Hi guys, besides my crossover Fifty Shades of Full Moon, this is my first FSOG fan fiction, I hope you'll enjoy it as I haven't read comparable plots, but if you loved Fifty Shades of Damage or Paging Dr. Steele you might like it.

I hope to up-date regularly and would love to hear from you.

I love u guys, have fun!

xo Anna

Ana's POV

„Aright Ana, tell me about your next goal. After you successfully managed to get settled in Seattle what is your next milestone? Where do you need or want my help?" My psychiatrist Dr. John Flynn wanted to know. I was his patient since a few month, my former psychiatrist Prof. Dr. Bolt had recommended him when I decided to move from England back to the US. Both were specialists in SFBT which meant that they wouldn't focus on the hows and whys but concentrate on the future and that was exactly what I needed.

"I think I want to really settle down, sure my move was a success, but it became only a special thing because of what happened. If my past was different it would have been a normal event, nothing to point out or work for."

"That might be true, but we don't dwell on the what ifs. Your past happened and the move became a big step towards claiming back your old life."

"And that's exactly what I mean: I want to have my life again, to become that person again, or well her 21 year old version."

"Good that you realized that the 12 year old child wouldn't be the same! You said you want to 'really' settle down: what do you or the idea of your 21 year old version of your former self mean with this."

"I always wanted my own family. I loved my family so much, I wanted to have what my parents had, I wanted to experience that kind of love by myself. My mom was 23 when they got me. I always wanted to be a young mom, too."

"In other words you want to find the love of your life and start your own family?"

"That sounds a bit crazy when you say it and I do realize that this is the wish of many woman in this world, but I don't want you to find the perfect man for me…"

"So what do you need from me? What shall we work on?"

"Well for the unrealistic case that I find my man I want to be able to build a relationship with him. I want to be prepared and ready for love."

"What would prevent you now? Why do you feel unprepared?"

"I don't think that I could stand to go out for a date without knowing everything, I don't think that I would be able to spend some alone time with him. I couldn't get in his car without knowing where he will take me, I guess couldn't even let him drive. And let's not start with any kind of a physical relationship"

"Ok let's drop your last point for now. If you ask me this all point to some control issues. Do you agree?"

"Yeah, probably. I'm so messed up!"

"Ana, it is absolutely reasonable for you to have control issues. Your control was taken from you for an horrible long amount of time and I'm very positive that every possible partner you choose would respect your need to be informed and to make your own, educated decisions. There are plenty of people outside this room who hate unexpected events and can't stand to be surprised and didn't survive something tragic as you did. But we can work with this, because there is an easy solution for your problem: trust."

"Hmpfh"

"That's what I thought" Stupid grinning Flynn.

"Alright: so you think if I could trust the guy I wouldn't need to control every second?"

"Well let's say: if you would trust the guy not to harm you, but to protect you, that you are safe with him and that he is acting in your best interest than you can relax beside him. I mean think about it: what is your fear if you would let him drive? That he would kidnap you like they did? That he would take you away? That you couldn't return?"

He didn't need to paint this picture! I already had these thoughts running through my mind 24/7. My brain wouldn't shut up, it would always analyze all the possible ways someone could harm me. I didn't need my psychiatrist to fuel my paranoia.

"I get it Flynn, but please I can't no more! Can we drop it for today?"

"Sure Ana, you are in control here, you are taking the shots! Deep breathe Ana! It's alright, you did good."

I hate my panic attacks. I know it would be smart to make them my next milestone, but I'm not ready for that. That would mean I had to work with them, facing them. I can't do that. My new project seemed easier, well until Flynn started questioning it.

After a while I realize that Flynn is trying to talk with me.

"Can you come back to me, your safe here. You are in control." I'm gradually feeling better and realize that I'm on the floor. I stand and Flynn eyes me warily.

"Would you like to take some anxiety meds again?" Flynn wants to know, but I shake my head – I didn't like the side effects, but at the beginning these where the smaller evil.

"Can I provide you with something else?" Another shake, the words have not returned to me yet.

"Well if that's the case we are done for today" and I breathe out loudly "but Ana, would it be alright for you to wait in my waiting room for - let's say for 10 minutes? I would feel better if you calmed down a little more." I nod and head for his waiting room with a wave of my hand.