Shore Leave
Shepard woke in the bathroom, laying on the floor. On either side of her head were Thane and Garrus looking down at her with some concern. The room tipped and swirled as she lay there and she decided it was definitely a good idea to close her eyes for now.
She could hear someone taking a piss, and she opened one eye, finding a unknown and unnamed Turian standing there, glancing over his shoulder at her in confusion or curiosity as he relieved himself. Once he realized she saw him staring, he quickly returned to his business. Once he was gone, she carefully got onto her hands and knees, uncertain if she was going to puke or not.
"What the fuck did I drink," she muttered.
There was an amused chuckle. "You really don't want to know. I'm still shocked that you were still on your feet after the Krogan Ale. That stuff tastes like piss and is enough to knock most species flat on their ass."
That was Garrus. Thane appeared busy with trying to keep her from falling back onto the floor. "How did I get to the bathroom?"
There was a long moment of silence. "Do you remember nothing of what happened this evening," Thane wasn't laughing. He sounded genuinely concerned.
"Do I want to?"
"Probably shouldn't tell you till you sober up some. Come on. Try to walk steady. Keep your head down. You're wearing your civilian clothes right now, so hopefully no one will realize who you are as we haul your ass to the Normandy." Garrus still sounded amused, but there was an underlying tension that she now detected.
"Shit, what the hell did I do?"
"We'll tell you at once we're on the Normandy," Thane said soothingly, and she felt her being carefully lifted. Huh. Must be Thane. She could feel scales under her cheek. For such a slight build, he was pretty damn strong.
Per their request, she kept her face shielded by her hair. She heard Garrus talking to Bailey when they first stopped, and she wondered what they were talking about. Something about getting them past security as a favor. Something about they owed him one. She wasn't paying much attention. She wanted to puke.
She must have passed out again, because when she came to, she was laying on one of the couches in her quarters and there was a cool cloth on her forehead. "Shit...I am never drinking like that again."
She opened her eyes and found the pillow was actually the Turian's thigh. Thane was sitting on her coffee table, mopping her forehead. "Dr. Chakwas just left, she says you'll feel better in a few hours."
She nodded, then instantly regretted it. She must have looked as green as she felt, because Thane offered her a basin. "What the fuck happened?"
Garrus spoke first. "You got drunk, started a brawl that ended with us hiding you in the bathroom until the smoke cleared."
"I started a what?"
Thane almost smiled. "Well, after the rynchol, you started listing pretty badly. Garrus and I started taking you to the ship, but an Alliance officer came and attempted to intercede..."
"Kaidan showed up at the bar," Garrus explained. "He started to try to help as well and you told him to 'get his fag hands off you'."
She lifted a hand, putting it to her forehead. "You're kidding."
"If only," Thane sounded a little mournful, but there was a faint amusement in his dark eyes.
She sighed in resignation. Well, she wasn't surprised. She had been thinking some very uncomplimentary things about Kaidan ever since Horizon. Now that the mission was over it was her first real shore leave, and she'd always had a few issues with her anger. "Shit."
"Well, he started yelling and you swung. Clocked him one good, but you knocked him into a Turian couple that were dancing, and they got pissed, and came at you. I tried to step in but you'd flattened both of them before I could." Garrus rubbed one mandible lightly. "I actually got hit once or twice trying to stop you."
"Eventually, the Al-Jilani news woman showed up, ready to film the fight, and you grabbed her camera and started to hit her with it," Thane continued.
Shepard grabbed the cold cloth and used it to hide her face. "So, is there any chance I'll be going to the Citadel ever again?"
"Well everyone thought it was great fun, with the exception of the reporter, right up until you passed out. There was a brief panic, and we hustled you into the bathroom as C-Sec arrived to clean up the mess." Garrus laughed. "Besides, you know how bad security on the Citadel is."
Shepard snorted. "Guys? Next time I go in and ask for the most expensive thing the bartender has on hand, remind me of this. Remind me of the hangover. Remind me of anything. Just don't ever let me have that much to drink again. If I start trying to drink stuff that would lay an ordinary human flat out, make sure that I don't get to touch it."
They were quiet for a long time, a rather easy silence, until finally, she sat up, putting her head in her hands. "Did I at least manage to walk up to the room on my own?"
"You insisted. You weren't listing as badly then, so I doubt most of the crew realized. Joker, however, did. Hopefully he knows how to keep his mouth shut," Garrus answered and she breathed a sigh of relief.
"He doesn't, but being drunk is a little less damaging than being so drunk someone had to carry your ass onto the ship."
Thane was smiling a bit and she had been around him enough that she recognized a chuckle. "Indeed."
She sighed, sitting back and then gave them a faint smile. "Let's try to keep the details of this under wraps for as long as possible. Thanks for fishing my head out of the toilet."
They must have recognized that as a dismissal, because they stood. "Do you wish to stay here or rest on your bed?" Thane's question surprised her.
A wry grin turned up her lips. "I think I'm good to go. Go on. I'm sure you have better things to do than take care of me."
Thane and Garrus glanced at each other, shrugged, then headed out of the room.
Moaning softly, she took the cool cloth and lay back down on her sofa, closing her eyes and hoping that the headache went away soon.