~P~
Goal
~P~
Nitori tossed to the left, and then to right, only to do the same again a few seconds later - he couldn't sleep, no matter what he tried. All he could focus on were two different things - one, that the prefectural tournament was tomorrow, and two, the soft breathing of his roommate sleeping soundly beneath him.
For someone who had been so wired over the tournament in the previous weeks, Rin was slumbering awfully deeply, and if one was to look at his peaceful face in that moment, they wouldn't have the slightest clue just how worked up he was about it. The younger boy found this odd, considering he thought that out of all people, Rin would be the one up and wide awake, not him. Then again, though, if Nitori thought back to earlier in the day, the swimming powerhouse that was Rin Matsuoka had been extra hard on himself during training - he had done a considerable amount of sets more so than normal and afterwards, had pushed himself into running for several hours, only returning to his and Nitori's shared room late into the night.
Nitori smiled as he thought about Rin's commitment to swimming - it was really quite admirable, inspirational and since the day he had joined the swim team, he had strived to put the same vigour into his efforts to improve himself, even if so far not much progress had been made.
As he stared up at the ceiling blankly, he felt his mind drifting into a different aspect of how he viewed Rin, a way that wasn't professional but emotional. He'd become attached to his senior in the past few months, spending the majority of his time with him even outside of the swimming pool. Even though Rin could be gruff and unapproachable at times, Nitori had come to learn this was nothing but a front, and that the snarky boy was just as sensitive as he was when you pushed back those initial layers.
At first, he had been put off, maybe even scared of Rin when he'd met him as the person who was to be his roommate for the next year - he wasn't someone Nitori wanted to be around if he could avoid it. But as time went on and they opened up to one another, he found himself becoming more comfortable and looking up to Rin as someone he could model himself after. They had become friends, and Nitori preferred this to the cold boy he originally knew.
Though he no longer saw Rin as just a friend now, he had come to realize in the past weeks. Now, when he looked at him, rather than gawking at his skills, he found himself avoiding his gaze and a heat rising on his cheeks when he did catch his eye. When there once was a time when he could easily converse with Rin, now he found himself tripping over his words and his heart would beat uncontrollably. And more than once, he caught himself staring at certain parts of Rin's body rather than studying his form to help himself.
He had developed a crush, this he knew without even a doubt. He liked Rin - he liked him a lot. He liked his drive and dedication to the sport he loved, his rare smile, the way he looked with his hair pulled back into a short ponytail when he went running… He just liked him.
He felt a warmth in his cheeks at where his thoughts had been directed and he closed his eyes and smiled when he heard a small grumble come from the object of his affections. He sheepishly allowed his mind to drift to less innocent thoughts for a short moment before forcing his attention back on his original train of thinking - the tournament in a few hours. He never let himself dwell on his feelings for Rin too much, for fear of it getting out of hand, and a sudden recognition of just who they would be seeing tomorrow quickly made for a frown to form on his features.
Among other competitors, the Iwatobi Swim Club would be there at the tournament tomorrow, along with a certain person Nitori knew that Rin was practically dying to see and who was the source of his sudden drop in emotion.
Haruka Nanase. The fantastically talented swimmer Nitori had had the luck to compete against when he was younger, and observe when Samezuka and Iwatobi had a joint practice.
And the boy who held Rin's constant attention.
It wasn't that Nitori held any particular resentment towards Nanase, in fact he thought of him and his abilities quite highly, but the younger boy couldn't say he was thrilled at how much Rin's life seemed to revolve around him. As Rin had opened up to him, Haruka had become more and more of a constant in his conversations - he would talk about his desire to win against him, to be better and faster than him, and once, just once, had Rin let it slip that he missed him despite it all. And Nitori had listened as only a good friend would, his heart aching and jealousy burning in his throat each time.
It was the sole reason Nitori never even played with the idea of confessing how he felt - because of Rin's borderline obsession with Nanase. Rin was just too clung to his need to beat him, had too many mixed up emotions towards him, and even if they weren't the kind Nitori believed them to be - hoped that they weren't, knew that they likely were - there was just too much there to ignore, to overcome, to put behind. He didn't look at Nitori the same way he did Nanase; Nitori wasn't seen the way he wanted to be. He didn't need to ask Rin how he felt about the other boy, because he knew so well already even if the older boy would deny it all if he ever brought it up.
He knew he held a place in Rin's heart, but it wasn't anywhere near as large as the space Haruka occupied, and it hurt to realize that. It wasn't the same, and it never would be.
Haruka was the goal Rin was striving for, in more ways than one.
Feeling a heaviness weigh down on his heart and not wishing to become anymore embittered or jealous than he already was, Nitori forced all thoughts of the prodigal Iwatobi swimmer out of his mind and instead focused on the one steady, comforting noise in the room, Rin's breathing, hoping to lull himself into a haze of sleepiness. After a few minutes, he finally felt a yawn building up and a sudden exhaustion - both emotional and physical - overcome him, something he was grateful for so that his mind would stop running off into places he'd rather not consider.
As his eyes began to flutter shut and he started to lose himself to sleep, he resolved then and there that he would work harder than he ever did before, to become someone Rin would look at in the same way he did Haruka. He would become faster, better, stronger than Nanase was; he'd become worthy of Rin's undivided attention, to be the person he wanted to beat and trained so passionately for. Maybe now, he mused, that he had someone, something to drive him, his efforts might finally pay off, be worth something, like Rin's always were.
With this newfound determination set in his mind, Nitori muttered an unheard goodnight to his roommate and flopped over, finally succumbing to sleep.
That seemingly unattainable spot in Rin's affections had become his goal, would be his and his alone to share with no one.
~P~
Author's Notes: I really like the idea of little kouhai Nitori having a one-sided crush on Rin~