The Ring's Revenge
By Katie Romans and Kayla Young who sat in the floor and laughed and added naughty bits.
Chapter One: Many Meetings
Disclaimer: Sadly, we don't own LOTR. Or the name Torak. But if we did, we'd open a nightclub...
Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin sat around a table with cups of ale in hand, laughing and celebrating. "I am SO glad you decided not to go to that BORING elf place," Sam said, obviously too far gone in drink. "The Black Havens was it?"
"Grey," Frodo said, slightly more sober than the rest.
"Right. That's what we call the hood back in the Shire, my homies!" Sam coughed. "Er, never mind."
"Can you believe it?" Pippin exclaimed. "We're like, national heroes! We're sexy beasts! Why aren't we having lady hobbits fall all over us? Well, other than Sam, o' course."
"Right. I got me Rosie. But she's not too happy bout me getting drunk."
"Speaking of getting drunk...." a person came up behind Frodo and pressed a knife against his throat. Another did the same to Sam.
"We need you to stop," the other said. "Your quest is not over yet."
"Why yes it is," Pippin said, "We destroyed the ring an' everything, dontcha know?"
"Pip," Merry said, looking pale at the knives against Frodo and Sam's throats, "Don't be pushing your luck."
Frodo was afraid to move. "Er – if it's not to rude to be asking, why do you have a knife? At my throat?"
"A conversation starter," one of them shrugged underneath the cloak.
"Kay! You were supposed to be serious!"
"I was being serious!"
The two hooded figures began arguing.
"I knew I shouldn't have brought you along!"
"Well you're too serious anyway! You need some comic relief!"
"Fuck off!"
"How shall I fuck off, my lord?"
The two glared at each other, not that you could really tell from the cloaks.
"Fiesty, are we?" one asked the other.
"Kayla Anne..."
"Kath-a-leen Eliz-a-beth..."
"You sound like a person from the sticks."
"We're in the sticks aren't we?"
"Now that's just too much," Pip interrupted. "We donna live in the sticks....an' what's this about an accent? We donna have an accent....do we, Merry?"
Merry nodded a bit shamefacedly. "Actually, we do Pip."
Pip gulped. "Never mind."
The two figures stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.
"You are just adorable!" one said, pulling what turned out to be 'her' cloak down. She was a lady of her late teens, with fiery red hair and emerald eyes. Her skin was of an almost olive tinge. "I'm Kathleen Elizabeth of the Dryads, but people call me Katie."
"And asshole for short," the other piped up, pulling down her hood.
"And this less than complimentary blond is Kayla Anne, also known as Kay, or asswipe."
Frodo looked at Kay with interest. Her pale blond hair shone like silver, and her eyes were a mixture of gray and green. "Hi," he said. "I'm Frodo..."
"I know, dumbass," Kay shot back. "You're famous, if you didn't realize that. But you didn't finish your damn quest!"
"I already told you, yes we did!" Pip shouted.
"No," Katie said. "Sauron had another minion. Saruman wasn't the only one. He had another much more subtle, more tactile official. His name was Torak. A mighty, powerful sorcerer he was, he had powers to easily escape your puny grasp of knowledge."
"And who are you to know such things?" Frodo asked suspiciously.
"We were his top slaves" Kayla spat with disgust. "We knew everything that went on..."
"Until we escaped back to our Dryad homeland only a few years ago, and found out about you." Katie continued, "So we decided to find you guys and get you to help us on our quest to kick his ass back to the hell where he came from."
"If you're up for the job." Kayla said.
"I suppose," Frodo said, "But can't you just do it yourself?"
"No, we have to have a former Ringbearer," Katie said, "You still have some of the power of the One Ring. It will help you defeat Torak. Your knowledge and skill will also be useful."
Pip belched very loudly. "Yup, we're as intelligent as they come."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Well, if Master Frodo is going, I'll be coming too."
"And us too," Pip said. "For intelligence. And stuff."
Merry glared at him. "Well that rules you out, Pip."
"Merry, that was only funny the first time."
At this point Frodo noticed his Pippin's eyes wandering to a female area of the body on Katie. He had never known Pip to have any such thoughts of women before. And of a Dryad! This could go wrong....but when Frodo looked at Kayla, he didn't care anymore....
"We're coming," he said firmly.
"Good," Katie said with a toss of her red hair. "Let's get moving."
By Katie Romans and Kayla Young who sat in the floor and laughed and added naughty bits.
Chapter One: Many Meetings
Disclaimer: Sadly, we don't own LOTR. Or the name Torak. But if we did, we'd open a nightclub...
Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin sat around a table with cups of ale in hand, laughing and celebrating. "I am SO glad you decided not to go to that BORING elf place," Sam said, obviously too far gone in drink. "The Black Havens was it?"
"Grey," Frodo said, slightly more sober than the rest.
"Right. That's what we call the hood back in the Shire, my homies!" Sam coughed. "Er, never mind."
"Can you believe it?" Pippin exclaimed. "We're like, national heroes! We're sexy beasts! Why aren't we having lady hobbits fall all over us? Well, other than Sam, o' course."
"Right. I got me Rosie. But she's not too happy bout me getting drunk."
"Speaking of getting drunk...." a person came up behind Frodo and pressed a knife against his throat. Another did the same to Sam.
"We need you to stop," the other said. "Your quest is not over yet."
"Why yes it is," Pippin said, "We destroyed the ring an' everything, dontcha know?"
"Pip," Merry said, looking pale at the knives against Frodo and Sam's throats, "Don't be pushing your luck."
Frodo was afraid to move. "Er – if it's not to rude to be asking, why do you have a knife? At my throat?"
"A conversation starter," one of them shrugged underneath the cloak.
"Kay! You were supposed to be serious!"
"I was being serious!"
The two hooded figures began arguing.
"I knew I shouldn't have brought you along!"
"Well you're too serious anyway! You need some comic relief!"
"Fuck off!"
"How shall I fuck off, my lord?"
The two glared at each other, not that you could really tell from the cloaks.
"Fiesty, are we?" one asked the other.
"Kayla Anne..."
"Kath-a-leen Eliz-a-beth..."
"You sound like a person from the sticks."
"We're in the sticks aren't we?"
"Now that's just too much," Pip interrupted. "We donna live in the sticks....an' what's this about an accent? We donna have an accent....do we, Merry?"
Merry nodded a bit shamefacedly. "Actually, we do Pip."
Pip gulped. "Never mind."
The two figures stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.
"You are just adorable!" one said, pulling what turned out to be 'her' cloak down. She was a lady of her late teens, with fiery red hair and emerald eyes. Her skin was of an almost olive tinge. "I'm Kathleen Elizabeth of the Dryads, but people call me Katie."
"And asshole for short," the other piped up, pulling down her hood.
"And this less than complimentary blond is Kayla Anne, also known as Kay, or asswipe."
Frodo looked at Kay with interest. Her pale blond hair shone like silver, and her eyes were a mixture of gray and green. "Hi," he said. "I'm Frodo..."
"I know, dumbass," Kay shot back. "You're famous, if you didn't realize that. But you didn't finish your damn quest!"
"I already told you, yes we did!" Pip shouted.
"No," Katie said. "Sauron had another minion. Saruman wasn't the only one. He had another much more subtle, more tactile official. His name was Torak. A mighty, powerful sorcerer he was, he had powers to easily escape your puny grasp of knowledge."
"And who are you to know such things?" Frodo asked suspiciously.
"We were his top slaves" Kayla spat with disgust. "We knew everything that went on..."
"Until we escaped back to our Dryad homeland only a few years ago, and found out about you." Katie continued, "So we decided to find you guys and get you to help us on our quest to kick his ass back to the hell where he came from."
"If you're up for the job." Kayla said.
"I suppose," Frodo said, "But can't you just do it yourself?"
"No, we have to have a former Ringbearer," Katie said, "You still have some of the power of the One Ring. It will help you defeat Torak. Your knowledge and skill will also be useful."
Pip belched very loudly. "Yup, we're as intelligent as they come."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Well, if Master Frodo is going, I'll be coming too."
"And us too," Pip said. "For intelligence. And stuff."
Merry glared at him. "Well that rules you out, Pip."
"Merry, that was only funny the first time."
At this point Frodo noticed his Pippin's eyes wandering to a female area of the body on Katie. He had never known Pip to have any such thoughts of women before. And of a Dryad! This could go wrong....but when Frodo looked at Kayla, he didn't care anymore....
"We're coming," he said firmly.
"Good," Katie said with a toss of her red hair. "Let's get moving."