Dedicated to Yui-chan; the girl who kept bugging me of liking this pairing.
--
It wasn't a big deal, but she still regretted it. It was nice knowing the buried truth under all these feelings that seemed false from time to time. And good to her she found out this? Just curious, not nosy, but she just needed to find out this deep dark secret. But this wasn't dark, something bad of the cruel unjust shadows that would never be forgiven. It was just a deeply hidden thing that she wasn't suppose to uncover. So maybe she was nosy, but she also got heart smashed that day. Not a painful break of being crushed, but unready blossoms of the 'L' word. A profoundly tender, passionate affection that was hard to explain. A strong feeling that she hasn't yet acquired for him. Love.
For him.
From her.
She didn't expect this, and he didn't expect her to find out so soon. This secret feeling wasn't meant to be exposed, and both knew it the hard way. Who said it would be easy if such deepness was found out in a strike of a lightning's shocking surprise? Maybe it wasn't soon. Maybe it was already past the time to say so. Who knew she'd have this hidden feeling of love. Hate. From herself to him, who yet didn't do anything to make it bad.What was her choice of this feeling? She can't give both as backfire to him. She wasn't that way. Her nicities were out of her heart, fragile and sinless. True to the heart and back.
To hate she wasn't.
To love, she was pure.
Which was why he loved this girl, with his heart but to never admit it. He had to hide this, lies and making it subtle. Not exactly dead cold lies, but just didn't admit it. The tender and pure consideration. Just for her. Someone like her. She wasn't someone special, but to him she was. Her pure personality. She wasn't like him, which interested him to this "opposite". Her delicate touch, and worries and consideration for others, more than herself. Her gloomy personality, and his comfort to relieve this. Undescribable and further more to him, but he had a strong reason.
Although she loved another, he still loved her, just not to admit it. He didn't care if Sasuke Uchiha said she was weak with no backbone. Or if Neji Hyuuga, prodigy, would roughly hate her with fury and anger. He wasn't like those two. He was different, and sometimes he'd be proud of it too. Unique. Everyone was in their own way, whether realized or shadowed. And so it was unnoticable, oblivious, yet seen to be told in a different way.
What back would the shy Hyuuga hime would love him back for? Amour? For what reason, besides that he had the love for her to begin with? He wasn't like her. Yet he was honest in his own ways. It was unnatural, yet at the same time it was a smooth ease that didn't complicate. Compared to others, he was one of the ones that cared the most. Not a family member by red liquid of flawful blood, which made this different.And this was another type of love, even harder than the simple family affection.
It wasn't like she was scared or feared of the complexion in this affection. She just felt confused, lost with what to decide. Every moment was now a valued memory, effecting the future from the past.This wasn't ordinary, nor was it deranged and abnormal. It wasn't a shocking surprise of a heart leap to last for a whole life. If not, what was the word for this? As if she had a sense of this, and never admitted or minded this herself. Again, a lie. Not much of a lie as him keeping his tender love for her. Just hiding the truth, trying to avoid and act as if there was nothing special. Just hidden within feelings and thoughts.
Not like he actually expected her to ever love him back, so he didn't mind it, or expose with others to make an actual deal of this tender craving. Not like she had a full hope of him actually loving her, when she loved someone else. Feelings for another could she afford though? Was his feelings for her serious, more than her love, yet simple admiration for a dense blonde? Some things aren't so simple, and this was life.
He thought.
She thought.
That was common, and yet they didn't share this common opinion to each other. What else haven't they discussed in a lovely conversation of common opinions? A lot, and they both kept this hidden against each other. Lies? It was just hiding the truth of their opinion. Their voice. Their heart. It was a game of hide and seek, or somewhat morally as close. They both hid. Secrets. Truths. Opinions. Feelings. And yet they didn't seek these strings of hearts from each other. Just hiding, and so it wouldn't end for a small period of time, not until now, but later. When was later? It was hide and no seek. None of the two daring to exploit each other, or bother to ask such questions. It was deep, and they just didn't want to share it. As if they couldn't trust each other for such.
Where was the passion? The tender truth that freed and eased one another? What ever happened to the elements of hidden love; now locked in the darkness of how hidden they wanted it to be? Guilt was another feeling they both kept away from each other, and keeping it quiet forever wouldn't help by the bit. At least no problems would be majorly plotted, but the tension of these feelings would continuously bottle up. Action of revealing these akward feelings, and they refused to themselves of this to take charge. The main question here was 'Would you rather bottle up and suffer or open up with a variety of results?'
Upsetting enough as it was, the results were various and might end up not the way they'd expect it. Both could be hurt in a way, or heart broken and rejected with no smile, but a frown. Or possibly could it be the other way? Instead of the sadness and sorrow of the heard way, it could be smooth and easy? Ending up by guesses that things are decided to go well? The probability of either opposite outcomes or more were even or not, depending on their own perspective of this secret and how it should be resolved. That was if they could afford to try to solve it themselves. They didn't deal with it in the past, so what would make them do it in the future? This was a different story, and both weren't handling it steady. Since when would they?
One thing for sure, was that this was not forbidden love where everyone else wouldn't allow these two close friends to actually love each other. It was just...unexpected. Just like when she found out, unexpectedly. As some would say, or have said, life was or is full of surprises. Sometimes it could be smooth like a peaceful dream, or so sudden and big, a frightening nightmare. Confused of whether the tripping of these events were peaceful dreams or cruel nightmares, they felt situated of the little things. Not physically, but mentally. This 'mental' wasn't in the way of where you'd see illusions or overmeasure the problem into something to do crazy things over, but lovesick.
Lovesick. That was probably the word for all this confusion and lost on whether you have affection for one or not. Or if you were ready to reveal or seriously expose that you had a passionate feeling of more than just 'liking' for one another. It was all confusing, and they both didn't feel too good about this either. Maybe this was it. Confusion of love or not, serious or just a mere yet sweet thought. Which was it, as both had their own problem that made them felt a sick-like feeling. Not the virus or germy disease. Just the feeling.
Feelings were strange, along the lines of the unfamiliarity of experiencing something compared to what is usually experienced daily or simply something not to care for. Like being sad, it was usually events of where a life of yours or someone close or important was in danger, trying to balance between the thin line to balance to stay alive, losing balance and falling upon sadistic death. Joyful, probably unexplainable verbal words where you can't help but smile and be happy, expressing it with cheers and smiles, celebration. The feeling of love? It was hard.
To him.
To her.
Both have known what the one-sided fatal fall feeling of where you would love one, but that one loves some other one. Possibly exactly of what they were both going through, until it became forward and back. Not the swing being forced push by wind or such. Just happening. It all shattered, the glass that kept her from knowing just let her through into knowing. Who's fault was this? Not exactly a troubled guilt thing where you can be punished for upsetting someone by knowing the truth. She felt uncomfortable though. Just ignoring this would be what he would expect, since he didn't know yet that she found out. If she did that, then that would make her feel guiltier each time she'd meet him.
Things would just slow down by her thoughts, remembering past memories and how he was also hiding his feelings then, same situation of hiding even now. Time would then rush for her, as he'd ask if she was paying attention, or was okay by her facial expression of lacking pleasure or balance.
"Hinata?" Kiba asked. "You okay?"
She blinked, mentally shaking her head before she came to thought, reality. Hinata then remembered--she and Kiba were sparring shortly, then taking a rest. Something didn't feel right though. Why when she opened her eyes once more from that blink, she saw green? It took her a manner of time, before she realized those were leaves, as she could tell by its small vein-prints and the smell of how earthy it was. If she could she leaves of a tree, then why was she in the position to see so? She turned her head, and she could see more green, a lighter shade that was different by the brightness of the sun. Grass, she supposed of it to be.
She turned her head the other way, the left side, only then to see more grass that was darker shaded by the tree and leaves blocking the sun, followed by Kiba. He appeared to be rather relaxed, laying his head under crossed arms that kept him from touching the grass there, just looking up. "Hinata?" he asked again, since she didn't respond the first time when he questioned for her attention, not looking at her though.
How could she answer this? Maybe she should try to ask, instead of ignoring her feelings and his subtle ones. A small smile showing that she was okay to herself, she softly mumbled, "Mhmmm.." Bending both arms, her hands then flat on the ground, she pushed herself up and removed the strands of hair that was in her way. She bit her lip, trying to reassure herself on if she should ask or not, remembering that she'll regret sooner or later. How to question, what to question? Stalling or distracting whatsoever, her eyes smiled closed while simply saying, "I'm okay."
Shyly, she then looked away. It would be hard for her to think of how to ask a question to Kiba while looking at him, while he was looking up still, only nodding 'okay'. She then wrapped her thoughts up, ready to word it. "Um..Kiba-kun?" she began. "M-May I ask you a question?"
Thinking this should be important, Kiba sat up. "You already did," he smirked, joking. "What is it?" It wasn't long until he didn't feel comfortable though. If it seemed important for her to ask permission first, would it mean that he'd have to open up to her? This would then be too hard, but he tried to hide those small hints of fear by trying to keep eye contact with her.
This was Hinata's moment of truth, and she felt herself slowly turning red. Half of her looked away, eyes shifted while trying her best not to twiddle her fingers. Why would she though? "I..um..well.." she struggled, thinking that she was going to choke sometime soon. Again she was stalling, but with pointless stuttering that she thought to promise of not doing. She tried to look back at him, but it was just making it harder compared to what it originally was. Suddenly she felt calm, looking down at the ground twisting a single grass, giving up to regain her color. Before Kiba open his mouth, she then asked, "What time is it?" She knew that she failed to ask this time, but this time she didn't feel ready.
Time. This was what Kiba hated, that word. Time made him guilty, time made him feel slow. Time underestimated him, and for a good reason too, and now it was his /time/ to take advantage of it. This time. "Time to tell you the truth," he nodded, before he confessed.
e n d ::.
Start Time ;; Friday, May 18, 2007, 10:58:54 PM
End Time ; Saturday, July 14, 2007, 10:30:54 PM
Modified ;; Monday, July 16, 2007, 12:47:38 AM