doctors dropping random spanish words (which he isn't sure Mr Schue ever taught him) into conversation he knows things are bad because she only does that when she's really angry or scared or sad.
Santana is at the end of her tether, they won't tell her anything and she's been here for four hours. Judy is on her way back from California, Santana had the task of telling her the news. "Hey there judge-y bitch who stood by as that cheating asshole kicked out your pregnant daughter on the street and who I've hated ever since, said daughter was almost killed by a truck on the way to a stupid ass wedding that she never supported in the first place. She might die. Love you babes" was not really how that conversation should go. She searched through her phone praying that Judy still had the same number after babygate 2.0, return of the crazy bitch because it's the only number anyone has for her right now and they wont let anyone see Quinn's phone. She can't remember why Judy is in California nor does she care. Santana couldn't even make it through the call, Brittany had to intervene and she supposed that was best because Santana has placed the blame on three people; Quinn (for being a dumbass and checking her phone), Rachel(for having the fucking wedding) and Judy (for only ever being there when things get real and scary far too fast).
Really, she thinks when she goes outside to avoid any mention of the wedding and/or Finchel, Quinn's life is a fucked up tv show. Super christian parents, cheating father, drunk first time sex resulting in a pregnancy and the father is your boyfriends best friend, being made homeless, giving the baby to your frenemies biological mother who wants nothing to do with her only biological child, having 'Lucy' show up around school, joining the skanks and being depressed and shit, hatching plans to steal back your baby who's adoptive mother is sleeping with the baby's biological father, having people call you out on all your bullshit but never asking why. Then she gets a break, gets into Yale only to be fucked over with a truck. Yeah, it's messed up and so unfair and she can't do shit about it, not one thing and now Quinn's life hangs in the balance and she doesn't know anything because she can't keep any rational thoughts for a second. It takes her back to when they were on Cheerios together, yeah Quinn was good but she was always kinda frail, like nobody dropped her or shit cause, well she was Quinn Fabray but on the off occasion she got hurt, it took her longer to recover. The first month of Cheerios bootcamp was hell for Q, she remembers the tears at their impromptu sleepovers but the vow not to give in. Santana focuses on that, Quinn's refusal to give in, it was her strongest suit-no it is. She sets her resolve and strides back into the reception ready to get information, she almost does. Simon the receptionist is about to make some enquiries but then the recognisable footsteps register in her mind and that previous calmness, yeah that goes out the window because she knows that off-set right step and it's never good news in these corridors. "Papí ?"
Everyone looks at him for some sort of translation; Santana and her father are talking in rushed spanish and no-one understands it but from the look at Santana's face it can't be good. His Spanish isn't good enough for him to catch anything they don't already know and honestly he's glad of it. He has to leave when he watches Brittany be shoo'ed away while her girlfriend sprints out the door with tears running down her face. Yeah definitely not good. He leaves after Brittany tells them what she understood (it surprises him when she fails her Spanish tests because she spends so much time around Santana's family and she can work out what was being said): Quinn was conscious when they pried her from the car and her spinal chord was definitely damaged. She'll need lots of surgery. He takes the other kids home minus Mercedes and Brittany who are staying regardless of what the staff say. Mercedes played the race card and Brittany the stupid card as well as the 'I'm not straight' card before Mr Lopez told everyone to back off. He feels guilt as he drops Puck off last; Brittany, Santana and Mercedes all have Quinn's back and he can't think of the last time he even paid attention to the girl currently in hospital, he is an educator, it's his job to pay attention to people. Quinn could have easily of tried what Dave did and succeeded because of how out of touch she is with her mother. And to think he could have been the one that pushed her to the edge. He cries on the way home because he's helpless and he feels so alone. When he gets home he pulls Emma into the biggest hug imaginable and doesn't let go at all.
Judy walks in at around eleven o'clock at night. She spies the three girls propped up against each other in the waiting room chairs, staring at her like she is a ghost. Santana glares at her, it's nothing she isn't used too, pulls herself out of the seats and starts talking to the receptionist. Moments later Mr Lopez appears and you notice that father and daughter share the same look. In her mind she's screaming for her baby girl, her little Lucy but over the years Judy has perfected ignoring and silencing that voice, her face remains emotionless and her voice steady. "Anything you have to say to me you can tell them" she says adding because they were there for her all the times I wasn't silently.
"What the hell is wrong with you!" the black girl, Mercedes is it, she thinks to herself, is the first to break the silence after Dr Lopez has finished speaking "She could end up in a wheelchair like Artie or she could-" she cuts is Artie? She thinks back to when she watched them perform, before Quinn gave birth to it and tries to remember a boy in a wheelchair.
"Die" Santana cuts in and Brittany squeaks "but I bet she's been dead to you this whole time, did you know that she got a tattoo when she died her hair Judy?"
"Santana! That is enough!"
"Or what about when she started planning to steal her baby back"
"I mean it!"
"Or how about that Shelby just fucked off with Beth" unfazed until this point judy flinches "Yes the baby has a name. Do you even see her now or do you just make sure there's enough money for her to buy the groceries for whenever you decide to grace her with your presence"
"Santana! I am very sorry Ms Fabray, she will apologize in due course for her actions-"
"I'll do no such thing Doctor Lopez"
Judy watches as Mercedes and Brittany haul Santana off while she goes on and on about her being an unfit mother for Quinn. She hears a comment about her maybe being a robot because she hasn't cried yet or seemed to care that her youngest daughter is critically injured. It could be true she thinks as she falls back onto a chair and closes her eyes, she probably should be in a state of panic but instead she is focusing on the disappointment that she told herself she would do a better job at being a mother than her own and it looks like she failed at that. She won't cry though, god knows everyone else has used enough tears over Quinn and anyway Quinn's not her daughter Lucy is and no-one said Lucy was in an accident. It's stupid but it keeps her emotions in check. Dr Lopez says he will return when Quinn is out of surgery and given a room. If Quinn ends up paralysed Judy considers smothering her one night in her sleep, Quinn wouldn't deal with paralysis very well.
(Tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks,
And the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts)
That girl in room 407 asks her to stop everyone from visiting her as soon as she regains full consciousness and the nurse complies, it's her job after all. The poor thing isn't even eighteen yet and yet she has the mind of a dejected middle aged divorcee, it's sad really she thinks as she goes in one morning to open the curtains. Her mother stops showing up a day latter but the kid, Quinn her name is, says it's alright and it's what she needs. Thats pretty messed up though, she don't know why anyone wouldn't want their mom around, especially after being so seriously hurt.
"I used to be a cheerleader" Quinn blurts out and the nurse's heart breaks just a little bit so she busies herself arranging the flowers. "But then I had a kid and got kicked off" she almost drops the vase she is holding
"I don't mean to be out of line here but I thought you were..." she tapers off, what is she going to say? "I mean that latina girl that comes and sits in your room every night, you're not together?"
"I, no I'm, well there's nothing wrong with it but I'm not...she's one of my best friends, Santana, well we aren't really the typical friends but we used to cheer together and she has a girlfriend, her name is Brittany"
"Oh sorry, I shouldn't have...that was unprofessional of me, I can get someone else in if you-"
"No it's fine...umm...Helen is it?"
"I'll go get your meds Quinn" it's the first time she has been directly mentioned by her name and Helen feels something swell inside of her.
"Is she here a lot?" she asks while munching on a sandwich Helen brought up for her
"Who? That Santa girl?"
"Santana" she gigles,
"That's what I said" Helen rolls her eyes and Quinn's eyes sparkle "Yes she is. I can tell night shift to not let her in if you want, she always leaves just as I get in"
"No it's nice" she looks down at her lap "Plus her dad is Dr Lopez so she'd probably sneak in anyway, she has never taken no as an answer" she smiles at her own joke.
"Well the way she was shouting at the janitor three days ago was definatley something" They share a laugh, Helen because the scene was pretty funny but also because it's the kind of thing that Quinn needs right now and Quinn because that was a typical Santana move.
"Has my dad been?" Quinn bites her lip as soon as the words leave her mouth and Helen feels her stomach drop.
she shakes her head, "Sorry sweetie"
"It's fine" she says pushing her tray down her legs, "I didn't expect him to"
"Oh"
"He kicked me out when he found out I was pregnant, I had half an hour to get my stuff" Helen doesn't have an answer to that so she picks up Quinns tray and leaves, it's cowardly but sometimes the inner child flashes in Quinn's face and it hurts to look at.
"I wish you'd let us come visit Q" Santana says perched on the edge of the bed, "Everyone is really worried, I mean B thinks that aliens or some shit took you and Wheezy just prays a lot and is stockpiling bacon for you when you get out" she pauses and whips her head round "Mr Schue keeps making us sing stupid songs about hope and shit and it's stupid and Rachel can't go five minutes without crying and Finn keeps throwing hissy fits 'cause Rachel won't talk about the wedding or even kiss him or anything which is totally understandable right?" she nudges Quinns shoulder but she's out like a light. "This is worse than when you were hooked up to the ventilator thing, at least then I knew you were quiet for a reason. I had another fight with Judy, I- you'll probably kill me when you see me but I promise it'll be worth it. She's started seeing a therapist or something, she really wants to get better for you" She glances at the clock on the bedside, that other nurse, Helen or something gets on in half an hour. "I hate you, this has like turned me into a total sap and shit. I got Mami to pull out the photo album of us, yeah I know I have one, don't laugh. I brought it with me, I guess I thought you might want to see it, you know the unholy trinity is unbreakable and shit" she places the album beside the clock before leaning down and brushing her lips across Quinn's forehead, it's probably the most intimate they have ever been with each other but it seems the right thing to do.
Quinn waits up for Santana the next night, she spent the whole day looking through the photo album, guilt burning in her stomach because she hadn't known that Santana of all people had kept the pictures. There were pictures from the beginning of the cheerios, ones from the summers they spent, pictures from Glee club, een ones from when they weren't even friends. "That's Brit there" she points out to Helen when she comes in with her next dose of medication. "And that's Rachel, she's really talented and she's one of my closest friends- it was her wedding I was driving to, she didn't want to get married without me there and I wasn't going to go but then he really makes her happy so I thought I should support her" Helen nods at her and files Quinn's rambling as something she does when she starts talking about personal things "I- is it bad that I'm sort of glad that they didn't get married because I got hit?" Helen shrugs and makes herself busy again. This was not in the job description. Quinn watches Santana's face when she walks in twist in confusion,
"Shit! You're usually asleep, I'll go-"
"San stay, please" she pats the bed beside her and bites her lip "Thanks for the photo album"
"You- I'll stay but you have to sleep, I'll come back tomorrow if you want"
"Please"
They sit in silence for a while, briefly glancing over at each other, words sitting on their mouths "I brought you some books, Helen said she was sick of hearing you tell her about your life"
"Oh" Quinn's face falls and she feels guilty, of course Helen doesn't want to hear her stories. Adults aren't interested in trivial matters Lucy, you should only speak when spoken to
"Hey Quinnifer, I was joking" Santana snaps her fingers to get her attention "Helen said you were getting restless and the hospitals book selection is shit so I brought the most used looking books I could find from your house. Also that bitch that teaches your English class told me that you needed some poetry and Mike said you liked silver plate or whatever, the one that gassed herself in an oven-"
"Sylvia Plath"
"Yeah her. Umm I have your work at home too, I figured you'd wanna keep on top of things but you don't have to do it, I mean Yale want you regardless"
"Will you bring B with you tomorrow?"
"Sure, anyways you better get some sleep, I'm gonna go, coach has got some crazy ass routine involving fire and motorcycles and someone dressed as a spaceman" Quinn's eyebrow quirks up "Honestly she's worse than usual"
"I feel for you, really I do"
Quinn is really broken, like physically and emotionally. Santana is teasing her and Quinn is giving it as good as she gets; actually if anything, Brittany thinks, the crash must have broken the lock on her humour because she's really funny now. But she's still hurting and no amount of morphine is going to help with that. The large bear that Brittany brought was sitting at the foot of the bed, Quinn never had any soft toys and thats why Brittany bought it, she remembered the first time Quinn came to her house with all her manners and was surprised at how many stuffed animals there were. Quinn really liked the little lion cub but she wouldn't take it home no matter how much brittany tried to convince her because she didn't want her dad to throw it out. Brittany brought the lion too but she didn't give it to her yet because she doesn't want to make her sad again.
"C'mere B" Quinn's voice drags her from her thoughts and she hops over to the other side of Quinn's bed. She's not hooked up to hundreds of machines anymore so she's definitely not a robot at all. Quinn loops her arms around her neck and pulls her into a hug and Brittany nuzzles her neck, they always used to do that but then Quinn starts crying and Brittany jumps away from her like she got a shock.
"I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry, please don't cry, I brought Shakespeare with me and I-" Brittany looks up and sees Quinn burying her face in Santana's neck and she is so confused, didn't hugs make people happy. "San" she whines "I broke Q and I didn't mean to". She feels the frustration bubbling up when Santana just shakes her head at her and motions for her to come over with Shakespeare.
"She's not broken, just emotional. She forgot how much love your hugs have, isn't that right Quinnifer?" Quinn just nods and mumbles out a sorry.
"I doth love you lady Q, and may thy windows stay open to climb into when the moon is high" Brittany does the same voice they have always used for Shakespeare, it hasn't changed in four years, and Quinn gives a wet chuckle. Yeah Quinn is broken but maybe they can fix her when they are reconstructing her legs.
"You must be Brittany" Helen says when she walks in on Saturday and the Blonde is perched on the edge of the bed painting Quinns nails with rainbows. Brittany nods, her lip between her teeth in concentration. Helen smiles, Quinn has good friends between the blonde and the latina (who was currently harassing some poor intern about how long it would be until Quinn would be given a wheelchair so she didn't have to stay in the room all the time) she would be fine. Helen's mind drifted back to the others that were there; the black girl she knew was Mercedes, she had been in once or twice, smuggling an assortment of sweets, she was good too. Then there were all the others adamant to visit but she only knew that the really short loud girl was called Rachel, she remembers the discussions that revolved around her; the time Rachel stole her boyfriend, the time Quinn got the girl a page in the yearbook, all the times Quinn had bullied her, all the times Rachel was the only one to get through to her and well, there was a lot of conversations that returned to the girl and Helen felt like she could write an essay on them all. She joked she would publish a book about all the stories she was told but Quinn shook her head adamant that she was working on it and produced a load of papers to prove it.
Quinn was sleeping before Helen left for the night, the Satan girl (after the way she treated the janitor that was flirting with Quinn helen was convinced that Satan was real and in the human form of the kid) had managed to get a wheelchair and they went for a little exploration around the hospital and Quinn was tuckered out. She reached over and affectionately ruffled Quinn's hair, "You're gonna go far Quinn" she said before leaving for the night. Helen was going to miss the daily literature discussions and moral and philosophical debates with the blonde. She was also going to miss the other whimsical girl but Satan, not so much.
(Old hope, got stuck in your throat,
Wound it's way round your neck
And caused you to choke.)
Quinn looks into the mirror and sees Lucy. Fat Lucy, Lucy the loser, friendless Lucy, useless Lucy. Quinn realises that while she can't walk she's just giving Lucy time to catch up with her and she's not about to let that happen again.
"Dude just 'cause you're in a wheelchair doesn't mean you have to dress like Artie" Quinn clenches her jaw and looks down at her lap.
"I can't reach the mirror and I don't have contacts at Mercedes' house"
"Oh well, just don't like start wearing sweater vests or something too cause that would be weird"
"Finnept I'll give you until 3 to step off" She hears Santana before she sees her and she really wants to shrink into nothingness and fall through the floor right now. "One" She watches his expression change from confused to, well something between fear and stubbornness "T-wait I'm bored already" and she watches the slushie hit him in the face before she walks away again. She just sits in the chair waiting for Finn to do something but she's focussed on the fading denim of her jeans because people are watching them now.
"Let me help" she says because she feels guilty "You'll have to bend down though" she adds with a smile. Finn just shakes his head and walks away. She thinks she should be used to it now, everyone's eyes on her but she isn't. It makes her skin crawl.
"Artie I'm not-"
"I get it, we couldn't even kiss each other if we wanted to cause our chairs would get in the way"
"You're a nice guy but-"
"I said I get it, no one wants a cripple-"
"That's not it, I don't want any guy at this school!" she throws her hands up in frustration
"What's up Fabgay, Cripple" Azimo laughs as he knocks her hat off her head and she can't reach it and Artie just watches with an arched brow.
"I'm not a les-I'm not anything just now Artie. I need to focus on walking again"
"And what if you don't"
"I will"
"And then what?"
"I- it's none- fine I like someone else. I think. Will you see if you can reach my hat?"
"And they are a girl?"
"Ye-it doesn't matter anyway"
"Yeah whatever then" he rolls away purposely over her hat, it's not fair he thinks. Anyone else would have had an attitude readjustment after a life-threatening accent but not her, no. Shes not changed much at all, still wrapped up in so many lies she probably doesn't know what the truth is anymore. It's a shame because she has her moments of being one of the nicest people he knows.
Mercedes can't believe it when she hears. Mini Streisand choking on her audition and with that damn song she always sings, there's no way in hell this is real life, no way. Kurt tells her while they are out celebrating for his spectacular audition and Mercedes feels bad. "This is all Finns fault" Kurt says over his coffee cup. "Well, it's the whole marriage thing, I mean what happened to the bitch that was ready to claw out everyone's eyes to get where she wanted to go. She hasn't complained about glee choices for a while and that was a daily occurrence" She agrees with him and takes a bite out of her pastry.
"Well that was Rachel Berry, this is Rachel Hudson" she tunes out of Kurts rant and checks her phone, a handful of messages from Sam, one from Santana and two from Quinn. The first one asking if she knows where Mrs Jones put her contact solution and the second asking if she had gotten any replies from Rachel. She didn't know where her mom had put the stuff, probably up high but she'd get it for Quinn when she got home. "Hey Kurt has Rachel answered any of your texts?"
"No, why?"
"Quinn just-"
"Oh!" His eyes light up and Mercedes knows that look. She shakes her head as Kurt launches into his theories and what he doesn't understand. At first it's amusing but the longer he goes on the more Mercedes thinks and the more she thinks the odder things become. Jacob's blog updates and one thing sticks out, an anonymous tip that Quinn is crushing on a girl. Kurt smiles like he just got a puppy for christmas but Mercedes frowns, this isn't fair. It's not fair at all.
"Mr Berry"
"Ms Fabray"
"Sorry, LeRoy" Quinn blushes and looks at her lap. "I know Rachel is-well she wasn't answering her phone and-she won't see anyone but could you give her these? The cow is called Patty" she hands over a CD which has please listen written across the front, the stuffed cow and a blank envelope. "I just-If she want's to talk i'm here for her, can you let her know?"
"No problem, I can call her downstairs-"
"No I've got to go anyway, I've got PT tonight" she looks anywhere that is not the man standing in front of her
"Oh, is Finn okay? He hasn't been round, Rachel didn't say anything-" he trails off when he recognises a flicker of anger in hazel eyes.
"Yes" she files away her anger and hope it doesn't seep out in her voice "He is helping Puck study for a test. I'm sure he'll turn up" LeRoy recognises the silent he better turn up on her face and smiles sympathetically.
"Well thanks for stopping by, I'll make sure she gets these"
"Wait! Umm are they still going to get married? Do you know? Everytime I've tried to ask Rachel just starts apologizing and well"
"It's been postponed"
"Well at least some good came out of my accident. Bye Mr- I mean LeRoy"". He frowns as she rolls back down the path and down the street to where the Jones' are waiting with their car. He closes the door and runs up the stairs two at a time, he needs to be there for his little girl and she's hurting more than ever today.
"I know you and Santana rigged the prom votes"
"I can-"
"I thought that you two had grown up and stopped teasing her-"
"We didn't do it for that! God Finn, if we wanted to ruin her night we had ample enough opportunity to ruin it other ways if we were still that childish"
"Yeah well, I'm going to tell her and-"
"You can't! Then she'll feel guilty and give the crown back and it means so much to her now because of what happened at her audition." She pinches the bridge of her nose "I just wanted to give her the confidence back, Prom Queen means nothing in the long run, just let it go. After regionals, after she gets to New York you can tell her then if you want. Just don't take this away from her Finn. Not yet"
"We're still getting married you know. I'm going to get into that acting school and we are going to get married"
"I know"
"Why can't you just be happy for us!"
"Because I-"
"Oh my god! Kurt was right-"
"What are you-"
"She loves me Quinn. She loves me so just leave it at that. When you go to Yale she's going to forget about you and everybody else here. We are going to get married and we are going to have kids and have a happy family away from the stupid town."
"No. Rachel is going to be a star Finn, you can't hold her back, if you love her you'll let her become a star first"
"She wants me more, she said so"
"Just because you want something doesn't mean you should get it"
"Watch me"
(There is love in your body but you can't get it out,
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth)
Mercedes sneaks in to Quinn's room while she's in the shower and sits on the end of the bed waiting until she is done. Quinn's singing in the shower, she sings quite a lot usually when no one is paying attention, or at least she thinks no one is. Quinn skips out of the bathroom singing Part of Your World from the Little Mermaid and it's so Quinn, Mercedes thinks she'll never be able to watch the film again without thinking of Quinn and her lion mane.
"'cedes!" Mercedes laughs as Quinn tumbles over her own feet and almost goes flying into the wardrobe in surprise.
"Girl your all kinds of clumsy but" she raises a finger "I am here to stage an intervention. My best gay, Azimo and Jewfro have all stumbled upon something, haven't they?" Mercedes watches as Quinn shakes her head
"I don't know-"
"Please Q, what about if I mention Artie hm?" Mercedes feels horrible, she really does but if it's something that Quinn is struggling with she wants to help before it becomes a big issue.
"Oh no, he told, did he tell everyone? Oh no, she can't know, she-"
"Quinn calm down. Kurt just-"
"She is going to know" Quinn's hands are wrapped in her hair and she starts pacing "Mercedes I can't- Finn and I just, No I can't. It's not fair" she drops onto the bed face first "I can't go to school tomorrow, everyone will know. I can't take any more, Look how far Quinn has fallen and now she wants to kiss Berry thats-"
"You want to kiss Rachel!" Mercedes jumps up from the bed "Whoa, I-when. We thought it was an un-named mystery girl, you know what, you need someone better than me to talk about this to. Satan and Kurt probably, we can talk instead of watch that stupid musical"
"I'm not gay"
"But-" Mercedes frowns, isn't liking someone of the same sex gay. Quinn sits up and pulls her knees to her chest.
"I'm not gay, I just like Rachel. I mean I liked Sam, kind of, and Puck was okay when he wasn't being an ass. Finn was okay at the start as well."
"So you are bisexual? Like Brittany?"
"Does it really need a label" she mumbles to her legs as she uncrosses and crosses them again. "I just know I like people and sometimes they are guys and sometimes they are girls"
"You sure are taking this well for, well, if your parents were any indication" Mercedes watches her flinch and shake her head
"After Beth, that stopped being important. Then the new church we went to was more accepting of everything" she watches the blonde draw shapes on her duvet "obviously there's Kurt, Britt and Santana so it wasn't like it wasn't a normal thing and then hanging out with Rachel's dads and the skanks aren't exactly known for, well"
"Hey, no-ones judging but that little prom queen stunt makes sense now, there was no way she got all those votes on her own" Mercedes frowns, this is like something straight out of a trashy sit-com. "I'll get the rainbow brigade down here and we can eat ice-cream and stuff"
"'kay. ugh, how could I be so stupid, I mean even Finn knows"
"Wait hold up! The tree boy worked it out first? Hell no, you better start spillin' the beans 'cause this is against the sister code" Quinn breaks out a smile and then starts telling everything; the yearbook page, the acting out, the song and suddenly Quinn being Quinn makes a lot more sense.
The Lima Bean is neutral territory but Judy hates it. There are too many people doing too many different things and it's noisy and busy. The bell rings for the fourteenth time and she watches Quinn wander in. Her hair is short again and she has that silly butterfly pin in it that Lucy used to always wear to church. She still has her sundress' though and that's enough familiarity for Judy to slip on her mask of neutrality. "Quinnie"
"Mom" Judy flinches when Quinn goes to give her a hug but offers a pat on the arm, she is trying, she is.
"So I take it things are going well at the Jones'"
"Yeah" they fall into silence and Judy takes to nursing her lukewarm coffee. "I'm graduating in two days, you told Frannie right?"
"I'm sure Frannie is busy with her husband and child, you can speak to her in the summer when we go and visit them"
"You didn't tell her did you?"
"She won't talk to me- not after she came home at the start of senior year, not until I cleaned up my act and tried to help you" Judy knots her hands in her lap and tries to catch her youngest daughter's eyes but can't "I'm trying Quinn, isn't that enough?"
"You obviously aren't trying hard enough or I wouldn't have to stay with Mercedes!" She watches Quinn screw her face up in anger, fear, disappointment; is that how she felt every day she sat at the dinner table and her and Russell would berate and belittle her because there was always someone better, is that what it felt like. "You haven't even said you were sorry about anything mom. When was the last time you said you loved me? You just left me at the hospital, you didn't even fight for me mom, I just wanted my mom to fight for me, just once. But you didn't, you just left."
"I-" Judy watches her daughter worry her lip between her teeth I do love you sweetie, I always have. "Quinn we are in public, stop being so silly" Judy can't watch Quinn's face dissolve into tears so she gets up and leaves. Some things never change she thinks to herself when she gets home and breaks into the liquor cabinet, she'll still push her youngest daughter far away because at the end of the day she is Just like Judy and she doesn't want that for her daughter, she doesn't want it for anyone.
She goes to graduation though and makes sure to get one of the kids at the front to film the whole thing so she can send it to Frannie later on. She hopes that Frannie will be the support that Quinn needs when she moves away because Judy knows that she definitely can't be.
"Quinn is it working, I can't, stupid computer-"
"It's working fine silly. Anyway, how is New York? Have you settled into your apartment yet? What about Kurt, is Kurt there?"
"New York is fine, amazing really. I'm so glad I got a second chance to shine. Kurt is picking Finn up from the train station right now-"
"Finn?"
"Yes, he saved his money from working at the garage during the summer and finally has enough. He's going to a night class-" Quinn stops listening after that, convinced the couple were finally over in the first week of summer. "-married over thanksgiving"
"I thought you were over" she interrupts before she has to endure anymore wedding talk.
"Well I thought so too but considering I had every intention of getting married before I figured that we should start afresh and everything worked out better than before. I think him working at the garage really matured him-"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Well I thought you had more than enough on your proverbial plate with your parents getting back together, your sister wanting nothing to do with you and the rest of your family shunning you."
"Gee thanks for the reminder Rach"
"Quinn I didn't mean it like that" Quinn can't even look at the screen anymore so focuses on the paint spatter on the roof that looks like Africa. "Can I still come visit this week?"
"Of course"
"Oh that's them! See you later- unless, Kurt, Finn come and say hi to-" Quinn shuts off her laptop before they can say anything and lies back on her bed. She could cry but she's done enough of that lately.
(And I've been taking chances,
I've been setting myself up for the fall,
I've been keeping secrets,
From my heart and from and from my soul).
"You did what!" Hiram almost flys out of the chair at the news.
"Finn and I got married two days ago, we couldn't wait but we are going to have a celebration for everyone soon enough. I mean, okay we didn't have a big white wedding with hundreds of guests and spend ridiculous amounts of money on chairs that would only be sat on for thirty minutes but we love each other and it didn't matter about any of that because I have Finn now and he loves me"
"Hiram, play nice" his husband hisses in his ear. He can't come up with anything to say though so he just sinks back down into the armchair and sighs.
"You need to go through that box of stuff over there, it was left in your room when you moved out" he finally says. It's neutral ground, he doesn't know how he feels about the marriage yet. The girl standing before him isn't his little girl now, she's grown up and a different person. Does it make him a bad parent if he doesn't know how to deal with her anymore? "It's just the things from your dresser and what was under the bed, it's not a lot"
"Okay, I'll do it now" she says dragging the box over to her chair and riffling through mostly papers and a few CD's. "Just throw it out, I don't need any-"
"You can't throw out Patty!" LeRoy exclaims picking up the stuffed cow, "I thought the name was genius on Quinn's part. You can't just throw her away"
"How is Quinn doing sweetie?" Hiram asks straying into arguably one of Rachel's favourite topics, or at least, it used to be.
"I don't know. I stopped talking to her after" Hiram studies his daughter, biting her lip was something that she seldom did, "well it's not important but we had differing opinions that led us to fall out and she has yet to apologise"
"What-"
"Oh is that the time? I really must go and meet Finn now, we are taking Blaine and Kurt to lunch. I hope that you'll be joining me at the Hudson-Hummels for dinner tonight"
"Rachel Barbra Berry, You can't just spring a dinner on us like that!" LeRoy feigns outrage to try and lighten the mood but it doesn't work. The next words out her mouth makes Hiram regret ever telling his daughter that she could have whatever she wanted as long as she worked for it:
"It's Rachel Hudson now"
Quinn doesn't go home for thanksgiving, there is no point. Instead she finds herself wandering around campus every day, hiding in the library working on the book she started in the hospital. Second chances it's called because it's pretty much all she's ever been given.
Kurt phones her for the hundredth time apologizing but she just lets it go to voicemail. She can't get Rachel's face out of her head; Just because my fathers are gay does not mean that I am. it hurt worse that when her family declared outrage when they saw her kiss the brunette at the party. It hurt worse than when her mother took her father back. It hurt worse than a lot of things because she thought Rachel would understand but she didn't. Kurt should have kept his mouth shut, she was dealing with it but then he had to use her as some objection to their marriage and all hell broke loose. Quinn lost one of her best friends and then Rachel got married a few days later. Sometimes when she's not doing anything she can see a smug looking Finn with an I won expression. He did win but Rachel was never a prize in the first place and if Quinn is really honest with herself she never stood much of a chance anyway.
Rachel sends the Metro passes to Quinn via letter after christmas. She doesn't leave a note, just puts them in an envelope feeling a sense of pride welling inside of her when she writes Rachel Hudson on the return address. She sends Patty back too along with the CD Quinn made for her. It was a sweet gesture at the time; a collection of all her favourite performances from glee club collated on a CD in chronological order to remind her of what she was throwing away by locking herself in her bedroom but she doesn't need it now. Maybe her auditioning for small time plays was on hold at the moment because of the waitressing job she had to pick up because Finn spends his nights at school and days looking for a job so he can help add to the apartment rent fund. Kurt works most nights at a bar until it closes. He gets up with Rachel at seven every morning, Finn really needs to get a job. But he's trying and that's all that matters to Rachel. Like Quinn told her time and time again, she is going to be a star no matter what.
Finn sighs as Kurt starts berating him again, it's not his fault no one is hiring and he is not spending six hours a day cleaning toilets. He's doing well in school, why can't everyone be happy with that? Once he gets his certificates people will want to hire him, he'll be accomplished then. When he has kids they are going to look up to their dad. They are going to have a dad.
Quinn's book gets published the day that marked the anniversary of her accident. Judy reads it and crys. Russell wants to take legal action.
She is invited on Ellen in the summer, she accepts and talks about her accident and her family and friends and how even though it seems most people have given up on her, she's finally learned to believe in herself. Ellen tells her she's an inspiration but she looks in her lap and starts talking about her true inspirations; Santana, Mercedes, she even manages Rachel before the cut to a commercial break. While she's sitting backstage someone knocks on the dressing room door. Shelby appears without Beth. She got really sick Quinn, it was for the best.
Mercedes, Santana and Brittany reform the Troubletones. Santana moves to LA so she can be with the other two. Quinn has never felt more alone than she did now. Santana proposes to Brittany but she says no. Brittany says she'll get married when everything gets back to how it should be. Santana doesn't question it, she keeps the ring in the safe stowed under their bed. The only thing she is sure about is Brittany, plus it wouldn't hurt to have more time to save up money right.
Happy anniversary she writes inside a blank card with two elephants on the front good luck auditioning for the part too. She isn't surprised when she gets a one worded reply. Thanks.
Rachel doesn't want children so she doesn't tell Finn she's pregnant with their child. She gets an abortion. It's the worst she has ever felt but she knows she wasn't strong enough to carry the child. She isn't even twenty yet, it would be a poor career choice too. She hears from her fathers about Shelby but can't find it in herself to care. There is too much to be done and not enough time. Finn finally picked up a job at a local restaurant, it's long hours but it helps their income significantly. Kurt starts dating one of the boys from one of Rachel's classes. He's tall, blonde and brooding with a passion for Shakespeare and poetry. His name is Oliver and he is the sweetest guy Rachel has met. Him being a vegan also goes in his favour.
(I love you never felt like any blessing
(Ohhhh)
Whispering like it's a secret
Only to condemn the one who hears it)
Mr Schue ends up taking the Glee club to the first Troubletones concert. He watches the three girls shine on stage where they belong and his club love them. They get talking backstage and the girls share some stories about glee club and some general advice about things. He notices a ring on Brittanys finger and smiles. "When it becomes legal we are going to try and get the original club together to perform at the wedding, one last time"
"I'm looking forward to it girls"
"Who would have thought it Mr Schue; us hot bitches with a record deal, Quinn on Ellen, Puck with his growing empire, Mike on tour with Lady Gaga, Sam and his country music- it's insane"
"I always knew you kids were special" he says sincerely before bidding farewell "Don't be a stranger"
"We won't"
When he gets home Emma is pacing up and down in the kitchen. "I'm pregnant Will, I'm sorry I know we weren't-" He cuts off her ramble with a kiss. He is going to be a dad, a real one. Not just a substitute for the ragtag bunch of children that find his way to Glee club every year. It's the best day of his life.
Kurt stars in some amateur play about a teenager who gets married and ends up drowning herself in a wishing well because she wants to go back in time to before it happens. Rachel doesn't talk to him for a whole week insisting that he drop out because it's insensitive. He says it's only insensitive if she feels the same way. Things go back to normal the following day.
Sam flies out to meet Quinn for coffee and to catch up. It's just like when they went to the milkshake bar except they are grown up now. Quinn tells him about how she's working on a volume of short stories set in a fictional universe where everyone is blind. That's cool he thinks as he pulls her into a bone crushing hug.
"I missed you" he says leaning down to kiss her cheek. She nods and buries herself into his neck.
When Kurt shows up at her dorm she slaps him in the face. He doesn't flinch, in fact he thanks her for the sobering experience. She would hit him again if she wasn't busy laughing at the incredulous situation.
"Rachel has been picked up for an album" he says once he's been invited in and handed a cup of tea.
"And I care because?"
"You still send her emails daily and good luck cards when she auditions for even the smallest roles"
"So"
Kurt is frustrated, tired and needs a shower from being on public transport too long. "I spoke to the girls, they are worried about you"
"Obviously not enough that they sent you to come check on me"
"Thats not fair Quinn, they have responsibilities and commitments outside their control"
"So did you. As a friend. And you ignored them because you didn't want the marriage to happen. I lost one of the only people who was there from me since the very start because you couldn't keep your mouth shut-"
"I already said sorry what do you want me to do? Go back in time?"
"Ideally? leave me alone"
"Oh just because you love her and she doesn't feel the same-"
"Get out"
"What because I'm saying something you don't want to hear? Grow up Quinn!"
"No you don't know what happened, you have rachel's side, everyone has rachel's side and thinks that I couldn't face rejection. I was happy being her friend, I just want my friend back. The closest thing I have to a friend that isn't more than an hour away is the homeless guy who lives in front of the book store."
Kurt leaves after that, he doesn't want to hear anymore. On the way back he's hit with all the guilt he managed to lock away for accidentally outing Quinn's secret. He comes in to Rachel stressing about the rent payments because her work closed and now they don't have enough money for their grocery shopping. She breakdown in his arms after Finn storms out because they asked if he could pick up extra hours until Rachel found another Job. He wants to say everything will be fine but he doesn't think it will be.
Rachel tells Finn she loves him when he crawls into bed at one o'clock in the morning. He just grunts into her hair and pulls her closer. She can do this. She will be famous.
Her album sells well and soon they have more than enough money to pay rent. She drops out of NYADA to go on tour with the Troubletones and it's the most alive she's felt since she came to New York two years ago. The girls comment how much more laid back she is, how much more talented she has become and how much they ended up missing her. She agrees with them and says how much that they have changed and how much she loves their debut album.
"Quinn wrote one of the songs, the one about the elephant" Brittany says over dinner and Rachel nearly chokes. Everyone wants to sink into the ground because the Q word has appeared. She gets angry "Just because you don't talk about her doesn't mean she doesn't exist" she gets up and storms out of the tour bus. Quinn was meant to be their friend but now everyone just ignores her and it annoys Brittany. She likes the new guy she's dating though, he's a mixture of a dork like Sam but quiet and thoughtful like Mike but she much preferred the idea of Quinn and Rachel balancing each other out. They originally weren't keen on the elephant song as Brittany had dubbed it but then their manager said it could be a bonus track and everyone liked a quiet acoustic song once in awhile so it was stuck on the end of the album. Brittany bought Quinn a stuffed elephant called Bronte because Brittany liked books almost as much as Quinn.
They end up in New Haven to stop and Santana decides that they should all go for drinks. Rachel agrees but wants to go to the local Karaoke, they say they'll meet her there in an hour. An hour turns to three and by the time they end up there Rachel is gone. The bartender tells her that she left with a stunning blonde and Santana feels the bile rise in her stomach.
"I wanted you to stop the wedding" Rachel slurs, propped against the wall. "I waited for you and then you got hit by that truck. I wanted you to give me an ultimatum but you didn't, do you not love me?" Quinn sighs and sits down beside her waiting for Santana to come pick up Rachel. She could have been in bed with Rachel right now had she wanted to.
"Of course I love you Rachel"
"So why didn't you fight for me! All you had to do was put up a fight and I wouldn't have married him. I was so confused, Finn was the only person who ever truly showed me love and then suddenly I'm told that Quinn Fabray loves me and has done for at least a year. I was scared and you didn't try and stop me."
"Because he made you happy Rach, I couldn't ruin that. God knows that I did that enough in the past"
"But Quuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuin"
"Santana is coming in five minutes. Drink your water"
"I love you though. And I miss you. And Finn doesn't love me anymore"
"Stop talking Rachel"
The next day Rachel corners Quinn at the bookstore and drags her to coffee to apologize. She listens as Quinn tells her about the girl she dated for a year and how it turned out she was a cheater and a liar. She nods when Quinn talks about her most recent breakup with the Sam/Mike guy Brittany told her about, that he wanted things she couldn't give him. She doesn't recognise this Quinn anymore but did she ever know who Quinn really was? She invites Quinn out with her and the girls later that night.
They both drink far too much and manage to leave before Mercedes can catch them. "She still lives in the same dorm right?" Santana shrugs and says she'll check their hotel first. Brittany goes with Mercedes because she know where Quinn lives still.
"This meant nothing" Rachel turns on her heel and ends up crashing into Mercedes in the hallway. Brittany pushes past them both and slams Quinn's door on her way in. This isn't fair on anyone at all.
(But would you leave me
If I told you what I've done)
Finn doesn't understand it at all. Rachel loved him so why would she sleep with Quinn? He wants to be angry but he can't because his wife has been under a lot of stress lately, she was drunk and the only people he knows that would turn down an invitation in bed with Quinn are both gay guys. Still it hurts to think that even in a drunken haze Rachel would jump into bed with someone else. Kurt is acting weird around Rachel but it's probably just him being a bro and not happy that Rachel cheated and yeah that's wrong of her to but it's hard to stay mad when she's almost hyperventilating because of how much she is crying. When he wakes up and gets in the shower he thinks about it again, It's hard not to, both of them are totally attractive but then he remembers that Quinn loved Rachel and he gets angry again because it's totally unfair when feelings are involved.
Quinn's short stories get published and she thanks Sam at the front. Someone wants to buy the rights to the book for a screenplay. She agrees under the condition that it won't become a musical.
Brittany doesn't like the new girl Quinn is sleeping with so she brings up Rachel when they are having a drink together. It's the first time she's seen Quinn get so angry and the first time in years that her and Santana get into a fight. She gets a text saying that the new girl is gone and Brittany replies good. Santana won't sleep in the same bed as her for a week but worse things could have happened.
Rachel turns up on Quinns doorstep the week before Christmas and Quinn lets her in without a word. "Finn wants a divorce"
"I'm sorry if that night ruined your marriage but what do you want me to do about it?"
"I don't, it wasn't that I just- I really need a friend right now and you were the closest thing and..." Rachel breaks down in tears and Quinn can only stand by and watch as she unravels in the middle of the room. "I did something really bad and even Kurt won't talk to me and I don't know what to do Quinn. What if they go to the papers? I'll be dropped without a second thought and I don't have a back up and-"
"Go take a shower. When you get out we'll talk." she hands her a towel and ushers her into the bathroom.
Quinn doesn't know where to look. On one hand she wants to throw Rachel out, face first into the snow but on the other hand it's not her place to judge. "I couldn't do it Quinn, there was too much stress, not enough money, not enough room. I couldn't- it was the only thing I could do when I found out"
Finn goes back home to Lima as soon as he's confronted Rachel. It's not fair, that's the second time that someone has snatched the chance at being a father and it hurts, it really fucking hurts. At least Kurt is on his side though, he told Rachel it was selfish and that Finn had the right to know unless it wasn't his baby. He remembers how Rachel cried harder at this, swearing that it could only have been Finn's and that she panicked but he stopped listening after that. He gets angry when Carol asks him to try and understand it from Rachel's point of view though because this is about him not Rachel. He buys a small flower and puts it under the big oak tree in the cemetery. Although his kid never got to see the outside world he stills owes it some sort of memorial.
"I still love you, you know" she says as Rachel gets ready to return to New York to work on her new song. Rachel ignores her promising to keep in touch and that she will visit again. Quinn just nods, she'd rather have a friend than nothing at all. It hurts to watch her leave again but this time she has a chance because Finn isn't in the picture. This time she has a chance because she isn't stuck in homophobic Lima. This time she has a chance because Rachel has finally realised that real life doesn't do life plans and sometimes you have to bend to fit what happens. She phones Mercedes first and invites them all down for dinner one day. She's going to need all the help she can get.
Brittany buys a stuffed giraffe and names it George to thank Quinn for lending her Nineteen eighty-four. She's surprised when Quinn shoes her Shakespeare, Bronte and the nameless bear from the hospital. When she asks about Patty, Quinn tells her she gave it back to Rachel and Brittany can't stop the grin spreading on her face. "I'm working on it" is all Quinn says to her before putting George next to the rest of them.