A/N: This story has some strong similarities to Lann_the_cleverest's lovely 'Making A Home In Your Arms' on AO3. I wrote this before reading that story and they're not similar side-by-side, but I feel it's necessary to point out just in case!
"Lay Your Troubles With Me"
It was late; too late, and Renly knew he should have been asleep hours ago, but his thoughts would not quiet. The same things kept turning over and over in his mind, coming back no matter how many times he tried to banish them. The law maester who had been sent from the Citadel to oversee Renly's preparations to join Robert's Small Council, the increasing number of lords who were showing up at Storm's End with their unwed daughters determinedly in tow... It was useless to be losing sleep, since Renly knew there was nothing he could do about any of it, but that was what made it so difficult to push from his mind. Again he shook his head to try to dislodge the thoughts. He shoved down the sleeping furs and sat up to swing his legs over the edge of the bed.
His neck ached from tossing and turning and he rubbed at it absently. Restlessness made everything feel like too much. Even the dull crackle of the low burning fire, or the way the fine silk of the bedclothes stuck to his skin seemed aggravating and overwhelming. Everything felt painfully magnified in his buzzing mind, but had he not been so alert, he would have missed the sound.
Coming from the door that led to his squire's quarters was the distinct sound of someone sniffling. The high intake of breath that accompanied it wasn't a sob, but it was close.
"Loras?" Renly called, loud enough for it to carry to the next room. The sniffling immediately stopped. "Loras, come in here."
Seconds later, the door opened and Loras peeked around the edge of it. "My lord?" he asked. He'd wiped the tears from his face, but even in the low light it was obvious that he'd been crying.
It was a month now since Loras arrived at Storm's End, and in that time Renly had found him to be courteous, and talented on a horse, and an enjoyable companion besides. His natural, self-assured confidence bordering on insolence had quickly endeared him to Renly. But even knowing how fond he was of Loras, Renly was still surprised at how upset he was to see his young squire so distraught.
"What's the matter?" he asked. He beckoned Loras closer, though the boy did not move from the doorway.
"Nothing," Loras answered tightly.
"You were crying."
Loras' expression showed no acknowledgment that he'd heard what Renly had said. "Was there something you needed?"
"No, but-"
"Then I'm sorry for waking you. Goodnight, my lord," he said, and closed the door.
Renly frowned. That would not do. It may have been that Loras was ashamed to be seen crying (Renly could recall how terribly determined he had been to appear grown up when he was that age) but if something was troubling Loras, Renly needed to know what it was.
"Loras. Come back in here."
Several moments passed, and Renly thought Loras might be ignoring him, but then the door opened again and Loras stepped into the room. As he drew closer Renly could more clearly see how swollen and red his eyes were. Like this, teary eyed and padding barefoot across the stone floor, he looked so very, very young. It was easy to forget when one saw the way he wielded a sword in the practice yard, but Loras was only a boy, barely eleven and far from home. It made sense, suddenly.
"You're homesick."
Loras glanced away to stare down at his bare feet. "I like it here," he said, "I do. You've been so kind to me, everyone has, and I'm happy to be living at Storm's End." He paused, and the unsaid 'but' hung heavily in the air.
"But you miss your family," Renly finished, and Loras nodded.
"I was thinking about them and could not sleep. I've never been away from them for very long before. I miss my parents... and my brothers, and especially my sister... It's her tenth nameday today, and-" Loras' voice cracked at that and he closed his mouth. His lower lip trembled and he caught it between his teeth.
Loras' pain was so barefaced and honest that Renly's heart ached in sympathy for his young squire. At that moment he wanted nothing more than to be able to make Loras happy.
"I wish I could bring them to you, or you to them," he said; a fanciful sentiment, but an honest one. It brought a small smile to Loras' face, at least, though he still did not look up from the floor.
"I wish that too. But this is what I must do if I want to become a knight. I'll get to see them eventually."
"Does that make missing them any easier?"
"No," Loras said in that same heartfelt, painfully honest way. It looked as if he was about to cry again.
"Is there anything I could do?" Renly found himself asking, almost desperately.
Loras finally looked up. Tears gathered in his eyes but they did not fall, and he studied Renly in the dim light. Renly suddenly realized how strange he must look to Loras, bright eyed but slumped in exhaustion with his hair sticking up in all directions from tossing and turning. Not that Loras had never seen him at night, or in the mornings after he woke, but sleepless and exhausted in the middle of the night was somehow different. Something in the way Loras studied his face said that Loras knew he'd been awake for some time already.
"Back at Highgarden," Loras said, "whenever I couldn't sleep, I would go to my brother's room. It was easier to sleep there, with him."
It took a moment for Renly to catch on to the meaning, and then he nearly reeled in surprise. "You want to sleep with me in my bed?"
Loras just nodded as if it had been the simplest request in the world.
And it was simple, wasn't it? Sharing a bed was no hardship, or at least Renly assumed so. He had no memory of doing it before. If he'd ever crawled into Robert or Stannis' bed as a child, he'd forgotten by now. But it could not be difficult, and if that was what Loras wanted to sooth his heartache, then Renly could do it.
"Alright," he said.
The small smile that came to Loras' face again felt like a victory, and if nothing else, Renly figured this would be worth it for that. He lay back down in the bed and Loras crossed around to the other side to crawl in beneath the blankets.
Renly did not know what he was meant to do; if he should keep to his own half of the bed, or move closer, or if he should lie on his back or side. He turned to Loras to ask, but before he could speak Loras shifted over to curl up against his chest.
He blinked at the top of Loras' curly head for a moment. "Is this... is this alright?" Renly asked.
"Yes," Loras said. Perhaps he could sense Renly's discomfort, because he added, "I won't stay here to sleep if you don't want it. I'll only stay as long as you like - just until we've both calmed down, at least."
Until they'd both calmed down. Renly shouldn't have doubted that Loras knew he had his own troubles to be awake at this hour as well. He felt a fresh wave of affection for Loras and had the sudden ridiculous urge to pet Loras' hair in fondness. In his exhausted state, he was reaching for it before he could even stop himself. He awkwardly lowered his hand to rest on Loras' shoulder.
Loras didn't object or even stir, and instead he seemed to relax more deeply into the featherbed. He let out a soft sigh and Renly could feel the exhale of breath against his chest.
"Alright," Renly said again, though he found that he could not remember what Loras had said last.
It took some time for Renly to settle into it, but soon enough he found himself breathing easier. Perhaps there really was something to this. Somehow it was easier to still his thoughts with someone lying at his side. He listened to the sound of Loras' breathing rather than the insistent crackle of the flames, and felt the warmth from Loras' body rather than the irritating brush of cloth. Loras seemed relaxed and content. It may have been the inherent ease that Loras took to everything with, but it seemed natural for him to be here. Renly almost wanted to laugh at himself for worrying about it.
He'd certainly thought about having someone beside him in bed before, though those thoughts had been much different than this. Often he'd imagined a man lying next to him, sharing a secret and looking back just as desirously as Renly looked at him, someone who would sooth the ache in his heart. But it was just that: imagined, a fantasy out of reach. This was not the same as what he'd wished for. Loras was too young and Renly's ward besides.
And yet, having him here filled something in Renly's heart just as well. Maybe Renly could be something else for him. A brother, as Loras had said. Renly had never been close with his own brothers, but, like sharing a bed, he thought that it could not be too difficult with Loras.
This time Renly did not stop himself as he reached to stroke Loras' hair in fondness, running his fingers through the soft curls. Loras' breathing had slowed as he had already drifted off. Renly smiled. He was finally feeling the tug of sleepiness in his mind as well. Happy in the thought that he had Loras by his side, Renly pressed a soft, gentle kiss to Loras' forehead before closing his eyes and slipping into sleep's embrace.