Heaven or Dream

Heaven or Dream?

Cameron had never dreamt before. Her sleep mode never entered REM. Naturally, being a self-aware being, Cameron was able to see many of the things and the thoughts that she had compiled during sleep, but she did not have the usual subconscious sagas that a human had. That is, until this night. Was this what it was like for humans? She had usually heard that dreams were either outrageous theme or chronology. She remembered Madison boring Amanda in algebra by telling her the scary dream that she had where Corey Battier (Brad's friend) was naked in front of her and suddenly turned into a werewolf that looked like Mickey Mouse. It sounded silly, but according to Madison, it was terrifying. Cameron thought it was ridiculous as it should have been obvious that it was not real. But now, she was experiencing what had to be a dream, and it felt completely real.

She was completely aware, she felt things, her senses were all normal…no, this could not be a dream, she was awake…she had to be…but what if this is what dreams were like to humans? She had no way of knowing. She looked down and realized that she was dressed in the same clothes that she went to bed in, but somehow, she had been transported somewhere else. She had been asleep, so she had little way of knowing exactly what her surroundings were like, but wherever she was, it was not in the Connors' house; it did not even look like it belonged in the United States. It looked like she was standing in some kind of ancient temple…although it was completely built, not some ruin.

Cameron's history was not good beyond what she learned in her history classes and what she knew about the coming of Judgment Day, but not much about ancient architecture. The ceiling had to be at least a hundred feet high with a large skylight letting in a stream of sunlight. There were pillars, in rows of twos, that were lining the floor in front of her. The entire floor was made of a glossy marble and there was a long, red carpet in front of her, leading to what looked like some kind of golden altar. Behind that was a grand, throne-like chair, though no king or priest sat in it. Various golden statues of ancient warriors, as well as animals like lions, horses, and bulls stood proudly by the walls, and gold carvings on the walls told various stories, most of which Cameron did not really know.

The pillars on either side of her met at the top in a Persian/Arabic style arch. Come to think of it, much of this place suggested that it was Middle Eastern in origin. But, there was something strange about it. Cameron looked around and saw that she was the only one in the building. Normally, she would either become anxious as it was possible that she had been disabled and captured, or she would be wondering where John was and if he was safe. Instead, she felt calm and happy. She could not figure out why as she was in a strange place she had never seen before and was all alone. Yet, something about it said that she was welcome there, and that it was a place of safety and goodness.

Cameron tried to calculate where she might be by looking at her files…only to discover that she had no "files" per say! She had a memory; it was a memory of everything she had done since joining the Resistance, though it was not as clear as it usually was. For things that happened a year earlier, she could only remember bits and pieces of them instead of the actual recording her CPU usually carried. Without her files, she decided to try and scan the temple/palace and see if anything matched up. However, it was at that moment that she noticed that she had no heads up display. She did not hear the usual scratching and squeaking of her CPU. Ever sensation she felt was amplified, but instead of panic and thinking that something was seriously wrong, she had this strange feeling that something was very right.

Wait a moment, she thought as she made her way to a huge, decorative vase that looked like it had originated in Egypt or something. She wrapped her arms around the vase and lifted. Normally, she would have been able to pick this up like it was inflatable, but she could barely make it budge.

"Ugh!" she groaned as she continued to try and pick it up. She was able to lift it maybe a half inch off the ground, but her arms were burning and her body seemed to scream to be relieved. As gently as possible, she put the vase down and exhaled deeply.

What is going on? Am I…human? She wondered. No heads up display, no super strength, everything was felt and not analyzed as environment inquiries…she was…real! She knew if this was true, she would have lost many physical abilities, but gained many mental and emotional ones, which was a trade she would make in a heartbeat!

"I have to tell John," she said happily, "It's a miracle! I have to bring him here; this is beautiful!" Cameron laughed as she fell to her knees, rubbing her new, real skin, smelling the air around her, and just feeling great. There was no other way to describe it, she felt perfect. "I'm alive!" she shouted, jumping to her feet, running across the room with her hands in the air, laughing with glee, "I'm real!" She began to dance an arrangement that she had learned in ballet class, humming the accompanying music; apparently, in her transformation, she had not really lost any skills in dancing. If anyone had seen her though, they would have thought she lost her mind. "I can't believe this. How did it happen? I don't care how it happened," she said breathily, completing her number and racing over to one of the huge windows, letting in beautiful early morning sun. The view around was breathtaking. She appeared to on top of a grassy hill overlooking an ancient city. However, whatever civilization she was in apparently had a good economy as even the "poor" looking houses were huge! There were areas of construction over to her right, and there seemed to be some kind of market just at the bottom of the hill, though right now, it was somewhat empty.

Cameron whipped around as the huge doors to this temple/church/cathedral opened. In walked a man, in his late twenties or early thirties, in a pair of old jeans, a blue polo shirt, and work boots, carrying a backpack. He was a handsome man, with brown hair and a goatee and kind eyes, and he looked like he had just arrived to do some kind of construction work.

"Good morning," he waved to her with a smile.

"Good morning," Cameron replied, her euphoria dropping a little bit, now replaced with a little curiosity and concern.

"I heard someone jumping around in here," the stranger said, "You sound pretty happy."

"Uh, yes," Cameron was unsure of what to say. How could she explain that she had turned, overnight and without explanation, from a cyborg into a human being?

"So, what's the good news?"

"It's a long story," Cameron said, hoping to brush him off.

"Really? That's weird; people usually say that about something bad that they don't want to talk about. Usually one would want someone to share in their happiness," the man looked confused.

"Well, if I told you, you'd probably think I'm insane and in need of psychological treatment," Cameron said, forcing a laugh.

"I doubt that," the man said, "I've heard some pretty crazy stories in my years."

"No," Cameron looked at the ground bashfully, "this is really strange. You'd want to lock me up in Pescadaro if you heard this."

"Well, Sarah was locked up there and it turned out she was right, wasn't she?" the man smiled slyly and folded his arms.

"Yes, she was proven correct to…wait a minute!" Cameron jolted and sucked in a deep breath, a feeling of disappointment coming over her. "Wait, this is some kind of weird program…something like a human's dream. I'm not real."

"Weeellll," the stranger thought, or pretended to think, for a moment, "that depends on how you look at it."

"What are the different ways to look at it?" Cameron asked walking over to the man.

"If you mean that this will end when you wake up, then yes, this is a dream. If you mean that this is just some program originated in your brain or CPU, than no, this is not a dream; this is very real."
Cameron looked around again. This was certainly another place and time. Did she step into a time displacement generator and not know it? It was beautiful, but she was not supposed to be here. "How do I know that this is not a dream, and your saying that it is not a dream is just not part of my processor?" she asked.

"Well," the man gave her a thoughtful look, "I suppose that's where you have to take a leap of faith, Cameron."

"It must be a dream or an errant program," she concluded, "Because I have never met you, and you know my name and Sarah's history. But…this is real," Cameron pinched herself. She felt the pain, but that could have just been part of the dream. Regardless of what it was, she figured it would be best to try and talk with this man and find out what was going on. Before she could speak, the man broke the short silence.

"So, do you like it here?"

"Yes," she replied, "it's really beautiful. Do you work here?"

"Well, yes, I'm building this place. This room has been complete for a few years but the rest of it is coming along. It'll be a few more years before this place is ready. Bet you'd like to live here, huh?"

"What is this place?" Cameron asked.

"Well, it's a lot of things. It's going to have a lot of rooms for my friends, it's going to be the head of administration for the Earth, and this is My Father's throne room."

Cameron's eyes widened. Administration for…Earth?? Throne room? This couldn't be Skynet, but was this some kind of megalomaniac? Or, could this be…

"You wonder who My Father is, don't you?" the man stated.

"Yes," she replied.

"Tell me, what do you want, Cameron?" the man asked.

"You mean, why am I here? Because, I don't know; I don't know how I got here," she said, a little irritated.

"No, I mean, what do you want with your life?"

Well, that's a personal question, she thought, but then again, I this guy seems to already know me.

"Before you answer that, would you like a drink?"

"Um…" Cameron's heart (yes, she now had a heart) began to beat fast. The last time a guy offered her a drink, it did not turn out so well.

"I will not put any drug it," the man smiled, "You can trust me."

"Um, okay," Cameron said quietly.

Then, the man turned around and put his hand into one of the huge vases. When he pulled it out, it was filled with water! He then produced two cups from…well, she could not see where, and dipped them both into the vase to fill them. He took a drink with one hand and handed her the other cup.

"Ahh, that felt good," he said, wiping off his mouth, "I would have made wine, but it's a little early for that."

Cameron opened her mouth in amazement in mid-sip, causing water to trickle around her mouth.

"Your dripping, Cameron."

"Sorry, I…who are you?" she asked, eyes wide.

"You can call me Josh," he said.

"Josh…Joshua…Yeshua…Jesus. Are you Jesus Christ?" she said, nearly breathless.

"It is as you say. Now, I ask you again, what is it that you want?" Josh said.

"I…" she kneeled down on the ground to think, "Is my being human permanent?"

"Is that what you want?" Josh asked again.

"Yes!" Cameron stood up, "Yes, more than anything. Ever since the car bomb, I've wanted to be real. I don't like being a terminator; people hate me and I have no soul."

"You wish to be human, and go into Judgment Day, unable to fight like you can now?" Josh feigned surprise.

Cameron looked down at the ground, "Oh, I hadn't thought about that. But, I don't want Judgment Day to come," she looked up with desperation in her eyes, "can you make Judgment Day not come?"
"I can, but what if I choose to do it through you and John?" he said, "You won't be able to succeed without a terminator, you know."

"Oh," she had not considered that, "That's true. But…I feel good like this but…I won't…I don't know," Cameron shook her head, "If this is all real, you know better than me what is best."

"You have a purpose, Cameron, you must serve it. You cannot run from it, although My Father has been known to relieve the burdens of those who ask," Josh grimaced for a second, "though—I know from personal experience—not always."

"I know I have a mission to complete," she stated, "and I know we can do this, but what about after? I live for about a hundred years or so, maybe shorter because my power source burns out, then I just die out and that's the end of it. As I see you standing here, I'm guessing that a lot of people get to go to heaven or something. Also, I…well, I can taste and feel, and love and hate, and…well," she smiled shyly and looked at the ground, "You get the idea. But I'm still not real, and I don't have a soul because I'm just a machine. I want to have worth beyond just an intelligent…walking tank."

Jesus finished up his water and dropped the cup on the ground; the cup disappeared before it even bounced. "What good is it to live as a human but then lose your soul?"

"You mean, if I'm going to become human I'm going to go to hell?" Cameron was suddenly hit a wave of despair, anxiety, and hopelessness. So that was it. She was doomed from the beginning, "I know I have done many bad things…that's why, right?"

"If what you've done cannot be forgiven, then what can be?"

"Well…then what can I do to be human and not go to hell?" Cameron asked desperately.

"Do you read the Scriptures?" Jesus asked.

"I know a few passages, but I have never really read it or studied it."

"Well, then let me give you the greatest commandment: Love the Lord your God with all your heart. And love your neighbor as yourself. You can love me by showing love to others, both those who love you back and those who do not much care for you," He said.

"How do I do that?" Cameron said, feeling a little bit better.

"Hold no evil thoughts toward those who wrong you. Help those in need, forgive as you are forgiven, show mercy, fight for good and hate evil.

"You are going to return in a minute to what you were. Tell John not to worry about the bear in the dream, it will never catch him. If you have any more questions, you have the Word, and you have those in and around your life to help guide you. My Father has not ignored your pleas and hopes; do His will, and you will inherit the Kingdom," Jesus ended with a smile.

Cameron's eyes shot open, taking in not the sight of a beautiful temple ceiling, but the white, plain ceiling of the living room. She felt out of breath, or at least what a human would describe the feeling as. She did not feel like she had just come out of sleep mode; it was as if there was no transition from "Heaven"—if that's where she had been—to here. She remembered blinking, and by the time she had opened her eyes, she was here. The only difference was the HUD in her vision had returned, she could hear the "whur" of her power source and, well, she just felt the way she usually did. She was a terminator again. There was no way to describe her mood now other than depressed. Her greatest dream had only lasted a few minutes and now she was back to reality. Skynet was still out there and they had a war to fight.

Was that a dream? She asked herself, I'm not programmed to dream, and I'm not programmed to have faith, so what was that? She was not supposed to have faith per say, but desire and wishing were well within a TOK's programming. She remembered just how much dread and angst she felt on the day that she was almost incinerated. The thought that once her chip was removed and her consciousness ceased to function that it would never resume was indescribably horrible. However, she never really thought about this in the long term. She was aware that eventually she would wear out, but that was about a hundred or so years down the road; she never really thought about afterlife, or leaving a legacy, or what or who created the world if anything at all; all of this was irrelevant to her mission. But, now that she, in the eyes of her program, abandoned her mission, such thoughts crowded into her mind.

First things first, something inside her said, He said you would succeed. Stop worrying, Cameron. Just have faith…faith may not be part of your programming, but neither is love…or hunger. She then realized that, once again, she was hungry. Her heads-up display told her that it was 0613 hours; John had fallen asleep about five minutes before her, and she had gone to sleep at 0231 hours, so it would probably be about three or four more hours at least before he was up. Sarah had today off, so she would probably be up in about an hour and a half or so. I should go back to sleep, she thought, or maybe I should patrol since I'm at ninety-eight percent energy. No, because that's what terminators do…and I don't want to be a terminator, for the second time in her existence, tears ran down her cheek, I don't want to be a terminator. I'm so alone. John; please wake up, John, I feel alone, I need to talk to someone…I need someone to hold me. She scooted closer to him and put her head back on his shoulder, a tear running onto his shirt.

"Umm," John groaned. He was a habitual light sleeper for good reason, but insignificant things sometimes disturbed him. He opened his eyes slightly to see Cameron looking at him guiltily. She wanted him to wake up, but she felt guilty for waking him at the same time. "You okay?" he asked tiredly.

"Yes…I mean…I don't know," she said, "I feel so alone and confused."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Yes," she said, looking deeply into his eyes, "Do you ever think about the afterlife?"

"What do you mean?" John replied, sitting up.

"Do you believe in God, and Heaven and Hell, and redemption?" she asked.

"Uh…I'm pretty sure I believe in God. I guess my mom and I are kind of Catholic. And yeah, I believe in Heaven, and I think that really bad people like Hitler—and probably Sarkissian—go to hell. How about you?"

"How do you think that a person gets into Heaven?" Cameron asked.

"I guess…you have to be good. Do good things for people."

"But what about the bad things you do? How do you atone for that?" Cameron asked, another tear running down her cheek, "I've killed innocent people, I've stood by and watched people I could have saved die because it was not my mission to save them. There was all the stuff I did to you and all the bad thoughts I had. I'll probably do bad things in the future whether I mean to or not, so how can I ever do enough things to get into Heaven? That is," she swallowed, "If I even have a soul."

"First, you have a soul. I don't think, I know you do," John said, hoping it was true, "second, I really don't know how these things work. I was told you have to go to confession and it erases your sins, but you still have to make up for it but doing more good things. I wouldn't worry right now though, Cam," he smiled and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

Cameron gave him a sad smile, "You should get some more sleep. I'm sorry I woke you up."

"That's okay," John replied, returning her smile, "You're nice to wake up to."

John's kind words soothed Cameron a bit and allowed her to relax and concentrate on getting back into sleep mode. However, the encounter, or dream, or whatever it was naturally still ran through her head.