Tourniquet

Death (deth), noun

The act or fact of dying; ending of life.

I tried to kill the pain

But only brought more

I lay dying

And I'm pouring

Crimson regret and betrayal

The idea seemed to be the only solution for her, even though she didn't want to do this. To her, death didn't seem like much. Just a swipe of the blade. The knife didn't even need to cut that deep. And her life would be over. It would be faster than waiting for a vampire to come and eat her up. And she didn't want to die in the hands of one of them. Them… It was because of them that she wants to do this. Not just because Riley had a slut vampire on his arm, but because they ruined her life. They made her burn down Hemerys gym and have to move. They ruined way too many of her dates. There existence made her have to slay. It's because of them that Riley left. So here she was with the blade in her hand, inches from her throat. She moved the knife away and grabbed her longtime friend – Mr. Gordo, hugged him against her chest. And then she returned to her original position.

I'm dying, praying, bleeding, I'm screaming

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?

My god, my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

My god, my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

Buffy didn't even want to think about how her friends would react. Pictures flashed into her head of every one of them like a slide show. But one stood out. A certain bleached blonde. She told herself that it was because of him that Riley left her. If he hadn't have told her then she and Riley could still be together. She moved the blade closer to her neck and kissed Mr. Gordo's forehead.

Do you remember me?

Lost for so long

Will you be on the other side?

Or will you forget me

I'm dying, praying, bleeding, I'm screaming

Am I too lost?

To be saved

Am I too lost?

Would she go to heaven? She knew that committing suicide made a one trip ticket to hell. But would saving the world many times even it out? Would God, or Buddha, or Zeus, whoever was up there, would they forgive her? Are there vampires in Hell? Would I still be the slayer? Will I be just another slayer that died? Another addition on the long list of Slayer failures?

My god my tourniquet,

Return to me salvation

My god me tourniquet

Return to me salvation

The blade moved to her neck, millimeters from her throat. She heard her bedroom door open, but she ignored it as salt tears dripped down her cheek. She felt the blade being pulled away from her hand. She looked up at the man in black leather.

"I want to die" She whispered.

He picked her up and carried her onto her bed. He held her in his arms tight. She cried into his shoulder.

My god my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

My god my tourniquet

Return to me salvation

"Spike" She whispered, "I need to"

My wounds cry for the gave

My soul cries for deliverance

"No, Buffy, no, you don't"

Will I be denied?

Christ?

Tourniquet?

My suicide…

And Buffy fell asleep in the arms of Spike…

Her savior,

Her tourniquet,

Her friend….