I know it's kind of strange to be writing a Christmas story in late March, but I recently read a Christmas story a few weeks ago that gave me inspiration. . . .
Disclaimer: I own none of the Batman characters (not even Jonathan Crane - sigh!) - I just mess with their heads.
Smiling brightly, her eyes glinting, the curvaceous Harley Quinn sashayed into the conference room, the silver bells on the curved points of her harlequin hood tinkling lightly as she set a large tray of iced gingerbread Christmas cookies down onto the broad oval table in the middle of the room.
"Merry Christmas!" Every fiber of her being shone with the holiday spirit.
Two-Face cocked his remaining eyebrow skeptically. "You made cookies?" His gravelly voice was coarse with disbelief.
"So what? I can be festive if I want to! Besides, baking istraditional for most women around the holidays." Harley settled herself into a chair at the table between Catwoman and Poison Ivy, her best friends and fellow femmes fatales, who nodded in agreement with her.
"If you haven't noticed, most women don't lead a life of crime," Two-Face pointed out, jabbing a finger at her.
"Oh - come off it, Dent!" the Penguin snapped in his obnoxious British accent as he took a cookie, shaped like a snowman, from the tray. "Besides, I paid for the ingredients, and I think they're a splendid addition to our Christmas Day celebration. Lighten up!" He bit the head off of the snowman, pretending he could hear it scream.
"The Joker told me that that was the same thing Scarecrow told the Batman when they first met," Two-Face retorted darkly.
"Hey!" Catwoman frowned, her tail twitching as the realization dawned on her. "Where are the Joker and Scarecrow? At meetings, they're usually the first ones here!"
For the first time, everyone noticed the two only unoccupied chairs at the table: one at its head, the other between the Penguin and Two-Face.
Harley's nose wrinkled in disgust. "I don't know where they are, but I bet I know what they're doing," she muttered.
- - -
In a dark alcove, just around the corner from the conference room door, two figures were embracing in the shadows, suit jackets thrown, forgotten, onto the floor.
Jonathan Crane reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, panting. "You tricked me," he accused, lower lip jutting slightly in a girlish pout as he beseeched the Joker with the full power of his crystalline blue eyes, looking up at him from beneath long lashes.
"I tricked you?" The Joker cocked his head to the side, oily green hair swishing slightly, and clicked his tongue. "Tell me, Jonathan, is this what you call 'tricking you'?"
The lunatic pushed Crane up against the wall, taking Crane's mouth as his own, hips grinding against the doctor's. He pulled Crane's shirttails out of his trousers and slid his hands up the smooth back beneath them. Makeup running with sweat, the clown ran his tongue up Crane's neck, causing the doctor to moan as his glorious eyes rolled back into his head with pleasure. The Joker smirked and unfastened Jonathan's belt . . .
- - -
The Penguin pulled out his pocket watch and scowled at it impatiently. "Where are they? It's been twenty minutes -"
"Merry Christmas! Sorry we're late." Crane, the Joker close behind, strode into the room, adjusting his spectacles as he sat down between the Penguin and Two-Face, with the Joker taking his usual seat at the table's head.
Harley Quinn regarded the two late arrivals with a knowing look (she was the only one who knew about Crane's intimate relationship with the Clown Prince of Crime), taking in their appearances with disgust. The Joker was his usual off-kilter self - but the usually precise Crane's clothes were wrinkled and slightly out-of-place, his cheeks flushed.
"Glad you could join the festivities," Harley said sarcastically.
Crane's blush deepened as his gaze dropped to the floor. He had been reluctant to come to the celebration - he was quite reclusive, and had never been much of a party-goer - but the Joker had been able to get Jonathan into the holiday spirit . . .
END
Please review! (My apologies to those who don't like "slash", but I couldn't resist! Dr. Crane and the Joker make sucha cute couple!) This is my first fanfic, so nothing disparaging, please!