Nothing Heals Me Like You
Chapter 1
I Quit
This has to be the worst day ever. The power was out when I woke up, already an hour late for work. Skipped my morning cigarette. Skipped my shower. Skipped breakfast and I still didn't make it to the mandatory meeting on time. Which means I got a long lecture from my boss about commitment and dedication and all that shit, before being handed my assignment. The shit assignment. The one no one else wanted so I got stuck with because I wasn't there. Not like that would have made a difference anyway. I always get stuck with the shit assignments. And I'm too stupid to argue about it. That's just the way my life works. I also somehow got my shirt stuck in my desk and tore a huge hole in it. And because I am prone to accidents like that, I had a new one tucked into my purse and quickly changed only to have the mail guy spilt coffee on it. And let's not forget that profound message my boyfriend, James, left my voice mail. But we'll get to that later.
I have had enough of this day, this job, this life. So I walk out of my office with all my belongings in a box. I'm attempting to make a statement…Again. I do it about once every two weeks or so. I'm thinking its beginning to lose some effect now. I should probably do this less often. I smile triumphantly as I exit the building but that only lasts for a few seconds. God hasn't had enough fun torturing me yet so it starts to rain. Not just rain…fucking pour, on the one day that I didn't bring an umbrella.
But before I break down and cry, not that anyone would notice in this torrential downpour, I try to find the good in my situation. I get to go home early. Eat a nice warm meal with my best friend. And take a nice long, hot bubble bath.
My apartment building is only a few blocks away and I'm soaked to the bone already so instead of calling a cab I'll just get my exercise for the day. As I make my way down the sidewalk young school girls shout at me and throw fliers in my direction, several of which fall into my soggy box of possessions. This goes on until I reach my apartment building. I am more than annoyed by the time I make it to my building. What is it with these girls? Shouldn't they be shopping or doing homework or something else meaningless like that? I really don't want to deal with them right now. So much for optimism…
I sit the box on the ground and rummage through my purse for my keys, only to finally notice the growing hole in the bottom. I've lost everything except my wallet and my cell phone. Fucking perfect.
I sit down and rest my head in my hands. I hate my life. I only last a minute before I pull out my cell phone and leave a voicemail. Then I call my roommate and he answers with a growl. "Jacob, I need some help."
"Thank god!" he exclaims. "I need your help."
"I'm outside. I lost my keys ring me up and I'll do my best."
"You're home? Amazing."
"I know," I sigh and brush my hair out of my face. "Open the door so I can get in." And with that I hang up. And of course the elevator is broken too so I have to walk up three flights of stairs with this stupid box. I turn the corner and run into something and drop everything I'm carrying. I sit up and see and very familiar three-year-old staring back at me. "Caleb Logan Douglas what are you doing here?"
"Daddy brought me." He shrugs.
"Why? Where is he?" I look around.
"He left," he explains and begins to skip away but I grab his shirt and shake my head. Any ounce of optimism I had left was crushed by his words.
I am not in the mood for this. "He left?" I shout is disbelief. But what else did I really expect? This is just a typical James thing to do. Caleb nods his head and attempts to wiggle free of my grasp. I exhale heavily and I collect my things and walk into the room Caleb in my left arm, my box in the right. "Jacob, what's going on?"
"You tell me. Your boyfriend dropped the kids off and left." He frowns at me. "How do I shut her off?" He holds out the screaming seven-month-old girl.
I set down Caleb and my box, making sure to close and lock the door before taking Ava. "My ex-boyfriend, he left me a breakup message." Ava finally stops screaming and I put her up in the pack-n-play overtaking the living room. I put in a movie and Caleb sits in front of the TV. "So how was your day?" I ask with a sarcastic smile.
"Great!" He mimics my sarcasm. "And yours?"
"I'm sure it was even better."
"How was work?"
"Spring fashion," I reply.
"Spring fashion?" Jacob mimes.
"What the fuck do I know about fashion?"
"Uh-oh. You said a bad word." Caleb shakes his finger at me. The kid doesn't miss anything.
"I'm sorry. I promise to never do it again." But his attention is already back to Finding Nemo, thank god. I let out and exasperated sigh and sat on the couch. "I was not hired to do fashion or love advice or stupid filler articles. I am not the vapid woman they seem to think I am!"
Jacob shrugs. "Well, quit letting them walk all over you. Take a stand."
"I did." I nod.
"You did?"
"I quit."
"You quit?"
"I quit." I nod in affirmation.
"How long until you beg for your job back?" He laughs.
"Already called and left Esme a voicemail."
"Spring fashion? It's still hardly fall!"
"I know." I roll my eyes. "But it's already started, shoes are finished." I stand and make my way into the kitchen to satisfy my grumbling stomach. "Care to review?"
"I know even less than you! You need some girlfriends to help you get through these things."
"Can you at least look it over and give me a man's perspective? Maybe that will help." I shrug. I'll take anything I can get right now.
"Sure, sure," he responds.
"Thanks, it's in the box," I shout from the refrigerator. I'm too lazy to cook so leftover Chinese it is. Jacob's squeal grabs my attention. "Now I hardy think you've found something you like." I shake my head.
"Though I doubt this has anything to do with spring fashion but it is just as tragic."
My brow furrows in confusion and I walk to his side. "Oh, some girls were handing those out. They're all over. Something about something and I don't know. Trying to win a contest or something equally as inconsequential as that. You're typical high school girl thing."
"Jesus, Bells, no. This is what I was telling you about last week! The band. Where me and Leah first hooked up. What's their name? Twilight!"
"They're back in town? You two should go again. It would be sweet." I say sitting back on the couch with my reheated Chinese.
"No, they're not back in town you jackass!"
"Stop saying bad words!" Caleb chimes in again.
Jacob makes faces to the child's back along with an obscene gesture before returning to yell at me. "Don't you ever listen?"
"I try not to." I shrug.
"One of their members got sick. Something with his liver or something…I don't know the details but he needs a transplant." I just continue to shovel the fried rice into my mouth with great difficulty. I still haven't mastered the art of using chopstick. "The fans found out and are attempting to find him a new one."
"Now that's devotion." I nod. "Your band rocks! I love you guys! Take my liver. But I admit it is a refreshing change. No more 'marry me' or 'I want to have your babies'."
"Be nice. They're out there actually doing something."
"Because he's famous!" I shout. "What if that was one of their classmates? Do you really think they would be out there like that? Maybe a few of them would have a bake sale to raise money for the family or something. But handing out fliers in the rain to find a live donor? What about all the other people out there that need donors?"
"At least it's something. They aren't wasting their time with spring fashion." I draw in a quick breath. He can be such a jerk sometimes. "I'm sorry. I didn-"
But he does have a point. "No, you're right," I say with a smirk.
"You're not going to do something stupid now, are you?" He asks as I jump up from the couch. "Bells? Bella?"
"I just have some stuff I have to work on. Keep an eye on the kids."
"Bella, you're not going to give up your liver are you?" But I ignore him and walk down the hall. "You know you kind of need your liver! Not just kind of…you really need it! Right? I think so. Just in case, y'know… Shit! I know I said a bad fucking word!"
I roll my eyes and walk into my room. I hope he never plans on raising any children. I sit on my bed and pull out my laptop. I do have a desk… somewhere under a pile of papers and I don't even know what else. So I never actually do any work there. I begin to compile data quickly and almost don't hear the doorbell. James. Shit. I glance at the clock, well past midnight.
I jump off the bed run out to the door. Fuck, I don't want to deal with this now. Jacob is sleeping on the couch so I wake him. "I'm not here. I'm working late at the office. Just give him the kids and send him on his way." I hear a key turn in the lock. "And get my key back!" I whisper before disappearing into my room. What kind of man breaks up with you but still drops his kids off for you to baby sit? I leave my door open a crack and listen to the conversation that unfolds. And it only takes a second for me to realize he's drunk or maybe worse. What was I expecting at this time of night?
I sigh and walk towards my window just as Jacob bursts into my room. "He's-"
"I know." I nod and climb carefully onto the balcony and down the fire escape. I may hate the guy but I'm not going to let him kill himself or his kids. I'm not heartless. I walk towards the front of the building and run into him.
"Hey." He's got that shit-eating grin on his face. God I hate it.
"I'm driving you home." I say and grab the keys from Ava's small fingers.
"How was work?" He walks towards me with a pout. "What? No kiss?"
"Just get in the car." I sigh and turn around. Not his car. "So the divorce is off again." It's all beginning to make sense now.
"My car's in the shop. She felt like being civil today so she let me borrow the car. Give me the keys." His voice has switched from playful to cold and distant. A sure sign that he is lying.
I shake my head and get in the driver's seat. "So it has nothing to do with the message you left me this morning." I arch my brow. He opens his mouth to speak but I stop him. "It doesn't matter."
"Bella, just give me the keys," he commands as he straps Ava into her car seat.
"Not a chance," I say defiantly and shake my head.
"I got here just fine," he retaliates putting Caleb into his booster seat.
"Congratulations," I say and start the car. "Get in or you walk home." He complies and I pull into the street. "So how is Victoria these days?" I ask nonchalantly.
"She finally moved out of the old apartment."
"Good for her." I keep my eyes trained on the road. I refuse to look James in the eyes, his baby blues always sucker me in.
"What's your problem?" James asks, leaning back into his seat.
"Let's not get into this in front of your kids." I say and the rest of the car ride is silent. I pull into his driveway and stop the car. I remove my apartment key from his set of keys and throw them back at him. "Tell your wife I said hello."
"You can tell me yourself." Victoria announces coming alongside the window. "After you get out of my car." She smirks and gets Ava from her car seat before walking over to James and kissing him. It's really gross how much tongue she is using. I roll my eyes and sigh heavily; she really doesn't have to put on a show for me. I mean I understand that she doesn't like me. I mean, I did have an affair with her husband. But that really wasn't entirely my fault. And really, she should be over it by now.
"Well, nice to see you again." I force a smile to my face. I'm very nice to her even if she is the biggest bitch I've ever had the displeasure of meeting. "But I guess I'll be on my way." Victoria gives me a smug smile as she waves goodbye. Caleb gives me a high five and a hug before I place my hands in my back pocket. "See you around, kid." I wink at him and he flashes me a sad smile. I don't get very far before I hear footsteps behind me. I turn and am face to face with James.
"Do you need a ride?" he asks.
"I'll be fine." I shake my head and bite my bottom lip. He shouldn't be driving and I don't think getting in a car with Victoria would be any smarter for me. I look down to the sidewalk, looking at him makes me want to-well, do things that I shouldn't to a married man.
"I'm sorry," he says suddenly. My head snaps up and I stare at him. Though he's usually a great guy (well, when he's off the drugs) he still doesn't apologize-at least to me. "For Victoria. She can be a real bitch I know. But you know…the kids."
"I know. You don't need to apologize," I say softly and look down again realizing I'm standing in a giant puddle. Great, my shoes are going to make that annoying squishy sound all the way home.
There is an awkward pause when I continue to think about my squishy shoes and my new project. But my thoughts are interrupted by his lips-his lips to mine. "Jesus, Bella, I'm sorry for this morning. I'm such a fucking ass!"
"Shhh," I say softly and run my fingers through his blonde hair. "What's going on, James?"
"I don't know. She showed up this morning and I didn't know what to do. She said she missed the kids and me and I didn't know what I was doing. I was out with Laurent the night before and-"
"Yeah, I know what happens when you're around him." He gets fucked up.
"No, none of that this time. I'm clean this time. For good. For you, baby. I told you I would be better if you stayed with me. I want to be better for you. But I was drinking a lot. I think I was still drunk when she showed up. I just-I just don't know."
I shake my head and kiss his forehead. "Go home and go to sleep." I turn away and start to walk again even if I want nothing more than to just stay there and listen to him. I turn back and give a half smile. "Call me. When you do know what you want." I wrap my arms around myself. It's just the beginning of fall but the night air is cold tonight.
I start to turn my back to him but he stops me and turns me around. "It's cold out. Take my sweatshirt." He places a delicate kiss on my forehead and walks away. For someone who can be such an asshole he can be really sweet sometimes.
The walk takes me longer than normal but I did spend a lot of time staring at the stars, dancing in the puddles in the moonlight and just being a child. Jacob is still awake when I walk back into the apartment. "How did it go?" He asks suspiciously, twisting around in his chair.
"Fine." I roll my eyes. And hold up my hand to silence him before he can continue with the 20 questions. "Really. Drove him home. Said hi to Victoria. Walked home." I saw his eyebrows rise at the mention of Victoria's name but I just shook my head.
"Esme called while you were out. She wants you to call her ASAP. Something about how great your idea was or something."
"Esme called? While I was out? Like within this hour?" It should be way past her bedtime and mine for that matter. But long, odd hours come with this job-or so Esme says. And yeah, my idea was good. Not great, but it does beat fashion.
"Yeah, she says she doesn't sleep or whatever." I pause waiting for him to continue with something but he just shakes his head. "So you should call her," he prompts me slowly.
"Goodnight!" I shout at him and give him a quick kiss on the forehead before running back to my room to return my bosses phone call.