authorsnote: so here it is! for months I have been gearing up to write this & it's finally here! I finally got it how I wanted it. now please excuse the long ass authors note. I was going to make it a separate chapter but decided not to be so whiny and indulgent. feel free to skip if you want to get straight to the story, but I wanted to write out some thoughts of mine on this story, and wanted to clarify a few things. still I am so happy this is finally out, and will be updating as soon as possible! as always enjoy, and please review!

song recommendations: only love can hurt like this: paloma faith (off the cuff version is especially fantastic), elastic heart: sia.

authors note (part deux):

one) so I wanted to clarify this story, the themes and the pairings. the theme of this story will be fairly dark. I want it to be told the way meyer could have told it if she had tried past smashing her fingers on the keyboard. now let's make this clear. I am not a fan of meyer, I think she took a great story concept and ruined it with her terrible prose, bad character development and lack of interesting side stories. I will repeat what audreyii-fic said on the subject: chapter after chapter on cullen backstory, and one paragraph on the sam/emily/leah love triangle?! she could have done so much but neglected to do so. (btw if you want great JB stories, go and check out audreyii-fic, she is one of the most talented writers in our community).

two) why am I writing J/B? because yes this story will be firmly them. when I was 13 I read the twilight books for the first time and adored the E/B relationship. I wanted a relationship just like theirs and loved every aspect of their story. looking back, this was terrible. I recently reread the books and fell in love with J/B, the healthy relationship in twilight. E/B's relationship is not healthy, it's controlling, possessive and borderline abusive. meyer could have put J/B together, the believable pair and that actually makes sense, but she didn't, so I am going to.

three) how will I be writing this story? this will be a J/B imprint story, yes that kind of story. I know some people don't like imprinting and I'm not a big fan myself, I think it is a cheap way of forcing characters together, and meyer is far too liberal with her use. I mean come on, normally it's like once every 50 years a wolf will imprint and in the Quilette pack they pretty much all do, pssh. but still it's canon, and though I will be deviating from canon a lot, I did feel the need to keep this. however I will be aiming to write it in a sincere way, not the creepy, shove people together to tie up all loose ends. can we talk jacob/nessie.. all together now 'eeww'.

four), so yes the themes will be dark, the pairing will be J/B, it will be canon compliment sometimes and sometimes it won't. the grammar and spelling won't be the best as I will be rushing to update, am extremely busy and thus can't spend hours combing through my work to fix everything. I will be sticking with sam/emily, and leah will be getting a boo. there will be lemons, there will be swearing and some lesbian action. the pacing and general progression will follow new moon, as this is a general rewrite of that story.

five) a few things different about characters. bella will have a backbone and some sense of self. she will be crushed by edwards departure but not catatonic as she was in the books. she will own a cellphone and a proper laptop, and won't be as insane as she is in new moon. jacob will be pretty much the same but less willing to put with bella's shit (in a good way), the cullers may or may not appear (haven't decided yet), and charlie and bella will have a much stronger relationship. sam and the pack will be around, and I have a huge soft spot for sam so expect him to get some time. jess will also appear as I adore anna kendrick, and think jess was way underused.

six) I know this seems like a generic story but trust if you stick with me it won't be. my aim is to do the basic J/B new moon rewrite, imprint story and tell it differently. twists and turns will be new and shocking, and pairings will be shaken up. so please don't think this is a generic rewrite as my aim is for it to be much more than that.

so yeah, now that stupidly long author note is done with, please continue on and enjoy!

love isn't something you find,

love is something that finds you.

- loretta young

...

She tried to follow him into the forest, no matter how useless. There was no evidence he had walked away and yet she followed, her human nose just barely picking up his scent. She fell, her toe catching on a fallen log.

She didn't notice.

Instead her walk turned to a crawl and she continued onward, her hands soon filthy, the knees of her jeans ripping as she surged forwards. She couldn't stop, if she stopped moving, stopped looking, he was gone and it was over.

So she carried on as the sky went black and the stars blinked overhead. Her crawl slowing as the minutes passed. It didn't matter, time made no sense to her. She had to keep going. She couldn't lose him.

Soon she felt frozen, the chill hitting her bones. She didn't care, just carried on, her legs barely moving as she crawled deeper into the forest. Twigs and leaves littered her dark hair, frost settled on her jacket and seeped into her clothes.

She didn't notice.

Her crawl continued to slow and as she moved again her hand caught a patch of leaves and she slid, slid to the floor and onto her side. She barely even recognised that she was lying on the forest floor. She just curled into a ball, her hands clutching her aching ribs, her eyes closing.

Everything was black regardless.

Time passed and she didn't notice, she just opened her eyes and stared up at the sky. She didn't notice that it grew darker, or that she was getting colder, her coat doing nothing to keep the chill away. She doubted she would notice a blizzard coming through.

Only the stars lit the sky, and for a moment she broke out of her despair. Surely as a rule, some little bit of moonlight would filter down through the clouds, through the chinks in the canopy of trees, and find the ground? The science part of her brain (underused mostly), pondered this question.

Not tonight. Tonight the sky was black, bar the stars which seemed insignificant in the endless surge of darkness.

Perhaps there was no moon tonight, a lunar eclipse, a new moon. She shivered, though she wasn't cold. Even the frost on the ground wouldn't convince her she was cold. She just felt numb.

It was black a long time before she heard them calling.

Someone was calling her name. It was muted to her, possibly because of the wet growth, but maybe because she was so numb even sounds couldn't reach her. She didn't recognise the voice. For a second she considered answering, but her voice didn't seem to be working.

Then the calls stopped and she fell back into her stupor.

Sometime later she woke up, her eyes glued together under the canopy of leaves. She nudged them with her fingers and opened them wide. The sky was still black, the stars providing little light. She felt cold for a second before she remembered what had happened, then she was numb.

For a moment she heard something close by, it sounded like paws on the ground; an animal? She didn't care enough to look, and then the sound was gone.

The rain started then, and it was loud. Large, hard drops of water dashing against the forest floor. It bothered her, and she was relieved that she felt something, even if it was just a distaste for the rain. At least it was something.

A light broke into the clearing she was in, it made her eyes uncomfortable and thats what pulled her gaze. Was it the moon? No. The light was too unnatural for that. It was a flashlight.

'Hello?' Her voice was barely a croak and she was sure no one could hear her.

'Bella?' Apparently she was wrong. She glanced up, and was met with someone towering over her. She flinched for a moment before she recognised the russet skin and what felt like a smile broke her icy expression, the movement felt unnatural but was involuntry.

'Jacob?' She sounded hopeful for a moment before the now stranger shook his head. The smile went, and she looked worried once more. Who was this?

'No Bella, I'm Sam Uley' She raised an eyebrow, clearly at a loss 'Charlie sent me to look for you, and I do know Jacob, we live on the Reservation together'

The numbness she felt evaporated in an instance, and a her features creased with worry. She had been out here all night, she must have worried Charlie sick. A choaking sound left her mouth and she shook her head; how selfish was she?

'Charlie?' She spoke her voice a bit stronger, and Sam nodded, holding out a hand to her. She glanced up at him confused, what was she meant to do? Sam merely shrugged and scooped her into his arms. It was comfy, and god damn it was warm.

Instinctively she curled into him, appreciating just how cold she had been when she felt his warmth. She noticed he was topless but didn't comment. She just continued to leech heat off of him; how had she not noticed how cold she had been?

'I've got her' She heard more people talking and a rush of feet. She closed her eyes for a moment, before steeling herself. She had made a whole bunch of people worry, she owed them an explanation. Especially Charlie.

She could only hear Sam's voice, maybe because he was closest too her, and her ear was pressed to his chest. 'No she's not hurt, I found her deep into the forest though'

'Bella!' That was a voice she recognised immediately, and oddly she welcomed it, even if it was lined with worry. 'Honey are you okay?' His voice was closer now, and then she felt her Dad's hands, lifting her from Sam's arms into his own.

'Dad, I'm too heavy' She spoke quietly, well aware that people were listening; an explanation would come later when she wasn't surrounded by the townspeople. God's sometimes she hated small towns.

'Don't be silly' He shook his head but admittedly sounded breathless. He staggered to the house and put her down on the sofa, a vein popping in his forhead. 'Your old mans not as spry as he once was Bella'

His attempt at a joke lightened her and she giggled and then stopped immediately. It didn't sound right; too happy when she felt as though she was in mourning.

'Get her some blankets' Charlie called and someone ran upstairs. Bella curled up onto the couch, shivering. She felt so tired and yet unable to sleep, maybe it was all the voices, half of the town seemed to be in her house. 'And can someone put on some tea?' Immediately she heard bustling in the kitchen and in seconds she was swathed in blankets.

Maybe small towns weren't so bad.

'Bella? She heard a familiar voice, and she raised her eyebrow. It wasn't a voice she was expecting.

'Dr Gerandy?' She questioned, and he nodded. His fingers finding her pulse, touching her neck and forhead. He nodded to himself and then stood from his crouched position before turning to Charlie.

'She needs sleep and warmth, it seems that she was suffering from low grade hypothermia, but somehow the house has warmed her right back up' He raised an eyebrow and shook his head, just one of lifes little mysteries 'Make sure she rests for the next couple of days'

Charlie nodded, and sat down on the armchair, a deep breath leaving his lips. Her insides curled up; she was too selfish. She would never make Charlie worry again. She felt even worse as his hand found her hair and began to stroke but didn't ask him to stop; it felt nice .. or as close to nice as she could get.

'Thanks Dad, and I'm sorry' Her voice sounded wooden and she cringed at her own lack of emotion. She just felt so tired, and still cold.

'Bella, I need to know what happened. Did Edward leave you in the forest alone?' He looked furious then and Bella quickly shook her head, her insides cracking at the sound of his name.

'No Dad, he left me in sight of the house, I tried to follow him' But of course she hadn't found him. She was a human, a useless human. Grief crippled her then washing away any happy thought she had managed to cling to. Her face crinkled and tears began to spill down her cheeks. She was useless, he had said he was too good for her; as she had always known.

Charlie looked shocked for a moment but shot to his feet. He tucked the blankets to her cheek, and quickly ushered everyone out, thanking them for their help but insisting Bella needed privacy. They all complied with promises to bring over food tomorrow.

As she sobbed she heard Sam talking to Charlie but she couldn't pick out the words. Everything sounded duller, as though on mute, as though she couldn't hear properly. Her tears didn't stop; she couldn't stop them. 'Dad' She spoke quietly but he heard and was at her side 'Don't leave me'

He nodded, and sat on the sofa next to her, his hand going to her hair again. He stroked it over and over again, mumbling now and then how much he loved her. It was soothing, and though she felt crushed by sadness, Bella finally managed to drift off to sleep.

One errant thought passed her mind as she felt sleep pulling her, would she wake? She felt so hurt, and in so much pain, waking seemed the worst option, dying right now would be a blessing. But to that she shook her head; she couldn't leave, she had Charlie, and as the darkness overwhelmed her, she knew she would stay.

Even though a life without Edward seemed a life not worth living, she would try. She would try to live, even if it killed her.

The fire flickered high over the trees, but the boys kept it contained. It danced merrily, lighting up the dark sky. The orange flames were helped as the boy's continued to throw wood onto the pile. They would keep the sky bright tonight.

They all sat around, laughing, joking, talking and in Emily's case cooking on the BBQ. Perhaps they were going a little crazy tonight but it was worth it.

'Sam, are you sure the fire was necessary?' Emily asked as she handed Paul his 6th hot dog. She laughed as Jared came running up, his eyes wide and unconvincingly sad. Emily rolled her own, and handed him another sausage. Damn these boys were eating her out of house and home.

Still she loved all of them and was glad to have a role.

'I know, I know' He nodded, his arms looping around her from behind. 'But this is amazing Emily. This means it stops at Me, Jared and Paul' He looked delighted then and kissed her cheek. 'It stops'

Emily nodded, a deep smile pulling the scars on her face 'I know' She nodded, her hand resting atop of Sam's on her waist. 'Will you stop then? She turned to face him, her hands going around his neck.

Sam merely shrugged, picking himself up another burger 'I don't know, we'll have to see what happenes' He smiled 'Lets not worry tonight' And Emily nodded; tonight was a night for celebrating.

'Forks is ours!' Paul called and Sam and Jared followed his lead, howling to the moon. Emily laughed lightly as they all cheered.

Little did they know it wouldn't stop at Sam, Jared and Paul. In fact, it would be a hell of a long time before it stopped at all.

endnote: so what did you think? did you like? did you hate? either way tell me in a review. reviews keep me writing and even though criticism is tough to take it's always worth having to get better. please tell me what you thought, and please don't hate me for doing such a generic story. though I promise it will stray from canon in ways never been done before! if you skipped the authors note (I don't blame you), then I'd suggest you skim read as it's a whiny justification on my part as to why I'm writing this story and how I plan to do - or just never read my self indulgent attempt at explaining myself, that's cool with me too.

as always please review/subscribe/fav/follow, and inbox me with any additional song suggestions. if I've not updated by next week inbox me and kick my ass to get moving along.

as always I hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading.

see you soon xo