The weight of what he has to do is lead-like on his physical being. With every step he takes, he feels the dreadful pressure. With every intake of precious air he feels his family's lives grow shorter.
Itachi knows his own burdens; he lives off of their presence and learns to become stronger because of them.
It rains the day he meets with Shisui. He could feel the building awkward force, the pressure, when his cousin can't meet his eyes.
"Itachi." It rings out clear as the tolling church bell, empty and heartless with an undertone of remorse. Every hour upon hour, it rings. "Do what you must."
The shock is evident across his face. He can tell; his face does not naturally turn this way. It feels odd. He expected more resistance from his beloved cousin. He presumed shouting and desperate pleas and questions. He still waits for the accusations of echoing betrayals that will never come. It hurt more this way. He hadn't prepared for this scenario.
He tightens his grip on his katana. The rain is making his hands slicken, a heaviness willing against his impending sins.
"Do it!" Shisui's eyes are simply anomalous in the rain. His hair is plastered to his forehead; the curls matted and shaped into the pitch dark waves of the ocean, of the river they are standing next to. Itachi can see the wild wrath coating Shisui's being.
The water bellows in a hunger for its sheets to be colored red.
Itachi steps forward, shoes being swallowed into the mud. The Earth is heavy, pulling down on his body. He is not ready for this. There is too much weight, so much downward force.
"Shisui..." He is sure that the elder could not hear his gasp over the river. He repeats it louder over and over until the gleam escapes Shisui's eyes. "You don't understand." Itachi feels the anger surge, so familiar to him now; the anger has been so unexplainable these past months. His body moves without his consent. He is close to Shisui now and he can see the Sharingan within his cousin's eyes. It puts him on edge.
"You don't understand anything!"
He feels his feet slide and become swallowed up to his ankles by the gaping maw of the Earth. His blade sinks an inch into the dirt next to him. Even though, he keeps a tight grasp on it. He is unsure what to do. This is unexpected. Everything is going wrong. Shisui is supposed to be beneath the waves, dead before he hit the bottom. Itachi had imagined his cousin's cold face and hollow eyes before him too many times for a slip up. It was too late for a mistake.
Shisui steps before his struggling brethren and places a hand on Itachi's shaking shoulder. In one movement, the katana is through his stomach with his fingers bleeding from the dreaded force, Itachi's hand still holding the other side and the image is imprinted within his psyche. Shisui's blood drips far too slowly in the rain, but once it hits the ground it flows in a never-ending torrent. Itachi feels his face go back into that odd shape he is unused to feeling.
The air becomes muted and Itachi can feel his ears ringing in the silence. He cannot hear even Shisui's labored breaths. He is close enough to feel them though; they are hot and sodden on his neck. His cousin's arms wrap around his waist and the dark curls touch his neck with a lover's embrace. The fierce blood runs down his body, soaking into his already drenched clothing, and he feels dirtier than he ever has.
Shisui slips to his knees, clutching his stomach where the katana is still submerged. He rests his head on Itachi's thigh. His lips are bleeding and mangled from holding back the throat tearing screams. Blood coats his teeth as he smiles through his agony and he looks up into Itachi's shockedexpression. "I know more than you think."
The blood keeps flowing, mixing with the repulsive filth that is draining into the river that longs and shrieks for the precious life. Itachi regains some sense of the happenings around him and pulls himself from the mud. He slides down beside his cousin and takes his head and dreary curls within his thin, white fingers. He braces himself and touches the tip of the blade that is protruding from the back of his cousin's abdomen. Shisui intakes air harshly through his teeth and coughs on the blood dripping down his throat; it spills down over his broken lips and gathers at his chin to shatter at the ground as it falls.
He tries to apologize, but the words get stuck in his throat. The thought enters his mind; it's not too late to complete the mission. He feels sick for thinking it and chokes on his heavy breaths.
"Shisui, I will end your suffering." He tries to stand, the crushing force returning. He cannot manage it and crawls like the lowly creature he is through the grime and blood to face Shisui. He does not think he can succeed in looking his cousin in the eyes, not with his lips torn to shreds and blood dripping down his face and body in streams. He uses all of his strength to take the blade in his hands and pull it from Shisui's stomach.
A violent flow of blood and acid chases the metal out of the wound. Shisui bites his lips to the extent of biting through the thin skin left, and then there is nothing holding back the screams. Itachi winces at the harsh sound and tries to shush his cousin lest someone discover them.
The river growls louder in anticipation, as it knows what is coming.
Itachi drags Shisui as gently as he can to the bank of the river without falling in himself. He can barely walk through the pain; it is not physical but a great emotional strain. Shisui leaves a broken, red trail behind him and Itachi regrets everything leading up to this.
He kneels next to Shisui again, whose painful gasps have turned to shallow breaths.
"I'm..." The words still cannot escape him. The remorse hurts. He cannot express his regret and he can't fix anything. The river splashes cruelly at the moaning bank.
Shisui's body slips under the water almost noiselessly. He doesn't gain the energy to flail; he sinks to the bottom close to immediately. The river does not turn the rich crimson it longed for as most of the blood soaked into the Earth already. Itachi cannot watch as Shisui's head slips under the waves that viciously tear at his face.
He stares into the river for a long time. Never once does the rain stop. Itachi is not proud when he gains the mind numbing Mangekyo that forces blood from his eyes and once again brings him to his knees; gasps tear from his throat.
He knows nothing will ever be worth the curse he set upon himself.