Orochimaru : What if he was a FAIRYTALE PRINCESS? By Sexee Kakashi

Hmmm… What IF Orochimaru really was a fairytale princess?

Let me tell you how I got this idea… It was a hot day at home, and I was watching an episode of Naruto and it had Orochimaru in it. During the Orochimaru parts, my sister kept on reading her fairytale storybooks out loud… And that's how I got this crazy idea! ;-)

So, let's begin the story! Hmmm… Let's try Snow White…

Once upon a time, king Kakashi and queen Iruka(?) had a beautiful baby girl, er, boy.. Whatever. (Clears throat) He had skin that was white as snow. His hair was black as ebony. And for the lips as red as roses, forget that part. Like, can you imagine Orochimaru with red lips?

Orochimaru: You better not be making fun of me, you stupid writer!

Hey! Princesses are NOT supposed to talk like that, Orochimaru…

Orochimaru: I don't even wanna be the princess, for Sandaime's sake!

Who's the writer here?

Orochimaru: (Sighs) …you are.

Very good! Since I'M the writer of this story, what I say, goes. And I say YOU'RE THE PRINCESS.

Orochimaru: Hmph. When we're through I swear I'm gonna BITE YOUR HEAD OFF!

Princess Orochimaru, you're not supposed to talk like that!

Orochimaru: Grrrr…

OKAY! Now, where was I? Oh yeah! King Kakashi and queen Iruka had a beautiful baby… After some time, queen Iruka died, and… No. Let's change that. Queen Iruka didn't die, he/she just retired from being queen, so King Kakashi married another woman.

Her name was… Kurenai! I'm saving Tsunade for later, ya see…

So, um, queen Kurenai was beautiful. She had dark hair, fair skin and red lips. Kakashi loved her very much (hey, remember, folks! This is just a fanfic!)

Kurenai: Yes. I love Asuma, not Kakashi.

As years passed by, queen Kurenai grew envious of princess Orochimaru.

Sure, she had dark hair, like the princess, but her hair was wavy and Orochimaru's was straight. They both had fair skin, but of course, no one can beat Orochimaru's skin color! And as for the red lips, forget it.

Orochimaru: Are we done yet?

So, Kurenai ordered her huntsman, Gai to take Orochimaru into a forest and kill the princess. Gai did as he was told, to take princess Orochimaru into the woods, but he couldn't kill him…

Gai: No! I just can't kill the princess! He'd obviously kill me first! AAAAH!

Spare me, oh princess!

Orochimaru: This story is getting stupid!

So, Gai told Orochimaru to run and never return home.

Gai: Yeah, 'cause if he comes back, we'd ALL be dead!

Run away, dear princess! And never return!

So, the princess ran and ran, until he found a small cottage that was owned by seven… little… men…

Okay, 'Orochimaru and the Seven Dwarfs' sounds very, very weird…

Let's change the story! Let's try Sleeping Beauty.

Let's skip to the part where the princess pricked herself and fell asleep…

So, the evil witch Tsunade lured princess Orochimaru into a tiny room…

Okay, so Tsunade isn't evil; nor is she ugly, but I think the part suits her!

Getting back…

Princess Orochimaru entered the room and found a spinning wheel.

The evil with told him to try it out.

Tsunade: Spin, dear princess! Spin the wheel! evil grin

And so, Orochimaru did as he was told… He spun the spinning wheel and turned the straw into gold!

Tsunade: Uhhh… I think you got the story all mixed-up. This story's about Sleeping Beauty.

And the spinning the straw into gold thing is from Rumplestiltskin.

Ah! So it is! Thanks for reminding me, Tsunade!

Tsunade: (Sigh) What kind of writer are you?!

Let's do that part again, shall we?

So, the princess spun the spinning wheel until he pricked his finger on the spindle and fell asleep…

Tsunade: Ummm… 'Bwahaha?'

With that, the witch left… Only the true love's kiss can break the spell and awaken the sleeping princess… Only a kiss from a prince can release Orochimaru from this sleeping prison! And that prince is…

Kabuto: WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE PRINCE?!?!

You seem to be the closest person to Orochimaru, so I made YOU the prince!

Kabuto: This sucks.

So, prince Kabuto took out his sword and his shield and raced to the princess' bed chamber. Suddenly, Tsunade's giant slug attacked him on the way!

Kabuto: WHAT?!?!

He tried using his sword to split the slug into two, but it didn't seem to work.

Suddenly, he had an idea! Kabuto reached inside his pocket and got something…

Can he use it to defeat the slug?

Kabuto: HAVE SOME SALT, YOU SLUG!

Slug: Graaaaa!

With fear, the slug quickly slithered away…

Kabuto: I am good!

Upon seeing this, the evil witch Tsunade planned on attacking Kabuto.

Tsunade: You'll pay for what you did to my slug, Kabuto!!!

Shizune: Tsunade-sama!!!

Tsunade: Shizune?! What are you doing here?! Can't you see I'm busy?!

Shizune: Oh, you're gonna be busy, alright! You still have a lot of paperwork to do!

Tsunade: Darn it. Okay, I'll be there. (Leaves)

Okay, so I guess the witch VS the prince part is over…

So, Kabuto rushes to Orochimaru's bed and prepares to give the princess his kiss…

Closer, and closer, and…

Kabuto: I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!! THIS IS JUST TOO WEIRD!!!
I QUIT!!!

Wait! Kabuto!

Oh great… Who's gonna be the prince now?

Orochimaru: Are we done yet?

Okay, let me try out one final story… Rapunzel…

Jiraiya, YOU'RE the new prince.

Jiraiya: WHaAaT?!?! 00"

Let's skip to the 'let down your hair' part…

There he was, prince Jiraiya, standing at the foot of the tower.

He called out to the princess…

Jiraiya: Orochimaru! Orochimaru! Let down your hair!

The princess lets down his hair…

Orochimaru: …

The PRINCESS lets down HIS HAIR…

Orochimaru: …

I SAID, THE PRINCESS LETS DOWN HIS HAIR!!!!!!

Orochimaru: What?! Oh, sorry… Here. (throws hair out the window)

Huh? My hair's not long enough… Sorry, Jiraiya!!!

Jiraiya: Really? Umm, let down your TONGUE then! It should be long enough,

Orochimaru: What? Okay! (throws his tongue out the window)

Jiraiya: Good! Thank you! Here I come! (pulls and climbs Orochimaru's tongue)

Orochimaru: AGcKh! AcKhHh!!! Ahhhhhh!!! (falls out the window)

Jiraiya: AaAaAah!!!

And so, the princess and the prince fall happily out the window…

THUD!

Jiraiya: Orochimaru! Get off me!

So, do they live happily ever after?

That, I don't know… So, here's the end of the fic! I hope you folks liked it!

Heheheh… -SK ;-)