I do not own Death Note. If I did, I would know a lot more about than the series than the first few books. And I would have seen tha movie.
This fic is dedicated to the Raito of my life. . . . Let me rephrase that, this story is loosely based on real life events, and is dedicated to the person who is represented in this story by Raito.
Also, I would like to add that I am not that far in the books, but I want to get this out by a certain date, so I apologize for any things that are wrong, or AU in the current timeline. However, some things are intended to be AU, but only slightly. The only difference is that there are no handcuffs. Everything else is the same.
L could remember that day perfectly. It was now almost a year later, but the events still rang in his mind, and the questions and thoughts that had been only simmering before that had been burst into a flame that still burned brightly in his head.
The date itself, June 8th, was a red mark on his mental calendar, and it still startled him how close it was, that it had been a year already, when it seemed like just yesterday that Misa had told him. She hadn't told him in person, for reasons that he still could not comprehend. Perhaps she just couldn't bring herself to say it aloud.
Instead, a pale pink note, lightly scented with perfume, had slipped under the door, with a soft knock to alert him of it's presence. He had eyed the note suspiciously for a moment, before getting up warily and crouching down next to it.
He found it rather strange that she was giving him a note when she was just on the other side of the door, but each of them had their quirks, himself most of all, so he didn't comment. Instead, he picked up with his two fingers, as he did with everything, and carried it over to the table.
Then, in a way more reminiscent of dissecting a frog, he had opened it, wincing slightly as the scent of perfume got stronger. The words were written in a flowing, cutesy, complete with little hearts dotting the eyes. He grimaced in distaste, but read it anyway.
Ryuzaki-kun the note began politely
Misa needs to needs to tell you something about Raito-kun.
L visibly perked up at the mention of his partner, and he reflexively glanced at the screen that linked him to Raito. The other boy had, in a rare moment of independence, gone to visit his family, on the condition that he allowed them to monitor his every moment.
Raito was having dinner with his family, laughing at something one of them had said. L felt one side of his mouth quirk in a grin. He liked it when Raito laughed.
He returned to the note, deciding to humor Misa's apparent wish for non communication, and scrawled his own reply.
Well, what is it? And why are you writing to me instead if telling me?
After slipping it under the door, he watched in a state of amusement through the cameras in her room and she neatly wrote something else down, using a chair that she had pulled over as a writing surface, before slipping the note under the door once again
Misa promised Raito-kun that she wouldn't tell anyone. So I'm not. But Misa doesn't want Ryuzaki-kun to hate Raito-kun.
L was begging to get confused. Why was she telling him if she promised Raito she wouldn't? Although her logic made since, in a very Misa kind of logic. But What could Misa possibly have to tell him that would make him hate Raito? Was this in any way connected to Kira? Hastily, he wrote his own reply back.
'I could never hate any of you guys' The words 'especially Raito hung unwritten in the air, but he couldn't bring himself to add that. To do so would be to let Misa know something that he himself was not yet sure of.
But it was true. He could never hate Raito. Raito had been one of his first friends, his only best friend, and even if he was confused at the moment, one thing was sure. Raito was someone that he would never be able to hate. He pushed the note back under the door.
Misa isn't sure if she should tell Ryuzaki-kun.
Please just tell me. he was doing his best to remain polite as he, once again, slipped the note under the door.
Misa isn't sure how to say it. . .
L scowled at the note in announce. He was now past curious, a feeling of anticipation was rising in him, causing his pulse to race, a notably uncommon occurrence.
Please just tell me he scrawled again, his irritation making the words tilt sloppily. He watched the screen as Misa received the note, her brow furrowing with thought, nibbling the end of her annoyingly fluffy pink pen in concentration, before she began to write.
This time, she wrote a lot more, and so when he finally got the note back, he almost tore it in his haste to open it
Raito-kun in in love.
L felt his heart stop, then restart again. The page ended there, and he may have screamed in frustration had he been the sort of person to get that irritated. As it was, he saw a tiny arrow, indicating that he should turn the page over.
He said a whole lot, but Misa can't remember all of it.
L felt the sudden urge to bang his head on his hand, but he kept reading. He couldn't seem to stop. His heart was beating faster, and a mixture of feelings was sweeping over him, each equally unfamiliar. One was fear, but the other felt entirely to much like hope.
Raito-un told Misa that the person he loves is sweet, and funny and really, really smart. He said that he had to tell someone.
. . . Raito-kun told Misa that he loves Ryuzaki-kun.
This time L was sure that his heart had stopped. Yes, he had been almost expecting it, but not in such a way that he thought it would happen. He read the note again. Then he glanced at the screen of Raito, who was talking animatedly with his father. Then he glanced at Misa, who was watching the space under the door for a reply.
Feeling his hand shake slightly, he wrote a response back.
Thanks you for telling me, Misa. I'll. . . Be right back.
Alright. Misa will still be here.
L stood up, and began to pace. Normally, he was not one to do something so revealing of one's stress, but this was one of those times.
Suddenly, things began to make sense. Like that one time, one of the few times he had slept, when he had woken up, Raito had told him that his fingers twitched when he was sleeping. And hundred of other, smaller things.
But now, the more important question was what did he himself feel. He would be lying if he said that he had not considered the thought of being with Raito, but he had always shoved it to the back of his mind.
It was impossible, he had told himself, Raito was everything he wasn't, and why would someone like Raito want someone like him. And even when those thought were not on his mind, others were.
How did he know if he really loved Raito? He only fit one half of the common symptoms of love. He thought of Raito constantly. He was willing to do anything to make Raito happy. The person he loved being around most was Raito. In fact he loved the idea of spending all of his life with Raito, assuming, of course, that Raito was not Kira and didn't want to kill him.
But he was still so unsure about the part that love was supposed to have. The physical part. Whenever he had started to think about that, he reminded himself why it would never work anyway, that Raito would never want some one like him, and that even if he did, he was still a suspect for gods sake!! True, the percent had decreased, but it was still there.
He had never had a best friend before, so he wasn't sure if he really loved Raito, or if this desire to make him happy was a normal best friend thing.
Sometimes, but not all the time, when he was around Raito, his heart would leap. But he always had personal space problems when it came to Raito. Didn't love mean you wanted them to be touching you at all times? But what was it that caused these issues?
Was it because he didn't like physical contact in general, or because when ever some part of Raito touched him, he would become so aware of it that it was hard to focus, and that scared him?
Why hadn't he thought about these things harder. Why had he just pushed it away because he thought it was impossible for anything to happen anyway? And why wouldn't his heart slow down?
And what should he do now. Raito would know that Misa had told him, that may even have been the very reason that Raito had left that day, even though it was his sister's birthday.
There was only one thing that he could do. He would do anything to make Raito happy. Anything at all. He glanced at the Raito screen. Raito was putting on his coat. He had to hurry.
When Raito entered the room half an hour later, L was still searching. Why was a rose so hard of find? However, when he heard the door open, then close, he stopped, and turned to face the new comer.
Raito took one look around the room, then at L's face, and sighed. "I should have known that Misa couldn't keep a secret." he took his coat off and draped it over a chair. "So, do you hate me?"
L started at that. How could Raito even think that would be his reaction. With Misa, he could let it pass, but he thought that Raito knew him better than that.
"Of course not!" he blurted out. Raito look mildly surprised.
"Then what were you doing when I came in?"
L fidgeted slightly, nudging his bare foot on the ground and resisting the urdge to bite his thumb. "I was looking for a red rose." he mumbled, sure that Raito would not have heard it, and hoping he wouldn't have to say it again.
Another, larger, look of surprise crossed Raito's face ". . . a red rose? You mean. . ." his voice was so hopeful that it made L heart clench. Should he be doing this? He was still so unsure.
He nodded, and a grin blossomed magically over Raito's face. L felt himself grinning along. It would be worth anything to have Raito smile like that all the time.
But it hadn't been. He had been to scared to kiss Raito, or to even say the words I love you. But he had loved every moment. Loved bringing Raito flowers after they got separated for even a few hours. Loved bringing him cards on the 8th of every month.
But, like he had known, Raito was smart, and was getting unsure and doubtful.
L could still remember Raito turning to him, his voice soft and hesitant and sad and asking him if he meant it.
And L had told him, but it had come out wrong, so terribly wrong. It hadn't been cruel, but he had only been able to outline his feelings. He had always been one for plans and strategies and underlying meanings. Never for expressing his own feelings.
He was said, his voice breaking more than once, that he loved Raito, but as a friend. That he wanted so much to make Raito happy, but the idea of kissing anyone was gross. And that had been wrong. The idea of kissing scared him, terrified even.
But Raito, sweet, caring Raito, had told him, in a voice that shook, that it was alright and that he would wait.
But he hadn't. Only two days later, he had another girl friend. And L had smiled for him, after all, he was happy that Raito was happy, and nothing else mattered. But he would have liked to make Raito happy.
Months had passed, and Raito was, somehow, back with Misa again. Not that this bothered L, not at all, because Raito was happy. But it sometimes bothered him to them together, and even though he couldn't bring himself to hate Misa, he felt an unfamiliar feeling of something that was not entirely positive.
Still more months passed, and L could feel himself being distanced more and more. Raito never talked to him unless L himself initiated it, but Raito would talk if L did. But he talked about Misa, and how it bothered him that she never talked to him unless he started it.
And L had grinned back, and said that totally sucked, and he hoped that it got better, and hadn't said what he was thinking. Because what he was thinking was bitter, and not necessary, because he got the feeling that 'Well, how do you think I feel then?' wasn't very tactful. Besides, Misa was Raito's girlfriend.
He was just a friend who used to be a best friend. It only made it worse when Raito told him that he forgot, sorry. Because it was bad to be pushed aside. It was worse by far to be forgotten. And he was still confused.
And here he was, one year later, and he hadn't talked to Raito in weeks. Because no matter how much Raito promised to talk to him, he never did, and whenever L tried to talk to him, Raito was never there.
And L couldn't help but wonder if it would have been any different. And he was still confused, but now, he felt that it didn't matter. Because why the hell did he deserve Raito now? He had turned him down, had hurt him, and he deserved this. There was no way that Raito was still waiting, not for someone like him. Not when he had Misa.
Thanks so much for reading till the end of the story! If you don't like the ending, then please review. I may even write a sequal. I really hope you liked it. Oh, and if you're wondering who I played in the story, well, thats for me to know, isn't it. Although, I have to say that this was written for a friend, so I may not have been in it at all. You can choose.