I can't go talk to her because instead she is talking to Suzie. Suzie "little-miss-perfect" Chang, who follows Maura round like some oversized lap dog, won't leave her side for a second today; I had really wanted to ask Maura if she wanted to come over for the evening .But instead I got an "excuse us a minute Jane, we just need to go over this it shouldn't take too long." Before sending that smile in my direction and sauntered off to talk to the bespectacled scientist. Suzie. Bloody. Chang.
Fifteen minutes later and it appears the gravediggers anonymous meeting is still going on so I decide to make my way back to the bullpen, giving her a text message to ask her about my plans. I get a response almost immediately.
Sorry about earlier, Suzie's been having a hard time with her boyfriend and appears a tad clingier than usual she just needs a friend. I would be delighted to join you tonight, what should I bring? M xo
Just yourself J xx
J I look forward to it. M xo
I go about my business for the day without seeing Maura again during our time at work. Completing the mountain of paperwork I'd been putting off for as long as possible. It gets to the end of the day and I ride the lift down to the exit with the aim of seeing Maura in the atrium. And there she is, in all of her glory waiting patiently adjacent to the entrance. She has a blue, knee-length dress on, eye catching red heels and a black cardigan. Once she spots me she smiles revealing a dimple reminding me once again why it was that I find her so attractive.
I had never told her, I had no intention to ever tell her how much it was that I love her. She would never find someone like me attractive. I mean if you look at me I'm still really just a cop from Boston; my mom thinks high society is eating conolies on a plate instead of a box. She's Maura Isles the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts what could she see in me. Then there was the fact that she's straight, she doesn't need a dykey blue-collar cop like me. So I resign myself to simply being her friend, always there being her constant in a world where I have to watch her put herself out there for a string of useless men, each slightly worse than the next. The most recent being Dennis, she's still reeling from that episode. She (thankfully) no longer rings me crying during the night after waking up from a nightmare. I do however occasionally awake in the morning to find a medium sized adult asleep on my sofa with one of my BPD sweaters used as a blanket.
She waves me over and immediately links arms, it's a gesture she's been doing more and more recently, I've assumed it an attempt at making herself feel safe however I secretly revel in the feeling of having her so close to me.
"So, film night?" Her golden eyes look up at me expectantly, the lighter flecks shining in the light of the precinct. I simply nod and lead her towards my car.
"Do you want to stay over so that you can leave your car in the lot?" She smiles back at me commenting on how wonderful an idea that would be; we could have another "sleep over". The idea of sharing a bed with Maura both thrilled and terrified me, I already found it difficult to keep my feelings to myself as it is how was I supposed to do that when she's sleeping next to me?
The drive to my apartment is filled with a comfortable silence, occasionally I can feel her gaze landing on me before slipping away to look at something outside the car. She keeps checking up on me, despite her obvious need for comfort herself at times. She's worried about me. Since Casey proposed, then left after I rejected his proposal she's been by my side before I even realised myself that I might need her. It's not that I was in love with Casey; it was more that I'd resigned myself to watching Maura fall in love and no longer need me. I wanted to pre-empt it no matter how unconsciously it was that I felt like that. It was Maura, rightly, who made me realise how wrong it was for me to accept his proposal. How wrong he is for me. The perfect person could be right in front of your eyes Jane, but if you marry Casey you'll never find them. Of course she had been right in saying that, the perfect person was right in front of me. In her Dolce and Gabbana dress, Jimmy Chu's and Prada handbag and all her oblivious glory. It's not that I miss him per-se, I just miss the attempt of getting Maura out of my mind. That woman is engrained deep and if I don't find a way to be the platonic best friend she so desperately needs she will have moved on leaving me trotting behind. Much like Suzie….
I'm wrestled out of my thoughts by a soft hand on my shoulder, it appears I've driven home on autopilot and once parked, sat staring blankly into the middle distance for a long enough period for Maura to be concerned. She's asking me again if I'm alright and all I can do is smile and nod hoping she'll concede to it. Which she does, thankfully, I follow her as she trots into the building leading the way to my apartment her copy of my key firmly in her hand. The elevator is out of commission at the moment as some teenagers from one of the lower floors were messing around and sadly got stuck in the elevator for the majority of a morning as the fire marshal had to get them out. I follow her up the stairs dutifully, looking up to realise I was currently eye level with her ass. If I had reason to believe it, it could be misconstrued that she had purposefully chosen her pace and positions in front of me so as to show case that specific part of her anatomy. But then again why would she, Maura is straight. She looks down, catching me in the act of ogling her glorious behind.
"Like what you see there detective?" Her eyebrow is raised playfully, but I can see curious trepidation in her eye.
"Nah, I've seen better." I grin at her as I can see her holding back a retort before turning and stomping up the remainder of the stairs.
Two hours later we're sat on my sofa, bottle of wine between us easily three-quarters of the way drunk. Maura's resting her head on my shoulder her arm wrapped around my waste. She'd been asleep for a while softly mumbling to herself in her sleep. "Jane…..Jane, can you like me too please?"
She's asking me that over and over in her sleep. Her nose nuzzling slightly against the nape of my neck her breathing in my ear, fingers spasmodically tightening around the fabric of my shirt. She seems agitated so I rub her back softly which seems to lead her to a deeper calmer sleep. However, sadly the ringing of my phone wakes her with a start and she stares at me blearily, wiping away at her eyes before her phone joins mine in startling awake.
"Rizzoli."
"I-Isles." She stifles a yawn before nodding in agreement as I point towards the door.
It appears we would be working tonight, all other plans forgotten.