This is Blueninjamanga22 and PsychotiCaptain bringing you the HETALIA HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB! *confetti*

Disclaimer: Neither of us own anything except for this parodic idea.

Wang Yao was late; awfully, horribly, even painfully, late.

He wasn't late for the things normal teenaged boys are late for and he wasn't worried about being late for the reasons normal teenaged boys would. He was late for his Host Club's meeting―and yes, you read that right.

The Chinese boy dashed through the hallways of his over complicated new school (seriously, were ten stories and a grand staircase really necessary? It looked more like a mansion or an office than a school) panting and trying to keep his hair as neat as possible. Being late was bad enough, but doing it while looking horrid was about ten times worse.

He didn't hate being late because Francis-Senpai would probably cry or because of Alfred's taunts. No, he hated being late because of the way Kiku looked at him when he walked through the door late.

Yao stopped in front of the old abandoned music room and tried to fix his hair. How many boys stopped to fix their hair anymore?

What am I doing with my life? Yao sighed, and then pushed the door to the room open. As usual, a flare of rose petals flew out at him. He nearly choked to death on one.

"You're late," Kiku Honda said.

There it was.

The look.

Whenever anyone was in trouble (or if they were incredibly late, for that matter) Kiku would glare at them over his glasses. Maybe what you did wasn't exactly the worse thing in the world, but if Kiku gave you that look, you would instantaneously think it was. And you'd be apologizing and begging on your knees for forgiveness.

"S-sorry, Kiku-Kun," Yao said, a bead of sweat running down the back of his neck. "I got lost."

"You've been here for a week," Kiku said with a dramatic flash of his glasses. "Shouldn't you know where everything is?"

"I'm sorry," Yao exclaimed, adding, please don't kill me! in his head. Kiku didn't show much emotion, he just quickly wrote Yao's name down and gestured towards the back of the room.

"You're table is open, people are waiting," Kiku said.

"Thank―" Yao started.

"Yao-Chan~!" Francis Bonnefoy practically leapt from his place at a table (causing a customer to shriek in alarm), tackling Yao to the ground and hugging him tightly.

"Where have you been? Daddy was so worried about you!" Francis exclaimed, over-dramatic tears rushing from his eyes.

"Well, that sounded sexual," Alfred Jones smirked, while his twin brother, Matthew, simply smiled at the situation. Yao liked to think of Matt as "the good guy" and Alfred as "his evil twin". Or like the devil-and-angel complex that the girls seemed to love so much.

"Francis-Senpai―get―off―me!" Yao exclaimed, struggling to get the crying blond French boy off him. It didn't help that Alfred thought this entire situation was just plain hilarious and that Kiku just sat there, attending to his book as if it were the most interesting thing on Earth.

With a well-aimed hit to the face, Yao managed to get Francis off him. The boy then sulked in a corner, muttering something along the lines of, 'Why won't you accept my love'?

"Are you going for," Alfred said, while Matt then finished his sentence with "Fashionably late, again?"

"Shut up, aru," Yao grunted, rolling his eyes. "Am I really the last one to show up?"

"Nah, Feliciano-Senpai and Ludwig-Senpai aren't here yet," Alfred said.

"But knowing them, Feliciano-Senpai probably fell asleep somewhere and Ludwig-Senpai is carrying him," Matt said.

Feliciano was probably the childest person Yao knew, so him falling asleep and needing Ludwig to carry him was completely believeable. Yao would've asked more on the situation, but Matt had pretending to burn his finger with tea and had Alfred had to "kiss it better". This little kind gesture got a couple of squeals from their customers (one of them took out her cellphone and demanded a photo).

Yao sighed and went over to his table, where a couple of "customers" were waiting. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy talking to these teenage girls-even if they were fawning over him-but he hated being forced into doing it. Yao liked to consider himself a free spirit, but here he was being coerced into "hosting" all because he had broken a stupid vase. He hadn't even meant to break it, or even be in the same room as it, it had sorta just...fell. One Kiku-glare later, he was working off the debt of entertaining one hundred girls.

Thus, being the charming natural he was (or, at least according to Francis-Senpai), he found himself in the abandoned music room, telling the girls all about his childhood adventures in China.

"Yao-Kun, did you own a pet panda when you lived in China?" one of them asked, and Yao visibly deflated.

"Ah...no," he answered while somehow managing to keep his temper controlled. Such stereotypes...though I do love pandas...

His story was interrupted by the entrance of the two missing Host Club members, Ludwig Beilschmidt and Feliciano Vargas, AKA Luddy and Feli. The waiting girls at the only empty table immediately chorused, "Hi, Luddy! Heya, Feli!"

Feliciano immediately bounded over to the table with his stuffed cat (appropriately named Pookie), greeting them all with a cheerful, "Ciao~!" Ludwig merely grunted in response.

Yao went back to telling his story but was interrupted AGAIN by the same person.

"Buongiorno, Yao-Chan~" Feliciano chirped, attaching himself to the Chinese student's arm. Yao couldn't help but smile at the childish Italian.

"Nihao, Feli-Senpai. How are you today?"

"Ve~ I'm great, Yao-Chan!"

Something about what Feliciano said irked Yao, and it took him a moment before he realized what it was.

"Why do you insist on using a feminine honorific for me?!" he asked. It had never really occurred to him before, but he now realized just how annoying it was.

"Because..." Matthew said from across the room. "...You look like one!" Alfred finished. The vein in Yao's temple throbbed.

"Having long hair doesn't make me a girl!" he protested.

"It's not just your hair, Yao-Chan!" Feliciano told him. "You have really, really pretty eyes!"

Yao stared at him, mouth agape, clearly in shock. "That's...so...weird..."

Just then, he heard Francis's laugh behind him, and he turned around to see the "king" holding a rose and smiling in that way that made girls faint on the spot.

"Ah, but, ma chérie, it is undoubtedly true. Your eyes have a very feminine appearance to them."

"Alright, I get it," Yao grumbled. "I look like a girl. Now go away."

Feliciano looked up at him with teary eyes before running back to Ludwig sobbing, though he quickly stopped when a plate of pasta was sent his way. Francis made his way back to his table, and Yao sighed and continued with his reminiscences until he was permitted to go home.

"Have fun?" Alfred and Matt asked simultaneously once they were in the hallway.

"Oh, yeah, it was great," Yao deadpanned.

"Aw, Yao-Chan, lighten up!" Feliciano chirped. "The Host Club is really, really fun!"

Yao smiled wearily, then caught Francis leaving the music room. His eyes widened, and he muttered, "Crap," before running the rest of the way home.

And there's chapter one! Reviews are appreciated immensely, as well as favorites and follows :3

Stay psycho, sir!

Ninja & Captain

*BAGPIPES EXIT!*