Authoress Notes · Those of you reading my Symphonia and Abyss fics, I'm so sorry for not updating! I don't know, my brain just went on a stand still with them... I think it's cause I haven't been playing either games for a while. I played both twice, so yeah. Lack of interest, I suppose... I've been playing Legendia though, so I really wanted to write a Legendia fic.
Disclaimer · I do not own Tales of Legendia.
I always felt like Stella was chaining down Senel in some manner. I don't know, I just knew her death left a deep scar on him... A scar that didn't fade. I loved my sister so much... Stella taught me and played with me when no one else could because I was the Merines.
I couldn't help, but be upset at her though.
I was just so jealous of her.
Stella always managed to impress Senel. He always seemed to be in awe at her flaring Teriques, which glowed warm colors... While I was Ferines, I did not have a Teriques at that time. I was never too into getting one yet, because I knew it'd come sooner or later, but Stella's beautiful Teriques... It just made me want my own so bad.
All those memories they shared, the promises they made, they all held Senel back. I was in love with him for so long. I loved him for all those years, but he never noticed... I wonder, even now, if it was himself, or the fact that the promises he made to Stella made him simply oblivious to all advances.
No, I'm sure that wasn't Stella's intention. Stella had a good heart. She'd never want to hold Senel back from happiness for herself.
Maybe it was Senel himself then.
I'm the same though, aren't I? I realized Chloe was in love with him too when I happened to meet her after the chaos with Nerifes, but because my weak heart led me to try and activate the Wings of Light to try and heal my broken heart, it only caused Senel to pay attention to stopping me... Chloe, I'm sorry.
I know I must be holding him back, even now. Does he feel some duty to keep me happy, and that's why he hasn't found someone and broken my heart yet? Or is he really just not interested...? I truly wish he would just realize though. It's just so hard to keep trying to catch his eye without knowing whether he likes me back. I've been doing it for so long, it hurts... but I don't want to give up. I refuse to give up until he finally finds someone he loves, be it me, be it Chloe, be it anyone, as long as they can make him happy. I'm sure by then, I will be happy, because Senel is happy. That's all that matters.
I wonder if I'm being honest.
I wonder if I can really be happy if he manages to find someone who would make Senel happy?
The thought ached against my heart.
Maybe I really am holding him back... Because I'm trying to keep his attention on me, because if I do, I hoped, just maybe, he'd realize the love I've had for him, and the years it built up.
Can I really make Senel happy like this? Am I the one who held the key to letting Senel go now? Maybe I just won't let him go and I'm pining the blame on Stella. Stella... I'm sorry. I know you must be disappointed in me. Why can't I let him go? Am I in love with him too much? Am I scared?
If I let him go, will he be free, will he love me? Will he find someone else?
Am I scared he'll find someone else and he'll leave me?
No... I can't go on like this. I have to let him go. To either keep holding him back or letting him go terrorizes me either way. I'm scared he'll find someone if I free him, but if I hold him back, I only fear the idea of him never becoming happy.
I can't hold him here with me forever. I have to let him be happy.
Even if I'm scared... I have to be strong. I have to be strong, or I'll keep him back from the world, I'll keep him in the dark, lonely, only with me... No... that won't make him happy.
I want Senel to be happy... I could only pray he would find happiness with me.
Authoress Notes · Egh, I don't think it was that good. I'm a little drowsy and I never had any specific idea planned for this one, so I just wrote down a lot of random stuff. Sorry if I made Shirley out of character or anything. I don't know, I just keep feeling like she's got some other side no one knows. Anyway, just letting you know, I don't hate Shirley, so yeah, hoping you guys don't think this is a biased fic to flame her or anything.