After Forever
By Assilem
Authors Note: This fic is dedicated to my best friend. She will always live in my heart forever and ever. I would like to thank Twilight and K for they're help with this fic. I know this is kinda stereotypical but that's what Kate loved. She loved everything about me and my writing so this one is for her and only her. All enjoy and please Review.
November 1953; Boston Mass.
Hawkeye Pierce shot up in bed one night, his heart was pounding and his mind was racing. How could one woman make him feel like this? They were of course after all just friends, weren't they? Nothing ever happened between the two, except for the night in the abandoned hut, and the goodbye kiss. God, that kiss meant so much to him. All the passion he had held inside himself over the three years seemed to come out in that one kiss.
He didn't know how Margaret felt, but he knew that he had to go find her. His sanity and emotional well being relied on her. She was a rock and helped him keep his sanity over the years. For that he owed her his life, and everything else in between. He wanted her in his life forever and always.
Hawkeye sat there for a while longer with a goofy smile on his face thinking about how happy he was when she was around. He remembered all the good things about her, along with the bad; he couldn't help but love all of her.
Wait a minute, was he in love with is woman? He couldn't be, could he? He remembered feeling something like this before, but this was stronger, stronger than anything he had ever felt before. He must be in love with this woman; that had to be it.
Hawkeye pulled himself out of bed and grabbed his bathrobe. Putting it on as he walked out of his bedroom he headed towards the kitchen, he grabbed the phone and pressed zero as he waited for the operator.
He fidgeted with the cord while waiting, this was torture, and he'd only been on the phone for less than a minute.
"Hello, who would you like me to connect you to?" The operator asked.
"Umm. The Pentagon please." Hawkeye said quickly.
"Sir, did you just say you want me to call the Pentagon?" The operator asked. She wasn't sure if she heard him correctly.
'You can't call the Pentagon you idiot.' He said to himself. "Yes. No strike that, Missouri please." Hawkeye said quickly. Colonel Potter would know where she is. He had to, if he didn't, then he would have to try and call Al.
"Yes sir. One moment and who would you like me to connect you to?" The operator asked as Hawkeye sat in his chair and started to fidget with the paper that was still there from the week before.
"Doctor Sherman Potter, Hannibal." Hawkeye told her. He was now pacing around his kitchen; he hoped the Colonel didn't mind he was calling so early in the morning. It was three AM where he was, which would make it two AM where the Colonel was.
Hawkeye listened closely as the phone rang; he let it ring around five times before the receiver was picked up.
"Hello and this better be good." The older man said grumpily. Hawkeye almost laughed when he heard the familiar grumble.
"Yes sir. It's me, Hawkeye." Hawkeye smiled. He immediately heard the Colonel give a sigh of relief.
"Hi son, why are you calling in the wee hours of the morning?" He asked.
"I need your help." Hawkeye admitted. The Colonel immediately thought something was wrong.
"What is it son? Is anything wrong?" He asked quickly.
"No, nothing is wrong. I was just wondering..."
"If I knew where Margaret was?" He asked with a cheeky smile. He remembered the kiss, which was the longest kiss he'd ever seen before. He also noticed the look in both their eyes as they said goodbye, Margaret's were full of regret and sadness, and Hawkeye's were full of the same thing. The Colonel saw the two together for nearly two years, and noticed how they turned to the other when things went bad or anything else.
"How'd you know?" Hawkeye asked softly.
"Old man's intuition." The older man smiled. Hawkeye laughed, he missed the camaraderie between them.
"So where is she?"
"Oh, Margaret's in Washington, on a base called Fort Lewis."
"Fort Lewis, Washington, thank you Colonel, I don't know how to thank you." Hawkeye told him honestly.
"Just invite me to the wedding."
"You can count on it. I better let you get back to bed."
"That you should. Don't call this early again or I'll horsewhip you." Hawkeye laughed and the two said their good-byes before Hawkeye decided to go back to bed. It was doubtful Margaret would be awake now; he'd call her in the morning.
Hawkeye lay down on his couch and stared at the ceiling thinking, what would happen when he called Margaret? Would she be happy that he called? Or not want anything to do with him? No, she would be happy, he saw the look in her eyes when they said goodbye. He remembered how she kissed him back, with just as much passion and longing. He could still taste her lips; feel her skin against his, the smell of her lingered on wherever he went. For the first time in his life, Hawkeye figured he found true love.
He stayed up thinking for a little while longer and fell asleep. He woke up at ten feeling rather refreshed and with more confidence. It was seven in Washington now; Margaret should be up. He sat up and walked into the kitchen, turning on his coffee pot, he picked up the piece of paper with the information on it. He smiled and picked up the phone.
His stomach was full of butterflies, and he didn't know why. She was Margaret, just plain Margaret. He had seen her at her best, and at her worst. He had seen her lose everything she had and break down in tears, from the stress of war. He had seen her as scared as she would ever be. He had seen her face her fears but still end up needing someone to be her rock through out it. And, Hawkeye had been that person which she trusted enough to let him inside her walls to help confront everything she had. She was Margaret, what was there to be worried about?
"Hello who can I connect you to?" The operator's voice said breaking his silent thought. Hawkeye nearly jumped and quickly caught himself.
"Fort Lewis, Washington State." He said with a smile.
"Okay. Please hold while I connect you." The operator said as she put him on hold. Hawkeye couldn't stop smiling; he got up out of his chair and walked over to the counter, with the phone still on his ear. Pouring himself a cup of coffee he remembered the last cup of coffee he and Margaret had shared. The morning they left the hellhole. He remembered that morning like it was yesterday.
They were sitting across from each other with smiles on their faces, cups of coffee in their hands. Hawkeye remembered how the light shone perfectly on her hair and how her ice blue eyes sparkled. Her soft pink lips were so attracting. He must have loved her like nothing else.
"Hello Fort Lewis Army Base. This is Corporal Milburn." The young man said answering the phone. For an odd reason, Hawkeye pictured a little Radar sitting at the switchboard reading Captain Marvel.
"Uh Hi. I was hoping you could patch me through to Major Houlihan." Hawkeye smiled. His butterflies were now in full swing.
"I'm sorry sir. There is no Major Houlihan at this base. We have a Lieutenant Colonel M Houlihan here." The corporal explained. Hawkeye thought for a moment and figured that was her.
"That's her. Could you patch me through to her please?" Hawkeye asked. He couldn't wait to her voice.
"Sure. One moment sir." Hawkeye nodded and decided he better sit, just in case he couldn't stand up. It was a safety precaution; at least that's what he was telling himself.
"Hello?" The voice of an angel said picking up her phone. Hawkeye swallowed quickly.
"Hi, Margaret?" He asked steadily, he didn't want her to get the impression that he was nervous; after all he was Hawkeye Pierce.
"Yes. Who is this?" Margaret asked with a smile. She was curious who called her, everyone on the base called her Colonel, and her family would usually call her something else.
"I'll give you a hint. It's a tall handsome surgeon, with a great body and personality to match." Hawkeye smiled, he had always loved teasing this woman.
"BJ?" Margaret smiled; she to loved teasing Hawkeye.
"Bingo!" Hawkeye smiled.
"Oh my God Hawkeye, how are you doing?" Margaret asked. She was shocked hearing from him. She didn't really expect him to be calling her.
"Oh just fine. How about yourself Colonel?"
"I'm doing okay. Why did you call? She asked.
"Ah, I missed ya that's all. I was gonna see if you wanted some company for a week. I have a week of vacation time coming and I was thinking, who else to bug than Margaret." Hawkeye joked. He really didn't have vacation coming, in truth he was taking it. He needed some time off, surgery didn't come as easily as it used to. After he cleared it with Charles, who ironically he was working under, he'd get a week off.
"Sure. I would love your company." Margaret smiled. She was still in shock that he called her; after all she didn't really expect anyone to keep in touch.
"Great! So do you have time to talk or do you have to go to work?" Hawkeye asked, secretly hoping she didn't have to.
"Actually, I have the day off. I was going to get some stuff together and go spend the day in the park." Margaret smiled. She looked down at her new puppy and smiled.
"The park?" Hawkeye questioned. He didn't know exactly why Margaret was going to go to the park, unless she had someone. She couldn't have anyone; he couldn't bear if it she did.
"Yes. I was going to take my puppy." Margaret smiled setting Belle's water bowl on the floor.
"You have a dog? Strange, but I always pictured you with a dog." Hawkeye smiled remembering how she used to feed the puppy that came into the camp. Margaret cared for that dog a lot, and when he died, he found out just how much she cared.
"Yes, well I have a puppy. She's a golden retriever. Belle is the cutest thing alive." Margaret smiled sitting down with her coffee in hand.
"Besides me of course." Hawkeye joked. Margaret laughed, it had only been a couple of months since they said goodbye, but she missed his constant hitting on her, how he complimented her all the time and the stupid jokes. She missed Hawkeye.
"Yes Pierce. When are you coming this way?" Margaret asked; she didn't want to get into anything at the moment.
"I'm flying there, and leaving Sunday morning, so I should be there Sunday night. If that's okay with you."
"Of course it is. Did you already have this planned?" Margaret asked with a smile.
"Well it was either going to see you or going to see Beej." Hawkeye told her. He needed to talk to someone that went through the same thing he did, and Charles was one of them, but he needed to get away.
"And you chose me. Well I certainly feel special." Margaret joked.
"You should. I don't make this offer to anyone you know." Hawkeye shot right back. Margaret laughed; she certainly missed him.
"I'm sure. But listen, I have to run out. Um, I'll see you Sunday night. Do you want me to send someone to pick you up from the airport?"
"You could meet me there, we'll go out for dinner or something." Hawkeye suggested hopefully. He really wanted to get Margaret to be with him, alone.
"Sure. Call me before your flight leaves and I'll be there to get you." Margaret told him. Hawkeye smiled, he was going to see Margaret.
"I will. Thanks Margaret."
"No problem Hawkeye. I'll talk to you later."
"You sure will. Bye." With that Hawkeye hung the phone up and looked at it for a moment. He looked at it and smiled brightly. Margaret was going to be his.
Hawkeye spent the rest of the day packing and making the plane arrangements. He called Charles and told him he would be back at work the following Monday. Charles agreed to this, he knew that Hawkeye needed a break, ever since he started working at the same hospital under him, Hawkeye was a bit shakier, like he was afraid to touch the patient.
The other doctors talked about it when he wasn't there, but Charles knew the reason behind his behaviour. Ordered the other doctors to keep their comments to themselves, and told Hawkeye to take a week off.
By Sunday morning, Hawkeye was all set to see Margaret; he had packed all his things and was just about to call her when the phone rang. He walked over to it and with a sigh he picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Pierce, excellent, you're still at home." The rich Bostonian accent said.
"Yes, I'm just about to call my ride. What can I do for you?" Hawkeye asked. He hadn't told anyone he was going to stay with Margaret, just that he was going out of the state for a little while.
"Well I was wondering where I could reach you while you're away." Charles asked. He wanted to keep tabs on his friend, not knowing exactly where he was going, and might cause himself harm in one way or another.
"I actually don't have the number. I'm going to be staying with a really good friend of mine." Hawkeye explained. He wasn't going to explain more than that.
"All right Pierce, make sure you call me when you get there, and when you get back, I'll come and pick you up." Charles smiled. Right now friends were something Hawkeye needed, and he was glad he found a good one in Charles.
"Okay Charles. But listen, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." Hawkeye smiled hanging up the phone.
Hawkeye looked around his kitchen and picked up the phone again. He waited for the operator as he paced his kitchen.
"Washington, Fort Lewis please." Hawkeye smiled. In six hours he would be with Margaret, and he couldn't wait.
"Hello Fort Lewis, this is Corporal Milburn, how can I help you?" The young corporal answered. Hawkeye had called the other day and Margaret's line had been busy, so he talked to the corporal until her line was free.
"Hey Willy, patch me through to the Colonel would ya?" Hawkeye said casually, even though he was more excited than a child in a candy store was.
"Sure Hawk. Gimme a second, she's in her office." Willy explained. Hawkeye smiled and waited for the line to go through.
"Hello Lieutenant Colonel Houlihan's office. This is Marisa, how can I help you?" A young chipper voiced answered.
"I would like to speak to the Colonel. She's expecting my call." Hawkeye explained.
"Of course. One moment please." Marisa said happily. The next voice he heard was a voice he longed to see.
"Hello Lieutenant Colonel Houlihan."
"Margaret, it's Hawkeye." Hawkeye grinned. Margaret smiled brightly, even though she was expecting him at this time, it was still a great feeling to hear from him.
"Hey Hawk."
"Okay, my flight leaves at ten your time. So I should be there by four." Hawkeye told her. Margaret smiled and wrote the info down.
"Okay. I'll be at the airport for you at four o'clock sharp. The Sea Tac right?"
"Right" Hawkeye confirmed.
"I'll meet you at luggage pick-up at four then."
"Alright. I better scatter, I'll see you in six hours." Hawkeye smiled.
"You sure will. Bye."
"Bye." Hawkeye said hanging up the phone. He grabbed his keys from the table, swung his bag over his shoulder, grabbed his carry-on and headed out the door.
By the time he got to the airport, he had enough time to get everywhere he needed to. Just as he got to his gate, the PA came on and announced his flight was delayed.
"Damn!" Muttered Hawkeye as he sat down. "Just what I need."
Hawkeye spent the rest of the morning waiting. He called Margaret and explained the situation. He tried not to sound too disappointed, but in truth, he was, and it hurt. Margaret was a little disappointed, but looked on the brighter side of things; she was going to see him.
By the time the plane took off, it was noon; Pacific Time, and Hawkeye was getting hungry. After getting something to eat on the plane, he closed his eyes and started to drift slowly off to sleep.
It had been a rather confusing and rough morning. And a nap would do him wonders.
*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Margaret, c'mere for a second would you please?" Hawkeye called the chief nurse. That morning he had taken shrapnel out of a kid's leg, and now his dressing needed to be changed...again.
"Yes Doctor?" She asked with a warm smile walking up to the surgeon.
"When was his dressing last changed?"
"About an hour ago." Margaret told him, checking the chart that hung on the patient's bedpost.
"It needs to be changed again. Look how fast it's turning black, the powder burns are causing it to turn darker than it should, and the puss is rather, well, gross." Hawkeye said with a soft laugh at the end. He never did like puss.
"That does look pretty bad." Margaret said making a quick note on the chart.
"Keep on the penicillin and morphine, this kid is going to be in a lot of pain when he wakes up." Hawkeye mentioned to Margaret. She nodded and made another note on the patient's chart.
"Yes Doctor."
"So Margaret, what are you doing tonight?" Hawkeye asked carefully. He didn't want to seem too nosey, or eager.
"Oh nothing. I'm going to wash my hair." Margaret said with a soft smile as they walked back to the desk.
"Do you want to see the movie with me? We still have My Darling Clementine."
"Sure.
"Great! I'll pick you up at seven, tux and all." Hawkeye grinned. The two talked until their relief came. Hawkeye walked straight back to the Swamp and took a nap.
Margaret walked to the showers and spent the better part of a half an hour showering. After that, she went to her tent and looked through her footlocker, looking for something nice to wear. And by nice, she meant clean.
Hawkeye woke up, just after six-thirty and put on his tux. It wasn't very often he could wear it, and he was taking advantage of it, as well as going on a date with Margaret Houlihan.
After he was dressed, he walked out of the Swamp and attracted some whistles and catcalls. He walked to Margaret's tent and waited for her to answer.
After a brief moment, Margaret opened her door. She was wearing her dress skirt, and a beige blouse, with a few buttons undone. Hawkeye stared for a moment, before quickly recomposing himself.
"You look great. Shall we?" He asked holding out his arm. Margaret smiled and took it. The two walked across the compound, with the looks of the personnel watching them carefully.
They walked into the mess tent, attracting more and more curious looks, including one from Colonel Potter.
The two sat down and Hawkeye looked over at Margaret, but she wasn't there, instead there was a chicken. The chicken started to cluck madly. Hawkeye looked franticly around, looking for something to do. Everyone else didn't seem to hear the chicken.
*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*
Just then Hawkeye bolted awake. His palms were sweating and he was breathing heavily. The dream wasn't like the usual ones he had been having, in fact, that was one of the more frightening ones.
"Sir, are you okay?" A young flight attendant asked. She had seen him bolt up from sleeping and was worried.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Could I have some ginger ale please?" Hawkeye asked. The woman nodded and walked off. Leaving the young surgeon still breathing heavily and worried.
A few hours and about ten ginger ales later, the plane landed. Hawkeye left the plane as fast as he could and went to pick up his luggage.
That's when he saw her. She was standing holding a purse and looking around for him. She was wearing a knee length skirt and a beige blouse with the first two buttons undone. Just like she had been wearing in his dream. Her hair was pilled back with a clip to form a half ponytail.
She looked up and spotted him. He looked tired and pretty much fed up with life in general.
"Hawkeye?" Margaret smiled as he walked towards her. His mysterious sparkle disappeared in his eyes. What used to be piercing royal blue eyes, were now cold and lonely.
"Margaret." Hawkeye whispered taking her into his arms. Margaret hugged him back and felt just how tight he was.
This was a Hawkeye Pierce she had never seen before, but was worried about him. He was always a rock and tried his hardest to do whatever he could to make other people happy.
When they pulled apart, Margaret saw the some of the sparkle return to his eyes. She was still worried but thought about what she was going to say.
"How was your flight?"
"Um okay. I slept some, but other than that it was pretty slow." He said as he watched for his bag.
"Oh, are you hungry?" Margaret asked, she was making small talk now. Not wanting to talk about anything else until they arrived back at her place.
"Yeah. I told you, I'd take you out for dinner."
"Yes you did. Did you just want to grab a pizza and head back to my place?" Margaret asked as Hawkeye grabbed his bag.
"Why Margaret so soon." Hawkeye teased. Margaret laughed and grabbed his hand instinctively.
"Shut up. Come on I know this great pizza place on the way back to the base. It's been there, since...wow, since I was like five." Margaret smiled. She loved working in Fort Lewis. It had always been her favourite base. It's where she had stayed for the longest when she was growing up. And now that her family and people she had known for a long time were living in the area, it was a perfect place for her.
"How long have you been stationed here?" Hawkeye asked.
"Only since I got back. But I've always wanted to come back. This is my favourite base. My younger sisters live here. My older sister is with her husband in California." Margaret explained.
"I didn't know you had sisters." Hawkeye said as they walked out of the airport.
"I do. Maryanne is my little sister and Patricia-Lynn is my older sister. And Kristen is my baby sister." Margaret explained.
"Maryanne, Patricia-Lynn, Kristen and you're only Margaret." Hawkeye smiled.
"Yup. But I have the two middle names."
"Oh yeah. On your file it gives two initials."
"Yes."
"If I remember correctly, there begin with a J and E?" Hawkeye smiled. Margaret grinned; she knew that she had to tell him now.
"Its Emma-Jean. Don't say a word." Margaret warned with a smile.
"Why would I saw a word? It's a pretty little name. Margaret Emma-Jean Houlihan."
The camaraderie between them was exactly like it has always been. And Margaret was amazed how quickly they fell into it, like they were never apart, but in the same way, it was so different. They were no longer in a war zone, fearing for their lives day after day, but now trying to figure out whether the feelings they felt in Korea, were from that, from just being in Korea. Or because they truly knew they had feelings for the other.
Either way Hawkeye knew that he was indeed in love with this woman. It may have started out in hell, but he wanted to have it end in heaven.
After they picked up the pizza, they headed back to Margaret's house on the base. Hawkeye was looking out the window and saw children playing. That was something he never imagined to see on an army base. But either way his chest tightened a bit. But smiled all the same.
"Okay we're here." Margaret smiled. She was glad that he was with her; she just didn't know why she was so glad.
"Yeah. Nice place. I never pictured an army base to look, well, normal." Hawkeye said as he climbed out of the car with the pizza in hand. Margaret laughed and smiled shutting her door.
"MAGGGGGIIIIEEE!" A little girl squealed running towards the two. Margaret set Hawkeye's bag down and grabbed the charging little girl.
"Hi Hannah. Hawkeye this is Hannah, Hannah this is my friend Hawkeye." Margaret smiled adjusting the child so she was comfortable on Margaret's hip.
"Hi Hannah." Hawkeye said almost nervously.
"Hi." Hannah waved.
"Hannah, time for dinner." A girl about ten smiled. "Hi Maggie."
"Hi Becky. Here take your sister. Becky, this is Hawkeye. Hawk this is Rebecca, or Becky."
"Hi Becky." Hawkeye smiled. His palms were sweating. Margaret could tell that he was nervous, and wasn't going to let him hang on much longer.
"Okay Scatter. I'll see you to later. Say hi to Mommy for me." Margaret smiled sending the girls away. She picked Hawkeye's bag back up and looked at him with a soft look. Once they got into the house, Margaret took the pizza from his hands and placed it in the kitchen. "Are you alright?"
"Um yeah. I'm just not really comfortable around kids." Hawkeye explained.
"I know. Come on lets eat." She said taking his hand. Hawkeye smile, she was one extraordinary woman.
Margaret didn't really know why he was there, but she knew it was probably the reason behind the loss of sparkle in his eyes.
The night was spent with them talking. They couldn't help talking about the war. It was a huge chunk of their lives that made them friends, and once even lovers.
Margaret ended up in tears and being held by Hawkeye. She felt safe in his arms, and knew she wouldn't always feel the same way about them. His arms took care of her, and she knew the man they were attached to would always take care of her. Hawkeye was always there, taking care of her in one way or another.
Hawkeye watched Margaret and knew how much pain and suffering the war had caused. So much pain. It was never a pretty sight to see men none older than eighteen come in with their leg blown off and men died without any kind of goodbye, or ceremony. They were left to die and watch as all their thoughts surrounded what was special in their lives. How doctors broke the Hippocratic oath by letting young men die, because they were trying to save another mans life, which was neither more important nor special as any man or woman or child alive. And that left marks on everyone, imprinted in their brains for all eternity.
War was no pretty sight, and it was tattooed for life into their memories, dreams that would haunt them forever. Every man, woman, and child they saw die was forever in their minds, every person's death they took credit for their death, every civilian that was bombed from their homes, every child who lost their parents.
Everything thing was forever with that and it was to haunt them while they did everything in their life. Guilt of surviving and sadness of seeing someone that you know shouldn't even be out of diapers; no longer alive would haunt everyone, forever.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*ยค*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The next morning, Hawkeye woke up to the sound of cannons being fired. He bolted up in bed scared out of his mind. Belle who was sleeping on him jumped off the bed and started to wag her tail.
"Oh God." He breathed heavily as Margaret came in. She was still in her pyjamas and had a soft smile on her face.
"You didn't expect the cannon did you?" She whispered sitting down beside him.
"No." He said feeling rather flustered now.
"Come on, lay back down we'll go back to sleep." Hawkeye nodded and lay back down, pulling Margaret with him. At first she hesitated but then looked at Hawkeye, he was scared and needed to be comforted. She laid her head on his chest and let him hug her tightly. The sound of cannons shot him back to Korea, where all he wanted to do is get out alive.
She could fall for him, but she couldn't allow herself to do that. She had been in love once before and it was filled with unbelievable pain when it failed. She told and promised herself right then and there she would never allow herself to fall in love again.
She wasn't even sure if she knew what her feelings for Hawkeye were, they were strong but if she ever found out what they were, she was never going to act on them. Not even if he asked to her.
Hawkeye held Margaret. She was allowing herself to be held and cuddled for someone else's comfort. She had come a LONG way since they first met. And he loved it.
Hawkeye still didn't know how he was going to tell Margaret about his feelings towards her, but he had a whole week to tell her, but knew the sooner he told her, the better everything was going to be.
By Assilem
Authors Note: This fic is dedicated to my best friend. She will always live in my heart forever and ever. I would like to thank Twilight and K for they're help with this fic. I know this is kinda stereotypical but that's what Kate loved. She loved everything about me and my writing so this one is for her and only her. All enjoy and please Review.
November 1953; Boston Mass.
Hawkeye Pierce shot up in bed one night, his heart was pounding and his mind was racing. How could one woman make him feel like this? They were of course after all just friends, weren't they? Nothing ever happened between the two, except for the night in the abandoned hut, and the goodbye kiss. God, that kiss meant so much to him. All the passion he had held inside himself over the three years seemed to come out in that one kiss.
He didn't know how Margaret felt, but he knew that he had to go find her. His sanity and emotional well being relied on her. She was a rock and helped him keep his sanity over the years. For that he owed her his life, and everything else in between. He wanted her in his life forever and always.
Hawkeye sat there for a while longer with a goofy smile on his face thinking about how happy he was when she was around. He remembered all the good things about her, along with the bad; he couldn't help but love all of her.
Wait a minute, was he in love with is woman? He couldn't be, could he? He remembered feeling something like this before, but this was stronger, stronger than anything he had ever felt before. He must be in love with this woman; that had to be it.
Hawkeye pulled himself out of bed and grabbed his bathrobe. Putting it on as he walked out of his bedroom he headed towards the kitchen, he grabbed the phone and pressed zero as he waited for the operator.
He fidgeted with the cord while waiting, this was torture, and he'd only been on the phone for less than a minute.
"Hello, who would you like me to connect you to?" The operator asked.
"Umm. The Pentagon please." Hawkeye said quickly.
"Sir, did you just say you want me to call the Pentagon?" The operator asked. She wasn't sure if she heard him correctly.
'You can't call the Pentagon you idiot.' He said to himself. "Yes. No strike that, Missouri please." Hawkeye said quickly. Colonel Potter would know where she is. He had to, if he didn't, then he would have to try and call Al.
"Yes sir. One moment and who would you like me to connect you to?" The operator asked as Hawkeye sat in his chair and started to fidget with the paper that was still there from the week before.
"Doctor Sherman Potter, Hannibal." Hawkeye told her. He was now pacing around his kitchen; he hoped the Colonel didn't mind he was calling so early in the morning. It was three AM where he was, which would make it two AM where the Colonel was.
Hawkeye listened closely as the phone rang; he let it ring around five times before the receiver was picked up.
"Hello and this better be good." The older man said grumpily. Hawkeye almost laughed when he heard the familiar grumble.
"Yes sir. It's me, Hawkeye." Hawkeye smiled. He immediately heard the Colonel give a sigh of relief.
"Hi son, why are you calling in the wee hours of the morning?" He asked.
"I need your help." Hawkeye admitted. The Colonel immediately thought something was wrong.
"What is it son? Is anything wrong?" He asked quickly.
"No, nothing is wrong. I was just wondering..."
"If I knew where Margaret was?" He asked with a cheeky smile. He remembered the kiss, which was the longest kiss he'd ever seen before. He also noticed the look in both their eyes as they said goodbye, Margaret's were full of regret and sadness, and Hawkeye's were full of the same thing. The Colonel saw the two together for nearly two years, and noticed how they turned to the other when things went bad or anything else.
"How'd you know?" Hawkeye asked softly.
"Old man's intuition." The older man smiled. Hawkeye laughed, he missed the camaraderie between them.
"So where is she?"
"Oh, Margaret's in Washington, on a base called Fort Lewis."
"Fort Lewis, Washington, thank you Colonel, I don't know how to thank you." Hawkeye told him honestly.
"Just invite me to the wedding."
"You can count on it. I better let you get back to bed."
"That you should. Don't call this early again or I'll horsewhip you." Hawkeye laughed and the two said their good-byes before Hawkeye decided to go back to bed. It was doubtful Margaret would be awake now; he'd call her in the morning.
Hawkeye lay down on his couch and stared at the ceiling thinking, what would happen when he called Margaret? Would she be happy that he called? Or not want anything to do with him? No, she would be happy, he saw the look in her eyes when they said goodbye. He remembered how she kissed him back, with just as much passion and longing. He could still taste her lips; feel her skin against his, the smell of her lingered on wherever he went. For the first time in his life, Hawkeye figured he found true love.
He stayed up thinking for a little while longer and fell asleep. He woke up at ten feeling rather refreshed and with more confidence. It was seven in Washington now; Margaret should be up. He sat up and walked into the kitchen, turning on his coffee pot, he picked up the piece of paper with the information on it. He smiled and picked up the phone.
His stomach was full of butterflies, and he didn't know why. She was Margaret, just plain Margaret. He had seen her at her best, and at her worst. He had seen her lose everything she had and break down in tears, from the stress of war. He had seen her as scared as she would ever be. He had seen her face her fears but still end up needing someone to be her rock through out it. And, Hawkeye had been that person which she trusted enough to let him inside her walls to help confront everything she had. She was Margaret, what was there to be worried about?
"Hello who can I connect you to?" The operator's voice said breaking his silent thought. Hawkeye nearly jumped and quickly caught himself.
"Fort Lewis, Washington State." He said with a smile.
"Okay. Please hold while I connect you." The operator said as she put him on hold. Hawkeye couldn't stop smiling; he got up out of his chair and walked over to the counter, with the phone still on his ear. Pouring himself a cup of coffee he remembered the last cup of coffee he and Margaret had shared. The morning they left the hellhole. He remembered that morning like it was yesterday.
They were sitting across from each other with smiles on their faces, cups of coffee in their hands. Hawkeye remembered how the light shone perfectly on her hair and how her ice blue eyes sparkled. Her soft pink lips were so attracting. He must have loved her like nothing else.
"Hello Fort Lewis Army Base. This is Corporal Milburn." The young man said answering the phone. For an odd reason, Hawkeye pictured a little Radar sitting at the switchboard reading Captain Marvel.
"Uh Hi. I was hoping you could patch me through to Major Houlihan." Hawkeye smiled. His butterflies were now in full swing.
"I'm sorry sir. There is no Major Houlihan at this base. We have a Lieutenant Colonel M Houlihan here." The corporal explained. Hawkeye thought for a moment and figured that was her.
"That's her. Could you patch me through to her please?" Hawkeye asked. He couldn't wait to her voice.
"Sure. One moment sir." Hawkeye nodded and decided he better sit, just in case he couldn't stand up. It was a safety precaution; at least that's what he was telling himself.
"Hello?" The voice of an angel said picking up her phone. Hawkeye swallowed quickly.
"Hi, Margaret?" He asked steadily, he didn't want her to get the impression that he was nervous; after all he was Hawkeye Pierce.
"Yes. Who is this?" Margaret asked with a smile. She was curious who called her, everyone on the base called her Colonel, and her family would usually call her something else.
"I'll give you a hint. It's a tall handsome surgeon, with a great body and personality to match." Hawkeye smiled, he had always loved teasing this woman.
"BJ?" Margaret smiled; she to loved teasing Hawkeye.
"Bingo!" Hawkeye smiled.
"Oh my God Hawkeye, how are you doing?" Margaret asked. She was shocked hearing from him. She didn't really expect him to be calling her.
"Oh just fine. How about yourself Colonel?"
"I'm doing okay. Why did you call? She asked.
"Ah, I missed ya that's all. I was gonna see if you wanted some company for a week. I have a week of vacation time coming and I was thinking, who else to bug than Margaret." Hawkeye joked. He really didn't have vacation coming, in truth he was taking it. He needed some time off, surgery didn't come as easily as it used to. After he cleared it with Charles, who ironically he was working under, he'd get a week off.
"Sure. I would love your company." Margaret smiled. She was still in shock that he called her; after all she didn't really expect anyone to keep in touch.
"Great! So do you have time to talk or do you have to go to work?" Hawkeye asked, secretly hoping she didn't have to.
"Actually, I have the day off. I was going to get some stuff together and go spend the day in the park." Margaret smiled. She looked down at her new puppy and smiled.
"The park?" Hawkeye questioned. He didn't know exactly why Margaret was going to go to the park, unless she had someone. She couldn't have anyone; he couldn't bear if it she did.
"Yes. I was going to take my puppy." Margaret smiled setting Belle's water bowl on the floor.
"You have a dog? Strange, but I always pictured you with a dog." Hawkeye smiled remembering how she used to feed the puppy that came into the camp. Margaret cared for that dog a lot, and when he died, he found out just how much she cared.
"Yes, well I have a puppy. She's a golden retriever. Belle is the cutest thing alive." Margaret smiled sitting down with her coffee in hand.
"Besides me of course." Hawkeye joked. Margaret laughed, it had only been a couple of months since they said goodbye, but she missed his constant hitting on her, how he complimented her all the time and the stupid jokes. She missed Hawkeye.
"Yes Pierce. When are you coming this way?" Margaret asked; she didn't want to get into anything at the moment.
"I'm flying there, and leaving Sunday morning, so I should be there Sunday night. If that's okay with you."
"Of course it is. Did you already have this planned?" Margaret asked with a smile.
"Well it was either going to see you or going to see Beej." Hawkeye told her. He needed to talk to someone that went through the same thing he did, and Charles was one of them, but he needed to get away.
"And you chose me. Well I certainly feel special." Margaret joked.
"You should. I don't make this offer to anyone you know." Hawkeye shot right back. Margaret laughed; she certainly missed him.
"I'm sure. But listen, I have to run out. Um, I'll see you Sunday night. Do you want me to send someone to pick you up from the airport?"
"You could meet me there, we'll go out for dinner or something." Hawkeye suggested hopefully. He really wanted to get Margaret to be with him, alone.
"Sure. Call me before your flight leaves and I'll be there to get you." Margaret told him. Hawkeye smiled, he was going to see Margaret.
"I will. Thanks Margaret."
"No problem Hawkeye. I'll talk to you later."
"You sure will. Bye." With that Hawkeye hung the phone up and looked at it for a moment. He looked at it and smiled brightly. Margaret was going to be his.
Hawkeye spent the rest of the day packing and making the plane arrangements. He called Charles and told him he would be back at work the following Monday. Charles agreed to this, he knew that Hawkeye needed a break, ever since he started working at the same hospital under him, Hawkeye was a bit shakier, like he was afraid to touch the patient.
The other doctors talked about it when he wasn't there, but Charles knew the reason behind his behaviour. Ordered the other doctors to keep their comments to themselves, and told Hawkeye to take a week off.
By Sunday morning, Hawkeye was all set to see Margaret; he had packed all his things and was just about to call her when the phone rang. He walked over to it and with a sigh he picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Pierce, excellent, you're still at home." The rich Bostonian accent said.
"Yes, I'm just about to call my ride. What can I do for you?" Hawkeye asked. He hadn't told anyone he was going to stay with Margaret, just that he was going out of the state for a little while.
"Well I was wondering where I could reach you while you're away." Charles asked. He wanted to keep tabs on his friend, not knowing exactly where he was going, and might cause himself harm in one way or another.
"I actually don't have the number. I'm going to be staying with a really good friend of mine." Hawkeye explained. He wasn't going to explain more than that.
"All right Pierce, make sure you call me when you get there, and when you get back, I'll come and pick you up." Charles smiled. Right now friends were something Hawkeye needed, and he was glad he found a good one in Charles.
"Okay Charles. But listen, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." Hawkeye smiled hanging up the phone.
Hawkeye looked around his kitchen and picked up the phone again. He waited for the operator as he paced his kitchen.
"Washington, Fort Lewis please." Hawkeye smiled. In six hours he would be with Margaret, and he couldn't wait.
"Hello Fort Lewis, this is Corporal Milburn, how can I help you?" The young corporal answered. Hawkeye had called the other day and Margaret's line had been busy, so he talked to the corporal until her line was free.
"Hey Willy, patch me through to the Colonel would ya?" Hawkeye said casually, even though he was more excited than a child in a candy store was.
"Sure Hawk. Gimme a second, she's in her office." Willy explained. Hawkeye smiled and waited for the line to go through.
"Hello Lieutenant Colonel Houlihan's office. This is Marisa, how can I help you?" A young chipper voiced answered.
"I would like to speak to the Colonel. She's expecting my call." Hawkeye explained.
"Of course. One moment please." Marisa said happily. The next voice he heard was a voice he longed to see.
"Hello Lieutenant Colonel Houlihan."
"Margaret, it's Hawkeye." Hawkeye grinned. Margaret smiled brightly, even though she was expecting him at this time, it was still a great feeling to hear from him.
"Hey Hawk."
"Okay, my flight leaves at ten your time. So I should be there by four." Hawkeye told her. Margaret smiled and wrote the info down.
"Okay. I'll be at the airport for you at four o'clock sharp. The Sea Tac right?"
"Right" Hawkeye confirmed.
"I'll meet you at luggage pick-up at four then."
"Alright. I better scatter, I'll see you in six hours." Hawkeye smiled.
"You sure will. Bye."
"Bye." Hawkeye said hanging up the phone. He grabbed his keys from the table, swung his bag over his shoulder, grabbed his carry-on and headed out the door.
By the time he got to the airport, he had enough time to get everywhere he needed to. Just as he got to his gate, the PA came on and announced his flight was delayed.
"Damn!" Muttered Hawkeye as he sat down. "Just what I need."
Hawkeye spent the rest of the morning waiting. He called Margaret and explained the situation. He tried not to sound too disappointed, but in truth, he was, and it hurt. Margaret was a little disappointed, but looked on the brighter side of things; she was going to see him.
By the time the plane took off, it was noon; Pacific Time, and Hawkeye was getting hungry. After getting something to eat on the plane, he closed his eyes and started to drift slowly off to sleep.
It had been a rather confusing and rough morning. And a nap would do him wonders.
*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Margaret, c'mere for a second would you please?" Hawkeye called the chief nurse. That morning he had taken shrapnel out of a kid's leg, and now his dressing needed to be changed...again.
"Yes Doctor?" She asked with a warm smile walking up to the surgeon.
"When was his dressing last changed?"
"About an hour ago." Margaret told him, checking the chart that hung on the patient's bedpost.
"It needs to be changed again. Look how fast it's turning black, the powder burns are causing it to turn darker than it should, and the puss is rather, well, gross." Hawkeye said with a soft laugh at the end. He never did like puss.
"That does look pretty bad." Margaret said making a quick note on the chart.
"Keep on the penicillin and morphine, this kid is going to be in a lot of pain when he wakes up." Hawkeye mentioned to Margaret. She nodded and made another note on the patient's chart.
"Yes Doctor."
"So Margaret, what are you doing tonight?" Hawkeye asked carefully. He didn't want to seem too nosey, or eager.
"Oh nothing. I'm going to wash my hair." Margaret said with a soft smile as they walked back to the desk.
"Do you want to see the movie with me? We still have My Darling Clementine."
"Sure.
"Great! I'll pick you up at seven, tux and all." Hawkeye grinned. The two talked until their relief came. Hawkeye walked straight back to the Swamp and took a nap.
Margaret walked to the showers and spent the better part of a half an hour showering. After that, she went to her tent and looked through her footlocker, looking for something nice to wear. And by nice, she meant clean.
Hawkeye woke up, just after six-thirty and put on his tux. It wasn't very often he could wear it, and he was taking advantage of it, as well as going on a date with Margaret Houlihan.
After he was dressed, he walked out of the Swamp and attracted some whistles and catcalls. He walked to Margaret's tent and waited for her to answer.
After a brief moment, Margaret opened her door. She was wearing her dress skirt, and a beige blouse, with a few buttons undone. Hawkeye stared for a moment, before quickly recomposing himself.
"You look great. Shall we?" He asked holding out his arm. Margaret smiled and took it. The two walked across the compound, with the looks of the personnel watching them carefully.
They walked into the mess tent, attracting more and more curious looks, including one from Colonel Potter.
The two sat down and Hawkeye looked over at Margaret, but she wasn't there, instead there was a chicken. The chicken started to cluck madly. Hawkeye looked franticly around, looking for something to do. Everyone else didn't seem to hear the chicken.
*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*
Just then Hawkeye bolted awake. His palms were sweating and he was breathing heavily. The dream wasn't like the usual ones he had been having, in fact, that was one of the more frightening ones.
"Sir, are you okay?" A young flight attendant asked. She had seen him bolt up from sleeping and was worried.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Could I have some ginger ale please?" Hawkeye asked. The woman nodded and walked off. Leaving the young surgeon still breathing heavily and worried.
A few hours and about ten ginger ales later, the plane landed. Hawkeye left the plane as fast as he could and went to pick up his luggage.
That's when he saw her. She was standing holding a purse and looking around for him. She was wearing a knee length skirt and a beige blouse with the first two buttons undone. Just like she had been wearing in his dream. Her hair was pilled back with a clip to form a half ponytail.
She looked up and spotted him. He looked tired and pretty much fed up with life in general.
"Hawkeye?" Margaret smiled as he walked towards her. His mysterious sparkle disappeared in his eyes. What used to be piercing royal blue eyes, were now cold and lonely.
"Margaret." Hawkeye whispered taking her into his arms. Margaret hugged him back and felt just how tight he was.
This was a Hawkeye Pierce she had never seen before, but was worried about him. He was always a rock and tried his hardest to do whatever he could to make other people happy.
When they pulled apart, Margaret saw the some of the sparkle return to his eyes. She was still worried but thought about what she was going to say.
"How was your flight?"
"Um okay. I slept some, but other than that it was pretty slow." He said as he watched for his bag.
"Oh, are you hungry?" Margaret asked, she was making small talk now. Not wanting to talk about anything else until they arrived back at her place.
"Yeah. I told you, I'd take you out for dinner."
"Yes you did. Did you just want to grab a pizza and head back to my place?" Margaret asked as Hawkeye grabbed his bag.
"Why Margaret so soon." Hawkeye teased. Margaret laughed and grabbed his hand instinctively.
"Shut up. Come on I know this great pizza place on the way back to the base. It's been there, since...wow, since I was like five." Margaret smiled. She loved working in Fort Lewis. It had always been her favourite base. It's where she had stayed for the longest when she was growing up. And now that her family and people she had known for a long time were living in the area, it was a perfect place for her.
"How long have you been stationed here?" Hawkeye asked.
"Only since I got back. But I've always wanted to come back. This is my favourite base. My younger sisters live here. My older sister is with her husband in California." Margaret explained.
"I didn't know you had sisters." Hawkeye said as they walked out of the airport.
"I do. Maryanne is my little sister and Patricia-Lynn is my older sister. And Kristen is my baby sister." Margaret explained.
"Maryanne, Patricia-Lynn, Kristen and you're only Margaret." Hawkeye smiled.
"Yup. But I have the two middle names."
"Oh yeah. On your file it gives two initials."
"Yes."
"If I remember correctly, there begin with a J and E?" Hawkeye smiled. Margaret grinned; she knew that she had to tell him now.
"Its Emma-Jean. Don't say a word." Margaret warned with a smile.
"Why would I saw a word? It's a pretty little name. Margaret Emma-Jean Houlihan."
The camaraderie between them was exactly like it has always been. And Margaret was amazed how quickly they fell into it, like they were never apart, but in the same way, it was so different. They were no longer in a war zone, fearing for their lives day after day, but now trying to figure out whether the feelings they felt in Korea, were from that, from just being in Korea. Or because they truly knew they had feelings for the other.
Either way Hawkeye knew that he was indeed in love with this woman. It may have started out in hell, but he wanted to have it end in heaven.
After they picked up the pizza, they headed back to Margaret's house on the base. Hawkeye was looking out the window and saw children playing. That was something he never imagined to see on an army base. But either way his chest tightened a bit. But smiled all the same.
"Okay we're here." Margaret smiled. She was glad that he was with her; she just didn't know why she was so glad.
"Yeah. Nice place. I never pictured an army base to look, well, normal." Hawkeye said as he climbed out of the car with the pizza in hand. Margaret laughed and smiled shutting her door.
"MAGGGGGIIIIEEE!" A little girl squealed running towards the two. Margaret set Hawkeye's bag down and grabbed the charging little girl.
"Hi Hannah. Hawkeye this is Hannah, Hannah this is my friend Hawkeye." Margaret smiled adjusting the child so she was comfortable on Margaret's hip.
"Hi Hannah." Hawkeye said almost nervously.
"Hi." Hannah waved.
"Hannah, time for dinner." A girl about ten smiled. "Hi Maggie."
"Hi Becky. Here take your sister. Becky, this is Hawkeye. Hawk this is Rebecca, or Becky."
"Hi Becky." Hawkeye smiled. His palms were sweating. Margaret could tell that he was nervous, and wasn't going to let him hang on much longer.
"Okay Scatter. I'll see you to later. Say hi to Mommy for me." Margaret smiled sending the girls away. She picked Hawkeye's bag back up and looked at him with a soft look. Once they got into the house, Margaret took the pizza from his hands and placed it in the kitchen. "Are you alright?"
"Um yeah. I'm just not really comfortable around kids." Hawkeye explained.
"I know. Come on lets eat." She said taking his hand. Hawkeye smile, she was one extraordinary woman.
Margaret didn't really know why he was there, but she knew it was probably the reason behind the loss of sparkle in his eyes.
The night was spent with them talking. They couldn't help talking about the war. It was a huge chunk of their lives that made them friends, and once even lovers.
Margaret ended up in tears and being held by Hawkeye. She felt safe in his arms, and knew she wouldn't always feel the same way about them. His arms took care of her, and she knew the man they were attached to would always take care of her. Hawkeye was always there, taking care of her in one way or another.
Hawkeye watched Margaret and knew how much pain and suffering the war had caused. So much pain. It was never a pretty sight to see men none older than eighteen come in with their leg blown off and men died without any kind of goodbye, or ceremony. They were left to die and watch as all their thoughts surrounded what was special in their lives. How doctors broke the Hippocratic oath by letting young men die, because they were trying to save another mans life, which was neither more important nor special as any man or woman or child alive. And that left marks on everyone, imprinted in their brains for all eternity.
War was no pretty sight, and it was tattooed for life into their memories, dreams that would haunt them forever. Every man, woman, and child they saw die was forever in their minds, every person's death they took credit for their death, every civilian that was bombed from their homes, every child who lost their parents.
Everything thing was forever with that and it was to haunt them while they did everything in their life. Guilt of surviving and sadness of seeing someone that you know shouldn't even be out of diapers; no longer alive would haunt everyone, forever.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*ยค*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The next morning, Hawkeye woke up to the sound of cannons being fired. He bolted up in bed scared out of his mind. Belle who was sleeping on him jumped off the bed and started to wag her tail.
"Oh God." He breathed heavily as Margaret came in. She was still in her pyjamas and had a soft smile on her face.
"You didn't expect the cannon did you?" She whispered sitting down beside him.
"No." He said feeling rather flustered now.
"Come on, lay back down we'll go back to sleep." Hawkeye nodded and lay back down, pulling Margaret with him. At first she hesitated but then looked at Hawkeye, he was scared and needed to be comforted. She laid her head on his chest and let him hug her tightly. The sound of cannons shot him back to Korea, where all he wanted to do is get out alive.
She could fall for him, but she couldn't allow herself to do that. She had been in love once before and it was filled with unbelievable pain when it failed. She told and promised herself right then and there she would never allow herself to fall in love again.
She wasn't even sure if she knew what her feelings for Hawkeye were, they were strong but if she ever found out what they were, she was never going to act on them. Not even if he asked to her.
Hawkeye held Margaret. She was allowing herself to be held and cuddled for someone else's comfort. She had come a LONG way since they first met. And he loved it.
Hawkeye still didn't know how he was going to tell Margaret about his feelings towards her, but he had a whole week to tell her, but knew the sooner he told her, the better everything was going to be.