PLEASE NOTE: This story is part of a series, it will NOT make sense without reading the previous stories as there are many references to past stories!
IF YOU CONTINUE TO READ ON, prepare to be slightly confused, but to avoid too much confusion: Perry is able to communicate with the boys and Candace via translator. Happy reading!
"That was a really fun day, Ferb." Phineas said. "What should we build tomorrow?"
"Perhaps a stable." Ferb said.
"That could be fun." Phineas said. "We could invent a robot horse to live in the stable."
"And my cow." Ferb said.
Phineas pushed open the kitchen door and the two of them went inside.
"Wow, it's already almost one in the morning." Phineas said. "I had no idea we stayed out that long."
"It's easy to forget how much time has passed when you're playing giant pool." Ferb said.
"Ferb, that's it!" Phineas said. "Tomorrow, we should build a-"
"WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO TURN ME INTO AN ICE CUBE?" Someone yelled.
"Uh oh." Phineas said.
The boys ran upstairs and skidded to a stop in front of the upstairs bathroom door. Perry was standing in the doorframe with a towel wrapped tightly around his middle, shaking. Phineas couldn't tell whether it was more from cold or anger.
"…Everything okay, Perry?" Phineas asked slowly.
"No." Perry spat. "Your stupid sister used up ALL THE HOT WATER. I come home tired, wet, dirty and cold, and all I want is to take a nice warm shower and go to bed. Is that too much to ask? APPARENTLY SO! I NEED A FREAKING SHOWER RIGHT NOW AND I CAN'T TAKE ONE BECAUSE THE WATER'S FROM THE PLANET OF HOTH!"
"KEEP IT DOWN!" Candace shouted from her room. "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"
"OH, ARE YOU?" Perry snarled. "I'M TERRIBLY SORRY TO HAVE INCONVENIENCED YOU, CANDACE."
"Just try to calm down, Perry." Phineas said. "Ferb and I can look at the water tank and see if we can-"
"No, don't you two worry about it." Perry grumbled. "You're not the ones who used up all the hot water."
He stumbled over to the bedroom door.
"If you just wait a while the water will probably warm up." Phineas said.
"Don't mind me." Perry said. "I'll just go to bed dirty and freezing. Do you know who invented cold? Because I want to find them and punch them in the face. Cold sucks."
"See you in the morning, Perry." Phineas said.
"When hopefully you'll be cheerier." Ferb said under his breath.
Perry started making himself a cup of coffee.
He could hear the boys playing around in the living room. Linda and Lawrence, as far as he knew, were still asleep. It was probably safe to hang around in the kitchen for a few minutes before heading to work.
"Ferb, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Perry heard Phineas say.
No reply.
"That's a good choice, Ferb. I think I'll be an inventor. I want to invent stuff. Maybe you could help me build it."
Perry snickered. The boys were already inventors and builders. They didn't need to wait until they got older.
He pushed the button on the coffeemaker. It began to gurgle.
"Perry must be up." Phineas said. Perry heard the two boys run for the kitchen.
"Perrybear." Ferb said, sitting down at the kitchen table.
"Hey, Perry." Phineas said. "Good morning."
"Morning." Perry said. "Sorry I was so crabby last night. I haven't had a good night's sleep in a week."
"We understand." Phineas said. "Cold showers aren't fun."
"They're the butt." Ferb said.
"The… what?" Perry asked.
"The butt." Phineas said. "It's a new expression Ferb decided to use. It means the same thing as awful."
"Oh dear. I'm already starting to use the 'my cow' thing at work by accident. Please don't brainwash me with another random saying that no one else will understand."
"Maybe it'll get old." Phineas said. "Remember the expression hurts like fire? We only used that for a little bit."
"The only fire expression I remember is from that random video game you two were playing. When your fire monster said he wasn't afraid of fire. Which wasn't a very impressive statement because his whole body was fire in the first place."
"Oh, right." Phineas laughed. "That was the weirdest thing ever."
"It was the butt." Ferb said.
"Okay. Well, I'll see you later. I'm gonna head to work." Perry grabbed his coffee mug.
"We'll be working on our hoverboard some more." Phineas said. "Either that, or a contraption that gives you more time for things."
"Don't your snowboards already hover?" Perry asked. "I was thinking about that the last time you two said you were making a hoverboard."
"They do." Phineas said. "But they're hovering snowboards. Not hoverboards."
"All rightie then. I'll see you two when I get back."
"We need to make a plan." Pinky the Chihuahua said, sitting down in between Carrie the cat and Devon the dog.
"Um… we were already making plans." Carrie said, tentatively scooting over to make room for Pinky on the picnic bench. "Wedding plans."
"Just drop it." Darren the duck sighed. "You two have been planning your wedding for weeks now. And it's not even happening for a few months. A plan for what, Pinky?"
"Perry's birthday." Pinky said. "It's coming up soon."
"I've got a plan." Darren said. "Do nothing. You know how much he hates parties."
"That's the thing, though." Pinky said. "I'm trying to figure out what big thing we can do for him besides a party. Something he'll like."
"We can give him a lifetime supply of bamboo." Peter the panda said.
"Perry doesn't like bamboo." Devon said.
"But I do. I'll eat it when he rejects it." Peter said. "It's the perfect plan."
"We could have an intimate get-together instead of a party." Devon said. "Maybe he'd be okay with that."
"How big of an intimate get-together?" Carrie asked.
"I've got it!" Peter clapped his paws. "You know how Perry always goes to Disney for his birthday? We could-"
"Take him to Disney!" Pinky finished. "That's a great idea! Perry loves Disney!"
"Nooooo." Peter said. "We go to Disney and find Mickey Mouse, and we get him to tell Perry happy birthday."
Carrie and Devon nodded excitedly.
Pinky and Darren looked at each other.
"Um, Peter…" Pinky said. "Mickey Mouse isn't real."
Peter folded his arms. "Yes, he is."
"No, he's just a cartoon character." Pinky said. "Created by Walt Disney."
"No, he's not."
"He is." Darren said. "He has outlines."
"So do we." Peter said.
"Don't break the fourth wall, Peter." Pinky said.
"Since this is a fanfiction, does that add an extra wall?" Devon asked. "Would that be breaking the fifth wall?"
"Stop it, you guys. We aren't questioning our existence right now. We're trying to figure out what to do for Perry. Peter, Mickey Mouse is a cartoon character. He is not real. End of story." Darren said.
"Oh, yeah?" Peter pulled out his wallet and whipped out a photo. "If he's not real, then how come I have this picture I took with him last time I was at Disney?"
"That's a guy in a costume." Darren said. "It's not REALLY Mickey Mouse."
"Well, then we'll get the guy in the costume to tell Perry happy birthday." Peter stuck the photo back in his wallet. "Or we'll just get Minnie Mouse. She's real."
Darren sighed. "Do whatever you want, Peter."
"I think the Disney thing is a great idea." Pinky said. "The boys can come, too. I'll write them and see if they can tell me what restaurants I should reserve."
"I can see if we can get a discount. My cousin works at Disney." Peter said.
"Really?" Devon asked. "What does he do?"
"He's a panda in Animal Kingdom." Peter said. "He walks around and eats bamboo and everyone looks at him all day. He gets paid in bamboo."
"Thanks for helping brainstorm, guys." Pinky said. "This is gonna be great. Perry will be so happy."
"BOYS!" Perry yelled.
Phineas and Ferb ran into the bathroom.
"What?" Phineas asked. "Did Candace use up all the hot water again?"
"Look." Perry whimpered, holding out his arm.
Both boys looked closely.
"Congratulations. You have an arm." Ferb said.
Perry pointed. "Look. It's a grey hair. I HAVE A GREY HAIR."
"Cool, how'd you get it?" Phineas said.
"You two." Perry glared at him.
Ferb laughed. Phineas looked confused.
"I'm getting old." Perry sat down on the sink counter. "I never really thought about it before now."
"Are you having your midlife crisis, Perry?" Ferb asked.
"No, I'm not… oh man. I am middle-aged. I'm having my midlife crisis. THAT MEANS I'M GETTING OLD!" Perry put his head in his hands.
Ferb patted him. "Don't worry. We'll build you a sports car."
"You're not old, Perry." Phineas said. "You're not even close to ten yet."
"I'm pretty close."
"Well, you're younger than us." Phineas said.
"Not in platypus years. In platypus years, I'm dangerously close to my fifties."
"The golden years." Ferb said.
"More like the Gilded Age. With all those problems and issues and the tin man as the industrial worker and the scarecrow as the farmer…"
"Frank L. Baum never stated that he intended for the Wizard of Oz to be an allegory for the Gilded Age." Ferb said. "Although there has been speculation that the yellow brick road is the gold standard."
"I don't want a history lesson right now. By the time my birthday rolls around…"
"We'll have you feeling back to normal again." Phineas said. "Because you're still young, Perry. You're not middle-aged. You're still a young adult."
"We are very very young adults." Ferb said.
"I'm assuming you prefer saying that as opposed to preteen." Perry said.
"Preteen sounds weird." Ferb said.
"Then you can call me a less young adult instead of old."
"You're not old, Perry." Phineas said. "Come on, let's go do something fun. Let's start thinking about what you wanna do for your birthday."
"My birthday. Also known as the day I turn old."
"Stop it, Perry."