A/N: Will probably do Sam's POV...at some point...eventually...

Lost

Jack put the bottle on the counter, empty. Beside it, lay the heavy shadow of a Beretta 92 service pistol. It was following him, it seemed. Every beer he had, he picked it up at least once. He knew he shouldn't. The fate of earth rested in his head...but he didn't want it to go out like that. He always imagined something more...heroic. Even taking a staff blast from a jaffa seemed glorious in comparison to slowly going mad and losing everything he was. He sighed, and was reaching for the fridge handle when the doorbell rang. Who the hell...

Carter was waiting on the other side, fidgeting and staring at her shoes. She smiled nervously at him.

"Hi, sir."

He was baffled.He didn't even think she knew where he lived...but, there she was.

"Carter?"

"Did I wake you?"

She hadn't, but it sure felt like she had. Moments ago, he had been holding a gun in his hand, considering the unthinkable. He suddenly wanted to live very badly.

"Sorta," he managed to mumble. She shifted from foot to foot.

"I couldn't sleep at all last night,"she managed to say, still standing outside Jack's house. She's trying to tell me something, to talk to me, his beer-addled brain managed to realize.

"You should have called."

Smooth move, slick.

"I didn't wanna bother you."

My ass. You were scared, Carter.

"Um, I was just looking at the sky. Trying to figure out how many stars we'd actually been to."

Ha ha ha. Good one, old man. He motioned for her to enter, and she reluctantly did so.

"Actually, only a few of the stars visible from Earth have Stargates on them, so..."

I just didn't want to tell you I spent one of the last days of my life sulking, drinking beer, and watching COPS and the Simpsons.

"I knew that."

"Yeah."

She's nervous. This isn't a random visit.

"Hammond send you by to check up on me?"

"No! It's funny really, I was out driving, you know...in my car, and I um, heh heh... I drove here. Yeah ..."

That's a maybe. Why else would she be here?

"Funny."

"Yeah.There's coffee around here."

Jack excused himself from the awkward situation. The proximity to her was setting off all sorts of internal sirens. Sirens he hadn't heard in a long time. He stepped in the kitchen, trying to work things out in his information-packed, semidrunk head. He spotted the pistol, and his eyes bulged. He had to hide it.

"Maybe not. How about a beer?"

He opened the fridge, jammed the Berreta into the icebox, and grabbed a pair of beers.

"Sure, why not."

Okay. Keep it calm, keep it smooth. Nothing has to happen. He walked down the steps, beer extended before him.

"Want a glass? I can wash one."

"No, I'm fine. Thank you sir. So, do you ever talk to her?"

Are you trying to hurt me? Hurt yourself? That could've -SHOULD HAVE- been you. We've had every opportunity and we've missed it. Now, there's no time. No heroic rescue by the Asgard. No time for us to get married, have a kid of our own. Why the hell do I even keep that picture up?

"Can we not talk about that?"

"Sorry. How are you feeling?"

She's forcing it. She wants to imagine I'm okay. I'm not.

"Can we not talk about that either?"

"Okay.What do you want to talk about?"

She wants me to be happy. Why? He just stared at her a moment, wondering. She wasn't checking up on him, but she had a reason to be there. It was more than her being a friend to him.

"You wanna be alone. This was a bad I ... I ... should go."

No, you shouldn't. I want to be alone...with you...but now it's too late.

"Finish your beer. And then you have to wait at least an hour before you drive."

Keep a dying old man company, Carter.

"Sir?"

She sat down close to him, close enough that he could smell her perfume. She never wore perfume. The smell was...beautiful. Hell, she could smell like bear shit and he would have held her close.

"What?"

She wants to say something...that's it.

"I..."

Oh my God, this is it. She's going to say it. I don't think I could take it. Not now, not so close to the end. It isn't fair.

"I...should have done it.

"What? Stuck your head in that thing? Are you nuts? Carter. You're one of this countries natural resources. If not National treasures. It couldn't have gone down any other way. I just hope it's worth it."

Another dream smashed to pieces. Maybe it's for the better, I mean...where would it have led? I'll be hopelessly insane in a day or two. She should move on, be happy. My death will mean something if it can keep her safe and happy.

"Even if we do find the Lost City. Even if we get there and find exactly what we're looking for to defend the planet..."

Please, don't make me out to be more than I am. Losing you will be the hardest part of dying.

"THAT ... would be worth it."

Sam looked down and bit her lower lip. He knew, without her saying, what she felt. Not to her. Not to her, it wouldn't be worth it. He knew there was nothing more he'd like to do that kiss those lips, put his head down in her lap and whittle away the minutes before he lost his sanity. He knew it, she knew it. But that would make things harder on her. They sat there perhaps half a minute, contemplating one another before Daniel knocked 'shave and a haircut'.

Great. Now my wake can begin.