A/N: Welcome to my first-ever posted fan fic! I do hope you enjoy it and please R&R, constructive critism is welcome, no flames please because nothing good comes from them :) (Edit: yes this is a repost, I added some things and changed some things so I hope it is loads better and easier to read).

Disclaimer: I own nothing except Alana, Natalie, and Terry. All other characters belong to the talented J. K. Rowling.

Warnings: This chapter (as well as others after this) contains a cutting scene. I do not encourage cutting and if this is a sensitive subject to you then I suggest you go no further. All scenes are non-explict, meaning I do not describe it. I personally find it hard to read and/or write descriptive self-harm scenes because I'm a recovering one myself. If you or someone you know are practicing this then please get help. Thank you, now on with the show:

Chapter 1

"Saturday at Hogsmeade?"

"He's looking at you again," whispered Natalie, my best friend. I didn't bother to look up; I was engrossed in my homework and I figured that if I ignored her then she will leave me alone.

"Alana," Natalie whispered, breaking my concentration. "He's staring again," she repeated excitedly and annoted that I ignored her the first time.

I give up my attempts at ignoring her and look: it was Terry Wilde, a Slytherin. We were in the school library looking up potion ingredients for Slughorn. Outside was light and breezy, October, well into my fifth year at Hogwarts. But I am getting ahead of myself; perhaps I should rewind and introduce myself first:

My name is Alana Sommers and I am fifteen years old and in my fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I have brown eyes and mid-back length brown hair and the only positive thing about my appearance is my fair complexion, my skin is flawless. I am not pretty, at least not like most girls in my grade level. My best friend is Natalie Love, she's an American who moved to England when she was ten; we have been friends since our first train ride to Hogwarts. We sat in the same compartment and she took pity on me, sort of took me under her wing. She says that I am pretty, just not as pretty as her, or most girls. We are both the same age and in the same house (Ravenclaw).

Now Natalie is BEAUTIFUL, she has black hair and enchanting blue eyes, boys just love her and she loves them. Since we have the same physique (slim/slender, small breast size, small hips) so she constantly dresses me up in her clothes. We are an odd couple, she is the beautiful, charming Natalie Love and I am just Alana; Plain Jane and Dashing Stella. But that doesn't bother me, I know I will never be like her; I've come to accept that. Anyway, now back to the story:

I looked at Terry and he gave a smug grin, I rolled my eyes and went back to my work. I don't have time for this... If I fail another test then Slughorn will have my head.

"He's most likely looking at you," I murmured to Natalie, she gave a small wave to Terry. He responded by getting up and walking over to our table.

"I don't think so," sung Natalie bending over her potions book, she grinned while pretending to look up definitions.

"Hello ladies," Terry said quietly once he sat at our table, "lovely day outside isn't it?"

Natalie giggled earning us a stern look from Madam Pince. I glared at Terry, I was about to ask what he wanted until Natalie stepped on my foot.

"Yes it is Terry," I said quietly and with clenched teeth.

"Well I was wondering, Alana, since it's such a nice day, if you would like to walk on the grounds with me."

Natalie giggled some more, this time it was me who kicked her. She immediately stopped he snickering and threw me a look of contempt.

"I would love to Terry, but as you can see, I am currently on a date with Slughorn's homework, and I just can't leave it. That wouldn't be nice will it?" I said.

"Well then what about this Saturday at Hogsmeade?" he asked through Natalie's fresh giggle fit. Dammit Natalie! You are so fucking juvenile, I scolded her with my mind.

"I don't know, I may be available, I may not. But I am pretty sure that I am going to be busy that day."

Natalie gave me a really hard, stern kick from under the table, causing me to yelp. Madam Pince was not pleased.

"Well then you better let me know soon, I await your answer," with that he left the table and joined his friends on the other side of the library.

We were in the corridor on our way to transfiguration a few minutes later. Natalie was still giggling and laughing over what happened in the library.

"Way to go Alana, you have a date with Terry," she managed to gasp out with tears in her eyes.

"I do not!" I said; only one other guy has asked me out before, "I haven't even said yes."

"Not yet."

"What makes you think I will?"

"Because I say you will."

"What?" I said surprised, stopping near a suit of armor.

"Yes," said Natalie pausing and turning around, "You will go on that date Alana, because you are fifteen years old and it's time that you start dating."

"I've dated before," I said beginning to walk towards class. I really did not want to relive that experience.

"I know you have, and it's time you got over that."

"What?" I said indignantly, facing Natalie.

"That was a long time ago Alana, let it go already."

"I know," I said walking faster, "come on, we're going to be late."

We made it into class with less then a minute to spare. It was double transfiguration with the Gryffindor's; five minutes into class and we all were bent over our parchments scribbling down notes on what may be on the O.W.L.'s at the end of the year. During the hundredth lecture on what to expect during the transfiguration portion of the exam, Natalie passed me a note. I quietly opened it and read:

"I'm sorry for what I said in the halls, I just don't want you spending the rest of your life moping over something that happened three years ago." If she only knew what it's like to be used… but I decided to play along with her anyway.

I wrote back:

"Don't worry about it, I know. After three years I know it's time to give that up now."

I passed it; she read it, scribbled a crossed the parchment and passed it back:

"Good for you! So what are you gonna do about Terry?"

"I guess I am going to accept his offer," I wrote back. Natalie smiled when she read it and quickly wrote something back:

"Yay for Alana! I'll tell Terry, your date will be set before dinner!"

I was sitting in the common room finishing up work for Muggle Studies; my date with Terry was set before dinnertime like Natalie promised. She talked with him right after transfiguration, like what was planned. I was to meet him by the Ravenclaw table and then we walk to Hogmeade together.

"Hey!" Natalie said flopping down on the couch next to me.

"Hullo," I responded not looking up, trying to fix the fresh inkblot on my paper.

"So, what are you going to do with your hair?" Natalie asked excitedly. I looked up at her and shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know; leave it the same I guess."

Natalie went wide-eyed and was shocked.

"No you can't do that! Leave it to me, when I'm done with you Terry will not be able to take his eyes off of you!"

I grudgingly agreed and Natalie spent the rest of the night deciding what I was going to wear.

While the rest of the girls were asleep, I quietly slipped out of bed and went to the Ravenclaw bathroom. I stood in front of a mirror and stared at my reflection.

"What are you doing, Alana?" I murmured to reflection.

You are just going to make a fool of yourself.

Oh no.

Or he just wants to make fun of you.

I clamped my hands over my ears. "Shut up!"

You are not pretty, you never will be. Even Natalie knows that, she makes sure to tell you at least once a day.

"Shut up!"

And then another voice pushed itself into my head. It was my uncle, his angry drunken voice hollering at me. Bringing me down. Then the voices from the kids in the halls, whispering, calling me a whore. Tears began to fill my eyes.

Stupid baby! Go ahead and cry, fucking baby.

I quickly reached into my bathrobe and pulled out my knife. I pulled up the left sleeve of my robe, exposing a number of scars and lacerations that accumulated over the years. I quickly placed the shining blade to my arm and dragged it across my skin.

As I watched the crimson liquid drip into the porcelain sink, my head filled with a calming buzz.