Doug's Nutty Nudity
Bluffington's very own Doug Funnie woke up today. He's a 12 ½ year incredibly average kid. But he made a decision today that would turn everyone else's world UPSIDE DOWN!
It was 7AM and he walked into the kitchen where his parents and sister Judy were eating breakfast.
Judy: Glad you're still shedding the conformist garbs that society pressures on us.
Phil: What are you wha.. wha..!
Theda: Douglas Yancy Funnie! You put on your clothes this very instant!
Doug: No. I want to be naked.
That's right! Doug has decided to become a nudist. After seeing how happy his dog Porkchop was naked, he gave it a try. Last night, he ran out last night at around 11:30 and knocked on Porkchop's igloo.
Porkchop: Arr..
Doug: That's right Porkchop. I am naked, just like you.
Doug jiggles around his testicles with his hips
Porkchop seemed happy about the idea. He then exited his igloo. The boy and his dog started running around the backyard naked. Doug was smiling, laughing without a care in the world. It then began to rain, but he continued to run outside naked with his dog in the cold rain.
Doug: I AM HAPPY!
Suddenly, Judy looked outside of her room and saw him running around naked.
Judy: Doug!
Doug: Judy!
Judy: I didn't know you had this side to you. I like it!
Doug: Don't tell mom.
Judy: I won't, you should tell them. You should be happy about your body. This is who you are, and our parents should be able to accept you for who you are, along with the rest of the city.
Doug: I don't know…
Judy: Just sleep on it. I know you'll make the right decision in the morning.
After a while, Doug went to bed. He tried to put on his underwear, but… it felt so uncomfortable. He didn't like the cotton touching his skin.
Doug: Maybe Judy was right. I will take this solemn vow, that no articles of clothing will touch my skin ever again for the rest of my life!
Back at the present day in the kitchen.
Phil: Fine… you can be naked in the house. But if I see you naked outside you'll be in a lot of trouble!
Theda: Now Phil, maybe he's going through something related to puberty.
Theda notices Doug's single curly pube.
Theda: My baby is growing up!
Phil: But hon… this isn't natural.
Judy: This IS natural dad. Everyone is born naked.
Phil: But we've become civi…
Theda: We need to stop arguing this instant! Now Doug, why do you want to be naked?
Doug: Well mom, for the first time in my life, I feel happy and free. I'm not having those daily anxiety attacks where I worry about the worst thing happening anymore. For once, I just don't care about all of that and I want to enjoy my life.
Theda: Well… ok. You can try being naked at school today and see how that works out.
Phil: Hun! Uh-uh no way not going to happen.
Theda whispers to Phil: People aren't going to accept his nudity in school. He'll be back in clothes by 11AM!
Phil: I mean… ok, just for today.
Doug walks out of his home in public, completely naked. Phil stands back and stresses out as he watches his naked son walk around in public without a single article of clothing. Judy stands back smiling at his little brother.
Phil: Where did we go wrong hon?
Theda: I don't know sweetie. I just… don't… know.
Doug then walks past Mr. Dink's house. He's gardening with his new lawnmower.
Mr. Dink: Hey Douglas! I think you left something at home!
Doug: No I didn't. Mr. Dink, for the first time in my life, I am happy.
Mr. Dink: Oh… well…
Doug: Don't get any funny ideas though Bud!
Mr. Dink: Oh course not. I'm not a pedophile like your parents think. I'm tired of that misconception that every single person who talks to someone underage is automatically a pedophile.
Doug: Me too. I was just kidding, I know you're not one.
Mr. Dink: So you are happy. Do you still have regrets?
Doug: Well… yes…
Mr. Dink: Well I have the solution to all your problems at home.
The two enter Mr. Dink's house. He has an interesting piece of furniture in his house.
Mr. Dink: This is a Time Machine. Very expensive. Using this time machine, you can go back to any point in time and undo things you've screwed up with! Want to give it a spin?
Doug: Thanks, but not right now. I have to get to class.
Mr. Dink: Alright then Douglas. Just know that you can use this any time you want!
Doug leaves Mr. Dink's house and meets up with Skeeter.
Skeeter: Hey Doug! Honk Honk!
Doug: Hey Skeeter!
Skeeter: Where are your clothes?
Doug: Everyone keeps asking me that. But it's for a good reason. Skeeter, I am only happy when I am naked. I don't have panic attacks, I don't stress at what Patti might think about me, or what Roger might do to me, or anything! Not a care in the world!
Skeeter: Cool man, can I try?
Doug: Sure!
Skeeter then proceeds to take off all of his clothes in front of Doug
Skeeter: Whoa man, you're right! This is better!
The nude duo walk to school. As the two get close to the school, the other students gasp in awe at the two naked students.
Chalky: Doug… Skeeter… are you guys OK?
Doug: Never better!
Skeeter: Everything's better when you're naked!
Chalky, wanting to hide his steroid abuse, decided to keep his clothes on. The size of his genitals would be quite telling.
Chalky: I think I'll pass…
The two go inside their classroom. Ms. Wingo hasn't arrived yet, but his true love, Patti has. Normally Doug would worry about what Patti thinks about Doug. But not today!
Patti: Doug! You're naked!
Doug: That's right.
Patti: That's… that's so gross. Ewww.
Doug: Why is it gross?
Patti: Because it's not natural at all.
Doug: You sound like my dad. Like my sister said, we are all born naked.
Patti: Yeah but…
Doug stands up on his desk, spreading his limbs as far as possible.
Doug: Look girl, if you can't accept me for who I really am, then maybe we don't have to be friends.
Doug then leans his butt in front of Patti's face, exposing his anus, with the scent easily accessible to Patti's nose. Doug then lets out a loud fart right in Patti's face.
Patti: Oh Doug Funnie, you're terrible!
Doug: Oh well, I'm not the guy for him.
Patti leaves
Skeeter: Wow man, that's a whole new side of you.
Doug: That's right Skeeter. When we're naked, WE CAN DO ANYTHING!
Suddenly, Patti walks back in but brings Mr. Bone with her
Patti: There they are Mr. Bone!
Mr. Bone: Now what in sam hill is going on here?
Doug: We're naked.
Skeeter: Butt Naked.
Doug: We couldn't get any nakeder if we tried.
Mr. Bone: It's against the school rules to be naked young sirs. Come to my office right now.
They go into his office.
Mr. Bone: Now you two better put on some pants pronto, or else this'll go on your permanent record!
Doug: Why do you hate nudity?
Mr. Bone: It's… inhumane!
Doug: Have you ever tried being completely naked?
Mr. Bone: Well, yes when I take my bubble baths, but you don't see me trouncing around jiggling my big 'ol butt in everyone's faces.
Doug: Look Mr. Bone. This is me. This is who I am. Why are you denying my free will to express exactly who Douglas Yancy Funnie is?
Mr. Bone: It's… wrong.
Doug: Why?
Mr. Bone brings out a rule book and turns to page 7314
Mr. Bone: See here. Rule #481457. Everybody who goes to school cannot be naked!
Doug grabs the book out of his hands and throws it out the window, breaking it.
Doug: Who made these rules?
Mr. Bone: Well…
Doug: Why do you follow them? What good have they ever done you, done anyone? Why are you taking advice from someone you've never met?
Skeeter: Geeze Doug, calm down…
Doug: I'm not finished! Now Lamar, That's right, I called you by your first name, deal with it.
Mr. Bone: WELL….
Doug: Don't you ever get bored of the predictability?
Mr. Bone: … sometimes
Doug: Then join me! Join me and Skeeter with our newly discovered freedom and happiness. Take off all of your clothes right now!
Mr. Bone: Ok, just to prove you wrong.
Mr. Bone then takes off all of his clothes.
Doug: Well…?
Mr. Bone: … you know something kid. You're right. Being naked IS fun!
Doug: Told ya.
Mr. Bone: Well that settles it.
Mr. Bone turns on the PA system
Mr. Bone: Attention students. As your assistant principal, I have new rule. It is now against school rules to wear any clothes at all. That means no shirts, no shoes, no socks or undies!
Patti: What?!
Patti busts into Mr. Bone's office.
Patti: No, I refuse to take off my clothes!
Mr. Bone: Then you're expelled little missy!
Patti: Fine!
Patti walks out frustrated.
Doug: I can't believe I used to care what she thought about me. What did I ever see in her?
Skeeter: I don't know man. I think you're a better match for Connie.
TO BE CONTINUED