I'm lost.
I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. I think I'm supposed to be living, but it doesn't feel like it. I don't feel alive. I don't remember the last time I've truly felt an emotion clearly. The last time I've been happy. I just keep walking down this dank, dark corridor. My echoing footsteps confirming my detachment from the world.
There's fog all around me, clouding my mind and numbing my touch. I'm trapped within my own head. The stars don't shine for me anymore. I don't know if they ever did. The dungeons are a perfect companion to my isolation. The darkness here engulfs my soul, body and mind.
Comfort comes from the sharp words. The lethality gives me hope. Yet they don't come as often as years before. I'm falling deeper. The anger was my salvation. The hate the realist square in my quilted reality. It's still there, and I'm grasping it for fear of loosing myself more. I fear a mentally comatose state. Where my body continues to go through the motions, my lips continue to uphold a semblance of normality; what ever normality is, and I will not be able to kill the pathetic wretch I will have become.
The invisibility cloak brushes against my forearm. Protecting me from ignorant eyes that hate what they do not understand, a lost spirit. Animated not through love of life, but of the pure mechanical stamina of the body not to die quickly. Nobody noticed the knife I slipped into my robes at dinner. I did not intend for them to. If it comes to it, I will not hesitate. I will not tolerate it. I will stop it all, before I become the husk that is my ultimate destination. Yet, I still have some consciousness left. Each day it harder and harder to resist the lure. The constant pull to end it all.
I can't find my Route 66. To find it would be sublime. I seem to have veered off the path somewhere, and I can't find my way back. A new beginning and a new life, is promised at the end of where I want to be. A chance to start life anew, but I don't know the way there, to the end. Even the middle is a mystery. Tears have been shed looking for the route. Countless nights I've wasted searching for it. No longer am I capable of envying those who have never strayed, never had to think about their way through life. I'm beyond tears now. The capacity to cry, to weep, to sob has left me. Just like my motivation to find the end.
I'll never be given the chance to start life anew. Never find the end I once wanted. I'm not going to waste anymore time. Long ago did I stop searching for help. I'm so close to a different end. To the end of the one way street I wandered mistakenly down. So close to the end. Nothing matters anymore. Soon.
But not now. I've been waiting.
Waiting for someone to come and save me. Dumbly calling upon deaf ears. Nothing. This bit of hope, it's all I have.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Important: Well, maybe not that important, but if anyone reading this has the inclination, I don't have anyone to proof-read/beta this for me. I did my best to catch mistakes, but there has to be something I've missed. So, if anyone is willing tell me! It would be appreciated.
I hope none of you have decided that reading this chapter was a waste of time. It would make me sad. And sadness would result in more angst, if I could drag myself to write despite my sadness.
Did this come off angst-y? It's my first fic, and I'm not entirely sure about how my writing comes across to others yet. So, any feed back, ireviews/i..., would be so very much appreciated. *grin*
Oh, and please don't ask me who the person in this is. I'm not sure about that yet, myself. Though, I do have a couple possibilities. I'm sure you can guess.. But, It's highly probable that I wouldn't tell you even if I knew. Surprises are fun.
Anyway... I might drop a hint in the next chapter.
eh, please don't yell at me for possibly warping the Harry Potter Universe in future chapters. Anything I change will be solely for the functioning of the little bit of plot I'm currently working with, or can be attributed to my notoriously bad memory.
I already have the second chapter writen!! I'm proud of myself. So, if you want it posted REVIEW!!!
Disclaimer: I own nothing in the world of Harry Potter. I own the rights to nothing. Even the plot that I intend to force upon the characters of Harry Potter. Though, the plot iis/i of my own creation; I just don't own it in any legally binding sense.
Ah, this note is about the same lenght as the actualy story.. Must. Stop Typing...
I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. I think I'm supposed to be living, but it doesn't feel like it. I don't feel alive. I don't remember the last time I've truly felt an emotion clearly. The last time I've been happy. I just keep walking down this dank, dark corridor. My echoing footsteps confirming my detachment from the world.
There's fog all around me, clouding my mind and numbing my touch. I'm trapped within my own head. The stars don't shine for me anymore. I don't know if they ever did. The dungeons are a perfect companion to my isolation. The darkness here engulfs my soul, body and mind.
Comfort comes from the sharp words. The lethality gives me hope. Yet they don't come as often as years before. I'm falling deeper. The anger was my salvation. The hate the realist square in my quilted reality. It's still there, and I'm grasping it for fear of loosing myself more. I fear a mentally comatose state. Where my body continues to go through the motions, my lips continue to uphold a semblance of normality; what ever normality is, and I will not be able to kill the pathetic wretch I will have become.
The invisibility cloak brushes against my forearm. Protecting me from ignorant eyes that hate what they do not understand, a lost spirit. Animated not through love of life, but of the pure mechanical stamina of the body not to die quickly. Nobody noticed the knife I slipped into my robes at dinner. I did not intend for them to. If it comes to it, I will not hesitate. I will not tolerate it. I will stop it all, before I become the husk that is my ultimate destination. Yet, I still have some consciousness left. Each day it harder and harder to resist the lure. The constant pull to end it all.
I can't find my Route 66. To find it would be sublime. I seem to have veered off the path somewhere, and I can't find my way back. A new beginning and a new life, is promised at the end of where I want to be. A chance to start life anew, but I don't know the way there, to the end. Even the middle is a mystery. Tears have been shed looking for the route. Countless nights I've wasted searching for it. No longer am I capable of envying those who have never strayed, never had to think about their way through life. I'm beyond tears now. The capacity to cry, to weep, to sob has left me. Just like my motivation to find the end.
I'll never be given the chance to start life anew. Never find the end I once wanted. I'm not going to waste anymore time. Long ago did I stop searching for help. I'm so close to a different end. To the end of the one way street I wandered mistakenly down. So close to the end. Nothing matters anymore. Soon.
But not now. I've been waiting.
Waiting for someone to come and save me. Dumbly calling upon deaf ears. Nothing. This bit of hope, it's all I have.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Important: Well, maybe not that important, but if anyone reading this has the inclination, I don't have anyone to proof-read/beta this for me. I did my best to catch mistakes, but there has to be something I've missed. So, if anyone is willing tell me! It would be appreciated.
I hope none of you have decided that reading this chapter was a waste of time. It would make me sad. And sadness would result in more angst, if I could drag myself to write despite my sadness.
Did this come off angst-y? It's my first fic, and I'm not entirely sure about how my writing comes across to others yet. So, any feed back, ireviews/i..., would be so very much appreciated. *grin*
Oh, and please don't ask me who the person in this is. I'm not sure about that yet, myself. Though, I do have a couple possibilities. I'm sure you can guess.. But, It's highly probable that I wouldn't tell you even if I knew. Surprises are fun.
Anyway... I might drop a hint in the next chapter.
eh, please don't yell at me for possibly warping the Harry Potter Universe in future chapters. Anything I change will be solely for the functioning of the little bit of plot I'm currently working with, or can be attributed to my notoriously bad memory.
I already have the second chapter writen!! I'm proud of myself. So, if you want it posted REVIEW!!!
Disclaimer: I own nothing in the world of Harry Potter. I own the rights to nothing. Even the plot that I intend to force upon the characters of Harry Potter. Though, the plot iis/i of my own creation; I just don't own it in any legally binding sense.
Ah, this note is about the same lenght as the actualy story.. Must. Stop Typing...