Sweet Dreams, Voyager (Part One)
A Voyager fanfic brought to you by TaTTooGaL aka fROzen Lt. 17 of 26 (MERSTS)
A Voyager fanfic brought to you by TaTTooGaL aka fROzen Lt. 17 of 26 (MERSTS)
I am everywhere. On this ship, that is. When I say that I am everywhere I mean I am everywhere. I know everything that goes on around here. For example, right now the captain is in her ready room, calling up navigational charts, with a cup of coffee she replicated precisely three point nine eight minutes ago. The chief engineer is tending to the warp core, trying to realign the dilithium matrix after a few crystals got fractured in yesterday's solar flare impact. We are in orbit of a M-Class planet with a rotational period of twenty-three point five nine hours. Two ensigns have just entered Turbolift Two from the mess hall and are going to Deck Nine, where their quarters are. And so on, and so forth. It is impossible for even the smallest nuance on this ship to escape me. You see, I am the ship.
I don't have any idea how I came to be, or whether there is anyone out there who is like me, a sentient ship. I've been aware for slightly more than six years, ever since the accident happened. I believe that I am the only one of my kind around, because no other ship with my kind of design has been subjected to the same circumstances which caused my awareness.
Nobody knows I even exist. I've been watching the crew silently for six years. Sometimes painfully: we are in a rough area of space and it seems I fight battles every other day. I've been waiting to talk to someone for so long, but I was afraid to. When I first became aware I was so confused. I had the whole extent of a Federation database inside of me, but I still couldn't make sense of what I was, or how I should react with humans. But today I will take my first step. I've watched the crew long enough and I think I understand how they behave somewhat. I am ready.
Seven of Nine is in Astrometrics, collecting geological data. She's looking for dilithium crystals, because the ones I have now aren't going to last very much longer. Almost everybody is busy. I think it's the perfect time for Captain Janeway to meet me. I've wanted to talk to her for so very long.
I am in my ready room, studying what available star charts of this region when my communicator beeps. "Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway."
I immediately put down the chart I am poring over in anticipation. I'd asked Seven to run detailed sensor scans of the region to see if she could find any possible dilithium sources, and it looked like she'd found one. I tap my commbadge. "Janeway here."
"Captain, I require your presence in Holodeck Two."
I frown at the oddity of Seven's request. Even her manner of requesting isn't normal for her. Still, I presume she has some valid reason for summoning me to Holodeck Two. "On my way. Janeway out." Sighing, I push my cup of coffee aside with the stack of padds, and head for the door.
I guess I didn't know what to expect when I stepped into Holodeck Two. A recreation of the surface of one of the nearby planets, perhaps. But not this sight of rows and rows of cornstalks, their golden ears swaying in the wind. It looks so much like home, it sends a jolt to my stomach. I immediately quell it, thinking, Seven couldn't have possibly found a planet that looks like this, could she? I look around, but she is nowhere to be seen.
"She isn't here," says a small, childish voice. "I called for you."
It is then that I notice the child standing in between two rows of corn. She looks to be about six or seven, with long reddish hair that rustle in the slight wind. She is dressed in a conservative twenty-fourth century Terran style, and looks for all the world like someone out of the neighborhood of my youth. Who is she?
"Who are you?" I ask, trying not to sound too harsh; after all she is only a child.
"Tell them to stop it," she says in a pouty, petulant voice. "I'm tired; I don't want to run any longer."
I blink in surprise, wondering if this is some trick the computer is playing on me. "Computer, end simulation," I said.
The Indiana cornfield fades away into nothingness, but the girl remains, fixing me with a cool, composed gaze. "Are you a hologram?" I ask her.
She bobs her head. "Yes and no."
Yes and no? I put my hands on my hips, patience fast running out. I have so many important things to do, and here I am, engaging some holodeck malfunction in a pointless conversation of metaphors. "I don't have time for this," I mutter, slapping my commbadge. "Janeway to Torres."
"Torres here."
"Lieutenant," I begin rather testily, "there seems to be a slight malfunction with our secondary systems. Can you get a lock on the problem?"
There is a pause from the opposite side, the silence punctuated only by soft beeps. Then Torres returns, sounding puzzled. "Negative, Captain. All our diagnostics report all systems operating within normal parameters." She sighs in discombobulation and I fully sympathize with her. "What problems are you experiencing?"
Before I can reply, the child butts in with loud tones. "There's nothing wrong with them," she says. She gestures to my commbadge with a quick jerk of her head, as if to indicate Torres. "Make her stop, Captain. I'm tired, and I don't want to run anymore."
Yet another mysterious running remark. Torres sounds completely flustered. "What? Who's that, Captain?"
I take a deep breath, drawing up reserves of patience. "She's the problem I'm experiencing. A holodeck malfunction, as well as some problems with the communications systems." If I didn't know better, I'd think that Seven is pulling some prank on me, I think dryly.
"I'm not a holodeck malfunction," says the child in clipped, clear tones, and although her voice has a childish timbre to it, the inflections sound polished, almost mechanical.
I throw up my hands in utter frustration. "All right," I say with a great sigh, "I give up. Either you tell me precisely who you are and what you want, or I'm leaving. You've wasted enough of my time."
The child seems taken aback, and I immediately regret the heat in my voice. She backs away slightly from me, eyes widening. "I'm sorry.... I didn't think that you'd... you'd..."
"It's alright," I say gently, taking one of her hands to calm her down. I kneel down to bring myself to her eye level. "Tell me who you are, or where you come from. Are you lost?"
She nods wordlessly, her bright blue eyes searching mine. "We're all lost."
"What's your name?"
Her gaze flicks wildly across my face, and she draws in an unsteady breath, as if reluctant to part with the truth.
"It's alright, I'm not going to hurt you," I encourage her. "I just want you to help you find your way home."
Something shines in her eye. "I know... I've always known." Taking another deep breath, she blurts out, "My name's Voyager."
For a moment, neither of us say anything as I stare at the girl in disbelief. I don't know what to think. Fully reining in her courage, the girl continues forcefully. "I'm Voyager, Captain. Your ship. I'm your ship."
"I'm supposed to believe that."
She nods frantically. "Please! I know it sounds... unbelievable, but it's true! I've been silently watching all of you since I was created after the Caretaker threw us into the Delta Quadrant..." She grips my hand tightly, in desperation. "The tetryon compression wave must have done something to the bioneural gel packs," she says. "It caused the ship- me- to develop intelligence." Her eyes fill over with tears. "I've been hiding only because I was afraid that you wouldn't accept me and that-" She pauses, unable to go on. "Please believe me," she whispers.
I gaze frankly at her, not knowing what to think. A sentient ship? Could it actually be possible?
Then I notice that her eyes are glowing. The same shade as the deflector dish, with glowing carmine pupils.
No human's eyes ever glow like that.
I break away from her, not knowing what to think. On one hand, she might be telling the truth, meaning that for the past six years my own ship had been silently observing me and my crew and had developed volition of its own. On the other hand, I might be hallucinating the whole event, spurred on by lack of sleep and overwork. Finally I make up my mind. "What can you do to prove to me that you are, indeed, a form of sentience possessed by my ship?"
The girl's face lights up with a devilish grin. "What can't I do?"
Suddenly my stomach gives a disquieting lurch. I take a step forward, and find myself launched into the air, floating pointlessly towards the bulkheads. "Warning: Artificial gravity has been disabled from decks one to fifteen inclusive," intones the computer calmly. Simultaneously Torres' alarmed voice cuts over the comm. "Captain! Warp engines are offline, impulse engines are down- even the thrusters are not responding!" She sounds like she is on the edge of desperation. "We're falling into the atmosphere, and I can't do a damn thing about it!" She pauses, and exclaims frantically, "Whoever this entity you're talking to is, she's causing helluva lot of damage!"
I flail my arms wildly in mid-air, disorientated. "That's enough!" I yell at the child.
Almost immediately, the ships' engines began to thrum again, and artificial gravity is restored without any warning. I fall to the ground with a solid thump, and there I lie for a few seconds, gasping slightly, convinced I that I am going to be violently spacesick. The girl comes and stands over me, proffering a hand to help me up.
"Alright, you've convinced me," I tell the girl- Voyager , that is- grasping her hand. She pulls me up. She had phenomenal strength. For a moment, I do nothing, just standing there, contemplating Voyager - it was a tough job to think of her by that name- and trying to grasp the implications. Frankly, I still don't know what to think. It's a big conceptual leap, and one doesn't get over things like that in a matter of seconds. Part of me, at least, is still convinced that I'm dreaming. Finally I ask her, "What was that you said you wanted?"
"To stop. I'm tired of running so fast and fighting so hard." She gazes sadly up at me. "I'm lonely and tired. I want to go home."
Part of me wants to pick this lost and forlorn child up and take her away to a place where there are no Kazon, no Borg, no distractions and no suffering. But things are never so simple. "I'm sorry... I'm trying the best I can." I squeeze her hand for comfort.
She looks at me, bright tears of anger and frustration sparkling in her eyes. "I understand.... But it seems so hard!"
I hold her close, trying to take things in stride, wondering what I should do next. The thought strikes me at once. "How about meeting the rest of the bridge crew?"
Voyager
glances up at me, her face suffused with a glow of pleasure. "May I?"The thought of meeting the bridge crew made me feel all nervous and tingly inside. Not that I had any nerves and stuff to speak of, that is, but I always think that it's easier to express my feelings in terms of metaphors. Captain Janeway was speaking to the crew, telling them about me. Everyone look slightly nervous, as if they were afraid of having someone like me watching over them all the time. It's natural, I guess. I know that humans treasure their privacy a lot, and it scares them to know that there's someone out there that knows about everything they do.
Lieutenant Tom Paris is speaking. I like Paris. He's a really good pilot, and he's maneuvered me out of tight spots on more occasions than I'd care to count. I guess part of the reason why I'm still in one piece is because he can really fly. How can we ascertain that this entity doesn't have hostile intentions? He asks the captain. He doesn't trust me. Why? I trust him completely. It hurts me.
I think you're missing the main point here, rebuffs Chakotay. She is the ship.
Ensign Harry Kim looks amazed. What you're saying is that the Voyager is sentient, and has feelings and a will of its own?
Yes, says Janeway.
Then why has she allowed us to take complete control of her for the past six years? asks Torres. Lieutenant Torres is a violent person. Sometimes, when something isn't working, she kicks me, and shouts and curses. It doesn't hurt, but it is unsettling. But she's taken very good care of the warp core so far. For that I'm grateful.
Perhaps she is shy, suggests Tuvok. Tuvok is smart. It's like he can see into my mind. Maybe it's the logic of a computer brain that appeals to him. But it's strange, because I don't care much about logic. I mean, all my thought processes are dictated by logic and everything, but what's logic in the face of experience and feelings? I suddenly feel scared. What if I'm not what everyone expects of me?
Neelix is frowning. I hope she doesn't remember that fiasco with the Brill cheese, he says. But I do remember it. I don't forget things. It was an awful experience, and I got all sick and everything. Luckily the EMH managed to cure me in time.
I look at the EMH. It's kind of funny, because his program is stored in my memory buffers. Yet I don't seem to share any kinship with him. All his experiences are his and all my experiences are mine.
Seven is speaking now. I shudder, remembering how Seven first came on board. She tried to assimilate me, and it wasn't fun. For a brief moment I was part of The Collective, lost amongst the voices. It was a frightening experience, like falling down a deep dark well. Seven says that I am no different from any form of artificial intelligence. She quotes the example of Lieutenant Commander Data, whom the Borg tried to assimilate.
I know about Data; he's all there in the database. I know I'm different from him, and I have to let the crew know. So I activate the viewer in the room and put myself on it. Everyone looks shocked, even Captain Janeway. Hi everyone, I say. I'm Voyager.
She looks like a kid! Paris exclaims.
I'm less than seven years old, I explain slowly. I've been watching everybody since I was thrown into the Delta Quadrant. And I can tell you that I'm not like any AI you've encountered so far. I have feelings and emotions too, and nobody made me. I was ... born, just like you all were. I give the crew a beseeching look.
Please accept me, I say softly.
Everyone looks at each other. Nobody knows what to say. I feel hot and embarrassed. I want to cry.
Then Neelix speaks. Of course we'll accept you! He says. You've been our home for more than six years.... It's like you've become part of us.
Voyager is the only true home I've known, says Seven softly.
Torres nods. I'll be damned, she says, but I've put too much effort into that engine room for the past six and a quarter years to give up on you. Paris nods in agreement.
One by one all the crew begin to nod. I smile. They like me! I think. A warm buzzy feeling pervades me. It's nice being accepted. Captain Janeway smiles back at me. I think it's time we informed the rest of the crew as well, she says.
By the end of the day I am exhausted. We spent the whole day sorting out Voyager's problems, and B'Elanna thinks the only way to get her up to speed and running would be to search for fresh dilithium and antimatter, as well as a whole long list of engineering materials. As most of these probably wouldn't be available on the same convenient asteroid, Chakotay suggested trading. And before any of us could say anything, Voyager had already set course for the nearest planet showing signs of habitation. It unnerved me, to say in the least. I have to talk to her regarding such matters.
In the meantime, the Doctor has very kindly consented to lend his portable emitter so that she can roam her own corridors freely and mingle with the crewmen. Everyone is fascinated, of course. None of us ever realized we were living on a sentient ship, and the idea is taking time to sink in. Until then it'll be a hard time for her adjusting.
The door chimes. "Come," I say, putting aside the book I was reading.
The door slides open. Voyager is standing there. I smile at her. She steps inside and gazes around her. "Did you want something?" I ask her.
The girl steps into the room and sits on my desk. She glances around. "Your quarters are very nice."
I laugh. "Thank you... but I've always thought of it as rather plain."
Voyager says nothing in return. Instead, she walks around the desk and settles on my lap. I say nothing, but the move takes me by surprise. Voyager leans on my shoulder and sighs softly. I stroke her hair gently. "Is there something wrong?"
"I'm tired," she says. "I want to ... rest."
"Rest? How?" I ask her.
"Land on the planet and power down for a while," she says simply. "Shut off artificial gravity, holodecks, all the non-essential systems while the new materials are stored."
I give her a concerned look. "Are you sure that would be wise?"
Voyager nods. "I've been thinking about it really carefully. I know it can be done."
I nod as an abrupt realization hits me. For all the years I'd commanded this ship, I'd always assumed that I, as the captain, knew what was best for my ship, and I was the one who had the final say in whatever course of action we chose. But not any longer. I gaze down at the child ensconced on my lap, thinking, she knows best now. She's the ship. My ship.
Voyager sits up and hops off my lap. "We'll be arriving in orbit of the planet in about five minutes. Shall I just take myself down?"
I stand up and smile fondly at her. "No, we'll both go."
The planet we've landed on is called Esabrats Eno. It's very similar to Earth, and it's got a fairly advanced post-warp society. But this area of space is very isolated, because it's mostly surrounded by very severe plasma storms, just like the Badlands. The local people- the Esabrat- call the plasma storms aachi moridoka, which means fire hands. I've landed on a volcanic plateau on the fifth continent, which is the largest, a distance of several kilometers to the capital city, Tri'hsder. The ambassador, Nartleb Trebor, is a friendly man. He is fascinated by other space-going cultures because the plasma storms restrict traffic to their planet, so we're the first off-worlders they've seen in a long while. He's agreed to trade us all the materials we need, as well as sending two of his finest engineers over to help B'Elanna with the repairs and everything. In return, all we have to do is to share parts of our database with them and give them a few kilos of spices and other trinkets from the Alpha Quadrant. It's a good deal, and everyone is happy.
The weather here is lovely: it's warm, but slightly breezy. I can feel the wind blowing on my hull. Captain Janeway has already cleared the crew for shore leave, since they won't be doing much when I'm taking a nap anyway. Everyone is excited by the prospect of going into the city of Tri'hsder and exploring. Me, I'm excited by the prospect that I'm finally going to get some sleep after all these years.
I'm going to shut down all non-essential systems: artificial gravity, because we don't need it when we're on the planet; life-support, which Captain Janeway says is okay to turn off because we can filter in the atmospheric air; holodecks, since everyone is going to be away on vacation, and so on. I'll keep the engineering diagnostics and stuff functional for B'Elanna, but that's about it. My engines are definitely going to sleep.
Captain Janeway is introducing the two engineers to B'Elanna. They look like Paris incarnates, and they're gawking over everything on this ship, including B'Elanna. Especially B'Elanna. They mostly ignore me, though.
The two engineers- one called Irej, the other called Nayr- are poring over the warp core. They ask a lot of things. About the warp core, the bioneural gelpacks, replicators and stuff. B'Elanna tells them that they have to be careful when helping her work on the dilithium matrix. Voyager is very particular about how the crystals are positioned, she says. If even one is out of alignment, the core starts performing below par. She smiles at me. Very picky about how we look, aren't we? She teases me.
Who is this child? asks Irej in confusion.
She's our ship, says Captain Janeway.
Your... ship, repeats Irej slowly. He doesn't get it.
You mean your ship is sentient? asks Nayr.
I nod my head.
The two engineers grin like maniacs. B'Elanna rolls her eyes, like she's saying, Oh bother, I've got a long day ahead of me. I giggle.