Hey everyone this is my new fic.
It's just a one-shot, all though I might write a sequel. I dunno, it just depends how things go and how many reviews I get.
Anyway, hope you like!
The lyrics at the end are from a song called. 'If I'm not in love with you' By Faith Hill.
Please read and review.
Thank you to all the people who have reviewed my other fics.
xXx Leanne xXx
I'm not in loveI glance up from my desk, taking a welcome break from the stack of paperwork sitting there. There she is! Sitting on the edge of her desk, swinging her legs and chatting casually to Neil.
I wonder if any of those rumours about those two are true… they do seem pretty close. Not that it matters if they are together…Suzie can go out with who she wants…it doesn't bother me.
Neil gets up and goes back into his office. Suzie sits back down in her chair and picks up a folder. She's so beautiful. I think… I think I'm falling in love with her…but I can't be… it's not possible. She's way out of my league and well… for want of a better way of putting it… the 'ice maiden.' It's like she's totally 'untouchable'… though it sounds really stupid to say it.
Her eyebrows are slightly raised…she looks as if she's working something out. Her dark brown hair is piled on top of her head. Her brown eyes catch the light that filters through the window. She's so damn gorgeous… I can't stop thinking about her. It doesn't mean I love her though…does it?
She's one of my best mates. That's as far as it goes really. A friend… a colleague… just like Mickey…or Terry or Phil. That's all there is to it.
Neil's back. He walks over to Suzie's desk again and says something to her. She glances up for a fraction of a second before nodding.
Neil then comes over to my desk. I think he's going to lecture me about the amount of unfinished paperwork spread across my desk… but no! "Zain, leave that… you're working with Suzie today." He informs me.
"What on?" I ask, sifting through some papers.
"An obbo," the DI says, looking at his watch. "Suzie will explain…I've got to be in court in half hour, okay?"
"Guv, can't someone else take it… I'm kinda snowed under here." I make my excuses. It isn't that I don't want to work with her. Of course I do… It's just that… what if I can't act normally around her? What if she finds out how I…how I think I feel? She'll probably end up hating me forever or something equally terrible…
Neil sighs. "It's the same for everyone Zain…the run up to Christmas is a busy time…besides Suzie asked if you could work with her on this. That's not a problem is it?" He looks at me.
'Well yes it is a problem, but I'm not going to tell him that am I?' "No Guv." I say. 'And it shouldn't be a problem… I don't know how I feel about Suzie but I'm not in love with her… and if I don't love her, then everything should be fine…everything will be normal, right?' I reason with myself.
"Good." The DI says shortly and walks off.
I stand up and walk over to Suzie's desk. "Hey!" I say.
Suzie looks up at me and smiles. "Hi," She says. "You okay?"
I nod. "Yeah, I guess." I'm trying not to look at her, in case my face gives me away. "So what's this obbo then?" I bring the subject back round to the case.
Suzie explains… I'm not really listening though… my mind is wandering… to thoughts of Suzie and me on a beach somewhere… the sun is setting… we're walking hand in hand across the sand… the waves lapping gently around our ankles… I turn to her and she wraps her arms around me… "Suzie… I lov…" 'NO! I don't love her…' I tell myself insistently…Why can't I stop thinking about her?
"Zain…" Suzie's voice cuts into my thoughts.
I look away from her. "Yeah!" I say…
"Are you even listening to me…?"
I nod, even though I don't have the faintest idea what she's just said.
"What did I just tell you then?" She challenges me, an amused smirk playing around the corners of her lips. She's got me…and both she and I know it.
"Umm…" I pause, slightly embarrassed. "You'll buy me a pint later…" I try, some of my usual humour returning.
Suzie laughs. "Nice try." She says, shaking her head. "Get your coat… I'll explain on the way."
We're driving to the obbo. The atmosphere in the car is so tense you could cut it with a knife…this is so awkward… I wish I were with someone else… even being stuck in a car Stuart would be preferable to this…
I'm not in love with Suzie. If only I felt how I pretend to feel, then everything wouldn't be so hard. I don't know. I guess denying the truth is easier than facing up to it. But what is the truth? Because I'm not sure I know myself anymore. Falling in love isn't supposed to feel like this…is it? I mean there's been other girls I've really fallen for and it hasn't felt this way…
I guess the truth is that I do like her more than a friend. If I'm honest there's been signs, which I was trying to ignore. I don't want to feel like this but I do and I've got to deal with it. I can't keep pretending that things haven't changed between us.
I don't want this to come between our friendship but I have to tell her. I can't do this anymore… I want her so much, I'm aching to be with her… I can't help it… I can actually see us together… She's the person I know I want to share the rest of my life with… If only I could think about something else…
"You know Zain…" Suzie's voice interrupts my thinking. "If you can't get someone out of your head then maybe they are supposed to be there in the first place." She finishes with a small knowing smile.
"How do you know what I'm thinking?" I ask.
Suzie smiled again. "Easy…" She answered… "It's written all over your face… so…who is she then?"
"Erm she's…" I begin nervously. 'Just tell her Zain! Tell her that you've fallen in love with her' I say in my head. What's the worst that can happen? "It's you!" I blurt out, before I can stop myself. "I…I think I've fallen in love with you." There I've said it. Suzie doesn't speak – I guess she's giving herself some time to work out the best way to let me down gently – "Well aren't you going to say something?" I say… It's funny how I'm even more nervous now than before I told her.
"Zain I…" She pauses…"I don't know what to say…"
I give her a half-hearted smile. "It's okay… we can just forget I said anything." I say.
"No…" Suzie shoots me a look. "Sorry, I'm making a complete mess of this… what I'm trying to say is… is…"
"Spit it out…" I say, smiling faintly.
"Okay." Suzie took a deep breath. "What I'm trying to say is I think I love you too."
I'm silent for a few moments. She just said she loves me…She just said… "How long?"
She shrugs. "I don't know… about 4 months at a guess."
4 months…4 months and I never realised. I'm so stupid… I'm supposed to be a detective and yet I never even spotted what was right under my nose.
"What about you?" Suzie asks.
"I don't know… about a month…does it matter?"
"Not really." We lapse into silence again.
"So what now?" I ask.
Suzie takes one hand off the steering wheel. She rests it on my leg. "I don't know, what about you?"
"I'd like us to go slowly…see where this takes us." I answer hesitantly.
Suzie nods. "Sure." Then without warning she leans over and kisses me, gently on the lips. I kiss her back. "Maybe I will buy you that pint tonight after all." She says with a grin.
I smile, placing my hand on top of hers. "Cool" I'm in no doubt about how I feel anymore. I know I love her and I know that she loves me too…"But why don't I take you out for dinner instead?"
She smiles shyly. "I'd like that," her eyes flicker briefly onto the road then back to me again. "I love you Zain."
I smile. I've wanted to hear her say those words to me for so long. "I love you too." I reply.
If I'm not in love with you,
What is this I'm going through,
Tonight,
And if my heart is lying then what should I believe in,
Why do I go crazy,
Every time I think about you baby,
Why else do I want you like I do,
If I'm not in love with you,