How do you write a story about reviewing your own stories? And how do I know I'm in one of those stupid fanfics? Because I'm Deadpool, that's why! Wait a minute, what's the name of the author? Dang it, can't find my computer. Ok, Wade, retrace your steps. Kitana there, guns over there, yet I'm having a hard finding a 17-inch portable computer.
Why is it so dang hard for me to find this portable computer thingy? Why in the hell is this bag so heavy? I open the bag-yes people, I'm narrating the story and telling my thoughts at the same time, it's called 1st person point of view, look it up!-and I see the stupid portable computer thingy is in the bag. Wow, this writer whose name I don't know makes me sound like a dumbass. And how do I find the stories to review if I don't know the name of the writer. Not very smart, are ya, writer?
I finally get on this website and of course, I search myself up first. I mean, who wouldn't want to write about Wade Wilson? I'm the greatest comic book character ever created. Of course behind, the X-Men, Fantastic Four, Avengers, and a couple of them guys who wear tights in DC. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Only 68 stories? Calm down, Wade, calm down. It takes a true writer to get your ultimate funniness. Not even this writer is doing it right and what the hell is her name? instead of stressing myself out, I read my email from someone named "Writer". It says: Dear Wade, My name is PiscesBornBaby, idiot! Well, excuse me, Miss "PiscesBornBaby". It's not my fault you made me such an idiot. I'm pretty sure I'm actually smarter than you!
So I finally go back to this website to look up this author's stories. Apparently, she has 5, which is perfectly okay with me. Once I go on her page, I see she puts her interests, none of which include me! What's so great about an Undertaker, anyway? What in the world is Team Apple, or a Cerebral Assassin? I go to the last story I see, which is "We Are One". I have no idea what that means, but I guess I'll read it.
My god, that story was so sad. They revealed their true feelings for each other and then one was killed and the other committed suicide. It's like the ancient Chinese remix of Romeo and Juliet. Except that story would have happened before Romeo and Juliet, so then Romeo and Juliet would be the Shakespearean remix of-you know what? This writer is confusing me and herself as she writes this. Let's see the next story, SOS.
Are you freaking kidding me? How do you leave a story like that? And where exactly is San Fernando, Trinidad? Why is Ashley described as being so white if she's actually black? How do two drunk people have that kind of sex without vomiting? How did Randy and Charli get married? How did Destiny not get caught having sex in her office, twice? If she heard her now ex-boyfriend having sex through the door, why didn't anyone else? Why is Serenity in Trinidad if her son and daughter are in the good ol' US of A? Where exactly is Flatbush? Why is it called that? Why is this writer making me wonder questions that have already been answered in the story, or can't be answered at all? I read the reviews for the story and this person named "Rabbit" says Ashley is funny? Ha! If they think that inside-out Oreo is funny, then they've never read a Deadpool story. Ashley doesn't know the first meaning of the word funny, so how can she be it? Helloooo, writer! I think I proved my point that I'm 10 times funnier than Ashley, so can we move on to the next story. The next one is called My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Whoa-hoa! I'm ready to be completely disappointed again. Hey reader, see what I did there? It's called sarcasm.
So, the writer finally makes a happy ending, huh? If she thinks I'm happy about it, I'm not! You still killed someone writer, not cool. And there's another Ashley in the story? She's less funny than the first one. I wonder if she's just as pale, which is mostly likely a yes. And what about that father? It's actually a shape-shifting female. Talk about your dark and twisted fantasies. So, let's see what's the next story on the list? Ok, this story is called "The Glamazon and the Phoenix". Just so we're clear, writer, aren't they the same person? No wait; it's an X-Men/Wrestling crossover. Never mind.
Why in the heck did I just read two stories back to back about a bunch of pro wrestlers-pardon my French, "sports entertainers"-having better powers than me? That isn't cool, writer. I mean, if you're gonna do stories about "sports entertainers" that have powers like these, you might as well as do an X-Men story. A real one, not some stupid crossover. And how exactly did Melina get her powers? Where's Wolverine, and Storm, and Gambit, and Iceman, and Rogue, and my best bud Cable, and Emma-forget it. Yes, writer, you should write a sequel…..NOT! Hey, see what I did there? Now, the fifth and final story, Find Your Love. Apparently, it's the sequel to SOS, as it should be.
What the-? It's not even finished yet! The final chapter she posted was of Destiny and Mark doing it, while Destiny's practically 8 months pregnant! How in the world was he able to climb over all of that? The ironic thing is that, by the time this story is posted, there will be 14 chapters of Find Your Love on the site. So in fact, the last chapter posted is of Destiny and Ashley talking on the plane, as well as Mark and Jayden. Oh great, the pale one's back. At least in this one, she's funnier than her two predecessors. She still isn't funnier than the ol' Merc with a Mouth, though.
One more thing for the writer. Why must you write me breaking the fourth wall, huh? It's been done over and over again, and again, and again, and a-freaking-gain. Couldn't you be different? Can't you write a story where I don't actually acknowledge I'm in the story. I understand breaking the fourth wall is hilarious to some of you nit-wits, but I have feelings. I also have bills to pay, so where's my copyright money for doing this stupid story about reviewing your other stupid stories?