A/N: I realize this is a bit of randomness, but hopefully an entertaining glimpse of a week spent with Stargate's flagship team, SG-1.
Week-view
by Remi Craeg
Monday
1430 MST
Three warriors and an archeologist exited a shimmering puddle of astrophsycical wonder sporting identical scowls.
"Well, that was the biggest waste of time," Daniel muttered, to basically himself, as the gate disengaged with a whoosh.
General Hammond watched them expectantly. When Jack O'Neill reached the bottom of the metal ramp he made an exaggerated point to glance his CO over from head to toe. "How embarrassing, sir. You were wearing that outfit when we left."
And if the General found his comment even remotely amusing he made an exaggerated point not show it. "Colonel, you and the rest of SG-1 are to debrief in ten minutes."
O'Neill glanced between Daniel, who looked mildly annoyed by Jack's comment (eh, what else is new), and Carter. "Only ten?"
His second-in-command simply shrugged and made her way to the locker room with Daniel and Teal'c in tow.
"Was it something I said?" he called out after his team. They ignored him so he turned to the next closest audience he had, which turned out to be a pair of SF's standing at the exit, watching him curiously. "What? It wasn't that bad…"
Tuesday
0950 MST
"…which would indicate Goa'uld occupation of P9V-113 much earlier than previously estimated. Of course my original assessment stated as much…"
O'Neill sagged a little lower in his chair. It was all he could do to keep his eyes open. "Daniel, I have a question."
Jackson paused, eyebrows scrunched together. Apparently he wasn't sure if he should be surprised or concerned or impressed. He sucked in a breath, "You do?" Impressed won out. Momentarily.
O'Neill nodded and sat up straight, "Were you aware this was to be a briefing? As in…brief."
The doctor crossed his arms irritated, "That all, Jack?" He bowed his head to avoid adding less appropriate comments.
Colonel O'Neill nodded proudly. Carter dropped her smiling eyes.
"Dr. Jackson, please continue." General Hammond offered with a disapproving glance toward his second-in-command.
"Actually, General, I was finished."
"Fantastic," O'Neill boomed, punctuating his excitement by jumping to his feet and clapping two hands together. "Not that your briefing wasn't oh-so-interesting, I'm just anxious to plant my feet on PX1…" he trailed off, mumbling the last of the planet's designation into an unintelligible mess.
"P9V-113," both Jackson and Carter corrected. They shared an amused smile.
O'Neill waved them off, "That's what I said. Sir, do we have a go?"
Hammond nodded sharply, "You do. You'll leave at 1100 hours. Dismissed."
Carter rose to her feet, adding a belated 'sir' but he was already half way through the door. O'Neill waited for the General to close his office door before he pulled a fist triumphantly to his hip. "Sweet! Plenty of time for Tuna Fish Tuesday."
"Is that why you were in such a hurry?" Daniel questioned with a discouraging stare.
O'Neill ignored his frown and explained, "I can't figure out their secret ingredient. Last week I thought I detected a hint of pickle juice but the airmen wouldn't give. This week I'm determined to—what?" He watched Daniel's back as he abruptly turned towards the control room stairs.
Carter approached him. "Maybe it's beer, sir," she offered.
He narrowed his eyes in a playfully warning manner. "Easy, Major."
She straightened with concern and hoped she hadn't crossed the line. "Sorry, sir."
He smiled, "Actually, I already thought of that, but the mayonnaise doesn't mix right…well, not with Guinness anyway."
Carter winced, shaking her head. She wondered absently how much of the cooking his wife allowed him to handle when they'd still been married.
"Meet you in the mess?" he called out before she too disappeared.
"I'll find Daniel," she replied without slowing.
O'Neill turned to the last remaining member of SG-1. "Come on, T. Let's find a table before it gets crowed."
"I believe we have many hours before the people of the Tau'ri customarily break for midday meals." The Jaffa stood passively behind the chair he'd previously occupied while the exchanged occurred.
"Not on Tuesdays," O'Neill corrected seriously. Teal'c bowed shallowly before exiting the briefing room.
Wednesday
1930 LPT
(Local Planetary Time)
"Come on, Carter. Stop tinkering and let's go."
"Sorry, sir. I was just—"
"Aht," he held up a hand, "No big deal…as long as you don't finish that sentence. Grab your gear, let's move out."
"Yes, sir."
It started as a light sprinkling of dust but quickly grew into fist-sized rocks falling from the ledge above them. Then the ground began to tremble.
"Daniel? Did you touch something?" Jack's voice was reminiscent of a parent scolding a child.
"No, Jack. Did you?"
Jack made a face and turned back to Sam. "Ready, Carter? 'Kay, let's get out of here before—" He stopped mid-order when a boulder the size of a Plymouth appeared out of the shadows of the wall above them. It rolled slowly along the ledge but quickly picked up speed as the ground became more steep. SG-1 stared in a sort of temporary suspension wondering if the architects of this place hadn't seen too many movies.
Before something like that happens, Jack finished for himself.
As if choreographed and rehearsed in advanced, the three members of Earth's elite explorers all moved at once—and in the same direction: away from the curiously and perfectly round Ball of Doom.
Out of the corner of his eye, Jack caught the hesitation in Daniel's step. Did the man have some secret desire to become a light, spongy—and not to mention—very flat breakfast delight?
"Keep moving!" he shouted at the currently most obtuse element of SG-1 before said member could change his plans to including slowing.
"Jack, the scepter!" Daniel's eyes were determined, begging Jack for time he had no authority to give.
"I'll buy you a new one, damnit, come on!" Still unsure how a man with a zillion different languages rattling around in his brain was dumb enough to look back, Jack grabbed the younger man by the very convenient handle on the back of his vest, and practically dragged him across the room, through the archway and down the narrow corridor that was their only exit.
Jack suddenly felt like a miniature version of himself being chased by a stone locomotive as the hall lengthened by at least a thousand feet. He would have to remember to ask Carter how the hell that could work, and convinced himself in the meantime it probably had a little to do with goddamn-freakin-magic.
Meanwhile, the giant rock of Gibraltar continued its rampage, barreling down its strategically positioned ramp and took perfect aim for the doorway they'd just cleared. If the thing had lungs, Jack was sure he would've felt it breathing down his neck.
The sound was deafening, the air was hot and the ground shook beneath their feet. Suddenly, nay miraculously, a shaft of light appeared. It was the bellybutton thing Daniel insisted was an actual entrance. Thank god there had been what seemed to be an afterthought in the form of a tiny chamber just off the corridor where a lonely flare, still releasing glowiness since their preliminary sweep of the structure, lit their path to safety.
Carter just about over-shot the hole in the wall but Teal'c was right there to steadily grab her by the belt and dive to the ground. Jack and Daniel fell in behind them in almost exactly the same fashion. A gust of air wheezed by their heels a moment later immediately preceding a sickly crash and crumble of solid rock-ball smacking solid rock-wall.
"Well that sounded final." The sarcasm was redolent of Jack, but the voice was Daniel's.
A glance behind revealed the true finality of the situation: apparently the force of the impact caused the chamber to slide like a second skin just enough to offset the openings of both layers and effectively seal them in.
Jack ignored Daniel's frighteningly accurate comment and stood, adjusting his weapon and clapping offending dirt from his gloves. A moment passed as the team assessed the room more carefully than they had during their initial run-through.
"Ideas?" He intentionally left the inquiry undesignated, but all three men looked at Carter's back expectantly.
Sam turned from her inspection of the walls after silence passed for several seconds. Her eyes widened. "What? Me? Not a chance, sir." She paused and glanced at the wall behind her hoping another hole was revealed since the last time she'd looked. "If you guys haven't noticed, this room is lacking any sort of technology that I could reverse-engineer an escape from."
"She has a point, Jack. It's sort of lacking…anything," Daniel pointed out unnecessarily.
"Okay, so how do we get home? I'm not missing Waffle Wednesday for the third week in a row."
Sam grimaced. The man was obsessed with witty wordings.
Six Hours Later
0135 LPT
"You've got to be kidding me!"
"Sir?" Sam sat up from her makeshift quarters—which was simply her pack as a pillow and her ass-print in the sand—genuinely concerned and passed a careful eye over her CO.
"Teal'c is way too good at tic-tac-toe for a beginner."
"That is not true, O'Neill. I have played this on many occasions when we were otherwise unoccupied."
Jack's eyebrows rose.
"You once taught me many games of the Tau'ri while stranded on PR3-492."
"Ah, good times…"
"Sir, we won't last more than a few days with our remaining supplies."
Jack climbed to his feet and began to walk the perimeter of the room. "I'm aware, Major. We need a way out. Can't you rig an explosive from our med supplies and a shoelace or something?"
"A shoelace, Jack?" Daniel asked, squinting.
Sam dropped her head to hide her smile. "Sorry, sir, but I think we're stuck here."
Jack nodded sadly and returned to his place by Teal'c. "How 'bout another round, T?"
Daniel sighed as he watched his teammates pass the time and wished he had something to read.
Teal'c drew an X in the center of the sandy grid and a white light surrounded them. Before they could react a short, naked alien stood in the center of the room.
"Thor, buddy!"
"Greetings, O'Neill."
"What brings you to the neighborhood?" Jack asked jumping to his feet with a gleam of excitement in his eyes.
"I came to ask for your assistance. If you could spare a few hours to help the Asgard solve an embarrassingly simple problem."
Jack looked around what he had recently been referring to as his tomb and caught Sam's eyes. He smiled at her conspiratorially and replied, "Yeah, I think we can work something out."
"May I ask, Colonel O'Neill, why you and your team have sequestered yourselves in this room?"
Daniel snorted, still peeved about unpacking his favorite ancient texts at the last minute, and started to explain, "It was unintentional. We believe this was an ancient booby-trap designed for—"
Jack interrupted before the Archeologist stole a half hour in the name of history, "It's a long story…"
"Sir, I think the better question is: how were you able to find us, Thor?"
Jack jabbed the air with his first finger, "Yeah," he agreed, wondering why he hadn't thought to ask and turned to the holographic commander. "How did you find us, Thor?"
"General Hammond was kind enough to share the details of your mission on this planet and its location."
Daniel seemed skeptical, but didn't mention it, and Teal'c remained silent, per usual.
"Why don't you beam us up there, Thor. It's gettin' kinda stuffy in here."
"Very well, O'Neill."
And again, all went white.
Thursday
No off-world missions
Friday
No off-world missions
Saturday
1845 LPT
"I'd like to point out that I don't make a habit of making the same mistake twice."
"Really? PR3-811?"
"Hey, that…does not count." With his finger in the air, he says quietly, "I thought we'd agreed to not mention that again? That it was something in the air?"
"The alien pollen, sir."
"Yes. It was the pollen. Remember? Alien-like…"
"Sure, Jack. We're still stuck, so, any other bright ideas?"
"Hey, my job is to be in charge. I'm not allowed to have the bright ideas."
Daniel grunts, Teal'c raises an eyebrow, arms neatly behind his back.
"Yeah, we save that for Carter, here."
"Uh, sir? I'm not feeling very bright today."
"Today? That's not possible, you're always bright."
She looks surprised, "Thanks, I think. What I mean is, I've got nothing. We're gonna be here awhile."
"Okay, in that case, I suggest we make ourselves comfortable until the General figures out we're not coming back and he sends a search party."
Sunday
0700 LPT
M11-322
"If you'll follow me, I will lead you to our procreation chambers."
"I'm sorry?" Jack and Daniel spoke at exactly the same moment. Carter and Teal'c remained silent with eyebrows raised high.
"Does she mean 'sex rooms'?" Jack asked after their guide disappeared behind a wall containing a control panel. The team stopped short when giant, wooden doors opened to reveal rows upon rows of cots, pillows, and other various cushion-like objects.
"Uh?"
3 Hours Later
SG Command
"And how were the people of -322?"
"Actually, they seemed…hor—"
"—Friendly, sir. But altogether harmless."
"Frisky," Jack corrected under his breath.
"Worth pursuing trade?"
"I think there are definitely some medicines our doctors might like to test."
"Me too," Jack again added under his breath. Carter had a hard time hiding a smile and dare not mention his insistence on perfectly normal vitality.